CHAPTER 7: Bob's Revenge
The next week or so at the X-mansion passed quietly; uneventfully. Uneventfully for the X-men, but not so for Bob and the machines.
By day, they were very active little machines making repairs about the mansion. But by night, they became very active little machines bent on revenge!!! Under the instruction of their leader, Bob (whose official codename is now WrenchGuy), they constructed a copious arsenal with which to mount an attack upon the unsuspecting X-men. (Well, all but ONE of the X-men were unsuspecting). The professor didn't have a clue what was going on, because let's face it, no one really gives a damn about what's on a little machine's mind.
No one suspected them that is, except Beast. He rarely spent any time in the mansion anymore. He had constructed an observation deck on the grounds, and camouflaged it with branches and leaves. And being the super-intelligent mind that he was, installed a phone so that he could call for pizza whenever hunger hit him (obsessed or not, fuzzy blue geniuses need to eat, too!)
He watched them, day and night, keeping tabs on their progress, making copious notes on his laptop (he had installed solar panels as well). Everyday he sent a progress report to the professor via e-mail. Unfortunately, prof X, the owner of the greatest mind in the entire world, didn't have a clue how to use e-mail. He kept the computer in his office for show. Nobody knew that the machine didn't even work. (It was where Xavier hid his secret cookie stash.)
And so, as the e-mails remained unanswered, Beast became more and more worried that the professor just wasn't taking him seriously. (Don't ask me why he didn't think to tell anyone else, but this is MY fic and the thought never occurred to him, alright?!) Therefore, Hank came to the grim conclusion that, if the X-Men were to survive Bob's onslaught, then he, the Beast, would have to be the one to save them all.
* * *
Bob examined himself in the mirror. He was wearing his new super-villain costume: a red spandex suit with a purple cape and a matching helmet.
"You go, guy!" he commented to his reflection, following it up with a wink. Then he turned to face his cohorts, the machines (hereby dubbed the MeanTeam).
"Action stations, MeanTeam!"
The machines assembled themselves appropriately.
"Are we ready?" cried Bob.
"Yes we are!!!" the machines shouted back excitedly.
"Can we kill them?" Bob cried, working the machines into a frenzy with his exceedingly charismatic (*snicker*) auditorial wit.
"YES WE CAN!"
Silence.
"Muck!" Bob hissed.
"Oops...I forgot I was filling in for Lofty. Okay...er...I think so!"
"Let's go, MeanTeam!"
And off they went.
* * *
The X-Men were all assembled in the rec room. Well, almost all of them. Bob decided that he would take out Beast later, if the furry mutant ever showed up.
Rogue, Remy and Logan were playing pool. The rest were assembled in front of the TV, looking rather glossy-eyed.
Nobody noticed Bob walk in.
Bob attempted to laugh evilly. "Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"
"What the hell was that?" Logan asked.
Jubes answered him. "I think Perriwinkle's coughin' up another hairball..."
"Hey! Down here!"
The X-Men looked to where the voice had come from, and finally spotted Bob.
"Aaaaah! Magnus!" cried the Professor. "You...you shrank!"
"I did not shrink!"
Wolverine glanced furtively around the room, panic evident in his eyes. "The rest of them X-babies ain't gonna pop outta the woodwork, are they?" he asked nervously.
"I am NOT Magneto! I am NOT an X-baby! I am...WRENCHGUY!!!"
"No, no," Xavier insisted. "You're definitely Magneto. Only smaller."
"Yeah, only Magneto would wear such a fashion no-no as red and purple," Jean added.
The rest of the X-Men nod in agreement.
Bob started to claw at the helmet, as if trying to get at his hair.
"For the last time, I AM NOT MAGNETO!!! I AM WRENCHGUY!!!"
"Well, if ya didn't want ta be mistaken for Magneto, why the hell did ya dress like him?" asked Logan.
"I AM NOT dressed like..."
"If you're going to become a new supervillian, the least you can do is think of something at least psuedo-original for your costume," suggested Bobby.
"But I..."
"Couldn't ya think up a better name than that?" Jubilee piped up. "I mean, come on. WrenchGuy? That's pretty lame-o if ya ask me..."
"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!! I was merely trying to say that...aw, screw it! Dizzy, activate the power-taker-awayer mechanism!!!"
"Right away, Bob...er...I mean, WrenchGuy!"
"Power-taker-awayer mechanism?" Jubilee repeated. "That's all you could come up with? Yeesh! What kind of a super-villain are you?"
Dizzy activated the mechanism. The X-Men were rendered powerless. Jubilee opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came forth. Apparently, her excruciatingly annoying voice was a secondary mutation.
"Oh-no! We're doomed!" Prof X wailed.
"Not as long as I've still got these!" Wolverine snarled as he popped his claws and lunged at Bob...er...I mean, WrenchGuy.
WrenchGuy whipped out another mechanism, activated it, and Wolverine suddenly crashed into the wall of a force field and landed on the floor with a loud thud.
"Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! Give it up, X-Men! You are no match against WrenchGuy and his MeanTeam! You are at our mercy! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!"
"You know, that laugh is really starting to get annoying," Storm commented, frowning.
"Yeah," agreed Iceman. "If you're serious about becoming a real villain, you've got to work on making that laugh believable. I mean, it doesn't even send shivers down my spine..."
"Shut-up! SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP!!! That's it! Muck, hand me my death-ray!"
"Oooooh, now THAT'S original," said Jean, rolling her eyes.
"I WAS going to be merciful. I WAS going to give you a chance to make up for what you did. But NOW, the only thing I'm going to give you is a chance to grovel at my feet before I kill you all! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!"
Silence.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Jean nudged the Professor. "Wake up!" she hissed.
"Zzz...*snort* huh?....oh...is it time for my medication?"
"AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" screamed WrenchGuy, overcome by utter frustration. "Prepare to die!!!" he added, aiming his deathray at the rather bored-looking group.
* * *
Oh, no! A cliff-hanger! What's going to happen to the X-Men? Will Bob..er..I mean, WrenchGuy, have his revenge?! Tune in next time, for the final chapter of Bob, the Newest X-Man!
* * *
BEAST: Oh, my stars and garters! You desperately require a life, my dear!
ME: Hey, that wasn't very nice!
BEAST: I was merely making an observation.
ME: Be good or no Twinkie.
BEAST: .....
ME: Good boy.
The next week or so at the X-mansion passed quietly; uneventfully. Uneventfully for the X-men, but not so for Bob and the machines.
By day, they were very active little machines making repairs about the mansion. But by night, they became very active little machines bent on revenge!!! Under the instruction of their leader, Bob (whose official codename is now WrenchGuy), they constructed a copious arsenal with which to mount an attack upon the unsuspecting X-men. (Well, all but ONE of the X-men were unsuspecting). The professor didn't have a clue what was going on, because let's face it, no one really gives a damn about what's on a little machine's mind.
No one suspected them that is, except Beast. He rarely spent any time in the mansion anymore. He had constructed an observation deck on the grounds, and camouflaged it with branches and leaves. And being the super-intelligent mind that he was, installed a phone so that he could call for pizza whenever hunger hit him (obsessed or not, fuzzy blue geniuses need to eat, too!)
He watched them, day and night, keeping tabs on their progress, making copious notes on his laptop (he had installed solar panels as well). Everyday he sent a progress report to the professor via e-mail. Unfortunately, prof X, the owner of the greatest mind in the entire world, didn't have a clue how to use e-mail. He kept the computer in his office for show. Nobody knew that the machine didn't even work. (It was where Xavier hid his secret cookie stash.)
And so, as the e-mails remained unanswered, Beast became more and more worried that the professor just wasn't taking him seriously. (Don't ask me why he didn't think to tell anyone else, but this is MY fic and the thought never occurred to him, alright?!) Therefore, Hank came to the grim conclusion that, if the X-Men were to survive Bob's onslaught, then he, the Beast, would have to be the one to save them all.
* * *
Bob examined himself in the mirror. He was wearing his new super-villain costume: a red spandex suit with a purple cape and a matching helmet.
"You go, guy!" he commented to his reflection, following it up with a wink. Then he turned to face his cohorts, the machines (hereby dubbed the MeanTeam).
"Action stations, MeanTeam!"
The machines assembled themselves appropriately.
"Are we ready?" cried Bob.
"Yes we are!!!" the machines shouted back excitedly.
"Can we kill them?" Bob cried, working the machines into a frenzy with his exceedingly charismatic (*snicker*) auditorial wit.
"YES WE CAN!"
Silence.
"Muck!" Bob hissed.
"Oops...I forgot I was filling in for Lofty. Okay...er...I think so!"
"Let's go, MeanTeam!"
And off they went.
* * *
The X-Men were all assembled in the rec room. Well, almost all of them. Bob decided that he would take out Beast later, if the furry mutant ever showed up.
Rogue, Remy and Logan were playing pool. The rest were assembled in front of the TV, looking rather glossy-eyed.
Nobody noticed Bob walk in.
Bob attempted to laugh evilly. "Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"
"What the hell was that?" Logan asked.
Jubes answered him. "I think Perriwinkle's coughin' up another hairball..."
"Hey! Down here!"
The X-Men looked to where the voice had come from, and finally spotted Bob.
"Aaaaah! Magnus!" cried the Professor. "You...you shrank!"
"I did not shrink!"
Wolverine glanced furtively around the room, panic evident in his eyes. "The rest of them X-babies ain't gonna pop outta the woodwork, are they?" he asked nervously.
"I am NOT Magneto! I am NOT an X-baby! I am...WRENCHGUY!!!"
"No, no," Xavier insisted. "You're definitely Magneto. Only smaller."
"Yeah, only Magneto would wear such a fashion no-no as red and purple," Jean added.
The rest of the X-Men nod in agreement.
Bob started to claw at the helmet, as if trying to get at his hair.
"For the last time, I AM NOT MAGNETO!!! I AM WRENCHGUY!!!"
"Well, if ya didn't want ta be mistaken for Magneto, why the hell did ya dress like him?" asked Logan.
"I AM NOT dressed like..."
"If you're going to become a new supervillian, the least you can do is think of something at least psuedo-original for your costume," suggested Bobby.
"But I..."
"Couldn't ya think up a better name than that?" Jubilee piped up. "I mean, come on. WrenchGuy? That's pretty lame-o if ya ask me..."
"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!! I was merely trying to say that...aw, screw it! Dizzy, activate the power-taker-awayer mechanism!!!"
"Right away, Bob...er...I mean, WrenchGuy!"
"Power-taker-awayer mechanism?" Jubilee repeated. "That's all you could come up with? Yeesh! What kind of a super-villain are you?"
Dizzy activated the mechanism. The X-Men were rendered powerless. Jubilee opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came forth. Apparently, her excruciatingly annoying voice was a secondary mutation.
"Oh-no! We're doomed!" Prof X wailed.
"Not as long as I've still got these!" Wolverine snarled as he popped his claws and lunged at Bob...er...I mean, WrenchGuy.
WrenchGuy whipped out another mechanism, activated it, and Wolverine suddenly crashed into the wall of a force field and landed on the floor with a loud thud.
"Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! Give it up, X-Men! You are no match against WrenchGuy and his MeanTeam! You are at our mercy! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!"
"You know, that laugh is really starting to get annoying," Storm commented, frowning.
"Yeah," agreed Iceman. "If you're serious about becoming a real villain, you've got to work on making that laugh believable. I mean, it doesn't even send shivers down my spine..."
"Shut-up! SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP!!! That's it! Muck, hand me my death-ray!"
"Oooooh, now THAT'S original," said Jean, rolling her eyes.
"I WAS going to be merciful. I WAS going to give you a chance to make up for what you did. But NOW, the only thing I'm going to give you is a chance to grovel at my feet before I kill you all! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!"
Silence.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Jean nudged the Professor. "Wake up!" she hissed.
"Zzz...*snort* huh?....oh...is it time for my medication?"
"AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" screamed WrenchGuy, overcome by utter frustration. "Prepare to die!!!" he added, aiming his deathray at the rather bored-looking group.
* * *
Oh, no! A cliff-hanger! What's going to happen to the X-Men? Will Bob..er..I mean, WrenchGuy, have his revenge?! Tune in next time, for the final chapter of Bob, the Newest X-Man!
* * *
BEAST: Oh, my stars and garters! You desperately require a life, my dear!
ME: Hey, that wasn't very nice!
BEAST: I was merely making an observation.
ME: Be good or no Twinkie.
BEAST: .....
ME: Good boy.
