The Southern Fried Harry Potter Chapter 6

Notes are at the bottom of the chapter. Enjoy!

Back at 'Dursley Manor' the winds of change were strong. Dirk refused to be in the same room as Harry, and had trouble enough whenever Harry was in the trailer at all. Uncle Vern and Aunt Daisy did their best to just avoid him.

Harry spent a lot of time to himself in his RV. Probably just as well too since his owl, whom he had named Hetty, kept coming home with dead mice. Harry reckoned that Aunt Daisy wouldn't think very much of that.

When September 1st was only a couple of days away, Harry approached Uncle Vern. In the process he managed to send Dirk scurrying out of the living room by mere presence. "Uncle Vern" started Harry, "I need to be at the Kings Station on the 1st. Could you give me a ride?"

Uncle Vern grunted, which Harry took as a yes.

"Gotta to be in town on the 1st anyway, otherwise you'd be high and dry" Uncle Vern muttered.

"Why are you going to be in town?" asked Harry, trying to be conversational.

Uncle Vern gave Harry a very uncertain glance, and said "Gotta git that pigtail removed, and I don't wanna take him to nobody we know."

"Oh, I see" said Harry, not sure what else to say.

"What the hell you taking a bus for anyway? Yer off to become a wizard ain'tchya? What? They run out of magic carpets for all y'all? Only have short broomsticks to haul kids to school?" He said that last part with a very nervous chuckle. "Where is this..school..anyway?"

Harry had never thought to ask. "I don't know" he blurted out before he could think. Uncle Vern only spasmed harder with laughter. "Oh, that's good. Going off to catch a bus to take you to a train going somewhere you have no idea where. I swear, none of y'all are firing on all eight. I don't think ya got eight to begin with, probably only four, and still not hitting on all of'em!" He had worked himself up into one of his laughing fits, and all signs of nervousness had left him at this point.

Harry decided he wasn't going to miss this one little bit.

Uncle Vern turned back to whatever it was he was engrossed in, signaling the end of their little conversation.

August 31st found Harry ready to leave. He had already packed. He wasn't taking much other than the new things he and Hack had picked up at Diagon Alley. He tossed in a few clothes and his favorite tennis shoes, he'd be wearing his favorite jeans and boots and figured he would change into his robes on the train.

Harry was up by 5am. He even did his chores just to pass the time. Soon Uncle Vern, Aunt Daisy, and Dirk all emerged from 'Dursley Manor' and got in the truck. Aunt Daisy managed to talk Dirk into riding in the back seat with Harry, but Dirk put as much space as possible between them. Harry resigned himself to having a very quiet ride into town.

When they arrived in town, Uncle Vern's first stop was the bus station. Harry presumed they were glad to be rid of him, and he was probably right. Uncle Vern even unloaded Harry's old but very large suitcase, held together by an old belt run around the outside. But that's as much help as Harry was going to get. Uncle Vern half set it down, half let gravity take over, tossed Harry a glance that was somewhere between 'glad you're gone' and 'get the hell out', got back in his truck and they were gone. Dirk treated him to faces and gestures as they pulled away.

"Good riddance" thought Harry.

The bus ride was uneventful, although the cage and Hettie did draw a lot of stares. Wasn't often anybody in that area ever saw someone with an owl in a cage. But, like most folks in the area, they just glanced for a few minutes, and returned to minding their own business.

When the bus arrived at the big station in downtown Dallas, Harry already knew the way to the Union Station to catch the train. He drug his luggage along until he was inside the station, then dug out his ticket. It was then that he realized, to his horror, he didn't think he was in the right place. His ticket clearly said "Hogwarts Express" on it, and listed the track number as 9 ¾. Harry looked around and did not see any signs pointing to any tracks with numbers that included fractions.

Harry swallowed hard. Had Hack forgotten to tell him something? Was he in the wrong station? Hard to believe that since Dallas only has one station. He looked everywhere for a sign saying "9 ¾" but failed to find it.

He didn't want to approach one of the stewards, both for fear of making a fool of himself and possible getting into some sort of trouble. He wondered if this was going to be similar to the entry to Diagon Alley from behind the Cracked Kettle, but he had absolutely no idea where to start.

It was pure serendipity that he caught sight of a smallish group of people pushing luggage carts, one with what appeared to be a similar sized cage as what he had. Harry decided to follow them to see where they went. The group of people, all red haired, stopped in one of the corridors and seemed to huddle for just a moment. There was a large-ish, portly woman, an older boy, a pair of twins, a younger boy about Harry's age, and a little girl. Harry looked around nervously, afraid he was being too conspicuous. When he looked back at the group, he noticed the cage was gone, and so was the oldest boy!

Harry was certain he had not turned away for that long. If the older boy had come his way he'd have surely seen him, and if he had gone the other way he should still be in sight.

During his wonderment he saw one of the twins take a luggage cart (which did not seem to have a big cage) and start walking down the hall. Harry tried to keep an eye on him, but thanks to a handful of other passengers the boy simply disappeared! Harry had no idea where he had gone off to.

Harry decided to approach the group for help. They were obviously talking amongst themselves and he didn't wish to intrude when the other twin took off in the same direction. Again Harry tried to watch him, but it seemed as if he had been headed towards one of the pillars one moment, then next he was simply not there.

"Um, s'cuse me." Harry stammered. The woman turned and greeted him with a friendly smile. "Excuse me, I was wondering if, well."

"You want to know how to get to track 9 ¾?" she asked, her voice that buttery-smooth southern belle type.

"Yes" Harry said, almost hurriedly, with a sigh of relief.

The woman chuckled politely. "Not to worry, it's Ron's first year as well" obviously referring to the young boy remaining. "All you need to do, is walk towards that pillar, between tracks 9 and 10, from the south side. Best to do it at a good clip if yer nervous."

Harry looked at where she had indicated. His first thoughts were 'that's it?' but then he wondered if he needed to do anything else. He supposed not, thanked the woman, and headed for the pillar. He walked briskly, trying to put her advice into action. Fortunately as he approached, he was distracted by the public address system blaring without warning. He looked up towards where the sound was coming from and before he knew it he was in darkness. A few more steps, and he emerged into the Texas sun on a concrete landing, complete with a sign that said "9 ¾" and a magnificent red steam locomotive.

He was certain he was where he needed to be now. He saw all sorts of people with animal cages and baggage carts full of luggage. Owls and cats eyed each other suspiciously, the owls hooting at one another and the cats meowing their discontent. There was a mixture of kids here, obviously everywhere from first years to graduate students Harry figured. And nobody was in robes, all where wearing regular 'street clothes.' Harry soon learned that wasn't entirely true. He did see the older red-haired boy walking up and down the landing, pointing some people in certain directions, and when he got close enough to the twins taking a fair amount of chiding before he returned to one of the lead cars of the train.

Harry also noticed a round faced boy who seemed to be looking for something he must have dropped. "Granny" he heard the boy say, "I've lost him again." The older woman with high just gave a practiced sigh and said "Oh Neville." Harry got the distinct impression this must happen a lot with the boy.

He noticed one boy with very odd hair, Harry think he had seen someone on television with that hairstyle once and heard it called 'dreadlocks', had a box with air holes in it and was getting many reactions from the small crowd that had gathered around him.

Harry also noticed everybody was putting their luggage into the cars themselves. He wheeled his cart towards an open spot near the end of the train, and started taking things off of his baggage cart. Harry was almost conspicuously alone, handling his luggage, when the twins appeared.

"Li'l help?" they offered, not really asking so much as just helping without a reply.

With a small struggle they got Harry's things onto the train. "Thanks!" said Harry, who wiped his brow after the effort. It was quite warm this time of year, after all.

It was then that Harry noticed the twins were regarding Harry with puzzled looks. Harry stopped what he was doing and looked back at them, probably just as puzzled. "What?" Harry asked innocently.

"Whuzzat?" one of the twins inquired, pointing at Harry's forehead. "It's you, ain't it?" said one of them. "He is" said the other "ain't you?"

"What?" said Harry.

"You're Harry Potter" they said simultaneously, but quietly.

"Oh" Harry said, relieved. "Yes, I'm him. Er, that's me, yes."

The twins gawked at him. Harry felt uncomfortable, and found his rescue in the familiar voice of the twins' mother. "Fred? George? Come and help Ron with his stuff."

"Coming Ma!" they said. With a last look at Harry, they scurried off to help their younger brother. Harry took a seat on the train by a window. He was mostly hidden from the red haired family but could hear everything they said.

Their mother had just produced a handkerchief and proceeded to make an attempt and cleaning something off of the younger boy's face. "Ron, you got somethin' on yer nose." The youngest boy tried valiantly to dodge his mom's handkerchief with only limited success. "Mommm" the boy complained, "lay off!"

"Aw.has the baby carrot gone something on his nose?" one of twins chided.

"Shut up!" replied the boy.

"Where's Percy?" asked the mother.

"Here he comes" answered one of the twins in a very annoyed tone.

The oldest boy arrived, still in his robes, and Harry noticed a very shiny silver badge on his chest, like a cock-sure sheriff out of a western, except Harry noticed it featured the letter P prominently.

"I cain't dawdle 'round here Mom, all the Prefects 'r up front in the first two compartments" said the older boy.

"Oh" piped one of the twins, "are you a Prefect Percy?" he asked, spraying the older boy with spittle as he pronounced 'prefect.' "You shoulda said somethin', we had no ah-dee-ah!"

"Hold yer horses" said the other twin, "I seem to recall him sayin' something about it. Maybe once."

".or twice" said the other twin.

"a minute. All summer!" they both said.

"Oh shut yer traps, both of ya" said Percy The Prefect, who turned and headed towards the front of the train.

"How come Percy gets new robes, anyway?" asked one of the twins.

"B'cause he's a Prefect, that's why" answered the mom fondly, leaving no room for discussion.

"Alright dears. Have a good semester. Send an owl when you get there. And this year, you two" she pointed almost threateningly at the twins "behave yourselves. I don't want to get any more owls from the principal saying you've blown up a toilet, or."

"Blown up a toilet?" cried one of the twins. "We've never done no such thang! But it's a great idea, thanks Mom!"

"Now y'all hush" the mom said sternly. "And look after Ron" she said gently.

"Don't worry, the baby carrot will be safe with us" answered one of the twins.

"Shut uuuuup" muttered Ron.

Harry noticed they called him the 'baby carrot' even though Ron was almost as tall as they were, and his nose was still pink from his mother's ministrations to his hygiene.

"Hey mom, guess what? Guess who we met on the train?" one of the twins asked, in a conspiratorial tone.

Harry leaned back and out of sight quickly.

"You know that dark haired boy who was near us in the station? Ya know who that was?"

"Who?"

"Harry Potter" the twin whispered, almost reverently.

Harry heard the little girl's voice for the first time. "Oh mom, can I go on board and see him? Pleeeease?"

"You've already seen him, at the station. Besides, the boy ain't something you gawk at like at a circus." Harry still couldn't see them but could feel the flow of the conversation moving. "Is he really Fred? How do you know?"

"Asked him. Saw the scar. It's really there! Like a lightnin' bolt."

"Oh the poor dear. No wonder he was by himself, I had to wonder. He was quite the young gentleman when he asked how to get on the platform" she said.

"Never you mind that, do ya s'pose he remembers? Y'know, what.what 'you know who' looks like?" asked the twin, excitedly.

Harry could just picture the look on the mom's face. "You are forbidden to ask him. No, don't you even dare. As if he needs remindin' of that on his first day of school."

"Awright, awright, don't go off half-cocked" said the twin.

The train whistle blew, breaking up the conversation. "Aw'right, get on board" the mom said, and the three boys climbed aboard. The twins leaned out the window and blew kisses back and forth to their mom and their little sister, who started to cry.

"Don't, Ginny, we'll send you a flock of owls" said one of the twins. "We'll even send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!" said the other.

"GEORGE!" roared the mom.

"Just kidding, mom.jeeez" said George.

The train gave a lurch and was underway. Harry saw the mother waving, and the little girl half laughing, half crying as she waved goodbye while running to try and keep up with the train as it gained speed.

Harry watched the people and the platform disappear as the train rounded a turn, soon houses were flashing past the window as the train was making its way out of town. Harry's heart had leapt up into his chest with excitement. He didn't know where he was going or what it might be like, but it had to be better than Dursley Manor.

The compartment door slid open and the youngest red-haired boy stood in the doorway.

"Anyone sittin' there?" he asked, pointing at the empty seat across from Harry.

"No, help yerself."

"Thanks. Everywhere else is full." He glanced at Harry, then quickly turned his attention out the window, pretending he hadn't looked.

Harry noticed that Ron still had a smudge on his nose.

"Hey Ron" The twins appeared at the door. "Hey, we're going down towards the middle of the train, Lee Jordon's got a giant tarantula."

"Right" mumbled Ron.

"Harry," one of the twins piped up "did we intr'duce ourselves? Fred and George Weasley. And this is our brother Ron. See ya later!" and they were off.

"Bye" said Harry and Ron.

"Are you really Harry Potter?" blurted out Ron.

Harry just nodded.

"Oh. Well I thought it might be one of Fred and George's jokes" said Ron. "Have you really got the, you know.the scar?"

Harry brushed his hair out of the way so Ron could see.

"Gollleeee" Ron said as he stared. "So that's where.you know who.."

"Yes" said Harry, before Ron could finish. "But I don't recall a thing about it."

"Nuthin?" asked Ron eagerly.

"Well, ah.I remember green. Just green, nothing else" said Harry.

"Wow" said Ron, impressed. He sat and gawked at Harry for a couple of moments, and then, as if he realized what he was doing, looked quickly out the window again.

"Are all yer family wizards?" asked Harry, who was finding Ron just as interesting as Ron was finding him.

"Umm.yeah, I think so" said Ron. "I think Mom's got a cousin who's a tax attorney, but we never talk about him."

"So, you must know tons of magic already?" The Weasleys must be one of those old wizarding families the boy in Madam Malkins' shop was referring to.

"I heard you had to go live with muggles" said Ron. "What are they like?"

"Horrible. Well, not all of them, by my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin are the dregs of their society" said Harry. "I wish I had three wizard brothers."

"Five" said Ron. For some reason, Ron was acting blue. "I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. You might say I got a lot ta live up to. Bill and Charlie have already graduated. Bill was 'head boy' and Charlie was Quidditch Captain. Percy's a prefect. Fred and George horseplay a lot but still get really good grades, plus everybody thinks they're funny. Everyone expects me to do as well, but if I do it's no big deal 'cuz the others have done it first. And ya never get anything new with five older brothers either, it's all hand-me-downs. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat."

Ron reached inside his jacket pocket and produced fat, grey rat, which was asleep. "His name is 'Scabbers' and he's about as useless as teats on a bull. He almost never wakes up. Percy got an owl from my dad for becoming a prefect. But they can't aff.I mean, I got Scabbers instead."

Ron's ears went pink.

Harry didn't think that was anything to be ashamed of. Until Hack came along and took him to Gringo's, Harry never had two coins to rub together.

Sounds from the corridor interrupted. A large-ish woman pushing a cart opened the door and asked "Y'all want somethin' to nibble on?" The cart was laden with treats, and Harry realized he hadn't eaten anything all day. Ron looked up with a thinly veiled disgusted look, held up a ziploc baggie with a couple of sandwiches in it and said "no thanks, I'm set." He commented to himself "she always forgets I don't like mustard on my roast beef." He noticed Harry was paying attention to him and he quickly explained "she doesn't have a lot of time, you see, having four of us to fix lunch for."

Harry looked at the cart but didn't recognize a single thing on it. Instead of the candy bars, moon pies, and other sweets he was accustomed to, this had Pumpkin Pralines, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, and Chocolate Toads.

Harry returned with more stuff than he could carry. He dumped the load between himself and Ron, and dug into a Chocolate Toad. "Help yerself!" he said to Ron. Harry had never had an opportunity to share anything with anyone before. Well, not on a voluntary basis, and not with anyone other than Dirk. "Thanks!" said Ron, whose face brightened noticably.

Harry had opened a Pumpkin Praline, and managed to scarf that down pretty fast. He picked up a Chocolate Toad, and looked at Ron with a quizzical eye. "They're not, eh, real toads, are they?" he asked. After all he had seen he wouldn't be surprised if it was. "No. Besides, it's the card you want. Inside each package is a card with a famous witch or wizard on it. I'm missing Agrippa and Ptolemy."

Harry opened the package and out leapt a Chocolate Toad onto the window. Harry watched in amazement as it climbed to the window sill, and leapt out. "Pity" said Ron, "they only have one good jump in'em to begin with. See who is on the card."

Harry looked at the card and saw an old man wearing half-moon glasses on a crooked nose, with impossibly long, flowing silver beard and hair, dressed in purple robes. Underneath the picture it said "Amos Dumbledore."

"So this is Dumbledore" said Harry.

"Don't tell me you never heard of Dumbledore?" asked Ron, very surprised. "Can I have a Toad? I might get Agrippa! Thanks!"

Harry turned his card over and read "Amos Dumbledore, currently headmaster at Hogwarts. Considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindlewald in a cage match in 1945. Also for the discovery of the 12 uses of Dragons Blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner Nicholas Flamel. Professor Dumbledore enjoys chamber music, and horseshoes."

Harry turned the card back over and was astonished to find that Dumbledore's face had disappeared. "He's gone!" exclaimed Harry.

"Well you can't expect him to hang around all day after all.he's a busy man!" said Ron. "He'll be back. Arrgh I've got Morganna again.I've got about six of her. Do you want it? You can start collecting."

Ron's eyes strayed to the pile of Chocolate Toads yet unopened. "Help yourself" said Harry, "but in the muggle world, people stay put in photographs."

"They do? Weird" said Ron.

Harry stared as Dumbledore wandered across the frame of his card and give him a quick wink.

The door to their compartment opened, and the round-faced boy called Neville poked his head in. "Have y'all see my toad?" he half asked/half whined. When both Harry and Ron shook their heads no, Neville's face got redder. "Dammit, I've lost him again."

"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll turn up." said Harry.

"Yeah" said Neville, unconvincingly. Well, if you see him.just holler." Neville went on his way.

"If I had a toad I think I'd lose it on purpose" said Ron. "But of course I've got Scabbers so I really don't have a lot of room to talk, do I? He's absolutely useless.just sleeps all day. Fred gave me a spell to turn him yellow, maybe make him a bit more interesting, want me to try it?"

"Sure!" said Harry, always happy at the opportunity to see more magic.







Notes:

Well I found some new references, ones that I usually use and thought I'd toss in this chapter.

By the way, I apologize for the last chapter. It was, in retrospect, awfully bland. I think I was concentrating more on what was going to happen afterwards than during.

One problem I've discovered is, now I have come up with situations and phrases to use just to push the 'southern fried' aspect, and I find myself almost trying to force some of them into the story.so much for my patience, eh?!? Don't worry.I've got a handful of good ones for later chapters.

Ok, here goes:

Uncle Vern's reference to the school having only short broomsticks to haul kids to school with equates to referring to 'the short bus'.which is typically a smaller school bus normally used to pick up kids that attend 'special school.' In short, he's referring to the students as all being somehow mentally deficient.

"Firing on all eight." Referring to an engine firing on all eight cylinders, ie. Running smoothly. When an engine is not timed correctly, the cylinders do not fire at the right time (or at all) and the engine runs very poorly, very rough.

"Probably don't even have eight" refers to a smaller engine to begin with. During it's heyday, American automobiles all used eight-cylinder engines, and six- and four-cylinder engines are still largely regarded as inferior simply because they are smaller.

Both references basically mean someone isn't using all of their available mental faculties.

"Good riddance." Means someone is glad to be rid of something or someone.

Praline - this is a candy/dessert/treat confection that is usually made out of pecans and tons of sugar. I figured a little poetic license was in effect and such a thing could be made from pumpkin as well.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based upon the characters and settings copyrighted by J.K. Rowling and Scholastic Books. No permission has been granted nor asked for regard this amphigory.