*blinks* I never expected this thing to be multi-chaptered, but I felt like it, so
there. =p Oh, even though I don't own Escaflowne right now, I will when I take over the
WORLD!! BUWAHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Probably the Dumbest and Most Random Story Ever
"Okay," Allen began, studying the map before him. "Just where is Dixie exactly?"
Moleman pulled a small banjo from a fold in his robe and tried to tune it. "Dixie is way down south."
Allen looked up in disbelief. "How do you figure?"
"Just listen to the song," Moleman replied as he started to strum the banjo's strings with his fat fingers, singing off-key, "Oh way, oh way, oh way down south in Dixie! Way ..down..south...in...DIXIE!!"
Everyone clapped their hands and stomped their feet to the rhythm. Van grabbed Hitomi's hand and brought her to the middle of the floor to dance. Moleman saw this and began to shout directions for a hoe-down, "Take your partner and dosey-doe! Dip her to the floor real slow! Pick her up into the air! Let me see her underwear!"
"WHAT?!" Hitomi screeched, backing away from Van, much to his displeasure.
"Uh oh...and this dance is done!" Moleman nervously shouted as Van chased him with the banjo, yelling, "I'll let you see something!! I'll hang you by your banjo strings!! COME BACK HERE!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
*****
After the Crusade had landed in an outer corner of Dixie, the crew were in the hangar, discussing what happened during their long trip.
"I can't believe that I found a hair dresser that specialized in the care of plastic hair," Allen grinned, fingering his translucent synthetic mane.
"And thanks to Lord Van, I was able to find my feminine side," Moleman-er-Molesha sighed wistfully, inching towards Van. The young king's eyes grew wide while he fended off Molesha's advances.
"Yo aprendí hablar español cuándo escuché a la gente en mi cabeza*," Hitomi announced, thoroughly confusing everyone in the room.
Merle rubbed her throat, coughing and hacking slightly. "Now I can make works of art by using my hairballs! Ed, did you learn anything?"
Ed nodded dumbly. "Fuzzy chickens go moo. That's why there's no such things as fuzzy chickens."
"Uh, right. Since we're here in Dixie, shouldn't we get out and explore?" Gaddes suggested. But before anyone could do anything, there was a loud knock on the hangar door.
"Who could that be?" Allen pondered as he opened the door. A man dressed in raggedy jeans and a plaid shirt walked in, chewing on a shaft of hay while he hollered, "Howdy y'all, and welcome to Dixie, one of the purtiest places you ever did lay your eyes on! Well it was, until a ornery Notherner came and burned all our farms down, dang gonnit! We were more scared than a pig in a barrel, yes siree!"
"Excuse me, but do you know where the guy that attacked your country is at this moment?" Hitomi asked shyly, bowing a little.
"Paint me red and call me a wagon! Why in darnation would you folks wanna go there?" the man gasped, spitting out a drop of tobacco from the side of his mouth.
"We need to rescue my husband from him," Millerna stated, tears forming in her eyes. "Dryden hasn't signed the will leaving everything to me yet."
The man reluctantly nodded, and scratched his head. "Little lady, I'm deeply sorry about your husband. I'll help y'all out, but first I have to tell my family." The man then whistled and called, "Ma! Bubba Joe! Mary Sue! Come on out here!"
There was a rustle in the bushes as a fat woman walked out with two small children huddling behind her. "What is it Pa?" the woman crowed, wiping her dirty hands on her apron.
"I'm gonna take this folks over yonder," Pa replied. "If I'm not back by supper, keep some vittles on the fire for me."
Ma agreed, shouting, "Make ser you fix the chicken coop when you come back!"
"Thank you for helping us," Van commented as the group followed Pa.
"Shucks, it ain't nothing. Before we all go, we need some horses. Y'all can ride horses, can't you?" Pa questioned.
"Ooh!! I can!! I can!!" Millerna smirked while going behind a tree. There was a neighing sound, and soon Millerna's white steed trotted with the princess in the saddle.
Everyone's mouths dropped to ground as they stuttered, "How...how did you...what...how...horse?"
Millerna, batting her eyelashes, remarked snootily, "I never told you that I was one of the assistants for Sigfried & Roy when I was younger? That's funny; I would think that I would have bragged to my heart's content by now."
"Right Millerna," Merle snorted, rolling her eyes, "if you're so magical, why don't you "telepathically transport" us to where we need to go?"
POOF!!
*I learned Spanish when I listened to the people in my head.
"Okay," Allen began, studying the map before him. "Just where is Dixie exactly?"
Moleman pulled a small banjo from a fold in his robe and tried to tune it. "Dixie is way down south."
Allen looked up in disbelief. "How do you figure?"
"Just listen to the song," Moleman replied as he started to strum the banjo's strings with his fat fingers, singing off-key, "Oh way, oh way, oh way down south in Dixie! Way ..down..south...in...DIXIE!!"
Everyone clapped their hands and stomped their feet to the rhythm. Van grabbed Hitomi's hand and brought her to the middle of the floor to dance. Moleman saw this and began to shout directions for a hoe-down, "Take your partner and dosey-doe! Dip her to the floor real slow! Pick her up into the air! Let me see her underwear!"
"WHAT?!" Hitomi screeched, backing away from Van, much to his displeasure.
"Uh oh...and this dance is done!" Moleman nervously shouted as Van chased him with the banjo, yelling, "I'll let you see something!! I'll hang you by your banjo strings!! COME BACK HERE!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
After the Crusade had landed in an outer corner of Dixie, the crew were in the hangar, discussing what happened during their long trip.
"I can't believe that I found a hair dresser that specialized in the care of plastic hair," Allen grinned, fingering his translucent synthetic mane.
"And thanks to Lord Van, I was able to find my feminine side," Moleman-er-Molesha sighed wistfully, inching towards Van. The young king's eyes grew wide while he fended off Molesha's advances.
"Yo aprendí hablar español cuándo escuché a la gente en mi cabeza*," Hitomi announced, thoroughly confusing everyone in the room.
Merle rubbed her throat, coughing and hacking slightly. "Now I can make works of art by using my hairballs! Ed, did you learn anything?"
Ed nodded dumbly. "Fuzzy chickens go moo. That's why there's no such things as fuzzy chickens."
"Uh, right. Since we're here in Dixie, shouldn't we get out and explore?" Gaddes suggested. But before anyone could do anything, there was a loud knock on the hangar door.
"Who could that be?" Allen pondered as he opened the door. A man dressed in raggedy jeans and a plaid shirt walked in, chewing on a shaft of hay while he hollered, "Howdy y'all, and welcome to Dixie, one of the purtiest places you ever did lay your eyes on! Well it was, until a ornery Notherner came and burned all our farms down, dang gonnit! We were more scared than a pig in a barrel, yes siree!"
"Excuse me, but do you know where the guy that attacked your country is at this moment?" Hitomi asked shyly, bowing a little.
"Paint me red and call me a wagon! Why in darnation would you folks wanna go there?" the man gasped, spitting out a drop of tobacco from the side of his mouth.
"We need to rescue my husband from him," Millerna stated, tears forming in her eyes. "Dryden hasn't signed the will leaving everything to me yet."
The man reluctantly nodded, and scratched his head. "Little lady, I'm deeply sorry about your husband. I'll help y'all out, but first I have to tell my family." The man then whistled and called, "Ma! Bubba Joe! Mary Sue! Come on out here!"
There was a rustle in the bushes as a fat woman walked out with two small children huddling behind her. "What is it Pa?" the woman crowed, wiping her dirty hands on her apron.
"I'm gonna take this folks over yonder," Pa replied. "If I'm not back by supper, keep some vittles on the fire for me."
Ma agreed, shouting, "Make ser you fix the chicken coop when you come back!"
"Thank you for helping us," Van commented as the group followed Pa.
"Shucks, it ain't nothing. Before we all go, we need some horses. Y'all can ride horses, can't you?" Pa questioned.
"Ooh!! I can!! I can!!" Millerna smirked while going behind a tree. There was a neighing sound, and soon Millerna's white steed trotted with the princess in the saddle.
Everyone's mouths dropped to ground as they stuttered, "How...how did you...what...how...horse?"
Millerna, batting her eyelashes, remarked snootily, "I never told you that I was one of the assistants for Sigfried & Roy when I was younger? That's funny; I would think that I would have bragged to my heart's content by now."
"Right Millerna," Merle snorted, rolling her eyes, "if you're so magical, why don't you "telepathically transport" us to where we need to go?"
POOF!!
*I learned Spanish when I listened to the people in my head.
