I just realized that I've been using certain ideas that are exactly mine. So if you'll excuse me, *puts on a fake mustache and glasses* I'm going incognito. *hides as lawyers search for her*

Probably the Dumbest and Most Random Story Ever


Staring in disbelief, Hitomi noticed the fog rolling way. "Do you guys see what's on top of that mountain?"

Millerna squinted through the marsh. "It looks like Cinder ella's castle..."

"Baka!" Merle snarled. "Do you want to get the author in even more trouble?"

"Back off pussy cat! I said Cinder ELLA'S castle! There's a space between them! A SPACE!!" Millerna screeched back, her face turning red.

Van leaned over to Hitomi and whispered, "Can you tell me why did Dryden wed her again?"

"Because I willed the tarot cards to say it would be a happy marriage, but in turn I indirectly caused the destruction of Palas," Hitomi sighed.

"Oh yeah. Sorry I asked."

Allen craned his neck up at the shadowy castle. "It will most likely take us a couple days to get there."

"Or a couple of minutes," Moleman remarked, coming out of nowhere.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hitomi screamed, accidentally knocking him down a hole behind him. "Don't do that!"

"Jeez, I try to help by finding a mean of transportation, and what do I get in return? Nothing but ridicule!"

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Mole. Thank you for caring for us," Hitomi apologized, kissing Moleman on the head. She then became aware of what she was doing and began to gag and sputter. "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT!! I HAVE MOLE GERMS!!"

"Humph," Moleman muttered. "That wasn't pleasant for me either, but you don't see me yapping my head off."

*****


Shadows danced on the cavern walls as Moleman lead the others to what looked like a chain of mine carts. Everyone climbed in except Millerna, who was reading the names on each of the carts. "Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey.., hey, aren't these..?"

The communal glare from the rest of the group made her snap her mouth closed. "Never mind."

"Now, if I remember correctly, I turn on this switch and..," Moleman thought to himself, pushing buttons and pulling levers until the carts slowly creaked forward. They soon gained speed as they went over hills and through turns.

Shouting gleefully, Hitomi threw her arms into the air. "C'mon everybody! Put your hands up! It's great!"

Van covered his eyes in fear, teeth chattering, "Make it stop! Make it stop!"

Turning an unhealthly twinge of green, Allen moaned, "I'm gonna hurl…"

"Oh boy. This is more fun than getting my hand stuck in a pickle jar," Ed chirped.

"You can say that again," Merle agreed.

"Oh boy. This is more fun than getting my hand stuck in a pickle jar."

*****


"Who the hell made that stupid underground railroad?! Harriet Tubman?!" Van challenged as they neared the front gates of the castle.

"Don't you ever dis the Tub, got it?" Moleman reprimanded.

"Enough you two. Van, go knock on the door," Hitomi ordered nonchalantly.

"Nuh uh. Allen, you go knock on the door, seeing how you're a brave knight and all."

"And why should I listen to you Van?"

"Because I'm royalty, and you're not. So there!"

"Oh, you're so above me because you're the king of dinky little burnt country!"

"That's it Prettyboy! You're going down!"

"I dare ya, you clumsy excuse for a fighter!"

"God, do I have to do everything myself?!" Hitomi lamented as she stepped over the two wrestling men. She banged the door three times, but the fourth time a slit opened with a voice that requested, "What's the password?"

Before Hitomi could answer, Millerna hopped around, groaning, "Man! I need to go to the bathroom so bad!"

"You are correct," the voice behind the door replied, " the password is, 'Man! I need to go to the bathroom so bad!' You may enter."

They held a collective breath as the door opened to a small boy holding a weasel in his arms. Shocked, Hitomi bent down and smiled, "Hello. What's your name?"

The boy fidgeted under her gaze and responded, "Lord Dilandau and the others call me Kid, and this is my pet, Weiner."

There was a loud roar as the group mocked Kid.

"Hey Kid, can I pet your Weiner?"

"Your Weiner is so playful!"

"I want your Weiner!"

"Make sure you keep your Weiner out of your pants!"

"Is your Weiner bad?!"

"I like your weasel." Ed laughed, trying to join in.

A couple moments later, the sound of prison doors slamming close in front of them echoed in their ears.

Millerna peered through the bars at Kid's retreating form. "I don't think he liked us teasing him."

*****


Dilandau was seating at a throne, amusing himself by slapping his cheeks back and forth. "I'm Dilandau! Now I'm Celene! Dilandau! Celene!"

His eyes flashed from red to purple to red, until he had one purple eye and one red. "Ah! I'm stuck at Dilene!"

"Not again..," Chesta muttered, sighing as he hit Dilandau as hard as he could.

When Dilandau was back to his "normal" self, he grabbed Chesta and yelled, "You dare touch me?!"

"Please forgive me Lord Dilandau! I was just trying…"

"Ignore my authority, that's what you were doing! Get your toothbrush; you're cleaning all the guymelefs!"

Bawling on the way out, Chesta passed by Kid who was coming to report. "Lord Dilandau, I have captured enemy spies!"

"Really?" Dilandau asked, rising from his seat. "How can you tell?"

Kid held up a piece of paper that had big bold letters spelling "SPIES" on it. "Someone taped this to one of their backs."

"Hmm. Probably one of those dwarfs in the mine," Dilandau guessed. "Good job, Kid."

"Don't forget Weiner!" Kid boasted happily.

"Uh, yeah..," Dilandau shrugged, patting Kid's pet on it's head. The weasel snarled and foamed at the mouth. "Better keep your Weiner in check, Kid."