Author's Note: The conversation that takes place between Maria and Liz in the second half of this part is taken from the episode To Serve and Protect. It does change towards the end though, but I thought that credit should be given where credit is due.

Part 10 - Liz POV - Path of Thorns (Terms)

I knew you wanted to tell me.
In your voice there was something wrong.
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you're so strong.
Just let me ask of you one small thing
As we have shared so many tears.
With fervor our dreams we planned a whole lifelong
Now are scattered on the wind.

In the terms of endearment.
In the terms of the life that you love.
In the terms of the years that you pass you by.
In the terms of the reasons why.

Through the years I've grown to love you,
Though your commitment to most would offend.
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride,
Waiting for you to give in.
You never really tried or it seems now
I've had much more myself to blame.
I've had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end.

In the terms of endearment.
In the terms of the life you love.
In the terms of the years that pass you by.
In the terms of the reasons why.

There's no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns.
They've torn the lifeblood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn.

In the terms of endearment.
In the terms of the life that you love.
In the terms of the years that pass you by.
In the terms of the reasons why.

Funny how it seems
That all I've tried to do,
Seemed to make no difference to you
At all.

Sarah McLachlan

I am still staring at the woman before me in complete shock, but I am no longer scared.

Its because I believe her. I am even beginning to see the small differences that existed between Ava and Tess in her face as I continue to stare at her.

The pierced lip is gone, as is the funky hairdo, but she still has about twelve earrings in her ear. And its not just physically that I begin to recognize her. There is something in those blue eyes - something innocent, even despite the fact that she is almost a middle-aged woman - that reassures me that she is telling me the truth.

This is Ava, the girl who, for a very short time, was my friend. This is NOT Tess, my greatest enemy, the murderer of my best friend.

What this means is only beginning to dawn on me. She has just told me that the infamous Serena, the one who I have half been looking for every time I meet someone new, ever since Future Max told me about her, is my daughter.

I had half begun to assume and accept that because I had changed the timeline so drastically by getting Max and Tess together, I was never destined to meet Serena in this life. I realize now that I had been disappointed by this fact. Just the sound of her name on Future Max's lips in that brief comment had intrigued me.

And now I know why. She is my child. My child with Max. Which meant that something had to seriously change in the next few days if she is ever going to be born, because as things stand between Max and I now, there is little to no chance that she ever will be.

"Ava." I say it tentatively, try it out. "You're really Ava."

She is eyeing me closely too. We are still standing on the desert floor, below the cliff where the granolith had been sheltered. "It is me." She pauses, suddenly smiles shyly. "I guess I don't blame you for mistaking me for her. I've changed a lot."

"A lot." I repeat. And she has. Its not just in the way she looks. It's in the way she carries herself. Ava had had a basic street sense to her when I had known her, but underneath she had been a scared young girl, uneducated and completely dependent on her fellow dupes. She had been devastated by Zan's murder, had only managed to finally take a stand against Lonnie and Rath when they no longer needed her, when they had Tess and Max in their power.

This Ava's bearing screams confidence in who she is. She also gives off a keen sense of desperation, one that I am determined I am going to get to the bottom of. This time, I am going to be the one in control. I had let Future Max run the show when he had shown up last fall. That had ended in complete disaster. I am not going to let anyone from the future tell me what to do this time.

"Why are you here?" I ask quietly.

"Something has gone horribly wrong." Ava tells me, just as quietly. Its like we're both suddenly aware of the complete wrongness of this whole situation. She is not supposed to be here - just like Future Max was not supposed to have come. Just by her being here, we are fooling around with forces completely beyond our comprehension. We are changing the entire future - again. "She's dying."

I feel my stomach clench, because I know exactly who she means. "Serena?"

Ava swallows, nods. "Our future is dying. Liz, we can't win without her. Something has clearly gone wrong between you and Max that wasn't supposed to. She hasn't been conceived. She is fading from our timeline. The only thing that is holding her there at all is the granolith."

I feel my knees getting weak. The complete meaning of all this is beginning to weigh down upon me. I am supposed to have a child with Max - which means that Max and I...somehow we were supposed to be at the point where we would be close enough to create a new life.

Ha. It is not the least bit funny, and yet I find it strangely the most ludicrously hysterical idea I have ever heard.

"How? How did this happen?" Ava is asking me gently. "You need to tell me. What is going on with you two?"

"Alex is dead." I blurt, not wanting to tell her the real reason, that Max and TESS were the ones with a child on the way in this timeline.

"Yes." She looks sad. "He died in our timeline too. It was why Max sent Tess away, why they found me, to complete the Four Square."

My throat is closing up with grief again. I try to speak, try to tell her, but I cannot get the words out. "Tess...is gone here too. She and Max..."

It is then that I collapse completely. My knees do give out on me and I am sprawling on the desert floor, my arms wrapped around my middle, trying to hold in the pain, trying to ignore that all my dreams, all my love for Max has been wasted. He is not mine, never can be again. He belongs to her.

I have not cried once since I found out the truth of the matter between Max and Tess. I remember feeling complete shock when he told me, but that part of me that had to accept that she was having MY child, had not really processed it. Maybe I had known deep down that it was all wrong, all mixed up, that I was the one supposed to have the baby.

My daughter would never be born because of her.

I realize that Ava is kneeling beside me, that she is pulling me into her arms, is stroking my hair. "Liz, I am so sorry. I didn't know that you don't know yet."

She is gradually soothing me. I can feel my heartbeat slowing down as I allow myself to be comforted. Her words are not really penetrating my brain, but I am seemingly entering a state of semi-detachment.

Nothing matters anymore. It is all messed up and there is no way to fix it.

It is in that instant that I see Max. I can see him right in front of me, his dark eyes loving, but sad. "I'm coming for you Liz. I swear I'll be back with you soon." And he fades away right in front of my eyes.

I pull back from Ava, stare at the spot where Max had just stood. It had been like a vision of the future, or maybe even an echo from the past, like when Max had seen a vision of he and I getting married in Las Vegas. I remember the day in the Crashdown when Max had told me the exact same thing.

"I'm coming for you Liz."

I had believed him then and I believe him now.

Maybe we can fix this after all.

Ava is here and she has information about what is supposed to be. Clearly, somewhere, the future had gone off the rails. We just needed to figure out where and why.

I grasp her hand. I feel the calluses from all the years of war she has endured. "Tell me. Tell me what I need to know."

She pushes a strand of hair away from my face, an entirely motherly gesture. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"I NEED to know." I reply firmly. "She cannot win."

Ava smiles. "That's why I'm here. So she won't."

And she begins to speak.

****************************************************************************

bAnother time, another life - January 2001/b

Liz Parker set the order down in front of the couple. "Okay, um, we have Saturn Rings and a Galaxy Sub, hold the Max."

She gasped with embarrassment as she realized what she had just said. Liz's best friend Maria, standing nearby, stared at Liz, then smirked in amusement. She tilted her head, indicating that she wanted to talk to Liz.

Liz sighed heavily. "Okay, I'll be right back with the Cokes." She felt Maria grab her by the arm, hauling her over to the counter.

"Okay, what just happened?" Maria demanded, still sounding like she was about to burst into giggles.

Liz could feel her heart still beating at about a mile a minute. "I need help! I'm sick!" Maria just raised her eyebrows. "Okay, I am OBSESSED!"

Maria just looked knowing. "Okay, is this a general freak out or should I be concerned?" She didn't sound the least bit concerned however, just pleased.

"No, I have Max on my brain twenty-four hours a day. I dream about him, I think about him, and now I'm saying his frigging name without even realizing it! What am I going to do?" Liz knew that she sounded totally panicked, but it was how she felt. Like she was gradually losing all control of her life, of her sanity.

She knew that she couldn't be with Max - had known it ever since she had heard that message from his mother in the pod chamber last May. This fact had only been confirmed by Future Max's visit in October, when he had told her that she had to get Max to fall out of love with her or the world would end, that he was destined to be with Tess, his once and future bride, because if she left Roswell, the entire world would end.

And so she had done everything in her power to turn him away from her. She had pretended to sleep with Kyle, she had let him go on believing that she had, had hurt him so much that he had almost completely shut her out of his life, even going so far as to tell her that he no longer trusted her.

It had hurt like hell, all of it, but she had done it. But everything had completely reversed itself again since Isabel had helped her to connect with Max when he was in New York. She had saved his life then and since it had happened, they had started to become friends again. She had helped him deal with all that stuff at Christmas, which had resulted in him telling her on Christmas Eve that he believed in her.

He believed in her, whatever the heck that meant. That simple statement had started her dreams again, had made her wonder if maybe they could have a second chance.

Tess didn't seem to be going anywhere after all. In fact, Liz had seen her in the Crashdown just that morning with Kyle, looking entirely unlike someone who cared one way or another if she and Max ever got together. True, Kyle had been flipping out about something, but they were so comfortable around each other, some spark existing without question...something was going on there. Something beyond friends.

So if Tess wasn't going anywhere...

Didn't that mean that maybe she could finally tell Max the truth?

Liz realized that Maria was still talking to her. "You're in love - that's all!"

Liz sighed again. "I know. But its not getting me anywhere." And it wasn't. Max could believe in her all he wanted, but he still thought she had slept with Kyle, still thought that she had betrayed him in the worst way possible.

"Okay, relax. Relax Liz." Maria replied. "Its not that bad! I promise."

Liz snorted. "Not that bad? Really. Why don't you look at this?" Liz pulled the two pictures she kept in her apron pocket out and thrust them towards her best friend. They were both of Max of course. "See! Obsession, obsession, obsession, obsession!"

Maria laughed. "Okay, okay! You're a Maxaholic! I'm here for you. What can I do?"

Liz just rolled her eyes. She knew that all this pining was never going to get her anywhere. She HAD to move on. "Get me a life." She muttered.

The bell over the door behind them rang, alerting the two girls to the fact that someone had just entered the restaurant. Liz didn't turn immediately. Maria had grabbed her by the arm when the bell had rung.

"Ow! Maria, what are you doing?" Liz exclaimed.

"Liz, I know you believe in fate. I know it. Well, fate has just walked through that door." Liz blinked, started to turn around. "NO!" Maria grabbed her again, this time by the shoulders. Liz felt the pictures she still held in her hands fall to the floor. "Do not turn around unless you are actually going to do what you should have done a LONG time ago."

Liz just stared at her. "Maria, what on Earth are you talking about?"

"It's Max. He is standing in the doorway right now and I can tell that he wants to come over here. You are going to tell him the truth. Tess is not going anywhere. You saw her and Kyle this morning. Tell him Liz. Put the poor guy out of his misery. Put YOURSELF out of your misery. You belong together." Liz gasped in horror as Maria suddenly yelled over her shoulder. "MAX! Come here, we need to talk to you!"

"Maria!"

"Liz, just do it!"

Liz could already feel the hairs on the back of her neck beginning to stand on end, completely aware of Max's presence as he came up behind her. The sound of his voice actually made her go weak in the knees. " Hi guys. What's going on?"

Liz whirled, realized that Maria was already walking away from them, muttering something about customers. She's deserting me! Liz thought frantically. How can she start this and then just desert me????

Liz's eyes met Max's. He was smiling at her in that way that always made her heart want to burst out of her chest. It was half-shy, half-loving. It was the smile she had not seen since before he had seen her with Kyle.

It was a smile that told her that he had forgiven her, even though he still thought she had betrayed him.

Telling him now wouldn't hurt anything. But she had been keeping this a secret for so long. How could she be sure that it still couldn't totally screw everything up?

It was in that instant that she saw Max's eyes lower. He frowned slightly, bent down and picked up one of the pictures that had fallen to the floor. He stared at it for a full minute before he raised his eyes to look at her again. "Liz?"

Liz felt the blood rushing to her face. "Oh." She grabbed the picture out of his hand, stuffed it back into her apron. "Maria and I...we're making something for your birthday." She improvised lamely. She tried to ignore the hope that was appearing blatantly on his beloved face.

"Liz, my birthday is in March." Max told her, although of course she knew that. "What's going on?" He asked again.

"What are you doing here?" Liz blurted out instead of answering him.

She was surprised when she saw colour beginning to rise in Max's face too. She loved how his ears always turned slightly pink when he was embarrassed. "Er, well, it's kind of a long story." He replied. "Um, Isabel was bored last night..." He coughed. "She...well, she dreamwalked you."

Liz blinked. "She did?" She felt panic rising within her as Max's words absorbed. What had Isabel seen? Did Max know the truth? Did he know about Future Max and that what had happened with Kyle wasn't real?

"Yeah." Max grabbed her by the hand. Liz felt her heartbeat beginning to slow. Just touching him was enough to calm her down. Well, if not calm her, at least make her heart beat in an entirely different way, she amended silently to herself. "Don't be mad. I swear I told her not to Liz." He paused. "I need to talk to you." He looked around the busy restaurant uncomfortably. "Alone." He added, unnecessarily.

Liz closed her eyes briefly. It looked like Maria had been right. Fate was stepping in. She was no longer going to fight it. She and Max had been on a collision course back towards each other for weeks. It was time to deal with it head on.

She was going to tell him.

The feeling of relief that flooded through her as she accepted it caused her to stumble slightly. Max caught her. She was staring at his chest as he held her tightly. Glancing up, her eyes met his.

The naked love she saw there only solidified her resolve. It was the shadows that still slightly existed there that made her take his hand, lead him through the back of the restaurant and up the stairs to her room.

She didn't say a thing. Neither did he. It was a silence ripe with expectation, with hope.

She and Future Max had failed anyway. Max still loved her, in spite of it all.

She had to take those shadows out of his eyes.

"What's going on Liz?" Max asked once they had reached her room and she had shut the door firmly. She wasn't looking at him. She was looking out the window at the balcony, at where HE had appeared and totally screwed up her entire life.

And yet, she had loved him. He had been Max. He had just been wrong. They belonged together. Whether or not Tess left, it could not be enough to keep she and HER Max apart.

It was meant to be.

"Maybe you should tell me what Isabel saw." Liz suggested, turning back to look at him. "So I know how much you already know."

"Just..." Max cleared his throat, sounding embarrassed again. "You were dreaming about me - about US - together." He gazed at her hopefully. "I mean, I know it might not mean anything, but, when she told me, I couldn't help but hope that..." He trailed off, glanced away. Liz saw his eyes light on the picture of the two of them that still sat on her bed-side table. He walked over to it, picking it up.

"That was a great weekend." Liz said unnecessarily, still stalling, still trying to work up the nerve to change everything again.

Maria had taken it without their knowledge during the six weeks between the time that they had found the first orb and when Tess had arrived, the only time that they had truly been happy together. They had all gone out into the desert for a camp-out during Spring Break. The picture was of she and Max sitting on a rock together, she between his legs, his arms wrapped around her. They were both gazing off towards the horizon. Liz remembered the sunset that day, how beautiful it had been, but how much more she had appreciated it, simply because she was with Max.

When Maria had given her the picture, Liz had known that she would treasure it forever. It had become even more precious to her since Tess had come and everything had been screwed up. She had had to put it away for a while after that. It had been too painful to look at it. And yet, she had taken it out again very recently.

Maybe she had known even then that it was time to fix things between them.

"Yeah." Max replied, setting the frame down again. He looked at her. "I guess it'll never be that way again?" But the way he raised his voice, like it was a question, it told Liz he hoped that it could be.

He had forgiven her. He had forgiven her without even really knowing the truth.

"What did you want to tell me?" Max asked expectantly, although he sounded a little disappointed that she had not answered his unasked question.

Why couldn't she just say it? Liz wondered as she licked her lips, continued to stare at him. Why was it so hard?

"Liz?"

"I never slept with Kyle." She blurted it so quickly, he blinked.

Liz swallowed, hard, waiting for his reaction. She expected either utter joy or surprised anger. She didn't expect at all what came next.

It looked to her like Max let out a long breath and then he said quietly. "I know." He sat down on the bed, not taking his eyes off of her. "I've known ever since I got back from New York." He smiled slightly. "You're a really good liar Liz, but that time...something was just off. And you couldn't say it this time. It just felt wrong."

Liz stared at him in shock. "But if you knew...why didn't you say anything?" She asked in astonishment,

"I realized after what happened in New York - when you saved me - that the bond between us was never broken." Max replied. "And when you lied to me again..." He paused. "Well, I knew you had to have a really good reason and I knew that you'd tell me eventually." He looked down. "Even if the reason was that you had fallen out of love with me and just couldn't tell me that."

Liz collapsed on the bed beside him, her hands clenched in her lap. She had hurt him so much. She had to make him see that it had had nothing to do with not wanting to be with him. "I've wanted to tell you the truth for so long." She whispered.

Max turned slightly, reached out and gently tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. "Why? Why did you have to do that Liz?" He looked sad. "Were you really that desperate to get rid of me?"

"Of course not!" Liz exclaimed. "I did it to save you!"

"Save me? From what?" Max asked, confused.

"From me! Max, our relationship was going to drive Tess away from Roswell. We would have been responsible for that and it would have been disastrous. You need her!" She relaxed her hands when she realized that they were clutching at her apron. "You're not going to believe how I know this, but I do."

Max's eyes narrowed. "But you told me now. What's changed?"

"Well, she and Kyle...they seem close. And the Sheriff too. She has a family now. And you and she - you're friends now. I don't think she could just walk away as easily." Liz admitted. "And I just couldn't do it anymore. I miss you." She realized that she was about to cry.

"You don't have to miss me." Max told her, his voice cracking as he brought his hands up to cup her face. "I'm right here. All I want is to be with you Liz. It's all I've ever wanted."

Liz threw her arms around his neck. "It's all I've ever wanted too."

"Then what's standing in our way?" Max asked, smiling again. "Only you. We're meant to be together Liz. I know it."

Liz could feel a smile breaking out across her own face through her tears. "I know it too Max." And yet, the fear was still there, still pressing against her belly. "But we have to be sure about Tess. I want to be with you, but we can't let anyone know. Not yet. We can't give her any reason to leave - not until we're sure she won't."

"I don't care if anyone knows." Max replied. "As long as we're together, I'll sneak around behind their backs for the rest of my life." He ran his hands through her hair. "Can I kiss you now?" He asked, his lips only a breath away from hers.

"But don't you want to know why I lied?" Liz asked breathlessly, her eyes already beginning to flutter shut in anticipation of the one thing she had dreamed of for months.

"Yes, but not right now." Max told her, his own breath hitching.

"Okay." Liz sighed. "But you do need to know one thing." She whispered as he placed feather light kisses on her closed eyes, her cheek bones, her chin.

"What?" He sounded highly distracted, but Liz knew he was listening to her.

"I didn't just lie about Kyle. I lied when I told you I didn't want to die for you. I would die for you Max. Since I hurt you, I've been dead inside." Liz admitted. She felt Max still. He pulled back slightly, his eyes darkening with love.

"Then it's time to come back to life Liz." With that, he brought his lips down on hers and she did just that.

To be continued...