~*Well here we are, the next chapter and I know that it took it's sweet time to get onto the net. My apologies. Read and enjoy. -Risma*~
Love? What a Joke!
MONDAY
On the bus-
Arnold steps on after Helga and finds and spare seat near the back for Gerald and himself. He lets Gerald take the window seat, and as he's about to sit down he looks out the window across the street. The mystery boy is there, smiling at the front of the bus where Helga is sitting.
Arnold: (He's there again.) What does he see in Helga?
Gerald snaps to attention at the sound his friend's question. He pulls Arnold down into the seat.
Gerald: What is up with you man? Every morning you're like this lately and usually when Helga's around. Are you sick or something?
Arnold frowns and his friend and shakes his head.
Arnold: No . . . it's just . . . uh forget it. It's stupid. Anyway here's Risma's stop!
Arnold eagerly looks across the aisle at an empty seat, and smiles stupidly at her as she makes her way down the bus. She looks at Arnold then at the spare seat, and winks at him. But she spots Curly further at the back, and takes the seat next to him instead. Arnold sadly looks at her and she smiles cheekily back at him and shrugs her shoulders.
Gerald: Maybe you stop pestering her so much and then she'd pay more attention.
Arnold: I do not pester her!
Gerald sighs at the hopelessness of the situation.
Gerald: Yes you do Arnold, perhaps you should focus more on the baseball game with Wolfgang's gang this afternoon. They're going to murder us after what happened on the weekend.
Arnold groans as a dull pain crawls into his stomach. He slouches back against the seat.
Arnold: We're SO dead.
In class –
Mr Simmons is up at the board explaining food chains. The class is trying to soak in as little of the information as possible, all except for Phoebe that is. Risma glances over at Helga, wondering why she is so angry with Arnold.
Risma: (Perhaps I've got it all wrong. Maybe she doesn't like him at all, but then why the love swoons?) Hmmm . . .
Helga stops writing in her maths book and slams it shut when she hears Risma's thoughtful sigh.
Helga: What?
Risma: Nothing.
Helga: Then stop staring at me like a lab rat!
Risma: Fine then.
Risma faces Mr Simmons again as he explains decomposers. Helga slowly opens her maths book and starts writing again, keeping it shielded from Risma's spying eyes. However she taps Helga's arm and whispers.
Risma: Uh Helga?
Helga: What now?
Risma: You may just want to dig out the pages in your science book, so you can place your poem book in it and then it won't look so suspicious to the rest of the class. Maths finished half an hour ago. *heeheehee*
Helga looks down at her math and poem books and slips them in her desk, while quickly pulling out her science book. She turns to growl at Risma.
Helga: Don't go telling anyone about that! Anyone!
Risma just nods and turns back to the front of the room with a smile.
Risma: (I was right.)
Out in the playground -
The gang is sitting on the outside benches eating lunch. Helga comes to join them and they all shuffle down to let her in next to Phoebe.
Sid: Well this maybe our very last meal if we lose this afternoon.
Stinky: Either that or we don't eat for a month at least.
Phoebe: All humans must eat in order to survive. An average human can only go without food for three days before any serious side effects occur.
They all stare at Phoebe in silence and she looks down ashamed at the table.
Arnold: C'mon you guys. We can beat them. We've done it before, we're sure to do it again!
The gang groans. Rhonda leans across the table and glares at Arnold.
Rhonda: In case you haven't noticed, YOU have not been using the dangerous lumber technique for over a month now!
Eugene: Rhonda's right, we're doomed.
The others sigh at Eugene's unusual lack of optimism. Helga slams her fist on the table, making the food trays jump as well as the kids.
Helga: I'm not going to let those overgrown lard-faces get the better of me! I'm sick of them tormenting us every day of our lives! I'm sick of their practical jokes! We're not push overs! We can kick their sorry hides and publicly humiliate them again if we win this baseball game!
Harold: Does that mean we have to drink that vitamin stuff again?
All the kids start to shudder at the thought.
Gerald: I don't think we need to go THAT far.
As they quieten down to discuss game plays, Wolfgang and the year fivers stalk over to the gang's table. Wolfgang grabs the end of the table and tilts it so all the food trays go sliding across onto the ground to the other end, spilling their contents all over the ground.
Wolfgang: Oops. Sorry, how clumsy of me? *hahahaha*
Edmund: Yeah, sorry.
Edmund starts picking up the fallen food. Wolfgang glares and yanks his partner by the arm, off the ground.
Wolfgang: What do you think you're doing?
Edmund: Uh . . . picking up the mess.
Wolfgang raises his fist at his friend's face, when Arnold stands up.
Arnold: Wolfgang, that wasn't very nice.
Wolfgang sneers at Arnold, puts Edmund on the ground and grabs Arnold by the shirt. He raises him off the ground, as Arnold kicks out, missing him by inches.
Wolfgang: What are you going to do about it football face?
Voice: You're going to put him down.
Wolfgang turns around to face a teacher, when he looks down and sees Risma. She glares up at him, holding her food tray tightly and tapping her foot impatiently on the ground. Wolfgang lowers Arnold and looks over at Edmund.
Wolfgang: C'mon Ed. We'll see you losers at The Field at three-fifteen.
He's about to push past her, when he notices her index finger twitching. Instead he walks around her and growls.
Wolfgang: Hope I have the pleasure of seeing you there too.
She hisses through her teeth at him as he passes.
Risma: Wouldn't miss it.
She turns and smiles at all the gapping mouths facing her. Arnold runs over and gives her a hug.
Risma: Uh . . . Arnold? I would like to sit down and eat now and I need my digestion system to remain uncrushed to do that.
He lets go and blushes as he stands back, motioning her to his empty seat.
Harold: Huh . . . how . . . how did you do that?
She shrugged and crunched on her carrot sticks.
Risma: I guess we all have our own little secrets.
She snatches a glance at Helga, who just growls while cracking her knuckles.
In class –
All the kids are split up into groups of three or four for art that afternoon. Arnold is with Lila, Stinky and Phoebe. Helga was with Rhonda, Sid and Gerald.
Gerald: Aw man, this crepe paper won't come off my hands.
Helga: Here.
Helga grabs the non-sticky end of the green piece of crepe paper and pulls it off. Gerald nods in appreciation.
Gerald: Thanks Helga.
Helga: Yeah . . . well don't get used to it tall-hair boy!
She peers over at Arnold who was staring at her with his head leaning on his hand. She quickly goes back to her work pretending to be incredibly busy. Risma sees the whole scene and starts to giggle as Arnold takes his hand away from his face and leaves a huge blue hand print on his cheek.
Risma: That boy never ceases to amaze me.
Pea-pod Kid: Who are you talking about?
Risma looks up and is surprised the attention she is getting from Peapod Kid, Nadine and Park. She smiles cheekily and leans back in her chair.
Risma: Don't worry your sorry little heads.
Park leans over to look at Nadine's poster and frowns at the coloured bits of paper all over it.
Park: Uh . . . Nadine? I don't think bugs live in the ocean.
Nadine: That's why I'm going to draw a big magnifying glass around the edges and make them look like tiny sea lice.
Park: Oh. . .
Mr Simmons walks around the tables and stops behind Risma's chair. He points at the blank piece of paper on her desk.
Mr Simmons: Risma. You are supposed to working on your underwater poster. Are you having trouble with getting an idea?
Risma gazes up innocently at him.
Risma: Sir, I'm almost finished. This is what the Pacific Ocean will soon look like, if nuclear weapons are continually tested there. Completely eradicated.
Mr Simmons, not knowing what to say, just smiles and nods then continues on his nomadic way. Across the classroom Rhonda is getting fidgety. Sid looks confused at her.
Sid: Wolfgang won't hit girls, at least I don't think so?
Rhonda: It's not that, you nimrod. My clothes are going to get all dirty and I'd hate to look like a tramp in front of everyone.
Helga and Gerald glance at each other and laugh. Rhonda glowers at their pleasure out of her possible misfortune.
Rhonda: What's so funny?
Gerald: Rhonda babe, you won't damage the threads. It's baseball, one of the least dirtiest sports around.
Sid: You don't have to slide on the bases you know.
Helga: Anyway I remember you playing football with us in the mud and rain, and the time you jumped on all the tomatoes for the giant pizza puff. And the time . . .
Rhonda: Alright! I get the point. I'll play.
Sid: Good we need all the players we can get.
Lila is cutting out grey dolphins from a magazine to stick on her poster. She held it up to admire it then nudged Arnold.
Lila: What do you think of my poster Arnold?
Arnold on the other hand is still trying to see what Helga is doing to pay any attention to Lila. She gets a little miffed.
Lila: Arnold? Did you hear me?
Arnold: Uh yeah, it's good Lila.
Stinky takes it out of her hands to get a look, but she doesn't care. She frowns at Arnold.
Lila: You didn't even look at it.
Stinky: It sure is purdy Miss Lila.
Lila sighs and takes it back off Stinky.
Lila: Thank you Stinky, but I think it needs something shiny to get more attention!
Arnold is trying to figure out what is so interesting about Helga that a complete stranger would smile at.
Arnold: (The only thing I can think of is that the mystery kid has weird taste. Helga is a bully and has pretty much mastered the art of physical persuasion.) I just don't get it.
Phoebe: Don't get what Arnold?
He immediately snaps to reality at the sound of the reply to his thoughts. He stares over at Phoebe with fright.
Arnold: What did I say? I didn't mean to think out loud. No one heard it right? Right?!
Phoebe: All you said was "I just don't get it". There is no need to hyperventilate.
Arnold: Oh. . . Well in that case . . . I meant . . . I don't understand why you don't come to our games Lila?
Lila glares at him again and sprinkles glitter on her poster with emphasis.
Lila: (Now he pays attention to me.) Well it could be that you constantly have your mind on other things!
And with that she gets up and asks Mr Simmons for permission to go to the bathroom. Realising this is the perfect time to get the opposite side of Lila, Risma slips out of the classroom.
Risma: (Ooooh this is going to be so good.)
She follows Lila and sneaks quietly into one of the cubicles. She waves her left hand over her right anticlockwise and mumbles a few words. The video camera materialises into her hand and she stands up on the toilet seat and aims the camera at Lila leaning against the wash basin.
Lila: What is up with him? Since when did Helga G. Pataki become ever so more fascinating than me? Don't I deserve the attention that she never accepts? I'm the nice one. I'm the pretty one. I tell the best jokes. And the only boy who is really worth anything to me is gawking at Helga! The same stupid girl who always torments him, teases him, pulls pranks on him and drives him mad! I hate you Helga Pataki! And I'll make sure you get exactly what you deserve!
A few pieces of plaster fall to the floor from the basin under Lila's tight grip. Risma steps off the seat and leans against the toilet door. She whispers a few words and clicks her fingers and the camera disappears. She waits until she could hear Lila leave, then comes out of the cubicle.
Risma: Maybe they should've called her Butch.
That afternoon –
The gang is waiting outside the school gates for Risma to show up and the tension is getting high. Sid stops pacing and asks Gerald.
Sid: What's taking her so long? Are females always this late?
Rhonda: Watch what you say popsicle nose. She maybe warming up on her batting technique.
Gerald: She'd better hurry up then, cause if we don't show, they automatically win. I don't particularly want my body parts scattered around the field as part of the victory bash.
Just then Risma comes running out of the school holding an old book in her hands. Phoebe is instantly interested.
Phoebe: Another book fanatic. Oh it's so nice to have someone as interested in books as I am, to actually hold everyone up just to hire one out.
Risma: Well . . . actually . . .
Helga pushes Phoebe aside, grabs Risma's wrist and drags her off in the direction of Gerald Field. She stops when she realises that no one else was following her.
Helga: Are you lot coming or what?!
The kids run after her to the game of their lives. If they win of course. They reach the field and get into their usual places under the snarls of the other impatient team. Wolfgang's team are soon out with the help of Harold's pitching. So the younger kids line up to bat. Helga is whispering to Risma as they wait for their turn.
Helga: So what really made you so late?
Risma: The book.
Helga rolls her eyes impatiently. She points to the old book on the bench a few metres away.
Helga: That? I don't think so. You were up to some evil little schemes. I can see it in your eyes.
Risma looks behind Helga, as Stinky made it to first base.
Risma: I honestly got the book and I'm sticking with the truth. Now are you going to bat or should I go first.
With a huff, she turns around and stalked away from Risma, lines up her stance to swing. Just as Wolfgang pulls back to pitch, Helga losses her train of thought and stares across the road. Arnold, who was busy watching his team mates, notices that Helga wasn't paying enough attention to the game. He follows her stare and catches sight of the mystery kid again. He frowns and claps his hands to wake Helga up.
Arnold: Hey Helga! Watch the ball!
She turns around to him and glares.
Helga: I can look after myself foot-ball head!
She bunts the ball, making Gerald reach home. She stands on first base and whips around to see the kid again, but he was gone. Arnold frowns at the blonde girl as she losses all concentration of the game and looks along the side walk for the mystery kid. WHACK! The baseball comes flying across Helga's head, when suddenly she is violently shoved.
Risma: Helga . . . you would make a perfect marble statue, if you were actually in a garden! Get moving!
Risma runs ahead and across the next two bases to home immediately followed by Helga. Risma drags herself to the bench where she spies Arnold looking out across the filed to the street. She looks there too and sees a young lady pushing a pram along the side walk. Nothing else.
Helga: He's gone . . .
Risma: Who's gone?
Helga snaps at Risma's interfering again.
Helga: None of your business!
Risma: Well sor-ry!
Risma says sarcastically, opening her book and ignoring the rest of the game.
Sunset's Arms -
Grandpa and Mr Kokoshka are playing poker at the kitchen table.
Oskar: Heh heh I win. Five aces.
He places down the cards and starts pawing the chips over onto his side of the table when Phil stands up and slams his hands down in protest.
Phil: You win my foot! You're a cheater Kokoshka and a damn lousy one at that!
Oskar: No. I win. I have five aces and you only have a full house.
Phil: There's only four aces in a standard deck of cards you low down dirty cheating-
The back door slams and in slumps Arnold.
Phil: 'Evenin' short-man. Did you whoop those big lugs?
Arnold drags himself to the fridge.
Arnold: Yes Grandpa . . .
He pulls out a half-defrosted piece to steak and Phil turns to him.
Phil: So . . . you beat them at their own game-
Arnold faces his grandpa and slaps the steak onto his swelling eye.
Phil: -and they weren't happy.
Arnold: I'm going upstairs.
Phil: Alright Arnold. Just bring the steak back down soon. It's the only decent thing Pookie cooks.
My Kokoshka starts slipping the chips into his pockets when Phil turns around.
Oskar: Wha-at?
