Still owning only myself. Which is a good thing really when you think about
it isn't it? And if you're reading this and haven't reviewed yet - shame on
you!
Into The Forest...
I made my way into the forest with my bag oblivious to any danger that may be lurking. After all, I was writing this - not as if I'm going to run into any danger now is it? And I would be finding the palace in no time at all...
I was lost. Hopelessly and completely lost. Usually I'm not too bad at finding my way around which is fine as long as I've got landmarks to remember. Unfortunately I found that all the trees looked pretty much the same. And I kept falling over the various undergrowth. Where the hell did they put the palace?
I saw movement up ahead and hurried towards it. Hooray! Civilisation! Well of a kind anyway. I crashed through the forest making about as much noise as an entire herd of elephants would. Big mistake. I was so intent on looking up at the trees wondering where the hell I was and getting to where I was supposed to be that I didn't notice the way the ground sloped down.
***
I came to and saw possibly the biggest spider ever. I am not fond of spiders. Little ones I can cope with. Ones as big as me? Not good. Not good at all. I screamed. Right about now my elf prince would come hurtling through the forest to rescue me, alerted by my anguished cries.
I was still waiting as the spider started stringing me up. I watched with a sick kind of fascination as the creature wove an intricate web especially for me. It didn't bother me, I comforted myself with the thought that I would be rescued in no time at all. Eventually I was bored enough to start a conversation with the spider. Well, it was after all making a web just for me and it was going to die a horrible death soon.
"Nice job." I commented nodding towards the web.
The spider looked dumbfounded for a moment. Obviously previous captives had not bothered to make idle conversation. "Thanks." It finally answered. It continued with it's task.
"Y'know there's not much point in you doing this." I said. Guilt was beginning to make it's presence felt. I really can't bear killing things, regardless of how ugly they are.
The spider ignored me, and began to heave me up to it's newly finished web.
"I'm gonna be rescued any minute soon, and it'll be a horrible end for you, y'know. Why don't you just take off now while you can." I said.
"Rescue?" It mused. "I think not."
This disturbed me a little. It sounded so confident that I got a teeny bit nervous. "Well, yeah. I am gonna be rescued." I stated firmly.
"By who?" It asked.
"Err..." I thought quickly for a moment. I couldn't say Legolas yet, after all I didn't know him. It would be a little presumptuous on my part to say he was definitely going to rescue me. I could after all be brought to the palace by someone else and then he would fall madly in love with me, the mysterious maiden. I chose to be vague with my answer, "The elves!"
"The elves?" It asked sarcastically. "I think not."
Wow. Who knew spiders could be sarcastic?! I recovered from my surprised state and asked, "Why do you say I won't be rescued?"
"The elves wouldn't rescue you if you paid them." It commented gloatingly. "You see, things have changed around here. The elves don't bother us and we don't bother them. You my dear are not an elf and therefore fair game. And now my dinner."
'The elves don't bother us?' What the hell? For the first time I actually struggled to get free. Had Mirkwood become so dangerous that the elves and spiders formed some unusual alliance? The spider ignored my attempts at getting free and began to make it's way back into the depth of the forest.
"Hey!" I called, "I thought you said I was dinner!"
"You are." Came the answer.
"So where the hell are you going?!" I cried.
"It's only breakfast time." Came the response as the spider scuttled away to whatever other poor victim it had.
***
I stayed in the web for about an hour. Even my patience had run out. Obviously this prince would only be impressed by a girl who helped herself. Grateful for my foresight in bringing the machete I managed to wriggle free and slash the web to pieces. Which at the time seemed a great idea. Until I came crashing down onto the forest floor. Ouch.
I got up and started off again, going in the opposite direction to the spider. As interesting and talented as it was with the whole sarcasm and web making I decided I'd be better off avoiding a creature who wanted me around for dinner. And not in a nice way.
***
I finally found some sort of hidden path. I only found it because I wasn't looking for it. Aren't I talented? I followed it and finally found myself at the entrance to the great palace of Mirkwood. Hooray! I inwardly did a little dance of victory. Soon I'd have my elf prince. Hehehe.
Idiot.
****************************************
This one's a bit longer thank goodness. Hope you're all enjoying. Please R&R. I can offer you an Easter egg? It's one I didn't want. Got nuts in. Yeuch.
Into The Forest...
I made my way into the forest with my bag oblivious to any danger that may be lurking. After all, I was writing this - not as if I'm going to run into any danger now is it? And I would be finding the palace in no time at all...
I was lost. Hopelessly and completely lost. Usually I'm not too bad at finding my way around which is fine as long as I've got landmarks to remember. Unfortunately I found that all the trees looked pretty much the same. And I kept falling over the various undergrowth. Where the hell did they put the palace?
I saw movement up ahead and hurried towards it. Hooray! Civilisation! Well of a kind anyway. I crashed through the forest making about as much noise as an entire herd of elephants would. Big mistake. I was so intent on looking up at the trees wondering where the hell I was and getting to where I was supposed to be that I didn't notice the way the ground sloped down.
***
I came to and saw possibly the biggest spider ever. I am not fond of spiders. Little ones I can cope with. Ones as big as me? Not good. Not good at all. I screamed. Right about now my elf prince would come hurtling through the forest to rescue me, alerted by my anguished cries.
I was still waiting as the spider started stringing me up. I watched with a sick kind of fascination as the creature wove an intricate web especially for me. It didn't bother me, I comforted myself with the thought that I would be rescued in no time at all. Eventually I was bored enough to start a conversation with the spider. Well, it was after all making a web just for me and it was going to die a horrible death soon.
"Nice job." I commented nodding towards the web.
The spider looked dumbfounded for a moment. Obviously previous captives had not bothered to make idle conversation. "Thanks." It finally answered. It continued with it's task.
"Y'know there's not much point in you doing this." I said. Guilt was beginning to make it's presence felt. I really can't bear killing things, regardless of how ugly they are.
The spider ignored me, and began to heave me up to it's newly finished web.
"I'm gonna be rescued any minute soon, and it'll be a horrible end for you, y'know. Why don't you just take off now while you can." I said.
"Rescue?" It mused. "I think not."
This disturbed me a little. It sounded so confident that I got a teeny bit nervous. "Well, yeah. I am gonna be rescued." I stated firmly.
"By who?" It asked.
"Err..." I thought quickly for a moment. I couldn't say Legolas yet, after all I didn't know him. It would be a little presumptuous on my part to say he was definitely going to rescue me. I could after all be brought to the palace by someone else and then he would fall madly in love with me, the mysterious maiden. I chose to be vague with my answer, "The elves!"
"The elves?" It asked sarcastically. "I think not."
Wow. Who knew spiders could be sarcastic?! I recovered from my surprised state and asked, "Why do you say I won't be rescued?"
"The elves wouldn't rescue you if you paid them." It commented gloatingly. "You see, things have changed around here. The elves don't bother us and we don't bother them. You my dear are not an elf and therefore fair game. And now my dinner."
'The elves don't bother us?' What the hell? For the first time I actually struggled to get free. Had Mirkwood become so dangerous that the elves and spiders formed some unusual alliance? The spider ignored my attempts at getting free and began to make it's way back into the depth of the forest.
"Hey!" I called, "I thought you said I was dinner!"
"You are." Came the answer.
"So where the hell are you going?!" I cried.
"It's only breakfast time." Came the response as the spider scuttled away to whatever other poor victim it had.
***
I stayed in the web for about an hour. Even my patience had run out. Obviously this prince would only be impressed by a girl who helped herself. Grateful for my foresight in bringing the machete I managed to wriggle free and slash the web to pieces. Which at the time seemed a great idea. Until I came crashing down onto the forest floor. Ouch.
I got up and started off again, going in the opposite direction to the spider. As interesting and talented as it was with the whole sarcasm and web making I decided I'd be better off avoiding a creature who wanted me around for dinner. And not in a nice way.
***
I finally found some sort of hidden path. I only found it because I wasn't looking for it. Aren't I talented? I followed it and finally found myself at the entrance to the great palace of Mirkwood. Hooray! I inwardly did a little dance of victory. Soon I'd have my elf prince. Hehehe.
Idiot.
****************************************
This one's a bit longer thank goodness. Hope you're all enjoying. Please R&R. I can offer you an Easter egg? It's one I didn't want. Got nuts in. Yeuch.
