Disclaimer~ I don't own any of this but the stupidity and extreme ooc-ness. Okay, I own the pie too. But I don't own Twinkies, or Mountain Dew, or Alanna, or anything else! Really!

Sometime in the near (or not so near) future (after several events too
painful to describe involving more deaths and resurrections, two
volkswagons and a Bug, 14 peanut butter pies, 87 apple trees, 13 of
Thayet's best dresses, two palace walls and a spatula) Alanna decided she
was capable enough to go out driving on her own. Taking the keys (which
she now kept in her unidentifiable-but-still-good-pieces-of-clothing
drawer) she snuck out to the car and got in. Shortly after getting into the
car she heard tapping on the window. Alanna rolled down the window.
"Hey, can we come with you?" It was Daine, Numair, Kitten, Jon, Raul and
some other person she didn't know. Alanna considered for a moment (it
was really only a 3.5 person car) and then smiled brightly "Sure! But leave
room for George, we're gonna swing by my place to pick him up." The
crowd mumbled various agreements and piled in. "Hey, Alanna," it was
Raul "Could you help me? The ceiling's a bit low." Raul was bent over
double and so were Numair and Jon. Alanna thought for a bit "Ummm,
sure." She blew the top off the car with a spark of purple magic. "Right.
So, what are we waiting for? Let's get going!" "Jolly!" "Hey, when did
Owen get in here?" "Oh, that was me. I just thought it must be fun, you
know with how often he says it and stuff..." Jon trailed off and looked at
his shoes miserably as everyone looked at him like there were squirrels
oozing out of his ears. "Okay. Let's go!" Alanna turned the key and floored
it. Luckily, they were on a long stretch of unoccupied straight road and
they didn't kill themselves right there or else this chapter would be really
short and Daine's mother would've gotten royally mad.

So anyway, they shot off down the road as if an irate IRS man with a
bazooka and a troop of blowfish-brandishing, deranged Canadians were
chasing them (no offense to Canadians intended). Everyone threw their
hands up in the air and yelled. Mostly because everyone really did have
their hands up in the air and no one was driving, causing the car to come
dangerously close to colliding with a yeti chasing Elvis being chased by a
lovesick Lochness monster who had had some bad haggis and was being
chased by Steve Irwin and a disgruntled post man who had recently become
Steve's camera guy who had originally been chasing the ice cream truck
but were distracted when the Lochness monster passed by. Of course, at
that time Nessie was being chased by Richard Nixon yelling `I am not a
crook!' but he ran out of breath and was distracted by the ice cream truck
anyway so he wasn't in the line when Alanna nearly made them off-road-
kill. Getting back on the road, Alanna noticed she had missed the turn to
pirate's swoop and had to turn around. This time she nearly ran into the
insurance guys who had just gotten Steve Irwin's medical costs for that
month and had a few things' to say to him. "Wow, it's busy tonight."
Alanna said in a conversational tone. When no one answered, she looked
over at Raul sitting next to her. He was asleep. She elbowed him visciously
in the nose (A.N. Hey, no one else does that so I just wanted to point out
the possibility of it happening!). "Huh? Oh, yeah! I agree." Raul said as he
came awake abruptly. Fortunately for their rarely elbowed body parts, the
rest of the passengers had been awoken by Raul's shout and so were all
paying attention when Alanna looked back at them. "Honestly Raul, how
could you fall asleep? You're the one who wanted to come along. It's not
like I dragged you out of your bed or soemthing. No one else fell asleep."
The others fidgeted in the back as Raul blushed and tried to think of
something good. "Um...well. It's... Hey, isn't that your place?" Alanna
swerved over and managed to make it into the new driveway without
killing more than 87/88 of the plants in the landscaping. "Hey! George! Get
out here!" Alanna shouted. A window in an upper level showed that
someone had heard her. George stuck his heel out the window "What?" He
said. "Joy Ride!!!!" Shouted the passengers. "Oh, right." George began to
pull his heel back into the room and then changed his mind and hurled
himself backwards out of the window heel first. (It was late, forgive him
for mistaking his heel for a mean of listening and otherwise useful for
things it isn't really useful for.) He grabbed onto the wall and then dropped
down til he was hanging off a banner pole. After a few good swings on the
pole he let go and flew through the air towards the car, managing to land
in its somewhat near vicinity and then scramble into the front, squeezing
in between Alanna and Raul. He held some round objects and smiled "I've
got pie." He said. Everyone expressed their positive feelings about this and
then Alanna drove off while stuffing her face with rhubarb pie.
"Hey! The strange guy yelled. "Where are we going?" "CRAZY!!!!!" They all
yelled. "Great!" The now obviously drunk man said.


~Three mailtrucks, 18 conveniance store stops, 356,785.999999 twinkies,
4,758 2-liters of Mountain Dew, 14 talking horses, a French Maid and 26
hilbillies (all with the same last name) later~


"Hey, shouldn't we be getting back? It's almost tommorrow." "Ummmm...
Okay. Where are we?" "You are now on..." *dramatic lighting and drumroll*
"who wants to win something ridiculously stupid that we'll overtax you
for forever?!!!!!!!!!!" said the strange woman who had come along with them
in a loud gameshow announcer type voice. "Woman? I thought it was a guy?
What were you people doing back there?" Alanna interrupted. "Uhhhhh..."
"AHEM! I am the center of attention here, thank you! Now then, do all of you
want to compete separately, or in teams?"


~*~ A.n. Duh, duh, duuuuuuuuuuuuh. What now? What will they choose? Will
they ever get back to the palace? Will Bigfoot catch Elvis? Will I ever
update again? Will the sockmonkeys eat us all???!! Find out this and less
on the possible next chapter of... *drumroll* `Alanna takes driving lessons:
The Horror!'

*evil auther glare of doom* You better all review if you ever want to see
more of this because frankly your reliability in that area so far has been
remarkably low.