[b]Part 29 - "Possession" - Max POV[/b]

[I]Listen as the wind blows

From across the great divide.

Voices trapped in yearning

Memories trapped in time.

The night is my companion

And solitude my guide.

Would I spend forever here

And not be satisfied?

And I would be the one

To hold you down,

Kiss you so hard,

I'll take your breath away.

And after I'd wipe away the tears.

Just close your eyes dear.

Through this world I've stumbled,

So many times betrayed,

Trying to find an honest word

To find the truth enslaved.

Oh you speak to me in riddles,

And you speak to me in rhyme.

My body aches to breathe your breath,

Your words keep me alive.

And I would be the one

To hold you down,

Kiss you so hard,

I'll take your breath away.

And after I'd wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes dear.

Into this night I wander,

It's morning that I dread.

Another day of knowing of

The path I fear to tread.

Oh, into the sea of waking dreams

I follow without pride.

'Cause nothing stands between us here

And I won't be denied.

And I would be the one

To hold you down,

Kiss you so hard,

I'll take your breath away.

And after I'd wipe away the tears,

Just close your eyes dear.

I'll hold you down,

Kiss you so hard,

I'll take your breath away.

And after I'd wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes…

Sarah McLachlan [/I]

I can still hear my sister screaming my name for what feels like forever, but, in reality, is likely no more than an instant.

The whole process is weird. One minute I am in the desert, holding Liz's lifeless body in my arms, and the next I'm not. I have absolutely no idea [I]where[/I] I am, but one thing I do know for sure.

It's dark. [I]Very[/I] dark.

Is this death? Because if it is, then it is different than I expected. I am still completely aware. It is merely as though I have pulled aside a curtain. It doesn't feel like I've left anything behind or that I am going forward either.

All I know is that Liz is nowhere to be found. I feel the disappointment like a stab to the heart. I hadn't really been thinking when I had taken a hold of the granolith, but instinctively I had [I]known[/I] that it should be able to take me to Liz. But she isn't here. I've failed her [I]again[/I].

"She's here."

I whirl, my heart beating double-time. I notice that the blackness is beginning to lighten, just like the desert sky does when the stars start to come out one by one after dusk.

"Maria! What the…"

She holds up her hands. "Hold it! I'm not who you think!" She smiles slightly, rolling her eyes. "Well, I am, but not really."

"What?" I just stare at her. "What are you talking about?" As I look more closely I can see that this [I]is[/I] Maria, but that she's right that she's [I]not[/I] the Maria I know. Her hair is way darker - dyed obviously - and she has wrinkles around her eyes that never existed there before. But her expression is [I]all[/I] Maria.

"Decided to take a little stroll off a bridge again didja girlfriend?" She is majorly annoyed at me, although she is doing her best to appear tolerant. "Can I ask you if you even thought before you did what you just did?" She continues, her arms folded.

"Why are you dressed like that?" I ask, unable to stop myself and completely changing the subject. But she's dressed in black leather from top to toe. It is extremely distracting and very un-Maria-like.

She narrows her eyes. "It's how people dress in the future."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know! We just do! Stop asking dumb questions!" She peers at me, then sighs, looking a little sympathetic. "I'm sorry. I keep forgetting that this is weird for you. Hell! It's still weird for [I]me![/I] Plus you're still really young, aren't you?" She tilts her head. "I can't believe how young you are! God, no wonder you screwed up so many times!"

I think I must still be a little shell-shocked, because she's right that I am asking the stupidest things possible. I can't even get mad at her unintended insult of me, because she is right after all. I have messed up too many times to count.

"So you're from the future?" There, that's a little more intelligent.

"I am….or I should say [I]was[/I]. The future I belong to no longer exists."

"So he [I]did[/I] change it." I am referring to Sean, of course, just assume that she will know what I am talking about.

"Yes, but the irony is, it's for the best Max." She looks sad. I decide to let that go for the moment. I am still too confused by more general things. And I remember Liz telling me something about it being important to not know [I]too[/I] much about the future - or that that was what Future Me had told her when I had come back to ruin both of our lives.

"Where am I?" Straightforward and simple. Good.

"You're [I]in[/I] the granolith. So, you didn't have any idea what you were doing when you came here?" She shakes her head. "See what I mean about the thinking and the bridges Max? You're lucky I caught you here. You would have messed everything up if I hadn't. Liz isn't ready to see you yet."

I feel my heart plummet. "She isn't? But she called to me Maria! I connected to her through Isabel. Where is she? Why can't I see her?"

"Because she's with Future You. If you see him, you'll cease to exist." She frowns slightly. "Of course, the fact that you're here at all means that you already have…Ceased to exist I mean. But you can't be dead…because if you were dead you wouldn't be here." Her frown morphs into a scowl. "Dammit! I hate this place! Nothing makes any sense."

That's the understatement of the millennium.

"Okay. Maybe I'm just [I]visiting[/I]?" I am going to take control of this situation if it's the last thing I ever do. She's right that I wasn't exactly thinking when I decided to come here - since I didn't realize where [I]here[/I] was when I grabbed the granolith in Liz's hand - but that doesn't mean I can't try and fix things. She shrugs, looking even more mad. "Never mind. Just tell me what you know. Please."

"First [I]you[/I] tell me what [I]you[/I] know."

Why do I feel like she's stalling for some reason? But I decide to cooperate. "Well, I know that Liz was taken by Tess and Sean Deluca, who was definitely [I]not[/I] your cousin and who may or may not be my son from the future…"

"Not your son," Maria jumps in, like she's pleased that she can actually give me some concrete information. She grimaces immediately though, like she's said too much. "Dammit!" She mutters. "I told Liz not to send me here by myself!"

"Liz! She sent you!"

"Not [I]your[/I] Liz. And not [I]my[/I] Liz either," Maria sighs. When I frown at her, perplexed, she sighs again. "Please, just never mind."

"Are you sure?" I ask tentatively, deciding to do as she asks. "About Sean I mean?" It's what I had suspected after healing Kyle of course, but to actually have it confirmed…

It's a dream come true.

"Very sure," Maria replies. I realize that she has moved closer to me, has her hand on my arm, seems to have accepted that she can't [I]not[/I] tell me now that she's started. "He's not yours Max. Tess lied. He wasn't dying either."

"He's Kyle's?"

"Yes."

I meet her eyes, swallow. She seems to know exactly what I'm about to ask her. "Did…did I…"

"Sleep with her?" Maria sighs. "In my world, yes. But she messed with your head. You were mindwarped into it. You thought she was Liz."

My heart falls. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

All my hopes of ever being more than friends with Liz are gone then. Because I know that those flashes she got were real. I might not have fathered Tess's baby, but I did betray Liz. Hell, I betrayed [I]myself[/I]. I betrayed absolutely everything I have always tried to be.

You know, deep down, I knew it. I knew that I had done it. I knew that I couldn't be strong without Liz. It's my greatest failing. I've never [I]been[/I] strong enough for her.

"Are you okay?" Her voice is kind now, almost motherly. "I'm sorry Max. I know how much this whole thing haunted you in my timeline."

"You said I didn't do it on purpose there though?"

"No."

"So what I did in this life was even worse. Because Liz says that I [I]did[/I] do it on purpose in this timeline. That I hated her and that I was trying to get back at her." I hear my voice crack. "But Maria, I know that's [I]not[/I] true!"

I can see that she is frowning slightly. "So that's what his goal was!" She says. "He wanted to keep you and Liz apart - for good." She grabs me by the hand. "Max! You have to fix this! You have to get past it somehow. He's going to win if you don't!"

I blink. "What? Why?"

She grimaces. "I can't tell you!" She sounds frustrated. "I've already said too much! This isn't [I]your[/I] journey Max. It's Liz's. You're already somewhere you're not supposed to be. I just…I [I]can't[/I]!" I continue to stare at her as she glances over her shoulder. It's almost like she's listening to someone suddenly.

"Maria?" She looks back at me, still extremely vexed. "Can you at least tell me about the stuff I already know? Like I know that one of the reasons that other me came back originally was to save Michael and Isabel. Did that at least work?" She seems to think about this for a moment, trying to figure out what she can and can't tell me. But she doesn't even need to speak. The way her face whitened at the mention of Michael…I think I already know the answer. "It didn't, did it?"

"No." Her voice is small. I can hear the pain of it there. "I had to live on for ten years without him." She seems to crumple slightly. "And he's not here either." She raises her eyes, something shining in them that I don't quite recognize. "Max?" I think it might be desperation.

"Yeah." I have reached out to comfort her, but don't feel entirely right pulling her into my arms. This isn't [I]my[/I] Maria after all. This isn't the close friend I let slip away from me because I was so wrapped up in my own problems. I wonder if I had stayed close to her, whether I would have made that mistake with Tess.

Because as lonely as I was when I did what I did with Tess, as alone as I had felt…in some ways it was my own fault. I had [I]let[/I] them all slip away from me - including Maria. Would I have made different choices if I had fought harder for my friends?

"Will you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Will you destroy that thing when you go back?" She is blinking back tears. And in that instant, I see [I]my[/I] Maria. She is eighteen again and she is the girl I knew, one of the best friends I will ever know. "Please. I just can't [I]be[/I] here without him."

"Can I? Is it okay to destroy it?" I ask, thinking about how I have already basically decided that it has to be destroyed. The granolith - it has to go. It's just not right to be able to mess with the way things are supposed to be.

Sure Liz and that future version of me had saved the world with what they had done, but from what Maria is [I]not[/I] saying, I am getting the impression that they may have only put it off for a while.

If that's the Earth's destiny, it's fate, who am I to interfere? I just [I]don't[/I] have the right. I will do everything in my power to stop it - I will fight Khivar until my dying breath, because now I know I [I]have[/I] to fight - but if it's not meant to be, maybe I'm just going to have to accept it.

I think Maria was wrong, with what she just said. I think I had a journey to take too. And I think it just ended.

I have learned my lesson. I cannot control everything. As much as I want to, as much as I want to protect the people I love, some things just have to be left to fate.

Just like I can't control Liz and the way she feels. As much as I want to bind her to me for the rest of her days - and I have an inkling suddenly that I might be able to convince her to try again, even [I]with[/I] the flashes - I just cannot do that to her. Because she won't be the Liz I want - a Liz who comes to me of her own free will, by choice, not because of some force I put on her because of the bond that exists between us. The bond that is so strong I am beginning to feel her presence again, even here. It is faint, but it's like as if, as all this becomes clear to me, that I'm [I]allowed[/I] to be with her again - at least on the spiritual level.

When I healed her that day in the Crashdown, we connected on a level that is simply beyond my comprehension.

And, finally, I understand. Even if we're not together, I will always [I]have[/I] her. I will always have the magical two years when I was allowed to be in love with her - the two years where she made me human. They will always be mine and they will make me strong enough to go on without her.

I can let her go. Finally.

The memory of what she made me…I can [I]be[/I] that person again. Even without her.

And it is in that instant that I know that she is not dead. I can [I]feel[/I] her. The connection that has been shut off for the last twenty- four hours - ever since Tess kidnapped her - wooshes back so abruptly, I stumble against Maria slightly.

I close my eyes, reaching out to Liz, hoping she'll feel me too, know that I've come for her.

Supremely ironic that what I told her so many months ago has finally come true. I've come for her, but in the end, it will be to set her free.

Because, even if I can't be with her, at least I can bring her back to the people who love her. She doesn't belong here. She has to know that I won't desert her here. But then I will leave her alone to get on with her life without me.

"… you can," Maria is saying, seemingly unaware of the fact that I'm not really listening to her anymore. I force myself to focus on her. "I think maybe that's what Liz is supposed to learn. That the granolith has to be destroyed once and for all. Sean has been born now and I still have a feeling…" She trails off, sighing. "I can't tell you Max. But I have the feeling that what [I]needs[/I] to happen, it just [I]will[/I]. You and Liz…you just [I]belong[/I] together."

I smile sadly. "I hope so Maria."

But even if we don't, what Liz has given to me, it will sustain me through whatever the future is going to bring.

And it will be a future with no more interference. As soon as I get Liz out of here, the granolith will be no more.

I feel my friend's eyes on me. I meet them, feel my heart skip a beat. "Is it time?"

"Yes." She returns me smile. "Be brave Max. Make a better world for all of us."

"I'll do my best. I love you Maria."

"I love you too."

The blackness flickers and she is gone.

But I am not alone again. Not by a long shot.

Our eyes meet. Hers are shining with unshed tears. "Max."

And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have finally found her.

[I]My[/I] Liz.

To be continued…