Do. Not. Own. LOTR.

Faster

And after that thought what did I run into but a very large group of orcs. Yep, that's right, orcs. Big fuck off mess with me and I'll chop off your head after torturing you for hours for fun orcs. Marvellous.

The fact that I was still alive was basically that they were stunned by me running smack bang into their leader and knocking him off his feet. I managed to regain my balance and gazed blearily at the figures before me.

"Oh Shit." I took off running again. Now with orcs and spiders chasing me. This was not looking good. Not looking good at all.

***

Of course, you may be wondering why I was running around the forest blindly, what with the whole maps in the back of the books thing. Simple. Have you ever tried reading a map in the back of a paper book whilst it's raining, you're trying to avoid running into any trees and running for your life? It is not a wise idea. Not if you want to survive anyway.

Talking of surviving I still didn't know who shot the arrow. Part of me was grateful for not meeting my death by spider, the rest was too busy concentrating on how to survive what was happening to me now. Which was understandably far more important.

***

And so I ran. I didn't care where I was going to end up. Palace, edge of the forest, hell even Mordor seemed like a better place to be than where I was right now. I mean, it's not as if there were many more things that could be chasing me around Mirkwood. Hang on a minute... Where did Smaug live again? Now that really would be bad.

"No dragons. Got that? NO DRAGONS!" I shouted up to the sky as I continued my mad dash through the forest. "And what happened to the no rain I demanded earlier?" I puffed.

And as I did, magically it stopped raining. Hooray! No more rain. About time too! All I needed now was to wish away the orcs and spiders and then I'd find a way out of this hellhole. I paused for breath. BIG mistake.

***

The sounds of my pursuers came perilously close. My breath was heaving, my sides aching and oh yeah in case you forgot, my ankle was threatening to go out on strike for all the grief I had caused it. I sighed and set off running as best I could.

And then, there it was! The Palace! Right in front of me! I was sure there would be someone to welcome my arrival. Hey if I was lucky perhaps Aragorn would be there for the wedding! Perhaps he'd been the one to save me!

My mind wandered as I considered Aragorn and what was obviously to my mind at least, his actions. He, of course felt that nothing he had could tempt me, the mysterious and beautiful maiden who haunted his dreams, and so had left me in the web. Ashamed that he could never match my perfection. And that he was doomed to spend his life alone. Mourning the fact that though he loved me, he could never have me. I brightened. I would just have to change his mind wouldn't I?

And with that thought I headed for the Palace, noting the still smoking remains of the dungeons. Obviously the rain had put out my fire far more effectively than anything the elves had come up with.

As I ran towards where there seemed to be noise, I glanced down self consciously at what I was wearing. I looked like a monster from the deep. Ah well, I comforted myself with the fact that Aragorn would see past my outward appearance and see my inner beauty. And would then sweep me off my feet and back to Gondor to be his Queen. Cool. I never wanted to be a mere Princess anyway. I grinned, ignoring the sounds of the orcs and spiders behind me. Soon, they'd all be dead and I'd be adored by all the people in the land. Who needed elves anyway? They always look perfect.

"It's enough to give a poor girl a complex." I commented as I jogged the distance to where there seemed to be a large gathering. "I mean, what's with that. You know, good looks, immortal, extra sensitive to EVERYTHING... I don't think that's fair. What do you think?" I asked, looking up at the sky.

And then I ran a heck of a lot faster as arrows began to rain down on me from the orcs who had obviously got within firing distance. Yet again it seemed that I was running for my life. Oh well, not to worry, I'll be safe with Aragorn. He'll be out here rescuing me soon! I noted with satisfaction.

Idiot.

*******************************

And I will admit to really enjoying writing that chapter. Seems my sense of humour is far more twisted at 2:17am. Whatever. And yes, Faster is actually the title of a song. I thought it was quite apt for this chapter no?

The bit with maps is for the reviewer who asked why I didn't just read them and figure out which way to go. My sense of direction is rubbish at the best of times (and that is putting it very mildly) and I really wouldn't like having to figure out where the heck I was from those maps...

Anyway - I'm off for some food. Yep I'm hungry - I live at odd times. (wo)man cannot live on reviews alone y'know! But they do make me feel good - so R&R please!