If you've read enough Hermione/Snape fanfics, you might have noticed what a lot of them have in common.

Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters and I make no money off of them.

THE 60-SECOND STANDARD FORMULA HERMIONE/SNAPE FANFIC

Hermione: "Boy, I'm brilliant. Haven't found anyone really smart enough to excite me, though."

Snape: "Yep, glad I'm a mean (and really smart) bastard and by myself. Sure wouldn't want to be involved with anyone."

Hermione: "Oh, look, there's my old teacher. Boy, I hate him. But, all of sudden I realize he's really smart and kind of weirdly attractive."

Snape: "Look, there's my former student. What an annoying know-it-all! I loathe her. I have always loathed her. I will always loathe her." Pauses. "Hey, she's got some tits now! (I mean, I suddenly realize that, underneath those modest robes, her body has blossomed into womanhood). Wonder what she's like in bed?"

Hermione: "I really hate you. And you've got a big nose."

Snape: "You're contemptible. And I completely deny that I find you attractive."

Hermione: "Wanna fuck?"

Snape: "Not yet, we've gotta have a little more sexual tension first."

Hermione: "Okay, okay. Ah...you're mean too!"

Snape: "Yeah, but I'm certainly not sad, lonely and depressed...much. And I complete deny that I find you attractive."

Hermione: "Wanna fuck now?"

Snape: "Okay, but give me a minute to turn from a selfish bastard into a wonderfully considerate and unbelievably endowed lover."

Scenes of mad fucking. Unless the author keeps interrupting them just before things get interesting and draws it out for 30 chapters. Then comes the wild fucking.

Hermione: "Well, that was fun, what do we do now?"

Snape: "Well, either I continue to do a 180 degree turn-around in character, or one of us has to die."

Hermione: "Wanna draw straws?"