Still owning only myself etc etc. Here's the next chapter...
Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?
"Hello?" I cried. After Sarah the spider's somewhat untimely (well untimely for her at least) end I was still stuck up in her web and my mysterious rescuer hadn't shown their face yet. "Is there anybody there?"
I saw movement to the left of the web, but couldn't distinguish who or what it was. If this had been several hours earlier I would have assumed that Legolas was about to rescue me. But after all that I had seen on this day she was the furthest from my mind. Perhaps it was the real elf prince? I mused. Veborion wasn't that bad looking really. A sort of elvish Orlando Bloom. And hey - who finds Orlando Bloom ugly? Exactly.
The movement ceased. I looked up expecting to see my rescuer. I saw nothing. Whoever, or whatever rescued me had decided not to make an appearance. Once again it seemed that I would have to rescue myself from a giant spider's web. Joy.
***
"I'm getting quite good at this!" I observed to myself. This time I'd managed to descend without falling flat on my face. "Pretty impressive, even if I do say so myself!" I glanced over to where the carcass of Sarah was. "Shouldn't have messed with me, mate! I'm indestructible! Taking on the world!" With that I wandered out of the clearing and made my way to wherever fate decided I should go next.
Yep that's right - where fate decided. I realised that what I wanted on this journey was obviously not going to happen unless I asked for something I didn't want. Brilliant eh? That's what I thought too.
***
This time however I didn't end up outside the Palace. Half an hour of walking brought me back into the clearing. Which was disturbingly lacking a body of a giant spider formally known as Sarah. This was perhaps not a good place to stay. I set off away from the clearing, taking a different route to the one I had previously chosen.
"ARGH!" I couldn't help myself. I had tumbled into what appeared to be something of a spider orgy. NO! Food not anything else - get your minds out of the gutter! And yep, you guessed it - they were feasting on Sarah. Or more precisely, Sarah's remains. Yuck. Ick. Yeuch and Gross.
Who knew the spiders of Mirkwood were cannibals? And is cannibals the right description? And surely they had enough fan girls to feast on without resorting to eating one of their own? Nevermind, I had more important things to worry about than whether I was using the right terminology about spider cannibalism. Like how utterly revolting the sight was for a start.
The image was seared into my brain from now until, well until I found something more disgusting to replace it. I would give you a description but I think you can live without it. Trust me, what I saw was enough to stop me eating for days. No, on second thoughts, forever.
Looks like I'll be losing the weight I want to then, I thought before taking off on a mad run through the forest as my cries had made all the spiders look up to see what had interrupted them. "I am not going to be dessert!" I declared under my breath praying that I would get away from this.
There was no way on Middle Earth that things could get in any way, shape or form worse, I decided as I dashed back through the clearing where Sarah had met her end.
Idiot.
***************************
This just gets worse and worse! And who rescued me? And why? And will I ever escape this bloomin' forest? Who knows? R&R please!
Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?
"Hello?" I cried. After Sarah the spider's somewhat untimely (well untimely for her at least) end I was still stuck up in her web and my mysterious rescuer hadn't shown their face yet. "Is there anybody there?"
I saw movement to the left of the web, but couldn't distinguish who or what it was. If this had been several hours earlier I would have assumed that Legolas was about to rescue me. But after all that I had seen on this day she was the furthest from my mind. Perhaps it was the real elf prince? I mused. Veborion wasn't that bad looking really. A sort of elvish Orlando Bloom. And hey - who finds Orlando Bloom ugly? Exactly.
The movement ceased. I looked up expecting to see my rescuer. I saw nothing. Whoever, or whatever rescued me had decided not to make an appearance. Once again it seemed that I would have to rescue myself from a giant spider's web. Joy.
***
"I'm getting quite good at this!" I observed to myself. This time I'd managed to descend without falling flat on my face. "Pretty impressive, even if I do say so myself!" I glanced over to where the carcass of Sarah was. "Shouldn't have messed with me, mate! I'm indestructible! Taking on the world!" With that I wandered out of the clearing and made my way to wherever fate decided I should go next.
Yep that's right - where fate decided. I realised that what I wanted on this journey was obviously not going to happen unless I asked for something I didn't want. Brilliant eh? That's what I thought too.
***
This time however I didn't end up outside the Palace. Half an hour of walking brought me back into the clearing. Which was disturbingly lacking a body of a giant spider formally known as Sarah. This was perhaps not a good place to stay. I set off away from the clearing, taking a different route to the one I had previously chosen.
"ARGH!" I couldn't help myself. I had tumbled into what appeared to be something of a spider orgy. NO! Food not anything else - get your minds out of the gutter! And yep, you guessed it - they were feasting on Sarah. Or more precisely, Sarah's remains. Yuck. Ick. Yeuch and Gross.
Who knew the spiders of Mirkwood were cannibals? And is cannibals the right description? And surely they had enough fan girls to feast on without resorting to eating one of their own? Nevermind, I had more important things to worry about than whether I was using the right terminology about spider cannibalism. Like how utterly revolting the sight was for a start.
The image was seared into my brain from now until, well until I found something more disgusting to replace it. I would give you a description but I think you can live without it. Trust me, what I saw was enough to stop me eating for days. No, on second thoughts, forever.
Looks like I'll be losing the weight I want to then, I thought before taking off on a mad run through the forest as my cries had made all the spiders look up to see what had interrupted them. "I am not going to be dessert!" I declared under my breath praying that I would get away from this.
There was no way on Middle Earth that things could get in any way, shape or form worse, I decided as I dashed back through the clearing where Sarah had met her end.
Idiot.
***************************
This just gets worse and worse! And who rescued me? And why? And will I ever escape this bloomin' forest? Who knows? R&R please!
