Hehehe. That surprised you didn't it? Legolas is a GIRL. Hehehe. Still not owning anything. Except my rather sick and twisted imagination... And I saw the Two Towers Trailer today. All I can say is roll on Dec! I think I'll camp outside my local cinema right now! Where did I leave that tent...

A Four Star Dungeon?!?

I was taken away from King Thranduil and Princess Legolas. Fuck, PRINCESS LEGOLAS! I still couldn't believe it. Hence as I was taken away I failed to notice exactly where I was being taken. Eventually the pleasant corridors became rather less than pleasant. Finally we stopped at a door which was held open for me. Very polite, I thought.

Until I was shoved into the room and the door slammed and locked behind me. So much for being a guest then.

***

Amazingly, no one had thought to relieve me of my bag. Obviously a girl with over 200 nail varnishes was not seen as a threat. Which I wasn't. Well, at least not to begin with anyway.

Boredom finally took a very nasty hold. Being fed on stale bread and water does nothing for my temper. In fact I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't do anything for your temper either. Plus the whole lack of light was really beginning to bug me. I'm afraid of the dark - so sue me.

"Haven't you lot ever heard of electricity?" I fumed idiotically to the door all the while knowing perfectly well that they hadn't - hey I get irrational when I'm locked in a tiny cell ok? I glared at the door wondering whether anyone was actually out there. "Dammit! Is there anyone there?" I slumped down onto the floor, only to find I wasn't the only living thing in my cell.

My scream brought what my insults couldn't. Attention. Hey - I'm afraid of rats too. And these buggers looked kinda hungry. A face appeared at the window of the door. Damn it was Mr annoying elf yet again.

"What is wrong?" He asked peering into the darkness.

"Rats." I answered, pointing to the creatures that were gazing at me with a hungry look in their eyes. I swear one of them licked it's lips in anticipation. The elf raised an eyebrow at me and then walked away. "Bastard!" I shouted after him.

***

I had been with the rats for half an hour. I was scared. Big time. Do rats eat people? Do Middle Earth rats eat people? Are they trained like the spiders to eat fan girls? More specifically, are they trained to eat fan girls like me? I swallowed and prayed for deliverance. Who were the deities in this world again?

I opened my eyes. Thank the Valar! I had a plan. A cunning plan. Just call me Baldrick.* I sniggered to myself whilst I retrieved my bottle of vodka from my bag and gloated. This, in my opinion was classified as an emergency. My plan was brilliant. It was superb. This would show those stupid elves not to lock me up in any shoddy old dungeon. Hehehe.

Idiot.

***************************

Oh dear oh dear. What am I planning to do? Do not try this at home kids! Not big. Not clever. Wondering what the hell I'm talking about? Find out in the next chapter.

*Baldrick. From Blackadder. Always has a cunning plan. Usually doomed to failure. Haven't seen it?!?!?! You haven't lived....

R&R please. Go on - make my day...