Have decided to try and fit in song titles for chapter titles. Sad I know! I need to get out more - big time. But I can't - cos I'm ill. Still owning myself and Veborion...

I Think We're Alone Now

I walked for about ten minutes before I came out of the forest. Unfortunately I came out in front of the Palace, not the edge of the forest as I'd hoped. Damn. I turned around and began again.

Two hours later and I ended up in front of the Palace. Again. This was not going to plan. Oh yeah, and it was still raining. I turned around and tried a different route.

After the third time of ending up right outside the Palace I succumbed to the bad mood that had taken hold of me at various points during today. I said what I thought aloud, and I really didn't give a toss whether anyone heard me.

"Fucking hell! Of all the fucking shitty places to end up in, I end up front of the bloody Palace! A-fucking-gain!"

I turned around and stomped back into the forest. Still muttering to myself. "Oh for the spiders! Oh for a lone orc! Oh for it to stop FUCKING RAINING!" I shouted up at the sky as I stomped into a clearing. And somewhere up there a wish was granted.

***

There I was stuck in yet another spider's web. This time however, instead of having a polite conversation, I was going to pour out my tale of woes into the spider's ear. Hang on, do spiders have ears? I wondered. Nevermind, I'm telling him anyway.

"First off, bright old me isn't well. So for a laugh I send myself here. As you do."

The spider grunted in response, more intent on making it's web than listening to me.

"And hey, if I pick up an elf prince on the way - well that's no bad thing now is it? But noooooo. Not for me. First off I get lost in this bloody forest, then I almost get eaten by a spider, then, when I escape..."

"You escaped?" The spider asked incredulously. "When?"

"Umm..." My train of thought interrupted and for a moment I couldn't remember. "Oh yeah, I escaped around breakfast time. I was supposed to be dinner."

"Ahhh. You were supposed to be Jayne's meal."

Jayne?! My mind boggled. "Since when are spiders called Jayne?!" I exclaimed.

"Since always." Came the amused reply.

"What's your name then?"

"Sarah."

Sarah. I'm meeting my death at the hands (or perhaps that should be legs!) of a spider. Named Sarah. Words and thoughts failed me. Could my adventures in Middle Earth get any more bizarre?

Idiot.

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Hmm short I know.... R&R please!