Snape opened his eyes to the cold wet towel. He shifted his head, too weak to pull off the cloth. Someone did for him. is body felt stiff and weak. He tried to move his hands but they wouldn't respond. He moaned and lifted his head. It took a moment for his bleary eyes to focus on the cascades of strawberry blond hair that reminded him of the dawn. He stayed still for a moment, watching.
Susan was aware he was awake but didn't change her routine. She dipped the rag back into the water and pulled it out, ringing it and folding it back into a rectangle to put it back on his forehead.
"You're frightened of me now." It wasn't a question, merely a stated fact.
"Yes."
"By now, I'm sure you've put it all together then. You probably think you know who I am..."
"I know."
"You probably know about me and your grandparents then too."
A long pause then a shaky. "I know."
"Then why are you helping me?"
"I have my reasons."
Snape was getting deja vu. He looked at Little Day. She had her hair down, like he liked it, and her tongue peering out the corner of her mouth. She seemed determined not to meet his eyes. He watched her as he always did as she went about whatever routine she was doing. She had always let him watch her. She seemed to understand that when he watched her, he was thinking of a world of other things. She seemed to know that for Severus, she was more then just his Little Day, she was the life he had never had. The life he had chosen to forsake.
His life seemed a series of bad choices and sometimes he'd like to imagine how life would have been had he chosen the other path. It was a painful thought and he seldom liked to recall it but this was one of those times he couldn't bury it. As he watched his Little Day he was flooded with memories he didn't have. He wanted to be a part of Susan's life because he hadn't been apart of his own daughter's life. Unbidden, his daughter's face entered his mind's eye.
His daughter, Kaiya Alchemy Snape, who had grown up without him. Kaiya was engaged now and going to marry the boy she had known all her life. Kaiya who had her mother's brown skin but his eyes. Kaiya who loved Gideon Mallory as her father because he had been the only one she knew. He had chosen to leave Kaiya's life in order to save it but that didn't take away the pain of losing her.
Snape looked at Susan and spoke words that he had never uttered to any woman before. Words that he desperately needed to say to Kaiya but too much of a coward too.
"I'm sorry, Little Day...please...forgive me."
She stared at him.
"Tell me you forgive me."
There was a long pause. "I can't."
Severus forced himself to nod. He understood of course. He wasn't the kind of person that warranted forgiveness and Susan had every right not to give it to him. He had killed too many people to be pardoned by a 15 year old girl.
"Susan, give us a moment."
Snape felt his stomach sink. He didn't want to talk to Remus or Dumbledore right now and still the two men were standing in the doorway.
"I need to go home, Headmaster." Susan said. "My father is worried about me."
"I'll take you home." Gideon said from a corner. Snape hadn't noticed his presence. "Come on."
As soon as they left, Remus walked towards him and leaned down. "How do you feel?"
"Like I've just been under the Imperious Curse."
"In a way you have. You drank the poison from the Unicorn's Tear..."
"Where is it?"
"What?"
"The Tear..."
Dumbledore noticed Snape was tensing his shoulders. "It was destroyed."
"No!" The Dark Prince cried, attempting to sit up. An invisible charm tightened around him and forces his back. His face darkened and Dumbledore could see the display with Susan had been a lie. Severus had been biding his time. "Tell me, you Muggle lovers did not destroy the Tear."
"Just as I feared." Albus said. "That moment with Susan...that was an act."
"Of course it was! Don't you remember Albus? You were the one who taught to say the words people want to hear?" Snape's mouth curled into a cruel smile. "Do you really think I would return to your side so easily? You kept me under your spell Albus for years and you destroyed it! You destroyed my freedom!"
"Severus you're shaking...do you know why?"
"No." He spat contemptuously.
"It's because the after effects of the Stone's exilir is wearing off, its because without the Unicorn blood in your system you are beginning to think clearly again. That moment with Susan wasn't just an act and you know it, your beginning to think clear again."
But Snape wasn't listening. The man had throw himself against his binds and was screaming for Voldemort to hear him, to save him. And then in the same breath he was pleading with Remus to help him because he was in so much pain. The battle Snape was going through was written on the man's face.
"Albus, once you said you'd never go back to Voldemort." Severus was saying. "Once you swore to me that and you lied. You lied and I'm his again...please Albus don't let me return!" He glanced over. "Remus, you called me your friend once...please."
Dumbledore forced himself to watch. In a way this was his fault. He had pushed Snape into returning to Voldemort as a spy. But for people like Severus the darkness Voldemort offered was appealing and he had lost so much in joining Dumbledore. Snape had lost too many friends, too many lovers as a good guy, Albus could understand why he preferred the darkness.
In the dark, no one could see the pain. Albus had always admired Snape for that well practiced masquerade.
He was able to witness a massacre with the same detachment he would watch a Quidditch match. He could destroy as easily as he could create. And he could love too, Dumbledore was certain that with the same fire and passion Severus' could hate, he could love as well. And yet, because he chose to, Snape did neither love nor hate. Enemies and friends held the same place to Snape, they were merely faces and titles. He viewed the world in subtle shades of impassioned gray.
Snape was above weakness, that had been an accepted fact for Dumbledore. But the writhing, tormented figure before him was not the Severus Snape he knew.
The man before was human, and feeling.
Something Dumbledore had forgotten Snape was, something a lot of people forgot because Snape was such a skilled performer.
"He's going to kill you." Snape whispered in a ragged voice. "Lord Voldemort is going to kill you and McGonagall, and Hagrid; all of you. Even that miracle boy Potter." A low, raspy chuckle followed. It was an insane laugh from a tortured soul. Severus shut his eyes as his face twisted in pain. This was not an act. "Someone please...release me. I can't take this anymore. I'm not strong enough. I'm just a man and at times a very foolish one.
"I had pure blood and I exploited it. I reveled in it and feasted on the butchery I caused. What I did for you Albus, I did from cowardice, from fear. I was never a hero and there are many times I regretted. I did what you wanted me too, Albus. I played your part and I played my part for Voldemort as well." He felt the darkness in him flare but he forced himself to continue. "I've played so many roles my loyalties are as murky to me as to any outsider."
"Then now it's time to make that choice."
Remus spoke for the first time, his usually soft demeanor stern. Behind him a purple sky was breaking into a new day. He waved his wand and the charm that bound Severus was gone.
"Go on Severus, make that choice today but as you will because there are no infant children to save now, no debts to repay, no obligations to fulfill or legacies to uphold. Go now, to your Lord, Dark Prince, your Master bids you crawl. You were many thing Severus but I never had you peg as a slave. Go! Be the villain Sirius always knew you to be...or stay." A soft smile favored Snape. "And be that arrogant, harsh bastard that would sooner make friends with a lycanthrope and ally himself with the likes of Black then to soil your robes bowing to a Mudblood like Voldemort."
Snape was standing now with what little strength he had gathered around him like a shield. His battle was clearly waged on his face: stay or go. For years he had played both sides and the lines were blurred. But here, now, was all that mattered. Those who were dead were dead and gone; their ashes cast to the wind like a forgotten memory. Before him lied two paths: one with Jacqueline and the other a lonely, perilous future.
Remus had demanded clarification and he had to answer.
And time stood still.
A/N: And now its your turn to choose his fate. After all, I can't have all the fun. You make his choice: stay or go, Albus or Voldemort. Hit review and cast your vote. But be honest, dear readers...isn't there something in all of us that wants everyone's favorite Death Eater to truly enjoy his trade? And so borrowing from dear Severus:
"Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,
the writer will obey you, whichever you would find
Either of the choices will let you move ahead
Though one will transport the reader back instead,
One of these choices is sweeter then fine wine
But it has a Dementor's kiss, waiting hidden in line.
So, choose unless you wish to stay here forevermore."
