Title: Faith in Love! #4
Started: 29th May 2002
Finished: 30th May 2002
Disclaimer: as for previous parts
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Summary: Will Tess find the answer to her questions?
Authors Notes: The jail scene was an absolute bugger to write. So I hope it works okay.
My sincerest thanks to Penny who had to put up with my 'foul' mood while I wrote this one. To Caterina, thanks once again and also to all those who sent feedback, it's so nice to know you're enjoying this fic.
****
"PJ, you sure Tess didn't tell you why she was going to Melbourne?" Jonesy having calmed down had decided PJ knew more than he was letting on.
PJ kept his eyes downcast feigning complete concentration in the paperwork in front of him.
"PJ, please, I've called Tess so many times, she won't answer her phone and then my phone rings and I overhear her telling Kate she doesn't want to talk to me. I need to know what the hell is going on."
PJ felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with absolutely nowhere to go. Damn Tess for putting him in this position. Why was it lately that he was the local agony aunt, they all came to him with their problems? He'd told Tess he wouldn't lie for her but on the other hand he did want to give her half a chance to explain things herself.
"I'm sorry mate, just urgent business. I'm sure she's okay," PJ tried to reassure Jonesy. He couldn't blame him for feeling like this. He remembered when Maggie had been taken into Witness Protection; okay so it wasn't exactly the same but he was still unable to talk to the woman he loved, unable to find out what the hell was happening to her.
"Couldn't 'you' ring her PJ, tell her I want to talk," Jonesy pleaded desperately.
"Ah hell, Jones don't look at me like that, save it for Tess. All right, all right, I'll call her. Now will you please leave me in peace."
***
"This place feels so creepy," Kate whispered to Tess. There really wasn't any need to whisper, there wasn't anybody in the room to hear them, the need to do so came automatically. "I would so hate being in here Tess."
The sisters were seated in a small room waiting their turn to see the prison
Administrators. Kate looked around the room; it was exactly as she would have imagined it to be, bleak and depressing.
"You're still sure?" Tess queried.
"Yeah told you I was now quit asking."
After showing their ID and signing into the visitors' book Tess and Kate were shown through to the room to await Jack. They sat together on the same side of a very small table. Kate reached down between them and clasped Tess' hand tightly in her own. She felt it tremble beneath her fingers as she gave Tess a reassuring squeeze.
"Okay Tess?" Kate whispered.
Tess gave a slight smile in reply. As the door clicked open Tess looked away from her sister to see once again the man who held her future in his hands.
Jack turned to the guard to enable him to uncuff his shackled hands, before seating himself opposite Tess.
The silence in the room was overpowering, no one knowing quite what to say.
Kate, the only one with nothing to lose broke the silence, "How are you Jack?" Instantly her face flamed in embarrassment. What a stupid question to ask someone in Jacks' position, she berated herself.
"It's okay Kate, please don't feel bad," Jack could feel Kate's tension and as always tried to ease her pain. They smiled briefly at each other.
"Why did you do it Jack?" Tess' voice, barely more than a whisper, cracked with emotion. She didn't meet his eyes fearful that if she did the tears that burned her eyes would once again overwhelm her.
"Tess, it's been nearly two years, why now?"
"I need to know, it's that simple."
"I'm sorry Tess, I don't really have an answer for that, well not one that will explain away my actions. I was wrong, I know that now. At the time I thought I was so right. I thought if I could rid the world of scum like him then I could make a difference."
"Crap Jack, you were a copper, we make a difference by locking up the scum not killing them."
"Tess, please, I can only tell you how I was feeling at the time. I know I was wrong, I know I should've taken myself off the case but hindsight's a wonderful thing, isn't it? My biggest regret though Tess, is you. I know I hurt you,"
"Don't flatter yourself mate," Tess' barriers firmly in place her anger rising she continued, "Damn you Jack, I've spent… I don't know how long wondering what could possibly have happened to make you turn and all you can say is sorry. There has to be more, was it me? Was there something I could have done?"
"Tess, you never told me that," Kate was shocked to hear of her sister's internal thoughts.
"I'm not proud of it Kate, I was Jack's sergeant I should have seen what was happening to him."
"Tess," Jack butted in, "there wasn't anything for you to see - I didn't see it myself. Ah hell, this is stupid! Everything was so hazy Tess, you know why. We were so into each other, so in love, least I was."
"Contradictory don't you think Jack? We were so 'into' each other so it's okay that I didn't see what happened coming but not so into each other that it stopped you." Tess stood, "C'mon Kate, this was a waste of time."
"Tess, please, can I ask…are you happy? Is there anyone…special?"
"You gave up the right to ask those questions when you let Eckhardt fall Jack. It's absolutely none of your business."
"Please…I'd like to know. You may have spent all that time wondering if you could have helped me – I've spent it wondering if you were okay. Seeing you at the trial was torture, you looked so sad, not on the outside of course, you had your Sergeants mask on, but I know you Tess – I could see it in your eyes. That look isn't there anymore, so I hope you have found someone who can make you happy, I hope he treats you better than I did and loves you the way you deserve. I will never forgive myself for hurting you Tess, I am so sorry."
For the first time since entering the room Tess looked into Jack's eyes, saw the remorse he felt, could feel his pain.
"I don't understand Jack, I don't think I ever will. I came to see you hoping it would clear things up for me – it hasn't," Tess grimaced and shook her head slightly. "But coming here has made me realise you regret what you did, thank you for that Jack. I do have someone and by all accounts he does love me, he makes me smile." She turned to Kate, "You ready?"
Jack reached across to grab Tess' hand, "Goodbye Tess, I did…still do love you. Take care." He released her hand and walked over to the guard who promptly cuffed him. Without a backward glance Jack left the room.
***
Tess checked her mobile on leaving Kate back at the college. Their goodbyes had been short but full of the love they felt for each other.
"You have one new voice mail message," Tess listened to the automated voice.
"Hey Tess, it's PJ. How's it going? Ummm, Jonesy's getting a bit concerned, asking questions I don't know how much longer I can fob him off. Ummm, guess that's it, call me please."
Knowing she was heading straight back to Mt Thomas Tess chose not to return PJ's call.
***
Tess knocked on Tom's office door before walking in.
"You're back Sergeant," Tom stated the obvious his eyes belying the simplicity of his words. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah Boss, couldn't be better really. Thanks for giving me that time at such short notice."
"Well we have a slight problem this end – Jones has asked for a transfer. His reason being - personal conflict. Can you fill me in on this?"
"Sorry Boss haven't got a clue, I'll see what I can find out."
Tess left the Boss' office, walked through the station ignoring Jo's hello, entering PJ's office with a brisk rap.
"What the hell did you tell Jones?" she demanded.
Started: 29th May 2002
Finished: 30th May 2002
Disclaimer: as for previous parts
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Summary: Will Tess find the answer to her questions?
Authors Notes: The jail scene was an absolute bugger to write. So I hope it works okay.
My sincerest thanks to Penny who had to put up with my 'foul' mood while I wrote this one. To Caterina, thanks once again and also to all those who sent feedback, it's so nice to know you're enjoying this fic.
****
"PJ, you sure Tess didn't tell you why she was going to Melbourne?" Jonesy having calmed down had decided PJ knew more than he was letting on.
PJ kept his eyes downcast feigning complete concentration in the paperwork in front of him.
"PJ, please, I've called Tess so many times, she won't answer her phone and then my phone rings and I overhear her telling Kate she doesn't want to talk to me. I need to know what the hell is going on."
PJ felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with absolutely nowhere to go. Damn Tess for putting him in this position. Why was it lately that he was the local agony aunt, they all came to him with their problems? He'd told Tess he wouldn't lie for her but on the other hand he did want to give her half a chance to explain things herself.
"I'm sorry mate, just urgent business. I'm sure she's okay," PJ tried to reassure Jonesy. He couldn't blame him for feeling like this. He remembered when Maggie had been taken into Witness Protection; okay so it wasn't exactly the same but he was still unable to talk to the woman he loved, unable to find out what the hell was happening to her.
"Couldn't 'you' ring her PJ, tell her I want to talk," Jonesy pleaded desperately.
"Ah hell, Jones don't look at me like that, save it for Tess. All right, all right, I'll call her. Now will you please leave me in peace."
***
"This place feels so creepy," Kate whispered to Tess. There really wasn't any need to whisper, there wasn't anybody in the room to hear them, the need to do so came automatically. "I would so hate being in here Tess."
The sisters were seated in a small room waiting their turn to see the prison
Administrators. Kate looked around the room; it was exactly as she would have imagined it to be, bleak and depressing.
"You're still sure?" Tess queried.
"Yeah told you I was now quit asking."
After showing their ID and signing into the visitors' book Tess and Kate were shown through to the room to await Jack. They sat together on the same side of a very small table. Kate reached down between them and clasped Tess' hand tightly in her own. She felt it tremble beneath her fingers as she gave Tess a reassuring squeeze.
"Okay Tess?" Kate whispered.
Tess gave a slight smile in reply. As the door clicked open Tess looked away from her sister to see once again the man who held her future in his hands.
Jack turned to the guard to enable him to uncuff his shackled hands, before seating himself opposite Tess.
The silence in the room was overpowering, no one knowing quite what to say.
Kate, the only one with nothing to lose broke the silence, "How are you Jack?" Instantly her face flamed in embarrassment. What a stupid question to ask someone in Jacks' position, she berated herself.
"It's okay Kate, please don't feel bad," Jack could feel Kate's tension and as always tried to ease her pain. They smiled briefly at each other.
"Why did you do it Jack?" Tess' voice, barely more than a whisper, cracked with emotion. She didn't meet his eyes fearful that if she did the tears that burned her eyes would once again overwhelm her.
"Tess, it's been nearly two years, why now?"
"I need to know, it's that simple."
"I'm sorry Tess, I don't really have an answer for that, well not one that will explain away my actions. I was wrong, I know that now. At the time I thought I was so right. I thought if I could rid the world of scum like him then I could make a difference."
"Crap Jack, you were a copper, we make a difference by locking up the scum not killing them."
"Tess, please, I can only tell you how I was feeling at the time. I know I was wrong, I know I should've taken myself off the case but hindsight's a wonderful thing, isn't it? My biggest regret though Tess, is you. I know I hurt you,"
"Don't flatter yourself mate," Tess' barriers firmly in place her anger rising she continued, "Damn you Jack, I've spent… I don't know how long wondering what could possibly have happened to make you turn and all you can say is sorry. There has to be more, was it me? Was there something I could have done?"
"Tess, you never told me that," Kate was shocked to hear of her sister's internal thoughts.
"I'm not proud of it Kate, I was Jack's sergeant I should have seen what was happening to him."
"Tess," Jack butted in, "there wasn't anything for you to see - I didn't see it myself. Ah hell, this is stupid! Everything was so hazy Tess, you know why. We were so into each other, so in love, least I was."
"Contradictory don't you think Jack? We were so 'into' each other so it's okay that I didn't see what happened coming but not so into each other that it stopped you." Tess stood, "C'mon Kate, this was a waste of time."
"Tess, please, can I ask…are you happy? Is there anyone…special?"
"You gave up the right to ask those questions when you let Eckhardt fall Jack. It's absolutely none of your business."
"Please…I'd like to know. You may have spent all that time wondering if you could have helped me – I've spent it wondering if you were okay. Seeing you at the trial was torture, you looked so sad, not on the outside of course, you had your Sergeants mask on, but I know you Tess – I could see it in your eyes. That look isn't there anymore, so I hope you have found someone who can make you happy, I hope he treats you better than I did and loves you the way you deserve. I will never forgive myself for hurting you Tess, I am so sorry."
For the first time since entering the room Tess looked into Jack's eyes, saw the remorse he felt, could feel his pain.
"I don't understand Jack, I don't think I ever will. I came to see you hoping it would clear things up for me – it hasn't," Tess grimaced and shook her head slightly. "But coming here has made me realise you regret what you did, thank you for that Jack. I do have someone and by all accounts he does love me, he makes me smile." She turned to Kate, "You ready?"
Jack reached across to grab Tess' hand, "Goodbye Tess, I did…still do love you. Take care." He released her hand and walked over to the guard who promptly cuffed him. Without a backward glance Jack left the room.
***
Tess checked her mobile on leaving Kate back at the college. Their goodbyes had been short but full of the love they felt for each other.
"You have one new voice mail message," Tess listened to the automated voice.
"Hey Tess, it's PJ. How's it going? Ummm, Jonesy's getting a bit concerned, asking questions I don't know how much longer I can fob him off. Ummm, guess that's it, call me please."
Knowing she was heading straight back to Mt Thomas Tess chose not to return PJ's call.
***
Tess knocked on Tom's office door before walking in.
"You're back Sergeant," Tom stated the obvious his eyes belying the simplicity of his words. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah Boss, couldn't be better really. Thanks for giving me that time at such short notice."
"Well we have a slight problem this end – Jones has asked for a transfer. His reason being - personal conflict. Can you fill me in on this?"
"Sorry Boss haven't got a clue, I'll see what I can find out."
Tess left the Boss' office, walked through the station ignoring Jo's hello, entering PJ's office with a brisk rap.
"What the hell did you tell Jones?" she demanded.
