Chapter 9: What's Wrong with Arnold

"Although his grandparents forgave him, he was grounded for a month. Arnie was still living with them, his mother thought he would get in the way as she tended to her sister. Arnold and Helga visited Arnold's mother, who was slowly recovering from her depression."
ARNOLD
You're so pale...
MOTHER
I'll live... now that you're hear.
"Arnold grasped his mother's hand."
ARNOLD
I wish I could stay longer...
MOTHER
Could you leave the room for a second, I want to talk to Helga.
ARNOLD
Umm... ok.
"Arnold left, somewhat confused."
MOTHER
So... How did things go?
HELGA
He still can't get over Lila. I'm... worried about him. He hasn't been acting like himself lately. I mean, he's had his other crushes before, but nothing as intense as this. Phil has allowed his friends to come over, but he doesn't even want to see them
MOTHER
This is serious... I want to talk to him again.
HELGA
All right.
"When she went to get Arnold, she noticed a very odd picture. It was of Arnold and Arnie, both about four years old, and neither one of them was smiling. They both were giving each other an evil look. She looked around for more pictures of the cousins, and found two, one where Arnold and Arnie were fighting over an toy truck, and another where Arnie was pushing Arnold down. All the other pictures where they weren't together, Arnie just looked like his usual miserable self, and Arnold looked happy. She found Arnold in Arnie's room, which was devoid of anything except a big box of plain-flavored gum, a little kids counting game, a huge lint ball, and numerous candy wrappers and packages. There wasn't even a bed."
HELGA
Geeze, Arnie is weird, huh Arnold?
ARNOLD
I hate him.
HELGA
Why do you hate him so much?
ARNOLD
I... can't explain it. I never really liked him, but I did feel sympathy towards him when he was young and lacking in brain power. Now that he's smart, he's conniving and cruel.
HELGA
Umm... your mother wants to talk to you.
ARNOLD
Ok...
"Arnold made his way back to his mother. Helga noticed one last picture of Arnold in the room, they were about nine years old in it. Arnie had a dull expression on his face, and Arnold looked like he was scared to death of the weirdo."
MOTHER
Arnold... Helga tells me you've been acting strange.
ARNOLD
I'm perfectly fine, thank you.
MOTHER
Arnold, I know there's something wrong, I can tell. I am your Mother.
ARNOLD
Its just, well... something about Lila makes me so depressed.
MOTHER
Well, you should let Helga and your other friends try to comfort you.
ARNOLD
I know...
MOTHER
Then do it!!!

"He did do it. The very first day he got back, he invited Gerald, Harold, and Eugene over his house to play cards. The conversation was light at first, the guys mostly wanted to know about his trip."
OSCAR
Hey guys, you're playing cards, mind if I join?
ARNOLD
I guess.
OSCAR
So, what are you playing, poker?
ARNOLD
Yeah.
OSCAR
How much is a chip worth?
ARNOLD
Umm... We're not playing for money.
OSCAR
Then what's the point!
ARNOLD
Go away Oscar...
"When Oscar left, they played in silence for awhile. Gerald was the next one to speak."
GERALD
Hey man, where's your cousin at?
ARNOLD
I haven't seen him since I got back. I have no idea what to say to him. He might challenge me to a duel, and I'm not up for fighting."
HAROLD
If you do duel, I'll be your second.
GERALD
Yeah, me too.
EUGENE
Umm... I guess I'll be one too.
ARNOLD
Good, I don't think he would dare to fight me if I have three seconds, I doubt anyone would be his second. Umm... actually, Eugene, I think it would be better if you weren't my second.
EUGENE
Yeah.
ARNOLD
Harold, have you heard from Sid and Stinky?
HAROLD
Yeah, I only got a letter though. They're definitely going to be at the bull fight tomorrow.
ARNOLD
Hmm...

"Meanwhile, at an unknown section of the woods, Sid and his gang had made camp. While Rhonda and Nadine were washing in the river, Sid got whiny.
SID
I hate Curly!!!
LILA
You leave him alone!
SID
I'll do what I want.
"Sid took out a piece of flint and started sharpening his dagger."
SID
Yeeesss....
LILA
If you even touch him, I swear that I'll kill you!!
"He tried to retain his posture, but Sid looked nervous. He knew it was not a good idea to cross Lila, she was capable of harsh vengeance."
SID
I'll leave him alone if you set me up with Nadine.
LILA
I'll... do what I can, don't get your hopes up.
SID
I'm gonna go buy some food. See ya later.
"Sid left, and Stinky finished with the tent he was setting up."
STINKY
Well howdy Miss Lila, how are you on this fine evening.
LILA
*sigh* I'm fine Stinky...
STINKY
Welp, you don't sound too fine to me.
LILA
You wouldn't want to hear it.
STINKY
Sure I do, if it'll make ya feel better.
LILA
I don't know what's wrong, I'm... I'm such a rotten person!
STINKY
Don't say that.
LILA
Why not!! I'm a thief, a man-eater, and I'm real close to being a murderer!!
STINKY
*sigh* Whatever happened to the old Lila, the one that used to tell all those darn funny jokes and was always so nice.
LILA
She's dead.
STINKY
Aww come on!! Let me see if I can think up one of dem jokes, umm, what was that one about the cow?
LILA
Oh come on, it wasn't even that funny.
STINKY
Sure it was!! At least, I always thought it was funny. At least it wasn't dirty like all those other jokes they tell nowadays.
LILA
*giggle* You're ever so sweet Stinky.
STINKY
Aww, shucks. Hey, I ain't heard you say "ever so" for almost two years now!
LILA
Really? Well, I better go wash up.
STINKY
Cya later.
LILA
Oh and Stinky. Thanks ever so much!
STINKY
You're very welcome Miss Lila!

"It was evening at the border house, and all the guys had left. Helga stopped by to pay Arnold a visit. They were watching television in the foyer. Helga snuggled up close to him on the couch."
HELGA
Arnold...
ARNOLD
I'm sorry about running off. I know now I shouldn't have left.
HELGA
What do you mean?
ARNOLD
Cause I missed you.
"She blushed hard, and he put his arm around her."
ARNOLD
Are you ok with that?
HELGA
Of course I am.
"He moved in to kiss her, but then Arnie walked into the room."
ARNIE
Oh, if it isn't the criminal mastermind.
"Helga growled and stood up, waving her fist menacingly."
HELGA
Get out of here now you freak!!!
ARNOLD
Helga, calm down... I'll handle this.
ARNIE
You can't handle anything, let alone me. It seems you couldn't handle Lila either, considering you're shacking up with this ugly stick.
HELGA
I'll kill you!!!
ARNOLD
Helga, go home.
HELGA
What?
ARNOLD
I said, go home.
"Helga snickered, but started walking towards the door. She stopped for a second next to Arnie."
HELGA
Never interrupt us again, or you'll regret it. This I promise you!
"She slammed the door on the way out. Arnold stood up, and pinned Arnie against a wall."
ARNOLD
What is your problem anyway!!! I don't even like Lila anymore!!!
ARNIE
Yes you do.
ARNOLD
How the hell would you know!!!
ARNIE
Cause I know you.
ARNOLD
You don't know anything about me!!
ARNIE
You'd be surprised as to how much I know.
ARNOLD
Why do you keep bothering me! I haven't done a thing to you, and here you are, insulting my friend!
ARNIE
Oh, so she's a friend now.
ARNOLD
Just leave me alone!
"Arnold stormed up to his room, as Arnie smiled evilly."
ARNIE
Be careful dear cousin. People do irrational things when they're angry.

"Arnold couldn't fall asleep. He sat in his bed for about three hours just thinking. When he finally fell asleep, he had an awful nightmare. He was in the same corn field from his nightmare about Arnie. It had been six years ago, but he almost instantly recognized it. He got dizzy, and sat down. Suddenly, Lulu appeared next to him."
LULU
You can't resist me Arnold.
ARNOLD
Shutup!!!
"Next, Hilda suddenly appeared next to him."
HILDA
I'm sorry Arnold, I just don't like you that way, I'm in love with Arnie.
ARNOLD
NO! That's not it!! This whole place, its the opposite!
"Lulu and Hilda dissapeared. Out of the fog, Arnie started approaching him. He was hideous, disfigured, and barely alive. The monster carried a huge scythe. Arnold got up, and started running. He looked behind to see Arnie getting closer and closer, even though he was only walking. Finally, Arnold fell down exhausted."
ARNIE
You're mine Arnold. You know what I am, I bring out the evil in you. And now, say goodbye to your soul!
"Arnie brought the sickle down on Arnold's head, but he woke up. Almost immediately, he jumped out of bed, his heart filled with anger and fear. He looked out his window, it was morning, time for the bullfights. He ran downstairs, and looked into the foyer, and saw Arnie, fast asleep."
ARNOLD
It was only a dream. It was only a dream.
"He felt weak. He thought about Lila, it made the blood rush to his head. He groped his way into the kitchen, and removed something from one of the drawers. He grabbed a coat, and left the house. Arnie got up and looked out the window. He saw Arnold limping down the street. When he saw what his rival was holding, it made him grin.