Chapter 8: Dishonorable Duel
HELGA
This better be the right way Sheena!!
SHEENA
Of course it is, my parents take me out here all the time...
HAROLD
Holy crap... what the hell is that!!!
"It was Helga, Gerald, Harold, and Phoebe being lead to the hippie camp by Eugene and Sheena."
GERALD
Sounds like a stampede...
EUGENE
We better hide...
SHEENA
The camp is just ahead... let's at least get close to it!
"They huddled close to the edge of the natural boundary that protected the camp, a somewhat steep cliff. It was climbable, but it took a bit of effort. The sound was getting louder and louder. Helga looked up the cliff, and saw Arnold on top of the hill. She didn't care about the stampede, she had to get close to him..."
HELGA
I'm going in...
PHOEBE
Wait!
"It was too late. Helga started scaling the cliff. Behind her, she saw that it was a stampede of bulls charging towards the cliff. She yelped, but continued climbing."
CHORUS
Hurrah, Hurrah, Toreador...
Hurrah, Hurrah, Curlimillio!!
HELGA
ARNOLD!!
"Arnold instinctively fired the pistol at Helga, he had yet to see her. Out of fear she dropped into some brush... Curly, who was at the head of the stampede waved his arms in the air. He removed his hat, which had a bullet hole in it..."
CURLY
Hold, hold good sir!!
CHORUS
Sir... if you will!!
CURLY
We come in peace...
ARNOLD
Who are you?
CURLY
I am Curlimillio, Torero of Hillwood!
ARNOLD
Curlimillio?
"Arnold dropped down from the cliff, and got a good look at the man."
ARNOLD
CURLY!!!
CURLY
Yes it is I, do I know you?
ARNOLD
How do you not know me... we grew up together!
CURLY
Wait a minute... Sir Arnold?
ARNOLD
Yes it is me sir! I heard you were a bullfighter, but I hardly believed it...
CURLY
Well, may I enter?
ARNOLD
Of course you're welcome! Pray tell me though, what is your business here?
CURLY
I come on a mission of love.
ARNOLD
Love?
CURLY
Yes... I seek the lady Lila.
ARNOLD
LILA!!!
CURLY
Yes, I believe she was being courted by another young man, but she has been visiting me much lately, I believe that is over, after all, her love affairs never last for more than six weeks.
HELGA
(thinking) Figures.
ARNOLD
But still, in spite of this fact, you love her?
CURLY
Well I suppose, she's a challenge, gives me a thrill.
"Arnold was angry at Lila mostly, but still, he hated Curly's attitude. He jumped down from the hill, dropping in front of his new enemy."
ARNOLD
I must inform you sir... the bandits that live here don't take kindly to you removing their women, at least without pay...
CURLY
Of course, I shall pay what is necessary.
ARNOLD
Then DRAW!!!
"Arnold drew his sword and pointed it at Curly, who was taken aback for a second."
ARNOLD
En guarde!
CURLY
So you are him!! Very well then... Café au lait!!
"Curly drew his sword, and the two fought. Meanwhile, back down the cliff..."
SHEENA
Oh my, they're dueling up there!!!
EUGENE
We must stop them before they get hurt!
"Eugene started to rush up the mountain, when Gerald pulled him back."
GERALD
We can't go up there, Arnold might get distracted...
"Meanwhile elsewhere in the camp..."
SID
All right, Nadine and Rhonda... I kinda caught on to the fact that you both like me, and I like you both too. But I think I love Nadine more so...
RHONDA
What are you talking about Sid?
NADINE
What ever gave you that idea?
SID
But... I.. I over heard ... you said I was brave and stuff...
RHONDA
Sid, we were talking about Curly...
SID
WHAT!!!!!!
"Curly and Arnold's duel was getting more deadly. Arnold had already pricked Curly in the arm, but he himself had been slightly stabbed in the leg."
CURLY
Phooey! This fight needs music. Oh boys!!!
CHORUS
Contests of brute strength, wrestling in the mud!!
Curly's the best!
Arnold's a dud!!
"Enraged by the insults of the chorus, Arnold fought even fiecer, Curly was having a difficult time matching his thrusts."
CHORUS
Lila, you should really get a clue!
Curlimillio's for you!!
ARNOLD
If you leave here now, I'll allow you to live.
CURLY
Silence!!!
CHORUS
Arnold is last week's news...
He's overdue!
Curly's the one for you!
"At that moment, Curly's sword flew from his hands, and landed far from him... Arnold moved closer..."
ARNOLD
Now, I shall slay you, villain!
HELGA, GERALD, PHOEBE, and pretty much everyone else:
WHAAAAT!!!
EUGENE
Umm... I think its a good time to intervene now...
"All the kids below came charging up in an attempt to keep Arnold from being a murderer, but it was clear they weren't gonna make it. Luckily someone else did, Lila jumped between the two."
LILA
Stop!!!
ARNOLD
YOU!!!
LILA
What the hell is going through your head!!!
GERALD
Arnold!!!
ARNOLD
Gerald? Harold? Eugene?
EUGENE
And Phoebe and Sheena, I wonder where Helga got off to.
"Arnold was being held back from strangling Lila by Harold and Gerald."
ARNOLD
Let me go!!
GERALD
Arnold man, you wanna go to jail or something?
"Curly kissed Lila's hand."
CURLY
Thank you for saving my life, my dear...
"Lila blushed a little, but kept looking at Arnold."
LILA
Not here... I don't want him to be hurt...
CURLY
Oh him!!! Well my nemesis, perhaps we shall continue this duel some day, whenever you desire.
"Sid, Stinky and the girls came running out of the camp. Sid glared at Curly."
SID
YOU!!! Get out of here, now!!! We're leaving anyway, come on Lila!
CURLY
Fine, I'll be off. But first, I invite all of you to my bullfight, on the sabbath! Those who love me shall come, right Lila? Come men!!
CHORUS
Toreador, love waits you!!
"Curly and his men wandered off into the distance, the bulls following."
STINKY
Hey, lookee over there... Helga?
ARNOLD
Helga?
SID
Come on Arnold, it isn't safe here anymore, we have to leave.
LILA
No, he is not coming with us...
HELGA
Arnold, how could you do this? Your mother, she is ill with worry of you!
ARNOLD
My mother... Helga, I...
HELGA
Not just her, EVERYONE has been worried about you, including me.
LILA
Go with them Arnold.
ARNOLD
You will shutup... You have caused me enough suffering, why, why!!! I will not leave you!
HELGA
You stupid Football head!
GERALD
Geeze man, what the hell has happened to you...
LILA
This kind of life, my kind of life, is not for you. Please go back with them...
HELGA
Your mother might be dieing!!!!
ARNOLD
No... No, oh god, no... I... I'm sorry everyone... I, I'll go with you...
"He took Helga's hand. She melted, and he started to follow his friends."
STINKY
See ya later Arnold!
NADINE
Yeah, we'll be at the bullfights if you wanna meet us.
SID
Damn bullfights...
"Before they had left, Arnold let go of Helga, and charged back to Lila. He looked her in the eye."
ARNOLD
You my dear, we will meet again, this I promise you!!
"He went back to Helga, who had a look of dread on her face. Lila just snickered. As they left, Arnold could hear distant singing."
CHORUS
Hail le Toreador!!
Prend guarde et toi, Lila!!
HELGA
This better be the right way Sheena!!
SHEENA
Of course it is, my parents take me out here all the time...
HAROLD
Holy crap... what the hell is that!!!
"It was Helga, Gerald, Harold, and Phoebe being lead to the hippie camp by Eugene and Sheena."
GERALD
Sounds like a stampede...
EUGENE
We better hide...
SHEENA
The camp is just ahead... let's at least get close to it!
"They huddled close to the edge of the natural boundary that protected the camp, a somewhat steep cliff. It was climbable, but it took a bit of effort. The sound was getting louder and louder. Helga looked up the cliff, and saw Arnold on top of the hill. She didn't care about the stampede, she had to get close to him..."
HELGA
I'm going in...
PHOEBE
Wait!
"It was too late. Helga started scaling the cliff. Behind her, she saw that it was a stampede of bulls charging towards the cliff. She yelped, but continued climbing."
CHORUS
Hurrah, Hurrah, Toreador...
Hurrah, Hurrah, Curlimillio!!
HELGA
ARNOLD!!
"Arnold instinctively fired the pistol at Helga, he had yet to see her. Out of fear she dropped into some brush... Curly, who was at the head of the stampede waved his arms in the air. He removed his hat, which had a bullet hole in it..."
CURLY
Hold, hold good sir!!
CHORUS
Sir... if you will!!
CURLY
We come in peace...
ARNOLD
Who are you?
CURLY
I am Curlimillio, Torero of Hillwood!
ARNOLD
Curlimillio?
"Arnold dropped down from the cliff, and got a good look at the man."
ARNOLD
CURLY!!!
CURLY
Yes it is I, do I know you?
ARNOLD
How do you not know me... we grew up together!
CURLY
Wait a minute... Sir Arnold?
ARNOLD
Yes it is me sir! I heard you were a bullfighter, but I hardly believed it...
CURLY
Well, may I enter?
ARNOLD
Of course you're welcome! Pray tell me though, what is your business here?
CURLY
I come on a mission of love.
ARNOLD
Love?
CURLY
Yes... I seek the lady Lila.
ARNOLD
LILA!!!
CURLY
Yes, I believe she was being courted by another young man, but she has been visiting me much lately, I believe that is over, after all, her love affairs never last for more than six weeks.
HELGA
(thinking) Figures.
ARNOLD
But still, in spite of this fact, you love her?
CURLY
Well I suppose, she's a challenge, gives me a thrill.
"Arnold was angry at Lila mostly, but still, he hated Curly's attitude. He jumped down from the hill, dropping in front of his new enemy."
ARNOLD
I must inform you sir... the bandits that live here don't take kindly to you removing their women, at least without pay...
CURLY
Of course, I shall pay what is necessary.
ARNOLD
Then DRAW!!!
"Arnold drew his sword and pointed it at Curly, who was taken aback for a second."
ARNOLD
En guarde!
CURLY
So you are him!! Very well then... Café au lait!!
"Curly drew his sword, and the two fought. Meanwhile, back down the cliff..."
SHEENA
Oh my, they're dueling up there!!!
EUGENE
We must stop them before they get hurt!
"Eugene started to rush up the mountain, when Gerald pulled him back."
GERALD
We can't go up there, Arnold might get distracted...
"Meanwhile elsewhere in the camp..."
SID
All right, Nadine and Rhonda... I kinda caught on to the fact that you both like me, and I like you both too. But I think I love Nadine more so...
RHONDA
What are you talking about Sid?
NADINE
What ever gave you that idea?
SID
But... I.. I over heard ... you said I was brave and stuff...
RHONDA
Sid, we were talking about Curly...
SID
WHAT!!!!!!
"Curly and Arnold's duel was getting more deadly. Arnold had already pricked Curly in the arm, but he himself had been slightly stabbed in the leg."
CURLY
Phooey! This fight needs music. Oh boys!!!
CHORUS
Contests of brute strength, wrestling in the mud!!
Curly's the best!
Arnold's a dud!!
"Enraged by the insults of the chorus, Arnold fought even fiecer, Curly was having a difficult time matching his thrusts."
CHORUS
Lila, you should really get a clue!
Curlimillio's for you!!
ARNOLD
If you leave here now, I'll allow you to live.
CURLY
Silence!!!
CHORUS
Arnold is last week's news...
He's overdue!
Curly's the one for you!
"At that moment, Curly's sword flew from his hands, and landed far from him... Arnold moved closer..."
ARNOLD
Now, I shall slay you, villain!
HELGA, GERALD, PHOEBE, and pretty much everyone else:
WHAAAAT!!!
EUGENE
Umm... I think its a good time to intervene now...
"All the kids below came charging up in an attempt to keep Arnold from being a murderer, but it was clear they weren't gonna make it. Luckily someone else did, Lila jumped between the two."
LILA
Stop!!!
ARNOLD
YOU!!!
LILA
What the hell is going through your head!!!
GERALD
Arnold!!!
ARNOLD
Gerald? Harold? Eugene?
EUGENE
And Phoebe and Sheena, I wonder where Helga got off to.
"Arnold was being held back from strangling Lila by Harold and Gerald."
ARNOLD
Let me go!!
GERALD
Arnold man, you wanna go to jail or something?
"Curly kissed Lila's hand."
CURLY
Thank you for saving my life, my dear...
"Lila blushed a little, but kept looking at Arnold."
LILA
Not here... I don't want him to be hurt...
CURLY
Oh him!!! Well my nemesis, perhaps we shall continue this duel some day, whenever you desire.
"Sid, Stinky and the girls came running out of the camp. Sid glared at Curly."
SID
YOU!!! Get out of here, now!!! We're leaving anyway, come on Lila!
CURLY
Fine, I'll be off. But first, I invite all of you to my bullfight, on the sabbath! Those who love me shall come, right Lila? Come men!!
CHORUS
Toreador, love waits you!!
"Curly and his men wandered off into the distance, the bulls following."
STINKY
Hey, lookee over there... Helga?
ARNOLD
Helga?
SID
Come on Arnold, it isn't safe here anymore, we have to leave.
LILA
No, he is not coming with us...
HELGA
Arnold, how could you do this? Your mother, she is ill with worry of you!
ARNOLD
My mother... Helga, I...
HELGA
Not just her, EVERYONE has been worried about you, including me.
LILA
Go with them Arnold.
ARNOLD
You will shutup... You have caused me enough suffering, why, why!!! I will not leave you!
HELGA
You stupid Football head!
GERALD
Geeze man, what the hell has happened to you...
LILA
This kind of life, my kind of life, is not for you. Please go back with them...
HELGA
Your mother might be dieing!!!!
ARNOLD
No... No, oh god, no... I... I'm sorry everyone... I, I'll go with you...
"He took Helga's hand. She melted, and he started to follow his friends."
STINKY
See ya later Arnold!
NADINE
Yeah, we'll be at the bullfights if you wanna meet us.
SID
Damn bullfights...
"Before they had left, Arnold let go of Helga, and charged back to Lila. He looked her in the eye."
ARNOLD
You my dear, we will meet again, this I promise you!!
"He went back to Helga, who had a look of dread on her face. Lila just snickered. As they left, Arnold could hear distant singing."
CHORUS
Hail le Toreador!!
Prend guarde et toi, Lila!!
