Author's note.

The psychopath is back in the house. Chapter 5 revamped! Oh aren't I doing well? From reading the last chapter of Kitty tales and or Spoiled Royal you're going to be wondering what the hell I'm on. Well. In answer to your question, not a lot, unless you count the steroid cream that I use for my skin as I have really bad eczema. But I don't actually consume steroids, so other than that and sugar, I'm not really on anything. Anyway. Disclaimer: I wish I owned Legolas but I don't, nor do I own any other LOTR characters because I'm too poor. But I do own Alice and her friends/relatives.

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Chapter 5 – Messy breakups.

Alice sat in the window seat in several layers of clothing as the temperature had amounted to something very minuscule and freezing hence the scarf, the merino wool jersey, the denim jacket, the woollen gloves and the pink Roxy beanie to complete the look to create the I'm-freezing-but-I'm-too-much-of-a-greenie-to-waste-electricity-and-turn-on-the-heater look. Actually Alice wasn't much of a greenie at all, it was just that she couldn't be bothered turning on the heater as it was too cold to move. So she was using the natural heat of sunshine to stay warm. She had a book on her lap, of which she was not concentrating on. She was preoccupied with something. Or should we say someone. A few someones. Namely, Greg and Legolas. Her thoughts about Greg were the usual thoughts she had about Greg. Why Was She Still With Him and How Was She Going To Dump Him. Gina was right in some respects, she had to dump him and get on with her life... preferably someone else other than a certain elf prince. He was way too old for her. Alice knew he looked young, but his eyes said otherwise. His eyes looked to be thousands of years old, and that scared Alice to put it lightly.

"Hey," she said quietly.
"You look troubled." Legolas remarked.

Alice smiled and laughed dryly. "You're not wrong."

"What is troubling you?" He persisted.

"Um... " Alice reviewed all possible answers, but ended up telling the truth anyway. "Greg."

"Ah," Legolas said in understanding.

"Legolas, you've had to tell someone that loved you that you didn't love them back right?"
Legolas smiled cryptically. "Yes I have. Many maidens have tried to win my heart. None have succeeded. They would all make desirable wives of course. But I have found none in my kindred that are appealing to me. I used to feel for the Lady Arwen once but she did not feel the same way. She has someone else now." Alice looked at him. Arwen. Now why did that name seem so familiar? She racked her brains mercilessly. Rivendell and Elrohir drifted at the edges of her brain. The words lured her into a trance like state.

"Arwen Evenstar, daughter of Elrond, Lord of Rivendell," She said blankly, in her trance. Suddenly reality kicked in. Alice snapped out of her trance to see Legolas looking at her with a shocked expression.

"Oh god," Alice breathed. "I'm so so so so sorry Legolas. I snapped into one of my occasional trances. It happens sometimes. What did I say this time?"
"Some truths about my world," Legolas replied.

"Really?" Alice exclaimed. "That's a first."
"Alice, may I ask why your friend called you "pix" last night?"

Alice giggled. "Oh that... it's because of my ears you see. They're pointed so everyone called me pixie, which is a fabled animal of this world. Pixies are small creatures with pointy ears."

"My kindred has pointed ears similar to yours," Legolas stated. Alice looked at him with a confused glance.
"Oh?"

"You bear strong resemblance to the women of my kindred," Legolas explained. Alice saw him pause. "I wonder if you are an elf sometimes."
"Anything's possible now that I've seen Beth's spells work," Alice replied dryly. "I seriously doubt it, but ya know it could happen."
"My colleagues at Rivendell said words along similar lines," He said. "My mission is to find an elf amongst your people. The Lady Arwen's niece, and Lord Elrohir's daughter, Lindelë. We have searched for her for years. Gandalf, a wizard of a high order discovered she was amongst the humans in this world."

"You have wizards in Mirkwood?" Alice asked, incredulous. "Now I've heard it all."
Legolas shook his head. "Not in Mirkwood. In Middle Earth. Mirkwood is in Middle Earth." Alice nodded in understanding. She looked at her watch.
"Oh great," She muttered. "I promised I'd meet Greg in five minutes by the bush track which leads the gym. That boy is obsessed with his body."

"May I accompany you?" Legolas asked.
"No Legolas," She reprimanded. "It's just that it's best if I talk to him alone. He's prone to getting a bit over emotional and needs psychological help. In fact he needs to be in a straight jacket. Hence, one of the reasons I am dumping him." She then turned on her heel and left the room leaving Legolas chuckling in her wake.

Legolas, somewhat fearful for Alice's safety, but more curious as what she was going to say to Greg and what Greg was going to do, made mental note to follow her. He of course, could not be noticed. His step was light and could not be heard. He had forgotten of course that Alice was possibly an elf therefore having heightened hearing, might be able to hear him but as they say 'curiosity killed the cat,' Legolas just couldn't resist. So with his weapons that he had conveniently gotten back when he had gained Elvish form, he followed Alice out the door and down the gravel garden path and down the bush lined track. She turned around a couple of times to see if someone was watching but turned around again blaming her failing sanity. Legolas forced the urge to laugh out loud back. He slid down the hill after her lightly not making a sound. She got to a clearing while Legolas hid in the bushes behind her.
"Hey babe," Said Greg smoothly taking her hands in his.

"Hi," Replied Alice, somewhat sarcastically, Legolas noticed. The human reached forward to kiss her but Alice tactfully turned her head. "Um Greg... we need to talk..."

"Yes, but not with words," Greg simpered. Legolas didn't quite see what Greg did although he did Alice almost break Greg's wrist.

"God could you be any more sex driven?" He heard her flare.

"Why?" Greg questioned. "You want it, don't you?"

"Shit no!" Alice shrieked. "Get off!" Greg sat back sighing.

"Girls.." Legolas heard him mutter.

"Look, Greg," Alice began. "It's been great. It's been fantastic. But I want out. I'm dumping you, breaking up with you, whatever you want to call it. And I'm not even going to add the 'lets be friends' bit, because as far as I'm concerned, it's probably NOT going to happen." Greg looked like he had been slapped in the face by a cold fish, a rainbow trout to be exact.
"You're joking right?" He asked hysterically. "Yes you're joking." Legolas watched as Greg kissed her fiercely and forced her to the ground. He suddenly couldn't take it anymore. He leapt out from his hiding place, bow drawn.


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Right, that was... crap, crap, and crap! But you know, some chapters have to be, as the widely used saying in my other story "for purposes of the plot." But have your opinion if you absolutely adore it, if you are flaming it for sap contents, don't and WHY are you reading sappy stories anyway?