Heero Yuy: Ryan Demask A
Mission: Accepted
Autobiography of a Gundam Pilot
 
 
Heero Yuy: Ryan Demask A.C. 121, December4th
 
 
"Heero,
 Your last mission is to kill yourself, after this war is over you will be needed no longer. Pass this message onto the other pilots. You have 24 hours from when you get this letter to complete this mission."
 
 
 I received that letter today, almost 6 years late. It makes you feel nice to know your only reason in life was to fight a war and then kill yourself, doesn't it? 5 years ago, I gave up fighting and many of my cold ways. I didn't want to die any more, I had given that up, and now I'm expected to just commit suicide? I'm not ready to die, but I am Heero Yuy, It's expected, for me to follow all orders, therefore I will. 
 
 I'm sure you're wondering why, if I'm not ready to die and don't want to, why I will follow through with this mission. I'm not really sure, but I think it's because, even though I want to live, I still feel in my heart that I don't deserve to live. There are things that happen along a long windy road of memories, which we call our lives. Each day we learn so much more and later look back on ourselves seeing all how foolish we once were. How many times we took the darker road because we were blinded. That little girl, she wanted to live, but because of me, she didn't have a chance to. I wouldn't let her live; I'm the reason she died. But we can never change the past; our bad memories stay locked inside a time capsule scared inside our minds. They may haunt you forever or until that one day when we finally wake up and come to some sort of understanding. When I look back on those time capsules of mine they still haunt me and the one thing I regret most in my short, pointless, life was turning my back on life. I may have saved more lives than where lost at my hands, but I just don't deserve to live. And now what?…Well you're left with the problem of it being too late. Too late to change because your life already had that path of yours planned and cut it off so short.
 
 
 I just feel like as my time winds down I should write some sort of record. My friends are also going to follow through with this mission, though I don't know why. The wars over, they don't need to follow through with it. Maybe they have similar guilt on their heart.
 
 Duo, he was my best friend out of the group, but I wont go into him yet, if at all. My time is running short and I could go on and on about that braided baka for a long time and all the stupid...and great things he's done. Duo always seemed so happy, but I could see through that damn mask of his. Though I still wonder why he wants to be dead. Maybe for the same reason I'm not putting up much of a fight about it…deep down inside I guess I really believe that it must be the only way out. Duo…no, all the other pilots, all my friends, they were my friends, in the end; we all believe it deep down…but is it really true? I wonder… 
 
 Quatre, hm. He was to kind for his own good. Kindness isn't needed in a war, though I'm sure now in this life he's better off with kindness. Quatre was a born leader, so I honestly felt like he should have Wing ZERO, and not me, but it's obvious he wasn't cut out for the ZERO, even if he could use the system. I don't know why he's going through with this mission. Doesn't add up…or I guess it does and I just don't want to admit it.
 
 Wufei, all he ever seemed to talk about was "justice." He even went to the enemy's side to find justice. I really didn't like fighting against him; he was a Gundam pilot, after all. I know it hurt the rest of the pilots that he had gone to the other side. Though, that's Wufei for you. I thought he was happy with his life now, I don't know why he would want to do this either. But if he is like me then deep down…
 
 Trowa, I never got to know him very much. I do however understand him, because our pasts are similar...
 
 We were both brought up to fight; we've been fighting almost all our lives. I was about 4 when I went to live with Odin. I'm still unsure of why I went to live with him, or why it was he I was living with. My parents might even still be alive; it's hard to say. I guess I'll never know. It's too late even for that.
 
 My real name at birth was Ryan. I never cared for that name, and after I went to live with Odin, he would never call me by it. I eventually forgot I even had a name. To remember my real name to put at the top of this paper was quit a task. 
 
 I grew up with an assassin. I'm sure you can tell that's part of the reason I am the way I am. I learned all kinds of fighting techniques while still very young. I never had a childhood. I was always with Odin on an assassination mission of some sort. I never got to eat ice cream and laugh and play. I never got to sit and watch Saturday morning cartoons. I never got to go to elementary school and make friends. How can this be I have accepted my last mission from the one who raised me to be "the perfect solider". To be so cold without feelings or emotions. Maybe it's because deep down I really want to complete this mission…I still can't tell you why, though.
 
 I stayed with Odin until he was killed on a mission. Dr. J then took me in. I was trained to pilot a Gundam. It's all I've ever known. When you spend your whole life on something, and put everything that you are into it, it's hard to change. That's why it was so hard to become friends with any of the other pilots. 
 
 I came to earth during Operation Meteor, and I'm sure the rest is in some history book somewhere. I'm sorry, our plan calls for us all to be dead by midnight, and it's 11:45 right now. I'm still not sure how I will go about the "deed". I'll just burn that bridge when I come to it. I don't have much more time to write. I guess I'll just begin rambling to get down as much as I can. Although what I really want to say may never make it on paper…I don't know if you can even put what I feel on paper.
 
 Relena.... I'm sorry I didn't tell you of my plans, but I knew you'd only get in the way. That's what it seems you always did, you always got in the way. Though, it's you we have to thank for the peace we have right now. I don't deserve any credit, someone as cold hearted as me, doesn't deserve to be called a hero. 
 
 I used to like being called Heero, it made me think that maybe I would be someone someday, and a person worthwhile. I guess my parents never thought I would be worthwhile, because they got rid of me for a reason, which I still don't know. I wanted to be someone, maybe to prove that I could make a difference. I still wonder if I have…
 
 Shit. 11:55. Relena, I did have feelings for you, though I still not sure what they were. I wouldn't call it love, but, then again, how would I know what love is like? If I could take it all back now for you Relena I would. Without love inside, I am dead inside. I wasted my entire life trying to be a perfect solider not once thinking of what it would be like to be a perfect person. A perfect person would be someone who is true to themselves, to others, and to their feelings. That would be a real hero. I wish I could have said something, but I didn't know what to say or even how to say it. 
 
 In just 3 short minutes this world will finally be rid of the 5 boys that turned the world upside down and brought such chaos. They will finally be rid of the 5 boys that eventually brought peace, in their own way, and finally rid of the ones that saved the Earth from destruction. Finally rid of those that were willing so much to risk their lives for what they believed in. No matter what any textbooks may say, or any of the history rewritten by OZ, the Gundam's were not evil. We were the hero's, other than Relena that is. 
 
 Though, like I've said, Duo doesn't deserve credit, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei, don't deserve credit. More than them, I don't deserve credit for anything good. Duo, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, you were the perfect family I never had. You were all my brothers and I will never forget you.
 
 This will be a record, of all that us pilots have been though. Or rather, my record of what pains we had to go through, what I had to go through. I pray, for the sake of 5 young men, that there will not be another war, and that there will be no more Gundams. I don't want another man to suffer like I did. I don't want another man to have to hide pain, like I did. I have always heard the statement "alls fare in love and war", but you know what? It's wrong. I have been in love and I have been in war and look where it got me. My life is now over; my last mission is to kill myself for I am no longer of any use. I've decided that it would be appropriate to just shoot myself. It will get the job done and it will be done quickly. I don't think I can stand any more pain than what I've already been through. Maybe this will rid me of the past pains I have lived with. 
 
 If anyone knows any relatives of a little girl taking Mary for a walk, on a colony in L 1, please tell them I'm sorry, and let them read my story. I am sorry, let them know. 
~Heero Yuy: Gundam pilot 01, Wing Gundam, Wing Gundam ZERO.
 

Authors note: Well I would like to thank my dear friends, Jenna McHenry and Kari Duffy. Without their wonderful talents I would have never been able to get this out. They both sent me an entry for this chapter and I liked them both so much that I decided to use them both. So after copying and pasting again and again I finally was able to put two masterpieces together. Of course I couldn't help but add my two cents, but that it all it is! Just two cents! Most of the writing was done by: Jenna, Heero Luver, and Kari, The Optimistic God of Death. All reviews for this chapter will be forwarded to these authors but if you wish to email them directly,

Jenna, Heero Luver: Sweet_lil_devil870@yahoo.com

Kari, The Optimistic God of Death: Mokuseisenshi@aol.com

Me, Christi, Bishonen Chaser: Christian.m.hall@att.net

I hope you enjoyed the fic if you wish to read more by these authors both of them are on my favorite authors list. Thank you.