*in a monotone voice* I am from the FB-er, a big conglomerate company. The "Lady Oceania" is currently-*answers ringing cell phone* Hello? What?! Teenagers have escaped from public high schools?! Armed with sarcasm and dangerously low self esteem?! Dear god, I'll be right there! *turns back to readers* I have no choice but to let you read Lady Oceania's story for now, but remember, she owns nothing, and I was never here!

Probably the Dumbest and Most Random Story Ever


Playing a harmonica between lyrics, Merle crooned, "We were captured. Don't know what to do. Now we're stuck here, and I got those jail-time blues! Oh wah oh!"

"Sing it sister!" Someone called from behind as Merle went all out. "Yeah, I'm not a detective. But I know from the clues. We're in deep trouble with these jail-time blues...Hey-ey, we're in deep trouble with these jail-time bluuuuues..."

Among the scattered applause, Hitomi quietly exclaimed, "When did Merle learn to be a blues singer?"

"You don't learn the blues; you become them," Van replied in a brassy voice.

Rolling her eyes, Hitomi remarked dryly, "Right. I'm upset that I'm not blue, considering how I'm on a strange planet away from family and friends, and don't forget the terrifying visions I see that come true."

"Yeah, too bad," Van sighed off-handily.

Allen suddenly put his hand up, signaling for silence. "Shh...someone's coming..."

The conversation of guards became louder as the two walked down to the dungeon.

"I'm telling you Gatti, you should've tasted that vegetarian soufflé I made last night. It was exquisite!"

"Oh I know, Miguel. It's delicious aroma inspired me to create a flower arrangement worthy of Martha Stewart herself."

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, they both swooned, "Martha Stewart...."

Gatti noticed the odd stares he and Miguel were receiving and poked his companion in the ribs. Miguel cleared his throat and announced, "You are being held by the order of Lord Dilandau until you all are interrogated to find out what is your mission."

"My 'mission' is just to find a bathroom," Millerna complained, crossing her legs together. "I still need to go really bad!!"

"Is that all?" Miguel asked, surprise written on his face as he reached into his pocket. "Why didn't you say so in the first place? I'll let you out."

There was a slight pause before everyone else shouted, "Wait, we need to go too!!"

"We're not THAT dumb," Gatti sneered. "We'll only let the women go. You guys can do it standing up. It's been awhile since the viewers of the webcams installed in here have had a good show."

"This way ladies," Miguel offered, ushering Millerna, Hitomi, and Merle out of the prison cell and up the stone stairway.

"The interrogator will be with you soon," Gatti cackled while leaving, but then there was a sudden crash. "OWWWWWWWIIIEEESSSSS!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, WILL YA?!"

*****


Dilandau was strolling down the hall whistling the Andy Griffin theme song when he spotted the two guards leading the female prisoners. "Miguel! Gatti! What the hell do you think you are doing?"

Miguel stood to attention and saluted, "Lord Dilandau, we were just taking these women to use the facilities."

"You imbeciles! How dense can you be?" Dilandau roared. "They shouldn't be going your restrooms!"

"Lord?" Gatti questioned, confused as to what to do.

A smile crept over the Dragonslayer leader's face as he bowed deeply. "Let them use my personal domain."

They followed Dilandau to a golden gilded door, and when it creaked open, bright light and Mr. Clean Angels' singing escaped from it.

"Ooooooooohhhhhhh........Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh....," everyone cooed as they entered the large room. Dilandau spread out his arms and bellowed, "I give you....the Lemony Fresh Oasis! For all your bathroom necessities!"

While Millerna and Hitomi went off to find an actual toilet, Merle tapped Dilandau's shoulder and whispered in his ear. He became perplexed at her question and suggested, "Urm, well, there's a small beach just behind the castle..."

"GIANT LITTERBOX!!" Merle interrupted and jumped out a nearby window.

"Why did she do that?" Gatti asked, scratching his head.

"Cats land on four feet," Miguel responded nonchalantly.

"But it's a huge drop!"

"Cats have nine lives."

"But what if she doesn't make it in time?"

"Cat's pajamas."

"Stop with the feline aphorisms," Dilandau snapped, slapping them both on their cheeks. "When our 'guests' are done, take them to them to the library, for I have a proposition to sell them."

"That's a great idea, Lord Dilandau," Miguel piped, "but wouldn't selling them infringe on Sunrise's copyright?"

"Miguel?"

"Yes Lord?"

"Shut up."

"Will do."

*****


There was a platter of finger food on a table in Dilandau's personal library. Sitting in his velvet chair, he Dragonslayer leader picked up a rolled up piece of deli meat and started singing, "My bologna has a first name! It's O-S-C-A-R! My bologna has a second name! It's M-A-Y-E-R!"

"Um...Lord Dilandau?" Miguel began from the door, "they're ready to see you now."

"Show them in!" Dilandau ordered, dressing in a nice red robe to looked more distinguished. As Hitomi, Merle, and Millerna hesitantly walked in, he took a pipe out of his pocket and stuck in the corner of his mouth. "Please make yourself comfortable ladies. Feel free to partake on the refreshments I've provided."

Hitomi smooth down her skirt and wet her lips before she spoke. "First things first! Why do you want to talk to us three?"

Dilandau paused for a moment, blowing bubbles out of his pipe. "I have a message for Van and the others. You have been chosen to deliver it because you all are women and can't do anything."

"What the hell do you mean by that?!" Hitomi retorted, standing up quickly. "I can will your death by using my tarot cards!"

"And I can use your legs for scratching posts!" Merle snarled with exposed claws.

"And I can perform surgery on you!" Millerna shouted, picking up a butter knife.

Dilandau sweatdropped. "Uh yeah.., I sorta forgot about all that.., but if it wasn't for the authoress wanting this story to go on, I wouldn't have hesitated to fry you all with my flame-thrower, so there!"

"Lord Dilandau! The prisoners have escaped!" Kid interrupted suddenly.

"WHAT?! How?!" Dilandau roared.

Kid held up a small vial containing a purple residue. "They overthrew him after he gave them this truth potion!"

"Fools! You NEVER use the purple one! We'll be overcome by them, for they now have Barnieus Dinosaros, or the 'I Love You' Disease!"

The library door was then ripped off it's hinges as Van, Allen, and the rest burst into the room. There was chaos among the Dragonslayers because the newly violet-tinted prisoners were running up and hugging anyone in their sight.

Van dashed up to Dilandau and wrapped his arms around the silver haired boy, a dreamy smile on the young king's face. "I love you Dilly-chan! You're my best friend!"

"I. Am. Gonna. HURL!" Dilandau yelled, pushing Van away. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but...Men! RETREAT!!"

Dilandau and his troop somehow got of the room faster than Speedy Gonzales on a sugar high, leaving clouds of dust behind them. The male former captives were slouched on the floor asleep; apparently, the job to 'share the love' was a tiring one.

"What happened to Van and the others?' Hitomi asked fretfully. Merle shrugged. "I don't know, but I personally blame poor public television. The question we should really ask is how are we going to heal them?"

Millerna threw her hands up in defense. "Hey don't look at me. I'm not a doctor...Wait, did I just say that out loud? Oops..."

"Like that's a surprise," Merle rolled her eyes. "But seriously, any ideas how to get them all back to 'normal'?"

"I think I do, but we'll have to wait until the next chapter before I can tell you," Hitomi replied.