Title: Faith in Love! # 9
By: Sharon Doyle
Started: 26th June 2002 Finished: 29th June 2002 Disclaimer: Not mine! Genre: Angst Rating: PG
Author's Notes: Wow! Nine parts from what started with one small sentence in my head. This fic was supposed to end two ways but 'best laid plans' and all that, it didn't happen. To Penny, Caterina, Rel, Rebecca, Trudi and everyone else who has sent feedback along the way. And to every Tess Jonesy fan out there, we know chemistry when we see it.everyone else is just blind (. If you look closely other shippers may also be happy.
~*~*~*~
"Shit, shit, shit!" Jonesy muttered as he watched Tess drive away. He hoped she would come back, but she didn't. He knew she was going to be angry when they arrived here but hadn't thought about the extent of her wrath.
Shit! he thought, now I have to find some way back to the hotel. Or I could sit and wait - she will come back for me.
***
Tess lay on the bed in the hotel room staring at the ceiling. She felt like packing her bags and driving back to Mt Thomas but she couldn't. No matter how angry she was with Jonesy, she couldn't walk away. She'd wandered through Melbourne for what seemed like hours trying to get her head around things.
Why had Jonesy taken her there?
How the hell had he found out?
She had to know.
Tess drove the now familiar route back to pick up Jonesy. She found him in the car park sitting against a wall.
Driving up beside him she wound down the window, "Get in!" she said, "you're embarrassing me."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" he yelled. "I'm not some meek little puppy dog that'll do whatever you wish. If I'm embarrassing you, I'm sorry but I wasn't the one left stranded for hours, with no way out." at once seeing the funny side of things he continued, "with no food, no water, no home to go to and no-one to love me." Jonesy leant down placing his chin on the open window and looked up at Tess.
"Just get in ya dag," Tess laughed, the tension gone.
Tess drove round the car park and parked in a bay as far from other cars as possible. For a few moments they both sat in silence, both staring at the building.
"I love you Tess, you know that don't you?" Jonesy asked.
"Yeah I know," Tess answered softly. "Why did you bring me here? What are you trying to achieve?" Tess continued.
"I need to know about him, he's standing between us Tess. Something happened that no one will tell me about, and yet I can feel something between us, stopping you from being happy. I just want you to be happy Tess."
"So how did you find out Jack was here, at Barwon?"
"I looked on COPS," Jonesy looked sheepish.
"Do you know how much trouble you can get into for that constable?"
"Don't do that Tess, you pull rank every time things get too hard for you. You always think I'm gonna kowtow to whatever you say, do your bidding - well I'm not. Have you thought that just maybe if you'd opened up to me then I wouldn't have had to look at COPS. Hell, we wouldn't be sitting here now having this conversation. We'd be in our room."
"Don't!" Tess stopped Jonesy from continuing. "Hold that thought - later."
"Tell me about him Tess, please," Jonesy asked quietly.
"You must've read the papers, there's nothing else to tell."
"The papers told me all about Jack, told me nothing about you though. Tell me what went on between you, tell me what he meant to you."
"Nothing, he meant nothing to me."
"Yeah right Tess, just like me I spose. You're so sure of yourself you don't need anyone, so secure in who you are. That's it, isn't it? If I walked away today, you wouldn't care. Tess Gallagher only cares about herself."
"That's not true," Tess bit back fighting back tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She hated the words Evan had said, hated the way he had made her sound.
"Isn't it? Tell me then, tell me what stops you from letting people get close to you."
"You want to know about Jack - fine, I'll tell you about him," Tess yelled. "Jack was supposed to be my friend, my lover. We got close; I trusted him and he threw it all away. My trust, my friendship and yeah, my love. What I gave him was nothing to him. Worthless, I won't make that same mistake again. I have nothing to give anymore."
"So, one bad experience and you shut down. Put the wall up, shut down emotionally. We're not all moronic bastards Tess."
"It's not like that." she paused, her uncertainty of how to say what she felt evident in her voice. "Jack isn't between us, for a while I thought he was. Remember when I went to Melbourne, I came here, saw Jack, I thought if I saw him then it would answer my questions."
"And did it?" Jonesy asked.
"Just one. I don't love Jack. What we had, it's over, never really began. It's nothing compared to this, you and me. But he hurt me, betrayed me. I trusted him and he just didn't care. In the end I meant nothing to him, same as my whole life."
"I can see that Tess, really I can, but look at you. Everything's always about you, you've been hurt but you don't care what you do to me. I'm good enough to sleep with but not good enough to commit to." Jonesy reached over to pull Tess' face round to his, "Look at me Tess, not out the bloody window," he demanded, "I know you've been hurt, your parents, Jack, but look at what you're doing to me.to us. Your parents betrayed you, so did Jack but now you're betraying yourself."
"But I don't mean to be like that," tears glistened in Tess' eyes. "Evan, I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want anyone to have that ammunition to use against me whenever they feel like it."
"And you think that by not saying those three words, by not confiding in me, by not giving yourself to me completely, you think that's going to stop you getting hurt? It won't Tess - 'cos you'll only be lying to yourself. Your head may be saying 'I can't be hurt' but your heart doesn't lie. Tess think about it, you can't take the good without the bad, that's what loving is all about. Shit Tess, how much do you think I've been hurting these past weeks, not knowing why you've been hot and cold, not knowing what's in your head. You have the potential to hurt me like you wouldn't believe, I gave you that power, I can't take it back however much I want to."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't get it do you Tess? I don't want you to be sorry, not to me anyway. I feel sorry for you; you're living only half a life. I can't see the point if you're gonna stop people getting close."
"Can we go back to the hotel?" Tess asked.
"What!" Jonesy exclaimed. "That's it? Over, can we go back to the hotel? I don't understand you Tess, fuck, I don't understand anything about you."
***
Tess parked her car in the undercover car park. She walked round to Jonesy's side, took his hand and led him to the lift.
Inside the lift Tess pushed Jonesy up against the wall, she reached up pressing her lips against his.
"This isn't the answer Tess," Jonesy muttered.
"You saying you don't want me?" Tess asked coyly, kissing him again.
Jonesy grabbed her around the waist, "never," he muttered in between kissing Tess. As the lift door opened he kissed her hard on the mouth whispering in her ear, "C'mon, let's go, now!"
***
Lying on top of Jonesy, Tess looked down into his eyes. "What you thinking?" she asked.
"How good 'that' was, how good you are, why we can't be like this always."
"Don't spoil it, you know I care about you, isn't that enough?" Tess rolled out of his arms, "I'm going to have a shower, coming?"
Jonesy groaned following Tess to the shower, "you do it to me every time woman!"
***
Tess sat on the edge of the bed, Jonesy behind her on the bed drying her hair, "you know when you were in hospital?" she asked
"Mmmm," Jonesy mumbled.
"I stayed the whole time."
"Yeap, I know," Jonesy continued to dry her hair.
"Well, dammit, doesn't that tell you something?" Tess spun round to face him.
"Might do, I spose, but then it might also tell me you didn't want to lose the best constable you've ever had," Jonesy laughed.
"Shit! And you wonder why I never talk to you - every time I start to talk seriously you stuff around."
"Sorry," he said dropping a light kiss on her lips. "I know what it tells me Tess, but what worries me is that you can't admit it to yourself. You won't let yourself be happy. What are you scared of?"
"I dunno," Tess paused, "yeah I do know - each time something good comes into my life, something happens and it's gone. I'm scared that I'm gonna lose you too, that what we've got will end up like every other good thing in my life. Nothing!"
"It's not going to happen this time Tess, not if I can help it. I love you, and I know you love me but it's a risk we all have to take. Not saying 'I love you' isn't going to protect you Tess, they're just words, the love is still in your heart."
"I have said it," she watched Jonesy as he nodded, "in hospital, I told you I loved you."
"Yeah, I know, I heard you."
"But.you were unconscious."
Jonesy shrugged, "I know!"
"I 'do' love you, I'll try okay? That's all I can promise."
Jonesy pushed her down onto the bed, kissing her passionately. Tess wound her arms round his neck running her hands through his hair, "I love you Evan Jones."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tess awoke to hear screaming, she reached over to give her husband of two years a kick. Realising he wasn't there Tess groaned and got out of bed. Padding quietly through to the other room Tess did what had to be done.
***
"Hey Jonesy how's Tess today?" asked Jo.
"She was asleep when I left, I'm sure she'll be in later."
"Yeah, no doubt about that, she can't stay away from the place."
***
"Can I?" asked Jo when Tess arrived a few hours later.
"Yeah, of course you can," gently Tess placed her baby into Jo's out stretched arms.
"Don't you go getting any ideas Jo, I've already got three kids remember," called out Ben from the locker room.
"Yeah right," Tess and Jo said together exchanging glances and laughing.
"What?" asked Ben joining them.
"You'll come round," said Jo reaching up to give Ben a kiss.
"Hey, none of that while you're at work constable," Tess laughed.
"Does that go for me too, Sergeant?" asked Jonesy coming up behind his wife and wrapping his arms around her.
"Of course not, not if you promise to do the night shift with Ciara tonight."
"Well, I can't feed her, only you can do that - I don't have the necessary equipment."
"Is it worth it Tess? The sleepless nights, dirty nappies?" asked Jo looking down at Ciara.
Tess looked up at her husband, reaching up to give him a kiss she said softly, "Yeah, it's all worth it."
The End!
Started: 26th June 2002 Finished: 29th June 2002 Disclaimer: Not mine! Genre: Angst Rating: PG
Author's Notes: Wow! Nine parts from what started with one small sentence in my head. This fic was supposed to end two ways but 'best laid plans' and all that, it didn't happen. To Penny, Caterina, Rel, Rebecca, Trudi and everyone else who has sent feedback along the way. And to every Tess Jonesy fan out there, we know chemistry when we see it.everyone else is just blind (. If you look closely other shippers may also be happy.
~*~*~*~
"Shit, shit, shit!" Jonesy muttered as he watched Tess drive away. He hoped she would come back, but she didn't. He knew she was going to be angry when they arrived here but hadn't thought about the extent of her wrath.
Shit! he thought, now I have to find some way back to the hotel. Or I could sit and wait - she will come back for me.
***
Tess lay on the bed in the hotel room staring at the ceiling. She felt like packing her bags and driving back to Mt Thomas but she couldn't. No matter how angry she was with Jonesy, she couldn't walk away. She'd wandered through Melbourne for what seemed like hours trying to get her head around things.
Why had Jonesy taken her there?
How the hell had he found out?
She had to know.
Tess drove the now familiar route back to pick up Jonesy. She found him in the car park sitting against a wall.
Driving up beside him she wound down the window, "Get in!" she said, "you're embarrassing me."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" he yelled. "I'm not some meek little puppy dog that'll do whatever you wish. If I'm embarrassing you, I'm sorry but I wasn't the one left stranded for hours, with no way out." at once seeing the funny side of things he continued, "with no food, no water, no home to go to and no-one to love me." Jonesy leant down placing his chin on the open window and looked up at Tess.
"Just get in ya dag," Tess laughed, the tension gone.
Tess drove round the car park and parked in a bay as far from other cars as possible. For a few moments they both sat in silence, both staring at the building.
"I love you Tess, you know that don't you?" Jonesy asked.
"Yeah I know," Tess answered softly. "Why did you bring me here? What are you trying to achieve?" Tess continued.
"I need to know about him, he's standing between us Tess. Something happened that no one will tell me about, and yet I can feel something between us, stopping you from being happy. I just want you to be happy Tess."
"So how did you find out Jack was here, at Barwon?"
"I looked on COPS," Jonesy looked sheepish.
"Do you know how much trouble you can get into for that constable?"
"Don't do that Tess, you pull rank every time things get too hard for you. You always think I'm gonna kowtow to whatever you say, do your bidding - well I'm not. Have you thought that just maybe if you'd opened up to me then I wouldn't have had to look at COPS. Hell, we wouldn't be sitting here now having this conversation. We'd be in our room."
"Don't!" Tess stopped Jonesy from continuing. "Hold that thought - later."
"Tell me about him Tess, please," Jonesy asked quietly.
"You must've read the papers, there's nothing else to tell."
"The papers told me all about Jack, told me nothing about you though. Tell me what went on between you, tell me what he meant to you."
"Nothing, he meant nothing to me."
"Yeah right Tess, just like me I spose. You're so sure of yourself you don't need anyone, so secure in who you are. That's it, isn't it? If I walked away today, you wouldn't care. Tess Gallagher only cares about herself."
"That's not true," Tess bit back fighting back tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She hated the words Evan had said, hated the way he had made her sound.
"Isn't it? Tell me then, tell me what stops you from letting people get close to you."
"You want to know about Jack - fine, I'll tell you about him," Tess yelled. "Jack was supposed to be my friend, my lover. We got close; I trusted him and he threw it all away. My trust, my friendship and yeah, my love. What I gave him was nothing to him. Worthless, I won't make that same mistake again. I have nothing to give anymore."
"So, one bad experience and you shut down. Put the wall up, shut down emotionally. We're not all moronic bastards Tess."
"It's not like that." she paused, her uncertainty of how to say what she felt evident in her voice. "Jack isn't between us, for a while I thought he was. Remember when I went to Melbourne, I came here, saw Jack, I thought if I saw him then it would answer my questions."
"And did it?" Jonesy asked.
"Just one. I don't love Jack. What we had, it's over, never really began. It's nothing compared to this, you and me. But he hurt me, betrayed me. I trusted him and he just didn't care. In the end I meant nothing to him, same as my whole life."
"I can see that Tess, really I can, but look at you. Everything's always about you, you've been hurt but you don't care what you do to me. I'm good enough to sleep with but not good enough to commit to." Jonesy reached over to pull Tess' face round to his, "Look at me Tess, not out the bloody window," he demanded, "I know you've been hurt, your parents, Jack, but look at what you're doing to me.to us. Your parents betrayed you, so did Jack but now you're betraying yourself."
"But I don't mean to be like that," tears glistened in Tess' eyes. "Evan, I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want anyone to have that ammunition to use against me whenever they feel like it."
"And you think that by not saying those three words, by not confiding in me, by not giving yourself to me completely, you think that's going to stop you getting hurt? It won't Tess - 'cos you'll only be lying to yourself. Your head may be saying 'I can't be hurt' but your heart doesn't lie. Tess think about it, you can't take the good without the bad, that's what loving is all about. Shit Tess, how much do you think I've been hurting these past weeks, not knowing why you've been hot and cold, not knowing what's in your head. You have the potential to hurt me like you wouldn't believe, I gave you that power, I can't take it back however much I want to."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't get it do you Tess? I don't want you to be sorry, not to me anyway. I feel sorry for you; you're living only half a life. I can't see the point if you're gonna stop people getting close."
"Can we go back to the hotel?" Tess asked.
"What!" Jonesy exclaimed. "That's it? Over, can we go back to the hotel? I don't understand you Tess, fuck, I don't understand anything about you."
***
Tess parked her car in the undercover car park. She walked round to Jonesy's side, took his hand and led him to the lift.
Inside the lift Tess pushed Jonesy up against the wall, she reached up pressing her lips against his.
"This isn't the answer Tess," Jonesy muttered.
"You saying you don't want me?" Tess asked coyly, kissing him again.
Jonesy grabbed her around the waist, "never," he muttered in between kissing Tess. As the lift door opened he kissed her hard on the mouth whispering in her ear, "C'mon, let's go, now!"
***
Lying on top of Jonesy, Tess looked down into his eyes. "What you thinking?" she asked.
"How good 'that' was, how good you are, why we can't be like this always."
"Don't spoil it, you know I care about you, isn't that enough?" Tess rolled out of his arms, "I'm going to have a shower, coming?"
Jonesy groaned following Tess to the shower, "you do it to me every time woman!"
***
Tess sat on the edge of the bed, Jonesy behind her on the bed drying her hair, "you know when you were in hospital?" she asked
"Mmmm," Jonesy mumbled.
"I stayed the whole time."
"Yeap, I know," Jonesy continued to dry her hair.
"Well, dammit, doesn't that tell you something?" Tess spun round to face him.
"Might do, I spose, but then it might also tell me you didn't want to lose the best constable you've ever had," Jonesy laughed.
"Shit! And you wonder why I never talk to you - every time I start to talk seriously you stuff around."
"Sorry," he said dropping a light kiss on her lips. "I know what it tells me Tess, but what worries me is that you can't admit it to yourself. You won't let yourself be happy. What are you scared of?"
"I dunno," Tess paused, "yeah I do know - each time something good comes into my life, something happens and it's gone. I'm scared that I'm gonna lose you too, that what we've got will end up like every other good thing in my life. Nothing!"
"It's not going to happen this time Tess, not if I can help it. I love you, and I know you love me but it's a risk we all have to take. Not saying 'I love you' isn't going to protect you Tess, they're just words, the love is still in your heart."
"I have said it," she watched Jonesy as he nodded, "in hospital, I told you I loved you."
"Yeah, I know, I heard you."
"But.you were unconscious."
Jonesy shrugged, "I know!"
"I 'do' love you, I'll try okay? That's all I can promise."
Jonesy pushed her down onto the bed, kissing her passionately. Tess wound her arms round his neck running her hands through his hair, "I love you Evan Jones."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tess awoke to hear screaming, she reached over to give her husband of two years a kick. Realising he wasn't there Tess groaned and got out of bed. Padding quietly through to the other room Tess did what had to be done.
***
"Hey Jonesy how's Tess today?" asked Jo.
"She was asleep when I left, I'm sure she'll be in later."
"Yeah, no doubt about that, she can't stay away from the place."
***
"Can I?" asked Jo when Tess arrived a few hours later.
"Yeah, of course you can," gently Tess placed her baby into Jo's out stretched arms.
"Don't you go getting any ideas Jo, I've already got three kids remember," called out Ben from the locker room.
"Yeah right," Tess and Jo said together exchanging glances and laughing.
"What?" asked Ben joining them.
"You'll come round," said Jo reaching up to give Ben a kiss.
"Hey, none of that while you're at work constable," Tess laughed.
"Does that go for me too, Sergeant?" asked Jonesy coming up behind his wife and wrapping his arms around her.
"Of course not, not if you promise to do the night shift with Ciara tonight."
"Well, I can't feed her, only you can do that - I don't have the necessary equipment."
"Is it worth it Tess? The sleepless nights, dirty nappies?" asked Jo looking down at Ciara.
Tess looked up at her husband, reaching up to give him a kiss she said softly, "Yeah, it's all worth it."
The End!
