Chapter 11: Final Duel
HELGA
Let go of me you bastard!
ARNIE
I didn't appreciate that blow to my face! Be careful, this sword goes where it wants when it wants! Oh, here comes lover boy now.
"Arnold, Harold, and Gerald froze with fear at the sight of Arnie. He held a sword threateningly close to Helga, who was tied to a tree."
ARNOLD
Let her go.
ARNIE
Oh yeah, suuure.
GERALD
What do you want anyway?
ARNIE
Gee, I didn't think about that.
ARNOLD
Come on, Helga has nothing to do with this! Lila doesn't like me anymore, why do you keep tormenting me?
ARNIE
Cause, you always got the good stuff! Back in the day, my parents loved you more than they loved me!!! I even remember one day my mother said, "Arnold is just a better looking version of Arnie." Then my dad said, "He's a lot smarter too!". Then Helga liked you, then LILA liked you, GOD!
ARNOLD
So!!! That doesn't mean you take it out on me!!!
HAROLD
Geeze, that whole parents jealousy sounds kinda familiar.
GERALD
A lot of people are jealous like that, its a repeated plotline (wink).
ARNIE
Oh shutup! I'm also evil to the core! Are those your seconds!
ARNOLD
Yeah.
ARNIE
Well send them away!!!!
ARNOLD
Ok guys, get out of here...
GERALD
WHAT!!
ARNOLD
He'll hurt Helga, just go, please...
GERALD
All right, good luck Arnold.
"Gerald and Harold slowly backed out of the grove of trees."
HAROLD
Cops?
GERALD
Good thinkin bubba.
HAROLD
Don't call me that!!!!
HELGA
Arnold!
ARNIE
You're gonna shutup!!
"He slightly pricked her shoulder."
HELGA
Aaahh!!! You...
ARNOLD
NOOO!!!
ARNIE
Don't move!!! It's time Arnold, you ready for the duel of your life!!!
"Arnold and Arnie's blades flashed in the noon sun. Neither seemed to gain ground on the other. Arnold slashed Arnie's shoulder."
ARNIE
Aarrghh!! Eeerr!! Oh, you'll pay for that!!!
"Arnie charged Arnold, swinging his sword back and forth. Arnold ducked just in time, and pricked Arnie in the leg. However, Arnie spun around and made a gash in Arnold's neck. He jumped back up and continued fighting. He caught a glimpse at Helga, who was fumbling with, "something", trying to get loose."
ARNOLD (thinking)
What's she doing?
"Because he was distracted, Arnie was able to gain a lot of ground. Arnold was getting tired, and a hard blow finally knocked the sword out of his hand."
ARNIE
Heh heh, now, say goodbye to your life.
"Arnie's was bringing down his sword, when he suddenly stopped. His face contorted with pain, and he dropped to his knees. Arnold saw Helga behind him, holding a bloody dagger."
HELGA
Told you not to interrupt me!!
ARNIE
Uhgrr... you bi.....
"Arnie had apparently fallen unconscious. Helga dropped the dagger and got down on her knees."
HELGA
Are you all right?
ARNOLD
Yeah I think so...
HELGA
Oh Arnold...
"All right, so they kissed for awhile and stuff till the cops showed up. With Gerald, Harold, and Arnold acting as witnesses, Helga was cleared of charges. Arnie was taken to the hospital, Arnold didn't want to squeal on him, but the cops forced it out of them. He was charged with kidnapping. About a week later, Arnold held a party at his house, it was the last time he was going to see one half of his friends."
ARNOLD
Are you sure guys?
SID
Serious jail time man, serious.
"On Sid's arm was Nadine, on Stinky's arm was Lila."
ARNOLD
Rhonda's parents are taking care of all of you?
NADINE
Yup, they've have been very nice.
HELGA
So Miss Perfect, I guess I owe you an apology...
LILA
For what Helga?
HELGA
Ohh... I kinda, played a bunch of pranks on you and stuff for a few years, nothing big...
LILA
Helga...
"Lila gave Helga a hug."
LILA
I was being ever so mean to you, I know it. I shouldn't have been hanging around with Arnold when I knew you liked him, I guess I was trying to get at you too.
"Then she gave Arnold a hug a kissed him on the cheek. She whispered into his ear..."
LILA
Thank you ever so much...
"She went back to Stinky. Her clothing had changed, she was wearing her favorite color, green. She hadn't worn anything but red for a long time."
ARNOLD
Hey, where's Rhonda?
STINKY
I recon she's with her new boyfriend.
SID
He's coming too.
ARNOLD
Who?
"In answer, Arnold heard loud singing coming from the street. He looked out the window to see Curly, marching with his chorus, Rhonda on his arm. Arnold invited them in, and they all gathered round to hear Curly and his Chorus."
CURLY
Hurrah, hurrah, le victory!!!
CHORUS
Hurrah for Curlimillio.
CURLY
For on this day, love is for certain.
CHORUS
No more foolish guessing games.
CURLY
A black haired beauty is the one me!
CHORUS
Rhonda and Curlimillio!
"Arnold surveyed the rest of his roof. Harold was with Patty, and Gerald was with Phoebe."
ARNOLD
Seems everyone has someone, eh Helga?
HELGA
I've been waiting my whole life to be with you, Football head. I feel, complete now. So what happened to Arnie.
ARNOLD
He'll get jail time. I wish it didn't have to be that way, I'll visit him.
HELGA
I'll come, can't let him get his hands on you.
"He smiled and kissed her."
CHORUS
All here is satisfying!
CURLY
Love and pleasure, the things we need.
CHORUS
With plenty of wine, and matches made in heaven!
CURLY
All can live happily!!! L'opera est fini!!!
That means the opera's over. That was fun. All right, as you all know, this was based on the Opera, Carmen, and the following characters played the following parts.
Lila - Carmen
Arnold - Don Jose
Curly - Escamillio
Helga - Micaela
Arnie - Zuniga
Harold - Morales
Sid - Dancairo
Stinky - Rememdado
Rhonda - Mercedes
Nadine - Frasquita
Gerald, Phoebe, Sheena, and Eugene played themselves.
Summary of Carmen:
This will be brief. Micaela comes to Seville looking for her cousin Don Jose, delivering a letter from his mother. Don Jose is in the army, and the soldiers sort of scare Micaela away with their brashness. Don Jose comes on the scene, and is told about Micaela by his fellow soldier Morales. Carmen the gypsy shows up, and dances the Habanera for Don Jose, cause she likes him. He doesn't like her, but he keeps the flower she throws him. She leaves, and Micaela shows up, and gives Don Jose the letter. He decides he will marry her, but then, he is called away cause of an attack in the cigarette factory. Carmen is placed under arrest by Zuniga, Don Jose's lieutenant. Carmen is able to seduce Don Jose into letting her free. He is jailed. Later, at an inn, Escamillio, the bullfighter tries to impress Carmen, but fails. The other gypsy smugglers are ready to leave the inn to go to their hideout, but Carmen waits for Don Jose. He refuses to leave with her, but Zuniga, who is jealous, attacks him. Two of the gypsy men, Dancairo and Rememdado capture Zuniga. Don Jose agrees to escape with Carmen. At the hideout, Carmen plays a game with her friends, Mercedes and Frasquita that determines their future. Carmen receives the death card. Later that night, Escamillio shows up, he is looking for Carmen, who he has been secretly courting. When Don Jose hears this, he attacks Escamillio. Carmen throws herself between the two men. At this time, Micaela shows up at the gypsy camp and begs Don Jose to come with her. He agrees, but not before threatening Carmen. At the bullfights, Carmen is with Escamillio. She hears Don Jose is at the bullfight, apparently stalking her. She meets up with him, and tells him to leave her alone. He begs her to come with him, but she refuses. Enraged, he kills her.
Obviously, I wasn't going to have Arnold kill Lila, so I think I pulled off a pretty good Arnoldy ending. I don't hate Lila, I actually think she's sweet, VERY ANNOYING, but still sweet. The fact that she gets in the way of Arnold and Helga makes her twice as annoying, but I can't hate her. She's had a crappy life after all, but still stays optimistic(maybe she'd be good with Eugene). I've always loved Sid, I think he's pretty cool, and very funny. I have been fascinated by the concept of Arnie being like an anti-Arnold, so I figured he would play a perfect villain. And, of course, Helga and Arnold have to end up together. I hope they have a happy ending in the show too. I'm done, peace, love, and happiness! Arnold Rules!
HELGA
Let go of me you bastard!
ARNIE
I didn't appreciate that blow to my face! Be careful, this sword goes where it wants when it wants! Oh, here comes lover boy now.
"Arnold, Harold, and Gerald froze with fear at the sight of Arnie. He held a sword threateningly close to Helga, who was tied to a tree."
ARNOLD
Let her go.
ARNIE
Oh yeah, suuure.
GERALD
What do you want anyway?
ARNIE
Gee, I didn't think about that.
ARNOLD
Come on, Helga has nothing to do with this! Lila doesn't like me anymore, why do you keep tormenting me?
ARNIE
Cause, you always got the good stuff! Back in the day, my parents loved you more than they loved me!!! I even remember one day my mother said, "Arnold is just a better looking version of Arnie." Then my dad said, "He's a lot smarter too!". Then Helga liked you, then LILA liked you, GOD!
ARNOLD
So!!! That doesn't mean you take it out on me!!!
HAROLD
Geeze, that whole parents jealousy sounds kinda familiar.
GERALD
A lot of people are jealous like that, its a repeated plotline (wink).
ARNIE
Oh shutup! I'm also evil to the core! Are those your seconds!
ARNOLD
Yeah.
ARNIE
Well send them away!!!!
ARNOLD
Ok guys, get out of here...
GERALD
WHAT!!
ARNOLD
He'll hurt Helga, just go, please...
GERALD
All right, good luck Arnold.
"Gerald and Harold slowly backed out of the grove of trees."
HAROLD
Cops?
GERALD
Good thinkin bubba.
HAROLD
Don't call me that!!!!
HELGA
Arnold!
ARNIE
You're gonna shutup!!
"He slightly pricked her shoulder."
HELGA
Aaahh!!! You...
ARNOLD
NOOO!!!
ARNIE
Don't move!!! It's time Arnold, you ready for the duel of your life!!!
"Arnold and Arnie's blades flashed in the noon sun. Neither seemed to gain ground on the other. Arnold slashed Arnie's shoulder."
ARNIE
Aarrghh!! Eeerr!! Oh, you'll pay for that!!!
"Arnie charged Arnold, swinging his sword back and forth. Arnold ducked just in time, and pricked Arnie in the leg. However, Arnie spun around and made a gash in Arnold's neck. He jumped back up and continued fighting. He caught a glimpse at Helga, who was fumbling with, "something", trying to get loose."
ARNOLD (thinking)
What's she doing?
"Because he was distracted, Arnie was able to gain a lot of ground. Arnold was getting tired, and a hard blow finally knocked the sword out of his hand."
ARNIE
Heh heh, now, say goodbye to your life.
"Arnie's was bringing down his sword, when he suddenly stopped. His face contorted with pain, and he dropped to his knees. Arnold saw Helga behind him, holding a bloody dagger."
HELGA
Told you not to interrupt me!!
ARNIE
Uhgrr... you bi.....
"Arnie had apparently fallen unconscious. Helga dropped the dagger and got down on her knees."
HELGA
Are you all right?
ARNOLD
Yeah I think so...
HELGA
Oh Arnold...
"All right, so they kissed for awhile and stuff till the cops showed up. With Gerald, Harold, and Arnold acting as witnesses, Helga was cleared of charges. Arnie was taken to the hospital, Arnold didn't want to squeal on him, but the cops forced it out of them. He was charged with kidnapping. About a week later, Arnold held a party at his house, it was the last time he was going to see one half of his friends."
ARNOLD
Are you sure guys?
SID
Serious jail time man, serious.
"On Sid's arm was Nadine, on Stinky's arm was Lila."
ARNOLD
Rhonda's parents are taking care of all of you?
NADINE
Yup, they've have been very nice.
HELGA
So Miss Perfect, I guess I owe you an apology...
LILA
For what Helga?
HELGA
Ohh... I kinda, played a bunch of pranks on you and stuff for a few years, nothing big...
LILA
Helga...
"Lila gave Helga a hug."
LILA
I was being ever so mean to you, I know it. I shouldn't have been hanging around with Arnold when I knew you liked him, I guess I was trying to get at you too.
"Then she gave Arnold a hug a kissed him on the cheek. She whispered into his ear..."
LILA
Thank you ever so much...
"She went back to Stinky. Her clothing had changed, she was wearing her favorite color, green. She hadn't worn anything but red for a long time."
ARNOLD
Hey, where's Rhonda?
STINKY
I recon she's with her new boyfriend.
SID
He's coming too.
ARNOLD
Who?
"In answer, Arnold heard loud singing coming from the street. He looked out the window to see Curly, marching with his chorus, Rhonda on his arm. Arnold invited them in, and they all gathered round to hear Curly and his Chorus."
CURLY
Hurrah, hurrah, le victory!!!
CHORUS
Hurrah for Curlimillio.
CURLY
For on this day, love is for certain.
CHORUS
No more foolish guessing games.
CURLY
A black haired beauty is the one me!
CHORUS
Rhonda and Curlimillio!
"Arnold surveyed the rest of his roof. Harold was with Patty, and Gerald was with Phoebe."
ARNOLD
Seems everyone has someone, eh Helga?
HELGA
I've been waiting my whole life to be with you, Football head. I feel, complete now. So what happened to Arnie.
ARNOLD
He'll get jail time. I wish it didn't have to be that way, I'll visit him.
HELGA
I'll come, can't let him get his hands on you.
"He smiled and kissed her."
CHORUS
All here is satisfying!
CURLY
Love and pleasure, the things we need.
CHORUS
With plenty of wine, and matches made in heaven!
CURLY
All can live happily!!! L'opera est fini!!!
That means the opera's over. That was fun. All right, as you all know, this was based on the Opera, Carmen, and the following characters played the following parts.
Lila - Carmen
Arnold - Don Jose
Curly - Escamillio
Helga - Micaela
Arnie - Zuniga
Harold - Morales
Sid - Dancairo
Stinky - Rememdado
Rhonda - Mercedes
Nadine - Frasquita
Gerald, Phoebe, Sheena, and Eugene played themselves.
Summary of Carmen:
This will be brief. Micaela comes to Seville looking for her cousin Don Jose, delivering a letter from his mother. Don Jose is in the army, and the soldiers sort of scare Micaela away with their brashness. Don Jose comes on the scene, and is told about Micaela by his fellow soldier Morales. Carmen the gypsy shows up, and dances the Habanera for Don Jose, cause she likes him. He doesn't like her, but he keeps the flower she throws him. She leaves, and Micaela shows up, and gives Don Jose the letter. He decides he will marry her, but then, he is called away cause of an attack in the cigarette factory. Carmen is placed under arrest by Zuniga, Don Jose's lieutenant. Carmen is able to seduce Don Jose into letting her free. He is jailed. Later, at an inn, Escamillio, the bullfighter tries to impress Carmen, but fails. The other gypsy smugglers are ready to leave the inn to go to their hideout, but Carmen waits for Don Jose. He refuses to leave with her, but Zuniga, who is jealous, attacks him. Two of the gypsy men, Dancairo and Rememdado capture Zuniga. Don Jose agrees to escape with Carmen. At the hideout, Carmen plays a game with her friends, Mercedes and Frasquita that determines their future. Carmen receives the death card. Later that night, Escamillio shows up, he is looking for Carmen, who he has been secretly courting. When Don Jose hears this, he attacks Escamillio. Carmen throws herself between the two men. At this time, Micaela shows up at the gypsy camp and begs Don Jose to come with her. He agrees, but not before threatening Carmen. At the bullfights, Carmen is with Escamillio. She hears Don Jose is at the bullfight, apparently stalking her. She meets up with him, and tells him to leave her alone. He begs her to come with him, but she refuses. Enraged, he kills her.
Obviously, I wasn't going to have Arnold kill Lila, so I think I pulled off a pretty good Arnoldy ending. I don't hate Lila, I actually think she's sweet, VERY ANNOYING, but still sweet. The fact that she gets in the way of Arnold and Helga makes her twice as annoying, but I can't hate her. She's had a crappy life after all, but still stays optimistic(maybe she'd be good with Eugene). I've always loved Sid, I think he's pretty cool, and very funny. I have been fascinated by the concept of Arnie being like an anti-Arnold, so I figured he would play a perfect villain. And, of course, Helga and Arnold have to end up together. I hope they have a happy ending in the show too. I'm done, peace, love, and happiness! Arnold Rules!
