[b]Part 30 - Home - Liz POV[/b]

[I]Child walks to the river,

Looks as far as she can see,

And draws each breath as if it were the last,

And wipes away the tears across her sleeve.

She can see where the river crawls to the sea

Like a baby into a mother's care.

Somehow the longing is so far away,

The innocence so wasted and aware.

Look at the child with the dream in her eyes,

Holding it deep inside her.

So much anger, so deeply engrained,

Seemed a burden that was hers alone.

She didn't think that there was anything wrong

In wanting a life that she could call her own.

How could I explain? You would not want to hear.

You wouldn't listen if I talked anyway

For you were too weighed down by your own fears.

Look at the child with the dream in her eyes,

Holding it deep inside.

Thinking about home, home.

Sarah McLachlan[/I]

I look around at all three of them - the Future Max who helped me destroy himself, who made [I]my[/I] Max something he wasn't supposed to be; my best friend Alex - an Alex who [I]lived[/I] and yet still ceased to exist after what Future Max and I had done; and my daughter, my own flesh and blood, a woman with my face and Max's eyes, a woman who may never live now because of the way things have been shaped in my world - and I know that I can do it.

I can destroy the granolith. Because these are not [I]really[/I] the people I love. They are not flesh and blood. They are trapped in a netherworld that is neither here nor there. It is unnatural, wrong.

I know it, and, yet, it will be the most difficult thing I will ever do.

I feel a light touch on my hair, look up into [I]his[/I] eyes. My partner- in-crime. A man I have desired and hated in the same breath. A person that [I]my[/I] Max will never be.

My love.

"I am sorry," he whispers. "No matter what they say," he quirks a sad grin towards Alex and Serena, who are both watching quietly, "It's just how I feel. I can understand how guilt can make things even worse, but I still [I]feel[/I] it."

I smile at him. "I know." And I do. Because I can't just change my nature. But I can do a better job to not let it control me. And then I tell him what I know he most needs to hear. "I don't regret a thing."

Because, you know what? I don't. Not really. I have come to accept what I can't change. I [I]helped[/I] this man to change my world and I am going to have to live with the consequences. The fact that I have felt Max [I]hate[/I] me - it is a hard pill to swallow, even though I am still convinced that he didn't sleep with Tess.

But hate isn't so very far from love after all. This man in front of me - I have hated and loved him at the same time. I can understand it now. It doesn't hurt any less, but I can understand it.

And I can't blame Max for it anymore. He is only eighteen years old. He is not a man, has [I]always[/I] been too trusting, in spite of the fact that he and Isabel and Michael always knew they couldn't, shouldn't be.

He saved my life because of who he is and he lost himself because of who he is. And who he is [I]my[/I] Max and I still love him in spite of it all. Some of you may think that is weak, but I actually think it's strong. I have recognized that people make mistakes, that either we have to forgive them or forget them.

I can't forget him. He [I]saved[/I] my life. He gave me his heart so completely that when I seemingly betrayed him, he couldn't get past it. And I gave mine back - to the point that I could hurt him so completely to save him.

Neither of us recognized it for the gift it truly was. We weren't careful with each other, didn't think before we acted, hurt each other time and again when all we really wanted was to be together.

I won't make the same mistake again.

I will not forget, but now I can forgive.

Future Max tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, leans down and kisses me gently on the mouth. "Do what you have to do Liz," he whispers against my lips. "But also trust your heart. You [I]know[/I] the truth - deep down."

And then he is gone.

I blink, look around in confusion. I feel tears fill my eyes. But I'm not sad. I am so full of hope, it is almost overwhelming.

I can see that Alex and Serena are still standing nearby. And when I see the person standing with them, blinking with a confusion equal to my own, I understand why Future Max had to leave.

It is [I]my[/I] Max. Instinctively I know it. I can feel his spirit completing me, simply with his presence.

We have found each other again.

"Max," I say quietly, taking a step towards him.

"Liz." He has quickly regained his bearings and is staring at me, his eyes warm and relieved. It sends a shiver down my spine. "Are you all right?"

"I've never been better," I tell him and his face relaxes.

It's not entirely true of course. Things aren't perfect. There is still the matter of the granolith and the fact that it has to be destroyed and everyone within it will cease to exist. And we still have to find Sean, because I don't doubt that this is the one thing we can do that will truly make things right. He cannot be raised by Tess. It is just an impossibility. He will never turn out to be who he needs to be if he is under her power - and consequentially Khivar's.

But I have never felt more in control of my own destiny, more in control of what I really want.

I want Max. And all I have to do is tell him so.

"We don't exist now." This is Serena, as though she has read my mind again. "That's why we're here. Our time is done. You can do it Mother. You [I]have[/I] to."

Max has not taken his eyes off of me, but his head whips around to stare at our daughter after the word [I]mother[/I].

I can't help myself. I laugh.

He cannot stop staring at her. From the look on his face, I think he can see himself in her, and it must be strange. I can't even imagine. I knew about her before I saw her, could accept her for who she was, but he looks a little frightened, unsure.

I don't blame him at all. It is a scary enough proposition, being a parent. But bearing and raising the savior of two worlds? It is absolutely terrifying. But it's exhilarating too. And he did it once. This woman standing with us is the result.

And this time he won't be alone. She will be an even more amazing person because this time we will do it together.

Because I don't doubt anymore that she [I]will[/I] be born. Maybe not as soon as she is supposed to be - maybe not even for years. Because now I know that teenage pregnancy is not exactly the most attractive alternative and now that I know what could happen, I will take proper precautions. Max and I need to be ready for her, need to be the best people we can possibly be when she comes.

But she will come. I know she will.

"Liz?" I can hear the question in his voice. I'm not sure if I should tell him or not. Is it still dangerous to understand what our future will be?

But we still don't know everything for sure after all. We know that Serena will be born, but we don't know when or how. We know that we will save Sean, but we don't know exactly what that will mean. Things are still uncertain, will still unfold as a mystery. We know the destination, but not the path to reach it.

And that's what life is really about, in the end. Because isn't the destination for all of us completion with someone we love? Serena is a by- product of what I already know will happen. What we always [I]knew[/I] would happen, from the first time we connected that time in the Crashdown.

We are meant to be, Max and I.

"She's our daughter Max. This is Serena."

"Serena?" He looks at me, astounded. "As in Serena of the Granolith Serena?"

"The same one." Alex speaks up here. "But there will be no Serena of the Granolith in [I]your[/I] time, will there Liz?" He asks it quietly, but I can tell what he is doing. He is telling me that it is all right to destroy it - that he doesn't want my feelings of affection for him, how much I [I]miss[/I] him to affect our decision.

"No."

I see Max's face fall. He thinks it means that we will never be together, because that's what I told him of course, and that is why there will be no Serena of the Granolith.

"Because there will be no granolith," I say, smiling slightly as the words reach Max and he starts, disbelieving. "There [I]will[/I] be a Serena."

"Which means that I can go." Serena looks directly at me, a sad smile on her face. "I love you." She sweeps her gaze to include Max. "I love you [I]both[/I]. Please don't ever forget that, in the end, that's the most important thing."

And she disappears into the mist that is beginning to gather around us. I haven't noticed it until now, but it is snaking around my ankles now and is pretty much unavoidable.

I wonder if the granolith knows that it's end is near - that we will destroy it when we get out of here. I can feel the energy circulating in the air, as though it is preparing itself.

I look at Alex, my heart suddenly in my throat. "Alex, can you even understand how much I miss you?"

His dark eyes are unmarked with pain however. "Liz, you don't have to miss me. I'll always be with you." He looks at Max. "Isn't that right Max?'

Max blinks, then starts to laugh. "That was [I]you[/I]?" I have no idea what they're talking about. Max sees this and reminds me. "My dream Liz. Remember my dream?"

Right. The dream about Alex that started our whole investigation. The one that told Max that Alex knew much more before he died than we ever dreamed.

And he did. He knew the truth about Sean and he knew the truth about Tess and Kyle. And I realize suddenly that, for more than any other reason, this is why Tess killed him.

It was not an accident. She did it on purpose. I feel the iron enter my soul.

This time we can make her pay for it.

Because I suddenly understand something that it took far too long for the Liz and Max of the timeline I just visited to get. To maintain our innocence, to stay who we really want to be, we are going to have to destroy the one who destroyed [I]us[/I] in the first place.

Tess has to die.

Can I do it? Can I actually take another life? I feel my heart starting to beat irregularly at even the thought of it. But I know that I don't have to make up my mind right away. We still need to [I]find[/I] her. And just because I know where to start looking - Canada - it doesn't mean it's going to be simple.

But I know that we will find her. And that will be soon enough to decide.

"Will you still be able to do that?" Max is asking Alex. "If we destroy the granolith I mean?"

"You guys just don't get it, do you?" Alex grins. "It's [I]me[/I]! You guys will never forget me, and so, I will never leave you. I promise."

"Just don't ask me to not [I]miss[/I] you," I tell him. Tess forgotten for the moment, I move forward and place my hands on both sides of his face. His skin is warm and [I]alive[/I] beneath my touch and I know this is the last time I will ever truly [I]feel[/I] him. Tears of sorrow fill my eyes.

He reads my mind. "You'll always [I]feel[/I] me Lizzie." He places a gently hand over my heart. "As long as this is still beating, I will be with you."

I throw my arms around him, hug him tightly. "I love you Alex."

"I love you too Lizzie. Don't ever forget it. I don't regret dying for you. Not for an instant."

"You do know I would have done the same for you?"

"You almost did," Alex reminds me, making me remember the alien bomb that Michael had barely managed to stop from killing me. "Let it go Lizzie. Live your life. I will [I]always[/I] be with you. I promise." He looks over my head at Max. "You two need to take care of each other. But this time, make sure you both know [I]why[/I]. You work so much better as a team. Always remember that."

"We will," Max replies, sounding emotional. "Thanks Alex." I know that he will always feel guilty, will always feel that what he is was responsible for Alex's death.

I will too. Alex can tell me not to as much as he wants to, but I will always feel it.

We are not perfect after all. But as long as make sure it doesn't control us any longer, we will be all right. Somehow I just know it.

I hug Alex once more, hard, then turn and meet Max's eyes.

I move forward, take his hand in mine. He glances down at where our hands are linked and I feel warmth spread through me because I know what he is thinking about. He is remembering the time that we joined hands to go face our parents together after our night out in the desert when we found the orb.

It was the night that ended up bringing Tess into our lives, and now, with this joining of our hands, we will work to get rid of her, once and for all.

I smile up at him, hoping he sees how much I love him, that this is going to work if it's the last thing I do.

"Let's go home."

To be continued…