Lord of the Fanfics: The Fellowship Against the Canon Police By Alyssa Wood & Samantha Chan

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No comment. Read on if you aren't stupid enough to take it all seriously. And keep the bad reviews coming! I'm going to host them on my website!

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Some Flying Company & Fruitcake!

Sam panicked as she watched Elladan run off with her laptop. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed loudly, dropping to her knees in disbelief.

"We've got to hide!" Alyssa said as she grabbed Sam and ran into the woods.

The Canon police were right on their heels, police dogs and all. The two authors ran as fast as they could, panting and gasping for breath along the way. There was no way they could outrun something that wasn't real...

"What are we going to do?" Sam asked. "Our laptop is gone! Stupid Elladan... I KNEW he was too hot to be trusted."

That was when Alyssa got the most ingenious idea. "DUDE!" she said, pulling out her Harry Potter wand.

Sam looked exasperated. She stared at Alyssa in amazement. "OMG! ALYSSA JANE WOOD! WHY didn't you TELL ME that you have a !@#$%^&* wizard wand??? WHY???" The canon police began to close in, and soon Sam and Alyssa were surrounded.

"GET AWAY!" Alyssa cried, fearlessly, holding her wand out at the people. "I am armed and I'm not afraid!" the wand was now sparkling red and then next minute, it started shooting random things and destroying it. The canon police hesitated for a moment, not know what to do (they never had to go through this. It was a different story...).

Sam looked quite excited and picked up a stick, pretending it was a Harry Potter wand. Sam started charging the Canon Police and sent them scattering...well, until they figured out that the wand was fake. Then they grew meaner...

"Alyssa...what do we do now?" Sam whined.

"Well, thanks to you, Genius, for spoiling the stunt!" Alyssa glared angrily.

Alyssa used the REAL Harry Potter wand and commanded a large sofa (or as Canadians stupidly call it, a CHESTERFIELD) to fall on the canon police. Ta da! A large pink fluffy sofa fell from the sky and landed on top of the troop, squishing them as flat as pancakes.

"You know, Alyssa.The more we run, the more they can charge us for butchering Tolkien's stuff. I mean... that Harry Potter wand keeps coming back..." Sam pointed out.

"Well, I'd rather not let them catch us... I believe in freedom of speech!" she protested.

Before she could carry out a whole dramatic speech on the right to speak an opinion and express oneself in their own form of creativity, the Canon Police brought in the big arms... that's to say, they wheeled in the Canon Cannon... dundundun...

Samantha and Alyssa were stunned. Alyssa closed her eyes and thought really hard and then whispered to Samantha. "Hold on!"

"Wha-?" Samantha wondered, but the next second they were being whirled away in the sky. "AH! ALYSSA!!! WE'RE FLYING! WE'RE FLYING!" but of course how long do you think that was going to last? "ALYSSA! WE'RE FALLING!!! WE'RE FALLING!!!" Samantha started trying to grip the air for something to hold onto, but she could only find Alyssa.

"GET OFF ME, SAM!" Alyssa cried as they fell back into place where they were before. "Look what happened! I lost concentration and we fell! Blasted wand!" Alyssa hit the stick on the side of a brick wall...and accidentally snapped it in half. Samantha went hysterical.

"AH! WE HAVE NO PROTECTION ANYMORE!" Sam cried, running around in circles, not knowing what to do. Alyssa looked up at the sky. There were eagles...large eagles...flying down to them. Samantha looked up, too. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" her face went white in terror. "THERE'S A DRAGON!!! A DRAGON!!!"

"Shut up, Sam!" Alyssa laughed as the dragon flew down and gently picked them up. The two authors could hear voices from above...

But unfortunately, the dragon dropped them as soon as he flew off. The dragon belonged the Canon Police. Samantha cursed. "STUPID PEOPLE!" she shouted on the way down. The two landed right in Legolas' arms.

"YES!" Alyssa cried embracing Legolas. "I love you, Legolas!"

"No, duh!" Legolas replied sarcastically. "Now how many times have I heard that?

"You saved our lives! You're my hero!" Alyssa added.

"Ok, Alyssa now shut up!" Samantha jumped out of Legolas' arms and looked back up. "Oh no..."

"What?" Alyssa asked, still holding on to Legolas for dear life.

"They have an eagle army...isn't that illegal?" Samantha pondered.

"So you two are the ones being chased around here?" Gimli laughed when he found his elf friend and the two authors (one hanging off him). "The Poe- lease has been here several times. This isn't the place to be..."

A soft horn could be heard in the distance and Sam collapse. "This is getting so difficult!" Samantha cried to no one. "How are we supposed to write a fanfic if we can't break a few rules???"

"Basically, it comes down to this: no writing fanfics at all," Alyssa replied, jumping down from Legolas. "I think we're trapped now. We're out of ideas..."

A plothole came again and poured out five thousand fruitcakes and another laptop. This time, it was Alyssa's. "YES!" Alyssa cried, grabbing her laptop. "MY LAPTOP!"

Samantha laughed and jumped for joy. Then decided to organize the fruitcake for ammo. Soon, the Canon Police caught them and they were cornered.

"SURRENDER!" some lunatic called over the microphone.

"NO!" Samantha replied, grabbing some fruitcakes and throwing it at them. "WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER!"

Alyssa sat busily behind the computer screen and was writing as fast as she could. She had to get them somewhere soon or else they would be in trouble. A few tranquilizers were shot and hit her in the back, but from her zest after meeting Legolas, they had no affect. The eagles closed in, but one by one, they fell to the wrath of the fruitcake. Yum!

"Alyssa, what are you doing over there? Hurry up!" Samantha cried, throwing some more fruitcake. "Just get us out of here!"

Alyssa made some final taps and they were transported to another place...back home...