I can't finish this story right not because I have important things to do!
*thinks for moment, but hangs her head dejectedly* Never mind, no I don't. Crap. Wait! I
could always steal Escaflowne! But then I'll get sued, and I don't wanna get sued!
PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!! *cries hysterically until reader slaps her to her senses*
Thank you; I needed that.
Probably the Dumbest and Most Random Story Ever
There was a loud crash when the Escaflowne fell onto a small boat. Groaning, Hitomi looked around. They seemed to be in a large building with multi-colored walls. She shuttered with fear; she felt she had been here before...
"GET OFF OF ME!!" Van suddenly shouted, pushing Moleman into the river surrounding them. Moleman struggled in the shallow water, screeching, "IT BURNS!! IT BURRRNNNNSSSS!!"
After the soaking wet mole was reluctantly pulled back into the boat, Hitomi announced, "I have a bad feeling about this..."
Merle put her hands on her hips and sneered, "You always say that!"
Before Hitomi could make a retort, their boat began to move along an underwater track. But on their current route, it looked they were going to have a head-on collision with a wall.
"Wahhh!!! What are we going to do?" Millerna cried, grabbing onto Allen to his chagrin.
"Calm down, Millerna!! Tell me, what did you think of when you brought us here?" Hitomi barked, shaking the princess's shoulders.
Millerna sniffed and answered, "I thought we were going to the scariest place in the world."
"That's what I was afraid of..."
The wall opened down its middle as the boat drifted into a room with crudely made dolls all singing.
"It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small, small world!"
Everyone covered their ears from the noise, and Allen yelled, "Hitomi, do you know what this accursed place is?"
"Yes," she replied the best she could over the cheesy music. "It's an amusement ride on the Mystic Moon for little kids and baby boomers!"
Merle lunged for Millerna, claws outsheathed. "This is all your fault, you prissy little show-off!!"
"Bad kitty!! Don't make me cut you in half and not put you back together!!"
"Will you two shut up!!" Van ordered, causing Millerna and Merle to cower. He then turned to Hitomi and asked, "Hitomi, do you know how to get out of here?"
"Well," Hitomi began, "we could stay on the ride until it comes to complete stop..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"You guys, let me finish! As I was saying, we could stay on the ride until comes to a complete stop, OR I can try a blue beam of light and go back to Gaea."
They all nodded to last suggestion in unison. "Yes! Yes! For the love of god, YES!!"
Hitomi lifted her pendant in her hand and concentrated deeply. Soon, the trademark light shot down and lifted them up. A woman's voice calmly instructed, "Please stay clear of the sides. Por favor se envite los lados. This blue beam of light is brought to you by the friendly folks at K-mart, with new blue light specials happening everyday!"
"Funny; it has never been sponsored before," Hitomi remarked.
*****
The blue light placed them down in a mysterious foggy marsh. "Thank you for choosing Blue Beam Services for all of your otherworldly transportation. Have a nice day."
"Now where are we?" Van wondered, turning around. Pa started to shiver. "Why don't y'all know? This 'ere is Satan's Land! The souls of the damned live in the ground we're walkin' on!"
"They don't really 'live' here if they're dead, now do they?!" Moleman joked, laughing by himself. "HA HA! HA HA! HA ha! ha ha...don't any of you have a sense of humor?"
"We can't when we have more important concerns," Hitomi whispered, pointing in front of them. "Look."
Dirt shifted all around them, and suddenly zombies popped up and hobbled towards the trespassers.
Merle hissed and puffed up in a ball at the sight of the dog from the 3 Musketeers' commercial towards her. "Aarf..."
"We're going to die! They're going to eat our brains!" Millerna cried.
"They're still going to be hungry after they're done with you," Allen muttered under his breath.
Van cocked his head towards an opening between the giant undead mob. "On the count of five, run like hell that way! Ready?"
"Ready!"
"One, Two, Thr-oh, just go!!"
*****
"For having decaying body parts, those zombies sure can go fast!!" Hitomi complained, running as fast as she could.
Van nodded, his breath haggard. "And it didn't help when they got in their Hell-mobile."
"There's some sort of structure up ahead! Maybe we'll be safe there!" Allen shouted, staring at the small stone temple in front of them.
As they neared the temple, Hitomi could see a large gold tablet hanging on its door. Putting on an extra burst of energy, she dashed to read the encryption etched in the bright metal.
To dispose of the worries in this land of fears,
You must listen to what you haven't in years.
Take your loved ones close and hold them tight,
And push this plaque with all your might!
Hitomi clung to Van. Merle clung to Ed. Millerna clung to Allen who clung to Gaddes. Moleman tried to cling to Van, but the young king took a Baka Mallet out of his personal subspace and hit the mole in the air with a loud, "AIEEEEEEE!!!
And together they pushed the plaque.
There was a rumble as the stone temple quivered. Rock speakers grew out of the ground, and party music blasted out of them.
The zombies looked up, and started to dance, moaning the lyrics, "Hey Macarena!!"
The Macarena's moves soon became too difficult to keep up with, and many arms and legs were crushed to dust the undead jumped with tune.
When the song was over, not one zombie was left standing because of the heinous Hispanic dance.
"Hitomi?" Van began.
"Yeah?"
"You know how I said the shampoo guys in Chapter One was 'the freakiest thing I've ever seen'?"
"Yeah?"
"I stand corrected."
"Yeah."
There was a loud crash when the Escaflowne fell onto a small boat. Groaning, Hitomi looked around. They seemed to be in a large building with multi-colored walls. She shuttered with fear; she felt she had been here before...
"GET OFF OF ME!!" Van suddenly shouted, pushing Moleman into the river surrounding them. Moleman struggled in the shallow water, screeching, "IT BURNS!! IT BURRRNNNNSSSS!!"
After the soaking wet mole was reluctantly pulled back into the boat, Hitomi announced, "I have a bad feeling about this..."
Merle put her hands on her hips and sneered, "You always say that!"
Before Hitomi could make a retort, their boat began to move along an underwater track. But on their current route, it looked they were going to have a head-on collision with a wall.
"Wahhh!!! What are we going to do?" Millerna cried, grabbing onto Allen to his chagrin.
"Calm down, Millerna!! Tell me, what did you think of when you brought us here?" Hitomi barked, shaking the princess's shoulders.
Millerna sniffed and answered, "I thought we were going to the scariest place in the world."
"That's what I was afraid of..."
The wall opened down its middle as the boat drifted into a room with crudely made dolls all singing.
"It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small, small world!"
Everyone covered their ears from the noise, and Allen yelled, "Hitomi, do you know what this accursed place is?"
"Yes," she replied the best she could over the cheesy music. "It's an amusement ride on the Mystic Moon for little kids and baby boomers!"
Merle lunged for Millerna, claws outsheathed. "This is all your fault, you prissy little show-off!!"
"Bad kitty!! Don't make me cut you in half and not put you back together!!"
"Will you two shut up!!" Van ordered, causing Millerna and Merle to cower. He then turned to Hitomi and asked, "Hitomi, do you know how to get out of here?"
"Well," Hitomi began, "we could stay on the ride until it comes to complete stop..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"You guys, let me finish! As I was saying, we could stay on the ride until comes to a complete stop, OR I can try a blue beam of light and go back to Gaea."
They all nodded to last suggestion in unison. "Yes! Yes! For the love of god, YES!!"
Hitomi lifted her pendant in her hand and concentrated deeply. Soon, the trademark light shot down and lifted them up. A woman's voice calmly instructed, "Please stay clear of the sides. Por favor se envite los lados. This blue beam of light is brought to you by the friendly folks at K-mart, with new blue light specials happening everyday!"
"Funny; it has never been sponsored before," Hitomi remarked.
The blue light placed them down in a mysterious foggy marsh. "Thank you for choosing Blue Beam Services for all of your otherworldly transportation. Have a nice day."
"Now where are we?" Van wondered, turning around. Pa started to shiver. "Why don't y'all know? This 'ere is Satan's Land! The souls of the damned live in the ground we're walkin' on!"
"They don't really 'live' here if they're dead, now do they?!" Moleman joked, laughing by himself. "HA HA! HA HA! HA ha! ha ha...don't any of you have a sense of humor?"
"We can't when we have more important concerns," Hitomi whispered, pointing in front of them. "Look."
Dirt shifted all around them, and suddenly zombies popped up and hobbled towards the trespassers.
Merle hissed and puffed up in a ball at the sight of the dog from the 3 Musketeers' commercial towards her. "Aarf..."
"We're going to die! They're going to eat our brains!" Millerna cried.
"They're still going to be hungry after they're done with you," Allen muttered under his breath.
Van cocked his head towards an opening between the giant undead mob. "On the count of five, run like hell that way! Ready?"
"Ready!"
"One, Two, Thr-oh, just go!!"
"For having decaying body parts, those zombies sure can go fast!!" Hitomi complained, running as fast as she could.
Van nodded, his breath haggard. "And it didn't help when they got in their Hell-mobile."
"There's some sort of structure up ahead! Maybe we'll be safe there!" Allen shouted, staring at the small stone temple in front of them.
As they neared the temple, Hitomi could see a large gold tablet hanging on its door. Putting on an extra burst of energy, she dashed to read the encryption etched in the bright metal.
To dispose of the worries in this land of fears,
You must listen to what you haven't in years.
Take your loved ones close and hold them tight,
And push this plaque with all your might!
Hitomi clung to Van. Merle clung to Ed. Millerna clung to Allen who clung to Gaddes. Moleman tried to cling to Van, but the young king took a Baka Mallet out of his personal subspace and hit the mole in the air with a loud, "AIEEEEEEE!!!
And together they pushed the plaque.
There was a rumble as the stone temple quivered. Rock speakers grew out of the ground, and party music blasted out of them.
The zombies looked up, and started to dance, moaning the lyrics, "Hey Macarena!!"
The Macarena's moves soon became too difficult to keep up with, and many arms and legs were crushed to dust the undead jumped with tune.
When the song was over, not one zombie was left standing because of the heinous Hispanic dance.
"Hitomi?" Van began.
"Yeah?"
"You know how I said the shampoo guys in Chapter One was 'the freakiest thing I've ever seen'?"
"Yeah?"
"I stand corrected."
"Yeah."
