Started: 25th May 2002

Finished: 29th May 2002

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: Kate belongs to me, others belong to channel 7 and Southern Star.

Rating: PG a few strong words.

Summary: Will Tess find the solace she seeks?

Authors Notes:







~*~*~*~*~

"She's gone where?" Jonesy was in PJ's office having been told by Ben that Tess wasn't in the station today.

"Melbourne mate, urgent business," PJ wouldn't look Jonesy in the eye.

"Great, just great – so urgent she didn't have time to call me, well that's bloody fantastic isn't it," Jonesy stormed from PJ"S office slamming the door behind him.



~*~*~*~*~



As Tess walked away from Jack's pleading words she was filled with a complete sense of failure. Tess Gallagher never walked away from anything, ever. But that was exactly what she had done with Jack.

Why?

It was she that had wanted, needed to see him and yet it was she that had walked away. One look at Jack and her strong resolve crumbled. Tess had known it wasn't going to be easy facing him – hadn't realised exactly how difficult it would be.

The process to leave the prison took just as long as it did to get in – and Tess hadn't even spoken to Jack. It was just a procedure she had to endure. Tess could see the blue sky from the administration windows but all she could think about was how long it had been since Jack had really been outside. The final clang of the gates once more reverberated as this time the doors closed behind Tess and she was once again on the outside.



Savouring the rare warmth of a winter sun on her back as she walked to her car, Tess was once again filled with guilt – a feeling that always seemed to rush through her when she thought of Jack. Guilt that he never experienced the passage of the seasons as she did. Guilt that he was inside and she wasn't, guilt that she could've done something, anything to help him - instead she had been blinded by lust.



Tess knew that guilt did not equate to love – it was a lesson she had learned a long time ago. A lesson from the school of hard knocks – the school her parents had sent her and her siblings too.

Almost on automatic pilot Tess drove away from the prison – away from Jack! Away from any answers she may have found solace in – the answers that would allow her to live again.

The sixty-kilometre trip into the city took more than an hour. Without thinking Tess drove to Melbourne University, it was a familiar route for her. Three flights of stairs at Ormond College, the university's residential college, and Tess stood outside the room of the only person who could offer her the love and comfort she needed.

Music blared from behind the closed door and the moment it opened Tess was enveloped in a warm pair of arms.

"Tessabear!" her sisters' use of her pet name for her always brought a smile to Tess' face.

Instantly Kate pulled back from the embrace, concern washing over the features so like Tess' own, only eight years younger.

"What's wrong Tess? You always ring before you come down to Melbourne, always," looking past Tess into the corridor, "Jonesy didn't come with you this time? Don't tell me you've ditched him," she questioned.

"Katie, slow down…I was in the city and just thought I'd drop in," Tess managed a smile for her younger sister, ignoring her questions about Jonesy.

"That's not like you Tess, you never just 'drop in'. You don't look real happy, c'mon fess up why are you really here?"

"Katie, you really should be a copper, nothing ever gets past you."

"Ah, yes Tess, follow in my wonderful sisters footsteps," Kate started, "thing is, I'm no good at the interrogation tactics, that's your speciality, along with avoidance." Kate sighed and pushed Tess down onto her bed. "Now cut to the chase Tess, tell me why you're really here."

"I've been so stupid Kate, stuffed up big time," Tess admitted.

The ringing of her mobile interrupted her explanation. She reached into her bag to grab the phone, looking at the screen as she picked it up. Without thinking she threw it to Kate, "answer for me please," she begged.

"It's only Jonesy, what's the problem."

"Please just answer it Kate, tell him I'm not here."

"Hey Jonesy, it's Kate…yeah I'm fine, how are you? Tess? Ummm she's just popped down to the shop, left her bag here," Kate grimaced realising her blunder.

"She went to the shop without her bag?" Jonesy queried.

"Dumb hey? Guess she'll realise when she gets there," Kate attempted to cover her tracks.

Tess sat with her head in her hands listening to Kate's side of the conversation. Avoidance wasn't a trait she particularly liked, especially in herself – but talking to Evan was something better left till she could see him face to face.

"You know she just took off this morning without talking to me, I've tried to ring her but she won't answer the phone. Kate, is she…has she spoken to you?" Jonesy worried voice asked.

"Nah mate, she hasn't. You know Tess …not big on talk. You want me to tell her you called…okay will do. Cya Jonesy." Kate pressed the button to end the call and threw the phone back to Tess in anger, "Thanks a lot Tess, I don't like having to lie for anyone, you especially, it really pisses me off. If you didn't want to talk to him why didn't you turn the fucking thing off?"

"Kate, there's no need for language like that!" Tess admonished.

"Get stuffed Tess, stop mothering me for once in your life, if you expect me to lie for you then at least treat me like an adult."

Tess stood and walked to the door, "I'm sorry you feel that way Kate, I guess I'll call you," she turned away from Kate.

Kate grabbed Tess' shoulder, "Oh no you don't, get your arse back in here Tess, you're gonna tell me what's going on whether you like it or not." She looked into her sister's eyes surprised to see them well with unshed tears.

"Hey, Tessabear, don't cry," her arms automatically encircled tess' shoulders. "This is so not like you – either you tell me what's going on or I'm gonna ring that boyfriend of yours."

"He's not my boyfriend," Tess muttered forlornly.

"Oh what! You haven't seen anyone else in the last six months, whenever you call me you always talk about him, you've introduced him to me for crying out loud and you tell me he's not your boyfriend. Tess are you blind? Jonesy loves you…and you love him."

"That's what PJ said to me this morning," Tess told her sister.

"He's the detective, right?" Tess nodded her affirmation. "Tess, why the hell can't you see what is so obvious to the rest of us. Have you slept with him yet?"

"Kate!" Tess exclaimed in embarrassment.

"Well, have you?" Kate asked once again.

"Yes, alright. You happy now?"

"Tess, I'm your sister. I know 'you'. You wouldn't sleep with anyone unless you loved them," she paused briefly, "right aren't I?"

"And that's exactly my problem Kate."

"For god's sake Tess, you're not making any sense. You're sleeping with a man you love who coincidentally loves you too and you have a problem. Go figure, damn wish I had that problem," sarcasm dripped from Kate's words.

"It's Jack!" the two words slipped from Tess' mouth along with a steady stream of tears that coursed down her cheeks, tears she had held in check all day, tears that had threatened to overpower her at any moment.

Kate moved to sit next to Tess on the bed, her arms wrapped around her older sister, in an embrace that so many times had been reversed. Tess clung to Kate, sobbing, no words passed between them. Tess gathered her strength from Kate's hug before trying to express her confused feelings.

"I slept with Jack, Kate, you know that. I thought I loved him. I thought I could have it all with Jack. Shit Kate I don't need to explain this to you – you know what he did."

"Yeah Tess you do need to explain, cos for the life of me I don't see how that affects your relationship with Jonesy."

"I came down to Melbourne to see Jack…"

"You what?" Kate spoke in total disbelief. "Are you fucking insane?"

"Kate!"

"Teresa!" Kate cut in sarcastically. "Yeah, yeah I know cut the language. But why do you want to see Jack? Are you trying to wreck what you have going with that cute copper of yours? How long do you reckon it's gonna take for him to get pissed off if you don't answer his calls?"

"Knowing Evan, he'll already be 'pissed off' as you so eloquently put it."

"Well call him then Tess, before it's too late," Kate picked the phone up from the bed and pressed the relevant buttons to return Jonesy's call.

"No! Kate turn it off please…I don't want to talk to him."

***

"G'day Tess, how are…" Jonesy answered his mobile, looking at the screen as he picked it up to see who was calling.

"Turn it off please…I don't want to talk to him."

Jonesy slammed the phone down on his desk before storming from the station.



***



"Why won't you talk to him?" Kate repressed the button to stop the call.

"I need to see Jack before I speak to Evan, I can't tell him why I'm here because I don't really know myself." Tess paused for a few moments before continuing, "I saw him today Kate."

"And?"

"And nothing, I wimped out, as soon as I saw him come into the room I left, I couldn't face him Kate. But I have to go back…tomorrow. Can I ask a favour?"

Kate sideways shake of the head turned to a nod, "Of course you can."

"Would you be able to come with me tomorrow – out to the jail. I could really do with the company."

"I have a lecture tomorrow…oh what the fuck I'll give it a miss. It's not everyday my sister needs me."

"I wish I was more like you Kate."

"You do?" Kate was full of surprise.

"Life is so easy for you, skip a lecture here and there – I would never have done that. You really take life as it comes, mine is all mapped out, always has been."

"Don't you know why that is Tess? Think about it – you were cast into the 'mother' role at such a young age. You grew up having to be responsible – I didn't. You looked out for me so I could have the childhood you thought I should have. I won't ever forget that Tess. You know I love you, don't you?"

"And I love you too Katie – don't say it often enough do we. Come here, give me a hug."

The two sisters embraced warmly before Kate pulled away with a suggestion, "I'm starved let's go to the pub for pizza and a beer."

"Sounds good kiddo."



***

"You didn't sleep well," it was more of a statement than a question, after all the two sisters had shared the same bed that night and Tess had tossed and turned all night.

Tess merely sent a muffled humph in her sisters direction, she was busily searching through Kate's meagre grocery supplies for some coffee, "Dammit Kate you have no coffee."

"Go have a shower Tess, then we'll go and have a coffee before we head out to the prison. Let it be known that I still think you're nuts but who am I to stand in your way."

Tess muttered a reply that never reached Kate's ears; she grabbed the towel from the end of the bed and went in search of the colleges' ablutions.

***

Tess once again found herself staring up at the prison that held Constable Jack Lawson only this time she was not alone.

"My God!" Kate's voice was filled with the same emotion that had swept through Tess when she was first confronted with the justice systems' hotel. "Tess, it's so…I don't know…depressing and formidable."

"Yeah I know and it's worse when you get inside. You sure about this Kate, you don't have to come in with me?"

"No! I said I would come and I will, I'm not backing out now," said Kate vehemently.

"C'mon then, let's go," Tess strode purposefully through the gate's knowing that if she stayed too much longer on the outside then once again her nerve would leave her and she would return to the safe and comforting arms of Mt Thomas.