D/N(for all those who don't know d/n does not = daine/numair, but Dodo's Note): ok, I've gone completely insane…..i don't what the hell I'm doin with this story.
~2~
Of Magic Mice and Gay Men
"Lord Wyldon!" gasped Kel, clearly shocked.
"Yes milady?" he said sardonically.
She shook her head in confusion, tried to walk past him but he blocked her way.
"Lord Wyldon?…" she was scared now.
"Do not looked so frighted. No harm will come to you…no, no harm at all…" he drooled. "You see, lady Keladry, this my master plan all along. Knowing of your friends fondness for fondling… I sent my own grandniece to the palace to…how should I put it?…arouse him with pleasure… so that he would ask for a dance. Withholding all the court ladies I have driven them to such a point of homosexual gaydom, that no one would notice a missing squiress."
By now the pianoist had stopped playing and joined the throng. All that could be heard now were moans. Kel's face was a mixture of horror and rage.
"Yes my lovely rose," said the ugly knight, "you shall come to my bed…and bear me a love child!"
"NEVER!" screamed Kel, and kicked him in the nuts. She thought this would make him collapse but he didn't move, and he grinned.
"didn't anybody here tell you about my injury? I had my left testicle removed once it was infected with gangrene… it was replaced with a hollow steel ball that was filled with tear gas…"pink clouds start coming from Wyldon's codpiece and he started tearing up immeadiatly.
This was kel's chance and she knew it. Wyldon would recover shortly she knew… but where could she go…..
Just then sumthing skittered over her shoes. She looked down and say seven mice… one of which was giving birth to a litter of 11.
"EWEY! EWEY! EWY!!!!!!!! MICE!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!" kel screamed, she had rodentphobia.
One of the mice jumped up and became a coachman, while the others started to sing:
"Kellarelly Kellarelly!"
"Get into that large and rotting pumpkin quick! It's 10 after midnite!!!! If u don't get in it in minus 10 minutes we'll be trapped in wonderland forever!"
Kel becoming a total ditz (aka Kelly) said: "Okay!" and got into the giant (1st prize winner at the country fair for largest pumpkin) rotten pumpkin. Only to find alanna and jon making passionate love in the back seat just like in titanic….
Alanna: Alright! We're lovers! We cannot deny our love any longer!
Jon: what? I thought u said just tonight! What happened to no strings attached???
Kel (Kelly): EWY! Old people in the sac… or pumpkin! *giggles at own stupid joke*
Alanna: I'M PREGNANT WITH JONATHIN'S LOVE CHILD! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wyldon: (wiping his eyes and peering into the pumpkin) Why does everybody have one of those but me????!!!!!
Kelly: Cause maybe like…. Your like an ugly fuckin bald guy… like…. Duh!
(shout from ballroom, sounds like cleon, but too slurred by alchohol to be sure):Hey…Kel! Comes an join da partay…hehe!!!!!!!!!
All of a sudden Kel snapped back to her senses: Who am I? I'm Spiderman.
Jon: Um… nobody asked who you were Mindelan.
To be continued…
Is kel stuck in a perpetual vortex of insanity???? Has the writers brain imploded with loconess????????? What the hell is going on you might ask… does it have a secret inner plot????? The answer: NO. It's 1:00 am and I am bored as shit and I have no fuckin idea what I'm doing. Please HELP! Don't make me get my friend to sing the beatle's song to you!!! Anyway… if u can find anyway to rectify this horribly twisted plot please write to me at Dodo22Geek@netscape.net
--big DODO
