Still. not. owner. of. Lotr. Dammit.

White Wedding

I was still running. Aiming for the mass of people (or elves, or whatever) that seemed to be massed outside the Palace. If of course I had thought about it the reason for them being there would have been obvious. Unfortunately, like the imbecile I am, such a thought had not yet crossed my mind. All I was intent on was getting away from the things that were chasing me...

Meanwhile...

The grounds were filled with nobles of all races. All were united for this ceremony, putting aside petty grievances, many that had lasted more than a millennia. Orcs and elves, dwarves and hobbits, men and uruk-hai, wizards and ringwraiths, nobles and peasants, enemies and friends, all were here to celebrate. The ceremony was already well underway.

A voice penetrated the grounds, loud and clear. "... if any here know why these two should not be joined together in matrimony for all eternity, speak now or forever hold your peace..."

The crowds held a collective breath. Never in the history of Middle Earth had there been a joining like the joining of these two, when suddenly...

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!"

I ran in, right down the aisle, looking like some hideous mud monster and being chased by some seriously pissed looking orcs and very hungry spiders. Not perhaps my best entrance ever, but it did rank as one of my most dramatic.

***

The elves had, somewhat unsurprisingly thought they were under attack. The wedding being used as a decoy. Which made them turn on the dwarves. The dwarves hotly denied this and pointed out that the elves were known for their truce with the spiders.

Consequently the dwarves claimed that it was an elvish conspiracy. The spiders and orcs having had arrows aimed at them from the confused elves fought back, and then fought between the two after one spider tried to eat an orc. As you do. And Princess Legolas was in floods of tears. Oops.

Then suddenly someone remembered my presence. That someone who answered to the name of Veborion.

"It is a conspiracy of Men!" He declared. Silence descended onto all those who were arguing.

"Men!" Came a voice from behind me. "You blame the race of Men for this?"

I glanced up at the man who strode angrily towards Veborion and noted his appearance. Sword, crown - ah, that'll be Aragorn then.

"She is of the race of Men!" Veborion said as he pointed at me. I smiled weakly. Veborion continued, "You are trying to divide the friendship between the elves and dwarves. And you are using her to do it! You men were always jealous of the harmony between us and the dwarves. It is part of a plot to overthrow the elves!"

The grounds went back into uproar. Everyone was shouting.

Me? I did the only logical thing I could do in the circumstances. Veborion had wound me up way too much. Now he was claiming I was part of a plot to overthrow the elves? That was it. 9 years of pacifism went right down the drain. I walked over to his smiling, smug arrogant elf face and mustered up all the strength I had left.

Then I said the only line that seemed appropriate in the circumstances. "Never trust an elf!" I pulled back my arm, aiming for his face, and punched him. Hard.

Idiot.

*****************************

Looks like the wedding's off folks. Oops. R&R please.

Please?

Come on.

You know you want to!

The button, dammit!

Press the button!