Thanks for the reviews, peoples! Now here's chapter three:

CHAPTER 3: Family Ties


Logan was sitting on the couch in the rec room, watching TV.

(SCOTT: Where's the clue? I don't see the clue!)

(KIDS: It's over there, moron!)

Logan enjoyed watching Blue's Clues. Not the old season, but the new season. He found watching Scott being pushed around by little kids to be quite hilarious.

(SCOTT: Oh! Mr. Ketchup and Mrs. Mustard have sprayed the dirty window with Windex! What should I do next?)

(KIDS: Lick it off!)

(SCOTT: That's right! Lick it...wait a minute. Are you sure that's in the script?)

(DIRECTOR: Do whatever the little kids say, man!)

(SCOTT: Er..okay...*lick lick lick* Yuk! Alwight kidz, now thath the winnow ith cleann, leth wook for our nex cue!)

Normally, this would have left Wolverine in stitches, but there was someone else watching the show with him: Caillou. The little brat was sitting on the other end of the couch, eyes glued to the TV. The only reason that Logan hadn't kicked him out, however, was that the show was actually keeping the kid quiet.

Bobby walked in. "Hey, Logan! Have you seen Hank anywheres?" he asked.

"He ran screaming through here 'bout half an hour ago."

"Ran? Was his fur on fire?"

"No. Should it have been?"

"No...but that's what happened the last time he ran around screaming."

"How'd it catch on fire?"

"Botched experiment."

"Hank screwed up?!"

A sheepish expression appeared on Bobby's face. "Not Hank, actually..."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Ya don't have ta tell me. But what did ya want Hank for?"

"I've got a scientific question to ask him!"

Logan snorted. "If ya want to know the chemical make-up of Sugar Bombs, just read the label, Popsicle."

"Ha ha. This has nothing to do with Sugar Bombs!"

"Then I guess yer just gonna have ta wait till Hank gets back, then."

Bobby's face fell. "I guess your right...wait a minute!" A huge smile appeared. "YOU can help me!"

"THERE IS NO WAY IN FLAMIN' HELL I'M EVER GONNA HELP YOU IN ONE OF YER HAIRBRAINED SCHEMES, DRAKE!!!" Logan roared.

Undaunted, Bobby continued. "I need you to get a blood sample from Caillou!"

A smile slowly spread across Logan's face. An evil, twisted smile that would scare the heck out of even the most seasoned criminal. He turned his head slowly to Caillou and popped a claw.

"This is gonna be sweet!"

"I want my mommy," whimpered Caillou.

* * *

If one were to scan the grounds just outside the mansion, one may see the pair of binoculars sticking out of one of the larger bushes. Attached to those binoculars was a pair of large, furry hands. Hank was keeping both eyes peeled on the mansion, ready for the first sign of furniture-induced trouble.

"Hmmm....things seem to be quiet in sector one," he muttered to himself under his breath. "Those mechanical aberrations are still inhabiting sector two, however. I must keep tabs on their progress, as I simply do not trust any of them."

He continued to scan the area.

"All seems quiet in sector three as well...oh, my! It would appear that Rogue has once again forgotten to close the blind on her window! Hmmm...now seems to be as good a time as any to review my knowledge of basic anatomy..."

* * *

In The Lab:


"What do ya think yer doin', Bobby?"

"Now that we've got the sample, we've gotta test it!"

"Hold on there one flamin' minute! Firstly, what the hell are you testing it for, and secondly, do you have any idea what yer doin'?"

"Firstly, I've just got this hunch. Secondly, I've seen Hank do this about a million times!" said Bobby, as he started gathering various pieces of equipment and paraphernalia off Hank's normally festidiously tidy shelves. A couple of pieces fell and shattered on the floor.

"And I suppose that watchin' Hank makes you an expert?"

"How hard can it be? You put the sample in a test tube...*crash*...oops!" He grabbed another test tube off the shelf. "Then you put it in the centrifugal thingamajig...errmph!"

The centrifugal thingamajig wouldn't open.

"Let's try that again....errmph! Arrrmph!!! OPEN, DAMMIT!!!"

"So ya know what yer doin', huh?" Logan sneered.

"It's just stuck, that's all! I wonder if Hank keeps a crowbar around here..."

Bobby started searching for something he could use to pry open the centrifuge with. He accidentally knocked a bottle of sulfuric acid behind the wooden desk. The wood started turning black.

* * *

Meanwhile, outside:

"Hmmm...nice...VERY nice..."

* * *

Back in the Lab:

Sniff. Sniff. "Hey, Bobby?" said Logan as he sniffed the air. "Do you smell something burning?"

"Errmph...argh... AH HA! IT'S OPEN!"

"DRAKE!"

"What?!"

"I said, do you smell something burning?!"

"No, I...hmmmm...now that you mention it..."

It was then that the side of the desk suddenly burst into flames.

Logan grabbed Bobby by shirt collar and pulled him away from the fire.

"Where's the fire extinguisher?!" cried Bobby.

"YOU'RE IT!"

"Oh, yeah! I forgot!" Bobby replied, then iced down the desk. The flames disappeared.

"Is this how ya caught Hank on fire?"

"No, not really. That incident involved a huge explosion..."

* * *

Back Outside:

Hank watched in dismay as Rogue suddenly looked right at him, glowered and flipped him 'the bird', then lowered the blind.

"Oh, my," he said to himself nervously. "Now may be a good time to start searching for a better hiding place. Hmm...sector two is still crowded...perhaps sector four would prove more fruitful in the search for...OH MY STARS AND GARTERS! THE ICEPOP IS DESTROYING MY LAB!!!"

A massive blue ball of fur flew out of the bush and bolted back to the mansion.

* * *

In The Lab:

"Okay. Now all we hafta do is put the test tube in the thingamajig, close it, and turn it on!"

Logan cautiously observed Bobby as he placed the test tube in the centrifuge, then closed it. He waited. And waited.

"Well? What're you waiting for?"

"Where's the 'ON' button on this thing?"

Just then, Beast burst in through the door, armed with a pair of fire extinguishers.

"HOLD ON, HANK!" shouted Logan. "The fire's out!"

Hank slowly lowered the extinguishers as he surveyed the remnants of his lab. "Robert," he said, biting back a sob. "wh..what in all of this world have you been doing to my beautiful, precious, companionable laboratory?"

"Hank, you've REALLY got to start dating, again," Logan commented.

"I was just trying to do an experiment," Bobby explained as Hank trudged solemnly over to his defrosting desk. "There's this blood sample that I wanted to test, but I couldn't find you, and all this mess is really your fault..."

Hank stared at him. "MY fault?!"

"Yeah, YOUR fault!" Bobby insisted. "I got this idea in my head and you weren't around to stop me!"

"He's got a point there, Blue."

"YOU were here!" Hank cried. "Why did YOU not stop him?!"

Logan just shrugged his shoulders.

Hank sighed, then opened the centrifuge and peeked inside. Sighing deeply, he set about preparing it in the proper fashion.

"Now that we have the test results, my frosty friend - whom, I might point out is hereby responsible for keeping my laboratory neat and tidy for the next month..."

Bobby groaned.

"...what in the world do you want me to do with it?"

Bobby's expression brightened a bit. "Just compare it to the DNA samples you've got on file!"

Hank stared at him, uncertainty plastered allover his face, then went over to his computer.

Rogue burst in through the door.

"BOBBY DRAKE!!!" she shouted. Bobby instinctively dove for cover under Hank's desk.

"I SAW YOUR BINOCULARS PEEKIN' AT ME FROM THE BUSHES!" Rogue yelled as she grabbed Bobby by the scruff of his shirt and hauled him out. "NOW 'FESS UP SO I CAN POUND YOU GOOD AND PROPER!!!"

"B...b..but I didn't do it!!" Bobby whimpered.

Logan stepped in. "The kid's right, Rogue. He was with me the whole time."

Rogue slowly lowered a grateful Bobby to the floor.

"If it wasn't YOU, then jus' who was it?" she growled.

Hank remained unusually silent as he perused the DNA files. Then he saw something that shocked him.

"Oh, my stars and garters!" he exclaimed.

"Jackpot!" cried Bobby happily.

"Jus' what the heck's been goin' on in here?" asked Rogue.

Hank printed the information and tore the sheet from the printer. "I do not believe it! I simply, positively, resolutely DO NOT believe it!"

"Can the dramatics and just tell us what it is, Hank!" Logan ordered.

Hank looked up from the paper and stared at Bobby.

"I am utterly impressed down to my boxers, Popsicle!" he exclaimed. "How did you possibly figure it out?"

Bobby swelled with pride. "I told you, it was a hunch! Just how many bald-headed kids have YOU seen in YOUR lifetime?"

By now, Rogue and Logan were getting quite angry. "WHAT?!" they shouted together.

Hank looked at them. "There is a 99.9 per cent chance that Caillou is Xavier's son!"

"What?!"

* * *

Like I said, I don't know where this is going. But if you would like me to continue, please let me know! Thanks.

Note: I do not believe for an instant that Hank would ever spy on any of the X-Women, but it's just a sillific.