~*Who's a lazy arse? I am. I know, I know but don't panic! Put away that towel because I'm here with the new stuff! –Risma*~
Love? What A Joke!
FRIDAY
That morning at the bus stop –
Arnold and Gerald are talking about the stick ball game the day before.
Gerald: Three times she smashed that ball! Three times! We could play Wolfgang's team and actually win this season!
Arnold: Yeah and she only just learnt how to play. Mind you . . .
Gerald watches Arnold's eyes go all glazed and starts to worry.
Gerald: What?
Arnold: Helga didn't shout at us after Risma whacked the ball the first time. Actually she didn't say anything.
Gerald: So what! That's a good thing right? Right?!
Gerald shakes his friend waking him to the real world. Arnold just stands there staring right over Gerald's shoulder and down the street. He turns around to see what Arnold was looking at.
Helga: Hello Geek-baits . . . what?
She checks down at her dress for dirt marks or breakfast spills and sees nothing.
Helga: Have I got a "Stare at Helga" sign on my head?
Gerald lets go of Arnold and stands beside him.
Arnold: No.
Helga: Then quit staring at me already!
Gerald: Who'd want to anyway?
Helga throws her bag on the ground and strides over to Gerald, grinding her fists.
Helga: C'mon moron! I'll give you the privilege of being the first victim of the day.
Gerald stands his ground and clenches his fists in anger.
Gerald: It's against my morals to hit a girl, even one like you.
She leans backs and smirks at him.
Helga: That's only because I'll beat you.
Gerald turns his back to her.
Gerald: Yeah right, sure you will.
Arnold kneels down and picks up the books that fell out of Helga's bag. As he looks around for any others he sees a boy sitting on a stoop across the road. The boy looks about nine years old but well built with brown hair. What really catches his attention though is the fact that the boy is staring at Helga and actually smiling.
Helga: Give me that!
She snatches her bag from Arnold and watches the bus come up the street. He shakes his head with the lack of gratitude from her.
Arnold: You're welcome Helga.
He gets on the bus shows his pass and then halts. He looks out the window past the driver. The boy had disappeared.
Gerald: C'mon man, get movin'.
Arnold walks down to the middle of the bus and sits. Gerald sits beside him and starts to talk about the last episode of the Z-files. Arnold doesn't pay any attention to his friend's conversation, instead he just stares at Helga.
Arnold: (Helga really caught that guy's attention. Maybe because she was yelling too much? Yeah that's got to be it, right?)
In class –
Everyone is in their usual seats and slowly calming down. Mr Simmons claps his hand together to get their attention.
Mr Simmons: Students, it is now Suggestion Time for our special weekly projects. Anyone?
The class remains silent. Stinky puts up his hand.
Mr Simmons: Yes Stinky?
Stinky: How 'bout who can eat the most Mr Fudgy Nut Bars?
Harold: Yeah! I'll beat all of you!
The class turns to each other murmuring with excitement. Mr Simmons holds his hand in the air until the volume dies down.
Mr Simmons: No Stinky, we'd just make Harold sick. School policy clearly states, that no teacher can harm or cause harm to a student in any shape or form, but nice try.
The kids groan and slump back in their chairs. Risma slowly smiles and Helga notes the mischief on her face with a raised eyebrow. Risma stands and waits for Mr Simmons to give her a nod to go ahead.
Risma: What if we put our names in Sid's hat and then pair up? The project can be, whomever you pick out of the hat, you have to act like them. It shows how much attention we show to our friends and well as gain some insight to their hopes and fears.
Park: We can even do it in the auditorium!
Gerald: They'd be great acts for the Coco Hut!
Pea-pod Kid: This will be totally totally cool.
The kids stand up in their chairs the yell with enthusiasm, while Helga slumps further down into her chair, gripping her desk with all her strength. She knows what is going to happen.
Sheena: But what if a girl picks a boy or vice versa?
Mr Simmons: I'll see to that. Alright everybody get a pen.
Sid collects the names and holds the hat as high as he can above Mr Simmons head. Little do they know that Risma has this all planned out. Mr Simmons picks girls with girls and boys with boys. With a little bit of magic, Risma teams up with Helga. The class separates to talk with their allocated partners. Risma walks over and leans on Helga's desk.
Risma: Well . . . isn't this a surprise. How did I ever get stuck with you, Miss Anonymous?
Helga quickly sits up at the mention of her non de plume. She stands and leans on her desk, brings her face close to Risma's and whispers through clenched teeth.
Helga: You had better not do anything you'll regret later, when you're dead!
Risma calmly sits on Helga's desk.
Risma: Calm down will ya. It's just a silly project and it's not like you'll fail or anything. We've got a week to do it.
Helga: That's not what I meant.
Risma: Pardon?
Helga: Oh don't get cute with me. I know what you're going to do, just remember that Helga G. Pataki always keeps a promise. And your funeral arrangements will be one of them if you mention my crush in front of the class.
Risma hops off the desk and innocently places her hands behind her back while shifting her head to one side innocently.
Risma: Would I do that?
Helga: How could I possibly guess?
Risma: That's your problem bucko. *heeheehee* I'll meet you at your place on Sunday so we can arrange how we're going to do this.
The bell rings and Risma turns to leave when Helga grabs her arm.
Helga: One more thing.
Risma: Yes?
Helga: Did you somehow make Mr Simmons pair us up?
Risma smiles sweetly while shrugging Helga's hand off her arm.
Risma: Wouldn't you like to know?
She winks at her victim and strides over to Gerald to talk. Helga just glares at her constant tormentor.
Helga: *ggrrr*
Out in the playground –
Risma is sitting by herself watching the other kids play kick-ball. It went over the fence so they go to check out how far it went and the arguing starts.
Sid: Harold should get it!
Harold: Why me?
Sheena: Well you ARE the one who kicked it over there.
Harold: So?
Stinky: That's the rule of the game. Whoever kicks it over has to get it.
Gerald: Yeah Bubba, you know that.
Harold: But I'll get in trouble.
Helga: That hasn't stopped you before dimwit. Now go and GET IT!
Harold: Alright already . . . evil fortress mummy.
Harold climbs the fence, quickly picks up the ball and runs back. Soon they're playing again. Risma surveys the playground when she spots a girl sitting on the swings, smiling happily at nothing in particular.
Risma: (Wonder who that is? Time for introductions!)
She stands and walks over to the empty swing next to the girl. She noticed the girl was wearing a green dress with green plaid shoulders and her hair done in two braids.
Girl: Why hello. Aren't you the new girl?
Risma: Should I be someone else?
Girl: No that would be ever so silly.
Risma: (Ever so silly? Yikes, what planet does she come from?) The name's Risma and yours is . . .
Girl: Oh Lila.
Risma: (That was kinda expected. Didn't think her name would be Butch.) So you seem like a nice kid. How come you aren't over there playing?
Lila: I don't know how.
Risma: Well . . . usually people ask if they want to know something.
Lila: It's not just that . . . there are more personal reasons not to play.
Risma: (Really? Secretive are we?) Mind telling me the reason?
Lila looks towards the gang playing kick-ball. She starts to fidget when Arnold turns and smiles at her, but looks away when Helga glares at her. Risma caught this scenario and starts to smile.
Risma: Looks like you're caught in a love triangle. You know she likes him right?
Lila stares at her in confusion. Risma's grin grows on her face.
Risma: Oh you didn't know . . .
Lila: No, you've got it all wrong. I do know . . . but how did you find out?
Risma: Simple observation and deduction. (With the help of a magical puddle.) She warned you not to tell right?
Lila: Yes. She seems to like keeping her feelings from him, even though he is a nice guy. I just wish he'd stop following me around a see Helga for her ever so true self.
Arnold kicks the ball over the fence and Helga starts yelling at him. The two girls sigh at the same time.
Risma: That may take a while.
After class –
Risma is jiggling around with her combination lock, and can't get it to work. Frustrated she slams on the door with the palm of her hand. Gradually her frown disappears and she holds the lock still while she mutters a few words. The lock clicks open and the happiness drains away as the feeling of someone watching her takes over. She slowly turns around and smiles weakly at a tall brunette wearing a long red t-shirt and black slacks.
Risma: (Great now I'm caught. Just play it cool, and she wont know.) Damn locks, never open unless you speak to them nicely . . . I don't think we've met. I'm Risma.
Girl: I'm sure you would've heard of me.
She fluffs up her short black hair with one hand and places the other on her hips, posing.
Girl: Rhonda Wellington Lloyd. But enough chit-chat, I've noticed lately that you've been getting Helga ticked off about something or other. I'd like to know how you get her all steamed up?
Risma turns back to her locker with an uninterested sigh.
Risma: I didn't do much. Why? What's it to you?
Rhonda: Must be good if you wont tell.
She smiles and slowly turns back to face Rhonda.
Risma: (Sounds like an enemy, maybe she can help.) You seem like a person with an ambition to humiliate her. What do you know about Helga?
Rhonda places both her hands on her hips and starts with the opinionated attitude. Risma leans against the lockers half-listening.
Rhonda: She's bossy, mean, ugly, unfeminine, unpopular and her wardrobe . . . Ugh!
Risma: I reckon you know her like the back of your manicured hand. So . . . would you know where she lives?
Rhonda holds out her hands away from her and stares at the back of them approvingly. Risma rolls her eyes and turns around to fix her lock.
Rhonda: They are, aren't they . . . yeah I know where she lives. Why . . . ooooh . . . gonna get her good huh? Well anything to help a person with an original sense of style.
Rhonda opens the back of her maths book and leans it against a nearby locker. She scribbles down the address, rips it out and hands it to Risma.
Risma: Thanks. If I get anything interesting, I'll let you know.
Rhonda: Fine by me! I can tell we're going to be great friends.
Rhonda slithers away beaming with evil.
Risma: (This is getting better and better. Now all I have to do is follow Miss Pigtails around 'till she starts her fancy talk.)
The bell rings, so she waits for everyone to go to class and clear the hallway. She points her right index finger in the air and twirls it around. With a flash of light, a video camera forms in her hand.
Risma: Ready or not, here I come.
That afternoon –
Helga and Phoebe are walking to the Jolly Olly Man's ice-cream truck. Risma is close behind, carrying her ultimate weapon in her backpack. The video camera. She ducks into a nearby alley, unzips the bag and takes it out. Kneeling down, she slowly steadies the view and scans around the van. All the other kids are there, cheering Harold on as he stuffs his fiftieth Mr Fudgie in his mouth. Phoebe walks to the van and meets up with Gerald. He treats her to an ice-cream and she blushes like there's no tomorrow. Helga walks up to order hers when she stops in her tracks. Looking around she sees no one watching her and starts swooning.
Helga: Ahhh. The only one who makes my heart melt. The one who makes my anger freeze. If only I could hold him just for a moment. Arnold, the hottest and coolest guy I know.
She walks up to the van and shoves Arnold out of the way.
Helga: Move it football head! Some of us would actually want to buy our ice-cream this year!
Arnold: Yeah, yeah.
He pays the Jolly Olly Man, gives Helga an "I give up" look and joins the others kids around Harold. Meanwhile Risma is jumping up and down with glee.
Risma: Yes. Yes! YES! It's all here! Now how do I give it to her the worst way possible? Blackmail? Nah, takes too long. I could tell everyone? Nah, she'll probably deny it and that'll get no where. Hmm . . .
Risma puts the camera in her backpack and walks over to the group of kids. Harold is slowly going green and it seems like he's going to pass out from the fudge overload.
Stinky: Gee whillikers. I reckon he should show the entire school his unique talent. I reckon he'd be famous.
A smile slowly forms on Risma's face.
Risma: (Yeah and I should show the school Helga's talents. But first I need a few more shots. Maybe some other kids first, so she won't know until the last moment.) *heeheehee*
