Out of the Shadows
Buffy and Dawn stood at their mother's grave together. This was the first time they have both come to visit her together. Two fresh bouquets laid at their feet, a dozen purple roses and six yellow daisies. The letter between them looked worn, the small ink of their mothers name faded into the paper. Dawn kneeled down running her fingers over the fresh bouquets and placed her lily across them. She rose back up to her feet dancing her fingers over the engraved words on the stone of her mother's tombstone.
"I love you mom." Dawn whispered as she stood.
Buffy wrapped an arm around her little sister tugging her into a small hug. Dawn glanced over at Tara's grave and then looked back at Buffy. Buffy stood there staring at the tombstone before her, and the fresh flowers. Every time she would walk by and see them here a smile would cross her face, this time was no different. Dawn nudged at her a little breaking her from whatever thoughts she was having. Buffy noticed Dawn was fidgeting in her arms, and shook her head letting Dawn go so she could go over to be with Tara for a little bit. Dawn leaned in and kissed her sister's cheek before turning and walking away.
"She really misses her, Mom." Buffy said as she watched Dawn walk across the cemetery. "Probably as much as she misses you. Those two were so close."
Dawn walked across the cemetery over to Tara's grave. The closer she came the slower her strides were. She became almost hesitant as she walked up
and cautiously reached her hand out and laid it on Willow's shoulder. This was the first time since they buried
Tara Willow has come to visit. It has
been almost two months too, and pretty much the entire time Willow stayed
inside her house, never wanting to come out.
So today, was a big group outing, supporting each other, mainly
supporting Willow as she talked to Tara.
Willow looked up in Dawn's face, and started crying reaching her hand up on top of Dawn's squeezing it softly. Dawn leaned down and sat next to Willow, wrapping her arm around her. Willow laid her head down on Dawn's shoulder and tried to whip her tears from her face. She just hasn't been able to stop crying since she took her first step into the cemetery. Dawn rocked with her gently, making soothing noises, trying to reassure her friend. Both of their conversations to Tara were spoken in silence as they sat together at her grave.
Buffy sat at her mother's grave still saying everything she needed to tell her. She needed to tell somebody about everything happening with Spike, and she knew her mother would enjoy the fact that Spike was able to stand outside in the sunlight. It was still unbelievable to Buffy that she saw him that day, even though she hadn't seen him since she knew it all really happened. She wanted to tell Dawn so badly about it, but didn't want Dawn trying to go out find where he was. Telling her mother though was just different. Buffy jumped when she felt a warm hand graze over her shoulder. Turning around Xander stood behind her smiling down at her. Buffy took his hand and he helped raise her to her feet.
"Goodbye Mom, see you soon." Buffy said as she glanced back over her shoulder, and out of the corner of her eye there he stood holding a single daisy between his fingers.
"What is it Buf?" Xander asked looking back at her frozen form.
"Uh?" Buffy mumbled.
Xander placed his hand on her chin and turned her to face him. "Buf, what is it?" Xander smiled letting go of her chin.
Buffy turned her head to see him one more time but he was already gone. "Oh, uh, nothing." Buffy turned back towards Xander. "Nothing."
Xander and Buffy walked over to Dawn and Willow sitting at Tara's grave. Buffy let go of Xander's hand and kneeled down next to Willow wrapping her arms around her friend and Xander sat behind the three girls and wrapped his arms around all three of them. Willow turned her head into Buffy's shoulder and started crying harder, broken tears of 'I'm sorry, and 'please forgive me' came out in muffled sobs. Buffy embraced her a little tighter and tried to calm her again. All her friends knew this was going to be hard for her to deal with, but they knew she needed to come.
"It's alright." Buffy cooed. "Everything is alright."
They all sat in a huddle of hugs at Tara's grave, holding each other, letting Willow cry until she felt, at least for the day anyways she had no more tears to cry. One by one they stood up, and let Willow say her final goodbye for now laying her flower down next to the fresh bouquet on the grass. Buffy wrapped her arm in Willow's and they turned around and started walking away. Dawn moved in step with the two friends and grabbed Willow's pale weak hand in hers. Over the past two months Willow had barely ate, or barely done anything at all and she has grown so tired and weak all the time. Nobody said anything to her about it, but in subtle ways tried to get her to eat and do stuff. Xander walked behind the girls, and they all headed back to Willow's home. For today this was enough, tomorrow they will try to get her to do something different.
Dawn and Buffy stayed over at Willow's until the sun went down, leaving Xander there with her until she goes to sleep. That is the way it has pretty much been since it all happened. Somebody always stayed with Willow until she fell asleep. Just recently has she been letting Buffy or Dawn stay with her. Somebody was always with Willow all of the time, even Anya had come over to make sure she was doing okay.
Buffy and Dawn walked up their front porch and a single daisy and a note lying next to the front door. Dawn reached down and picked it up smelling the daisy then handing it over to her sister. A small smile creped up on Buffy's face as she took the flower from Dawn, and tried to reach for the note. Dawn spun out of her reach and moved away from quickly taking the note from the small card it was in. She read the note with a smile and then stopped and stood staring at her sister. Buffy reached out and grabbed the note from her, read it and moved over to the door. She unlocked the door and walked in leaving Dawn on the porch frozen silence.
Buffy was at the top of the stairs when Dawn walked through the door and looked up at her departing sister.
"It's from him, isn't it?" Dawn asked.
Buffy stopped walking and took in a deep breath. She grabbed the railing in her fist and tried to still herself. She didn't know if she should tell Dawn what is going on, at least not yet. Buffy walked down the hall and heard Dawn running up the stairs as she stepped through the doorway to her room. Dawn stopped just short of her sister's door and stared at her back. She wouldn't even turn to look at her; she just threw the note and flower at her vanity and grabbed the door handle.
"Please Buffy." Dawn implored.
"You should get ready so we can go." Buffy said as she shut the door to her room.
Dawn stormed down the hall to her room, shouting at her sister as she slammed the door. Buffy leaned against her closed door and shuddered at the sound of the loud thud that thundered through their house. She walked over to her vanity and picked up the flower to take in its scent. Putting down the flower and picking up the note she walked over to her closet to pick out some clothes for tonight's training and patrol. She grabbed a pair of workout pants, and a comfortable short sleeve shirt and threw the clothes on her bed. She threw the note on the vanity with the flower and got dressed. Tonight she was going to tell Dawn about Spike.
Both the girls were training in the back part of the Magic Box. Tonight Buffy made Dawn work on the punching bag as she tried to meditate in the corner. The sounds of the punching bag stopped abruptly and silence took over the training room.
"Can I ask you a question?" Dawn inquired.
"Does it have to be now?" Buffy asked.
"Yes." Dawn said.
"Is it about the notes?" Buffy questioned.
"No! Like you would tell me anyways." Dawn mumbled.
Buffy opened her eyes and looked at her sister standing next to the punching bag almost out of breath. They both stared at each other until Buffy broke the silence. "Are you gonna ask Dawnie?"
"Where did the fresh flowers come from at mother's and Tara's graves?" Dawn wandered.
Buffy uncrossed her legs and leaned back a little wrapping her arms around her legs. Dawn watched as her sister tensed and hugged herself into a small tiny 'Slayer ball' and sat down on the ground next to the bag cross-legged. She looked into her older sister's eyes as she took in a big deep breath.
"Dawn, now if I tell you something, you have to promise that you won't freak out or anything like that." Buffy stated.
"Why would I freak out?" Dawn asked.
"Just no kinda freakin. I mean nothing, and you have to promise." Buffy forced.
"Fine. Fine. I promise no matter what you tell me I won't do any kind of freaking." Dawn whined as she raised her right hand over her heart.
Buffy glared at her small sister and took in another deep breath. She didn't know why this was so damn hard to tell her sister.
"Okay, here it is." Buffy inhaled. "Spike is back."
"Yeah I kinda already know that one." Dawn smiled.
"You don't know though that he is back and can walk in the sunlight." Buffy said.
"Well he has always walked in the sunlight with a blanket." Dawn said.
"Are you going to keep interrupting me Dawn?" Buffy asked.
"I'm sorry, go on." Dawn said.
"Okay. Well you know how we have been seeing him everywhere all the time. Well he is back, but I don't know where he is. Remember that day we went to Willow's a couple weeks ago and I forgot that gift and ran home. Well he was there behind the tree. He stepped out from the tree in the sun, no blanket, no cover, nothing and just stood right in the sun. He came up and talked to me on the porch. He has a heartbeat and breath, and he feels so different, and he is the one…..the one, that…well the one that…." Buffy stuttered. "He's the one that has been leaving the bouquets with mom and Tara. He is the one leaving me the notes and the flowers. He's the one."
"The one what?" Anya interrupted.
Buffy looked up in surprise. She didn't even hear Anya walk through the door, and before she knew it Dawn was speaking.
"Spike's the one." Dawn whispered.
"Spike?" Anya muffled became uncomfortable and walked back out of the weight room.
Buffy and Dawn just looked at each other. Neither of them noticed Anya walking back fidgeting with her hands. She stood between the two sisters', turned towards Buffy and looked down at her.
"I'm sorry Buffy. I didn't know you two were….well you two were a thing…."
"Not a thing." Buffy interrupted.
"Well whatever, I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt anybody. It was just, just…..it was just we both needed to feel better, and if I would have know he was talking about you. I should have known he was talking about you, he always talked about you….I should have known. I'm just….just sorry, okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep with him." Anya rambled out, and before Buffy could say anything she was back out in the shop with the door shut behind her.
Buffy looked over at Dawn and rose to her feet. She walked out of the room shutting the door behind her, and Dawn stood up and started punching at the bag again. A small knock at the back door shook Dawn from her concentration on the bag. She grabbed a sword off the wall and warily moved towards the door, opening it cautiously. She stepped in front of the open door and froze, she couldn't move. The sword fell to the ground with a thundering echo.
"Well aren't you going to invite me in Nibblet?" Spike asked.
In the shop of the Magic Box Buffy found Anya moving around the shop cleaning up what all the customers of the day messed with. Buffy moved over to the table and sat at one of the benches and stared as Anya walked around to the other side of the shelves. The place looked a lot better, it still needed a little work here and there, but it didn't look a tornado came down inside of it anymore.
"Will you please sit down An?" Buffy questioned.
She could hear Anya stop moving behind the shelf, and felt her moving closer to her. Now that Anya was back to being Anyanka, Buffy has been able to sense her a lot better, just not all the time. Anya came around the corner fidgeting her finger in the feathers of the duster. She looked up at Buffy for a moment, then blushed and looked back down at the floor as she moved over to the other bench on the other side of the table. Anya threw the duster on the table and folded her hands together.
"So, ummm how's Willow doing?" Anya wandered.
"She's doing the same as when you saw her yesterday." Buffy smiled. "I didn't come in here to talk about her though."
"I…I know. You want to talk about Spike." Anya said.
"Well, yeah." Buffy whispered.
"I did not mean to sleep with him. It is not because I hate you or anything." Anya said. "I did it because…"
"I know why you did it Anya. It's okay….well I mean it's not really okay, but I understand. Spike and I are….well are in a difficult situation." Buffy said and began fidgeting herself.
"If I would have known you have feelings for him…."
"I don't…I mean I do, but…but things are just complicated." Buffy stuttered.
"Because of what happened?" Anya asked.
"A lot has happened, but it is me. Things are just complicated because of me, and now…now things have changed." Buffy said.
"Because he has a soul?" Anya questioned.
"Yea…..what, how….when did you see him?" Buffy looked shocked, confused. She had no idea anybody else knew he was here.
"Well….I mean he has come here and apologized for, well you know, and we talked about it, and he helped me fix up some stuff." Anya replied.
"You have talked to him?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, we talked. He
told me what happened in Africa…"
"Africa?" Buffy interrupted.
"Yes, that is where he got his soul. He came here and we just talked one day. He said he was going to see you. He hasn't seen you yet?" Anya wandered.
"Well he has seen me, but…..but it was…it was kind of brief and he…..he had the heartbeat and the breathing and things are so…..so different now." Buffy stammered over the words.
"He doesn't feel like he deserves you anymore, but he still loves you." Anya offered.
"You know about that?" Buffy cried.
"I was able to feel the pain inside him, and see what happened. He was hurting…and…" Anya said and gestured at herself making a small demon growl.
Buffy whipped the couple tears that fell down her cheeks aside and stood from the table and walked over to the door. "I don't really deserve him either." Buffy said as she opened the door.
Anya stood up from her seat looking at Buffy. "You know demons can love!" Anya shouted and Buffy turned in the open doorway and stared back at her. "I still love Xander."
Buffy smiled back at her demon friend standing in the middle of the Magic Box. She didn't see Spike hugging her sister goodbye and walking out the back door. Just as Dawn turned from the steel door leading into the alley, Buffy walked in the room and shut the door. She moved over to the couch that had her bag in it and grabbed it up indicating to Dawn it was time to leave. Dawn couldn't stop smiling as she followed her sister out through the shop saying goodbye to Anya for the night. They both walked thru the cemetery on patrol together finding a couple vampires here and there to stake. Dawn actually got to dust a couple tonight and Buffy couldn't be more proud of her then she was tonight. Both a little tired from the events they headed back to Revello Drive.
"I know you shouldn't forgive him, but you both need each other." Dawn blurted out.
"Where did that come from?" Buffy asked looking at her sister, for the first time noticing her smile.
"He stopped by tonight." Dawn smiled.
"He was at the Magic Box? When?" Buffy questioned.
"When you were in talking to Anya." Dawn told her.
"What did he say?" Buffy asked.
"He said a lot, but what's important is what you said not too long ago." Dawn said.
"And what was it that I said that is about to bite me in the ass?" Buffy smiled.
"Love makes you do the crazy." Dawn offered.
"You heard that?" Buffy laughed.
"Just because I don't listen, doesn't mean I don't hear." Dawn smiled. "You both deserve each other even though neither of you think you do for one reason or the other, you do. He is what you need Buffy and now he has a soul, a heartbeat, and breath."
"That is no reason to love somebody." Buffy said.
"No its not. You love somebody because you love somebody, because you need them and want them. You forgive somebody because it hurts too much not to. He changed to be a better man for you, and even that isn't a reason to love somebody, but loving somebody shouldn't be a regret that wears on your shoulders because you are afraid." Dawn said.
"How did you get so smart?" Buffy smiled.
"From listening to you and Spike." Dawn laughed.
They walked inside their house both heading to their individual rooms. Dawn stood watching, as Buffy was just about to shut her door and stopped her, pulling a daisy and a note from her pocket.
"Buffy! He wanted me to give you this." Dawn said handing her the small tokens.
Buffy took them from her and said goodnight to her sister one last time before heading back into her room. While shutting the door Dawn's voice echoed through her mind with her last words of the night.
"Demons can love." Dawn offered. "Spike loves me."
Buffy sat on her bed holding the new daisy and note in her hand. Over the past month and a half she has at the very least gotten this at least once a day. She hated throwing the flowers away but she had to throw some of them away. A small box began to fill with the left notes and a few small dried daises inside. She smelled the flower in her hand and placed it on the lid of the box and opened the small note.
Tomorrow luv, please. At the park at noon pet.
Buffy could barely sleep through night. She tossed and turned with images of the times she has spent with him in the past. She went over everything in her mind. The first time she met him in the dark alley behind the Bronze applauding her for dusting his minion, the threat of killing her spilling from his lips. Their first fight, many of the others they have had since. Their first kiss when she felt so sorry for him after the pain he went through for her, and then when he told her he loved her. The words he used, he was so passionate. The first real passionate kiss, not counting the time they were under the spell, but the one that was behind the Bronze. Kind of a fitting place to have their first passionate kiss she mussed, you know it being the first place they met. The thoughts of all the times they spent alone, intimately alone. Her body tensed and shivered as she started remembering what it felt like for him to be buried inside her filling her up. He was so amazing being inside of her. He knew how to move in her, was able to handle the strength she bottled up when she was with a human.
"Oh my God!" Buffy shot up in her bed. "He's human now."
The next morning did not come quick enough for Buffy and all she did all morning was change her clothes and stare at the clock, watching it click by very slowly. Time seemed to absolutely stop as her and Dawn sat in the kitchen.
"You know the clock isn't going to move any faster if you stare at it like that." Dawn said.
Buffy just sat there then got up and ran upstairs. A few minutes later she came running down the stairs blowing into the kitchen with yet another outfit on. Red leather pants and a white spaghetti strap shirt, her hair down and curling under her face.
"How does this look?" Buffy asked.
"It looked just as good as the outfit before that, and the one before that one, and the five others before that one." Dawn smiled.
Buffy moved over to the fridge and grabbed the orange juice out and poured herself a glass. Putting it back away and walking to sit down at the table with Dawn. Dawn sat staring at her tapping her fingers on the table. A few minutes of that and Buffy slapped her hand over Dawn's quieting the room once again.
"Do you have to do that?" Buffy asked.
"What are you gonna say?" Dawn ignored her question.
"Are you going to stop with the tapping?" Buffy asked.
"I've already stopped." Dawn smiled and slipped her hand out from under Buffy's. "What are you gonna say?"
"I don't know." Buffy said and stood up running back up the stairs.
Buffy ran down the stairs this time in a pale yellow sundress. Her tanned body seemingly darker under the garment, and white low strappy heels, making her look taller then she really was. Her hair pulled back away from her face with little bit of strands cupping around her face. She stood in the kitchen and noticed Dawn wasn't there anymore and ran into the living room.
"How about this one?" Buffy asked as she spun around and the dress lifted slightly from her legs.
"You look beautiful Buffy." Dawn said. "Stop changing it is almost time for you to leave."
"What time is it?" Buffy asked.
"It's 11:30. You need to leave really soon." Dawn stated.
Buffy moved to the door grabbing her keys and sunglasses from the end table and opening the door.
"What are you gonna say?" Dawn hollered.
"I don't know!" Buffy yelled back shutting the door as she walked out of the house.
Buffy walked through the park impatiently looking around to see where Spike was. She stopped for a moment and looked around at all the children playing in the park and watched as they all ran around chasing one another. Spike moved out of the shadows of the tree and stood behind her in the sunlight.
"I'm glad you came Buffy." Spike smiled.
Her knees felt weak as her name dripped over his lips. Spike felt like his chest was going to explode staring at her gorgeous body in the sunlight. She was so amazing, but the light made her look like a fallen angel the gods were asking to come back home. Both of them caught their breath in their throat as their thoughts took them away for a moment. Buffy turned on her heel to look at him and her heart began to race as his pale face lit up in the sun. She lifted her glasses to see him better and he got lost in her eyes. He could tell she wanted to say something.
"What are going to say, luv?" Spike questioned.
"I….I don't know." Buffy whispered.
"Maybe you wanna ask me something pet?" Spike wandered.
Buffy laid her small hand on his chest and felt his beating heart thunder under his warm flesh. "Are you….are you…"
"Am I human?" Spike interrupted.
"Yeah are you human?" Buffy mumbled.
"Just because I have a soul and heartbeat?" Spike asked.
"Yeah…I mean…I mean no." Buffy muttered. "I was just, just wandering."
"Would it change anything if I were human?" Spike inquired.
"I don't know. I don't think so." Buffy said.
"Would you miss this?" Spike asked shaking his head morphing into the vampire he is.
Buffy gasped and slid her hand up his chest, feeling his pulse at his neck as she grazed her fingertips over the lumps of his face. Feeling the monster that lurked behind the man he is.
"It's part of you and I…..I would miss you." Buffy cried. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." Spike said. He shook his head again shaking off the demon. His face was perfect, pale from over a 100 years of darkness as he leaned into her lips hesitantly.
Spike stopped right before he touched her lips with his. Buffy moved her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down caressing his bottom lip with her tongue asking for entrance. Spike obliged and opened up to her tasting her purely for the first time, out in the sun, the way she deserved to be tasted. She poured herself into him, gave him what she has been holding back since their first kiss. She gave him all of her, her pain, her want, her need and passion, and her love. Spike broke from her lips needing to take a breath.
Buffy leaned into his chest and listened to his heartbeat and began to cry in his arms. Spike held her a little tighter to him.
"What is it luv?" Spike asked.
"It hurts." Buffy whimpered.
"What hurts?" Spike was concerned and moved her face to look down into her eyes.
"It hurts not to forgive you. It hurts not to forgive myself." Buffy cried.
"I know it hurts." Spike offered. "I hurt too. I will walk away if you want me to Buffy. I know I hurt you."
Spike let go of her and started to back away, and Buffy stood there staring into his blue eyes. He moved into the shadows of the trees, fading away into the darkness.
"Spike!" Buffy yelled before he was gone.
Spike stopped in the shadows and watched as Buffy began walking towards him slowly. Each foot moving in front of the other as her hips swayed in the light. The few strands of hair bounced around her face as she moved closer to him and into the shadows with him.
"Do you really want to walk in the shadows with me Buffy?" Spike asked.
"Do you really want to walk in the daylight with me Spike?" Buffy retorted.
"I would want to walk through Hell if I thought for one moment I would be able to do it with you." Spike said.
"I guess love just make you do the crazy." Buffy smiled.
"Love hurts." Spike whispered and moved closer to her dipping his head down to hers. Buffy closed her eyes and felt his lips gently caress her bottom lip warming up her senses, sending shivers down her spine, making her heart melt. He pulled away moving his lips to her ear nipping at the tender skin of her earlobe and at her neck, feeling her pulse beneath his lips.
"It hurts in all the right places." Spike whispered to her.
When Buffy opened her eyes he was gone.
What You DeserveSpike stood in the middle of Main Street leaning up against a tree smoking his cigarette. Buffy couldn't help but smile as she strolled up over to him wrapping her arms around his warm body. She still hasn't gotten used to feeling him warm against her, or seeing him in the sun like this. Like he was just "normal." He took her cheek in his hand and pulled her face to his in a gentle kiss. Their tongues massaged each other's and Buffy pulled on his coat trying to get closer into the kiss, moaning into his mouth. He broke from her lips and she ran kisses down his neck feeling his pulse beneath her lips.
"It won't last forever." She heard him say.
What won't last forever?" Buffy asked as she licked on the sensitive skin just under his ear.
He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest. The steady rise and fall of his chest as his heart thundered beneath fluttered through Buffy's hand and up her body. A shy smile grazed over her features at the feel of it all and she moved over his lips gently kissing his bottom lip as she moved to the other side of his neck. He pushed firmly on her hand on his chest as he felt her lips tickle his neck up to his other ear again.
"This won't last forever." He said firmly holding her hand on his chest. "It won't always beat."
Buffy opened her eyes and saw brown where there should have been blonde. Her hand stopped moving in unison with his chest, and the heartbeat stopped pounding. She froze realizing his arm was no longer wrapped around her waist, and the grip of his hand clenched to hers was tighter, practically hurting her. She tried to step back but he yanked her to him, and her eyes met dark piercing brown ones.
"It didn't with me." Angel snarled as he ripped her body close to his crushing her small form to him. "I gave it all back to be a monster again, remember?"
Buffy tried to break free from his hold on her, but was too weak to push him off of her. She shook her head, shaking in fear as his face went from the angelic look of a man to the monster that lied behind the mask and his fangs plunged down into her neck. Her eyes squeezed shut and the piercing pain at her neck went away, her hand was free, and she could no longer feel him holding her. She hesitantly opened her eyes afraid he would still be there in front of her. She was no longer in Sunnydale she guessed. Everything was open around her; miles of sand were at her feet, behind and before her. There was no ocean, just vacant earth surrounding her. A small hill stood before her with glowing red tinge lighting behind it. She made her way over to the hill turning around the corner seeing a tall woman standing in a black dress. Her hair was short and brown, the dress coming down to her bare feet, with a slit riding back up to her hip. Buffy prepared herself to fight if needing to as she moved around the woman to see who she was.
"Don't you know he did it for you? They all do it for you." Cordelia said.
"Did what I don't understand." Buffy cried. "What did they do for me?"
Cordelia leaned down next to the fire warming her in the radiant heat. She looked up at Buffy tilting her head in confusion as Buffy stared down at her.
"They do everything for you. They give you what you deserve." Cordelia said.
Cordelia disappeared into the fire right in front of Buffy. She leaned over the flames and try to figure out was happening when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Buffy flung around and saw Willow standing behind. Willow turned away from her and started walking over to the blue ocean. The waves crashed against her ankles as she walked through the small tide coming up the beach.
"Will…"
Willow turned to Buffy when she started to speak bringing her finger up to her own lips. "Shhhh, Buffy not now." Willow whispered.
Buffy walked behind her following her, hoping sometime soon things would start to make sense to her. Willow stopped abruptly and Buffy slammed into her as she was taken from her thoughts with the sudden stop. Willow turned back to face her friend then pointed out into the middle of the ocean. Huge mountains covered the sides of the shores and gigantic waves crashed into the hard earth. Over the ocean in the stillness of the deep stood Spike and Angel dancing over the water.
"They do." Willow said turning away from her friend.
Buffy glanced over at Willow and then back over to the ocean, but Spike and Angel were gone. The ocean stood still in blackness out in the middle as the wind started to pick up around the two friends.
"What is going on Willow?" Buffy asked. "I don't understand."
"Of course you don't Buffy. You don't see what is in front of you." Willow stated.
Willow vanished and the ocean was gone. Buffy stood in the forest, wryly trees and twisted branches surrounded her, and the green darkness swarmed her being. The forest was vacant of sound nothing to make it seem like she wasn't alone. She started walking through the forest trying to find somebody, anybody even if she didn't know them. She just wanted to figure out what was going on. She made her way slowly through the forest pushing away the vines and branches, trying to make her way to wherever she was suppose to go.
"You never see do you Buffy?" A voice crashed from behind her. She turned quickly and saw the tall dark form of Angel walking away from her. She ran to catch him but there were too many things blocking her path. She couldn't keep up with him; she stopped in frustration at a small clearing. No longer able to see Angel she turned to walk the way she came. Spike stood in front of her in blue jeans a red shirt and sunglasses blocking his gorgeous blue eyes. Buffy lunged into his arms wrapping her tiny arms around his waist pulling him into her grasp. She hid her face in his chest and started to cry, confusion wrapping around her mind.
"You do deserve it, luv." Spike whispered in her ear.
"Deserve what, Spike?" Buffy asked.
"Do you really think he deserves you?" Xander asked, anger pouring from his words. "After what he did to you, do you think a soul make him deserve you?"
Buffy moved out from his arms and looked at Xander's face. His anger flashed and marred over his features as he waited for her response. Buffy backed away staring at Xander as he leaned back against a tombstone crossing his arms over his chest staring at Buffy.
"She deserves to be happy." Anya said as she walked towards them through the cemetery. Buffy turned around sharply and watched as Anya walked up to her and put her arm around Buffy's shoulders. "They always give her everything but in the end she doesn't get to enjoy it."
Xander grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her out of Anya's grasp over to him capturing her in his arms. Buffy tried to break free from his arms but Xander was much stronger then her. Buffy tried to scream to get him to let go but nothing came from her mouth. Her eyes pleaded for Anya to help her but she just stood there watching Xander hold Buffy to him.
"You want this life Slayer?" Harsh words swam over her ears and a rough sharp tongue poked at her neck. Buffy turned to see what Xander was doing, but the face was old and wrinkled. The eyes piercing back at her were sharp yellow, stinging through Buffy's fear as the Master stared at her. Buffy pushed away from him and the Master just watched as she backed away. No longer in the cemetery but a lonely dark stoned house, full of ancient paintings and marble statues Buffy backed away from the Master carefully, never leaving her eyes from his. Her hand moved up her neck slowly moving towards the old scars at her neck. A cold hand grabbed hers and stopped her before she was able to touch the old wounds.
"I told you they were not worthy." Dracula slithered. His hand overlapping her own and moving it down her body roaming over her breasts and belly, wrapping around her waist. "I told you, you had no idea what you are." He lowered his head down to her neck kissing over her pulse and his fangs dug through her flesh. Her blood poured into his mouth, over his cool lips. Buffy leaned back against Dracula's form, and he held her up catching her weight in his arms. Her eyes shut as the pain ripped through her very being.
"Still want a little monster in your man, Buff?" Riley questioned.
Buffy opened her eyes when she heard Riley's voice echo through her ears. He stood before her with his arms crossed over his chest. Buffy started to go to him, but shackles held her against a stone wall. The room they were in was empty and cleaner then the last room. It had a fireplace in it, which warmed the air around them, but the chains around her wrist were cold and ancient. She pulled on them trying to break free, to go to Riley. A blonde woman moved behind Riley gliding her hand over his chest. As she moved her lips closer to his neck, her face shifted into a vampire's mask and her fangs dug into his neck feeding off of him. As she watched a hand that roamed over her back tickling her spine made her shiver. The chains were too strong to get away from whoever was behind her, trying to grab her. The hands moved around her body, the dark hair dipping under her chained arms. Angel stood in front of her blocking her view of Riley and the female vampire at his neck. Angel grabbed her face in his hands and pulled her towards his lips. Lingering at her lips with his own, her body tensed and she pulled harder at the shackles trying to break free.
"It's different isn't it, Buffy?" Giles asked.
Buffy opened her eyes and saw Angel staring back at her. He inhaled sharply and roughly let go of her face and backed away walking straight past Giles. Riley and the vampire were gone. The chains that held her to the wall had vanished and Angel disappeared into the stacks in the library that was once in her old high school. Giles sat at the table that always stood in the middle of the library. Buffy slowly moved closer to him wandering what was going on. Looking around the library amazed it was still here.
"Giles, what is going on?" Buffy asked.
"A change." Giles responded. "Everything is so different isn't it, Buffy?"
Buffy shrugged. "Everything has been different for a long time, Giles. You know that." Buffy answered.
"Yes I did, but did you? Do you really see the change? Do you really see him this time?" Giles wandered.
"See who Giles? I don't understand what is going on." Buffy shouted.
"Me." Spike said as he walked through the door of the library. "Do you really see the change in me?"
"Yeah, of course." Buffy said agitatedly. "You can walk in the sunlight. I see it."
"That is not who he really is." Angel said as he stood at the top balcony in front of the stacks. Buffy turned quickly facing him and looked to Giles trying to find out what was going on. Giles stood there in silence staring back at his slayer.
"He's a monster." Xander offered as he stepped through Giles' office door with the face of a vampire.
"He's a demon." Anya stated as she walked past Buffy brushing hard up against her staring into her eyes with her ancient demon mask etched on her face. Anya moved over to Xander and he wrapped his arm around her.
"He's giving you what you deserve." Cordelia said moving out from behind Angel wrapping her arm in with his.
"A little monster in your man." Riley offered moving out from behind the cage that once held Oz during the full moons.
"Normal is not your thing." Willow said as she raised her hand on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy swung around to see her friend behind her and then spun on her heel to see everybody clouding the library staring at her.
"You don't even know what you are." Dracula spoke up from behind her making Buffy's skin crawl. She wanted to run but was frozen in the middle of all her friends, her enemies. Everybody that has touched her life in one-way or another.
"The funny thing is you don't want to know, do you." The Master spoke from behind her.
Buffy spun around seeing everybody staring at her frozen in their spots. Spike still stood by the front doors to the library staring at her with those eyes a look of remorse locked on his features. He reached his hand out to her and she tried to move to him.
"Come with me, pet." Spike begged reaching out to her.
"He doesn't deserve you!" Angel shouted. "A soul doesn't change the monster he is Buffy." Angel said standing now in front of her. His face morphed into the demon he carried under the surface. "I should know."
Buffy shut her eyes and dropped to the floor at his feet. Her hands clamped over her ears and she started crying uncontrollably. She rocked on her heels trying to make everybody just go way.
"You're not real. You're not real. You're not real." Buffy muttered rocking back and forth.
"Buffy!" Dawn shouted holding her sister trying to get her to open her eyes. Finally Dawn was able to break through Buffy's little mantra of fear to get her to stop rocking and look up at her. Dawn sat with Buffy in the living room wrapping her arms around her and Buffy was curled up in her little sister's arms with faint tears running down her cheeks.
"Nothing will change the past Buffy, and only you can change the future." Dawn whispered.
"If he made you happy, sweetie, then don't make yourself miserable." Joyce said appearing from the kitchen, walking over to her two daughters on the couch. She wrapped her arms around her two girls and held onto them tightly. "Does he make you happy Buffy?"
"He makes me…..he makes…" Buffy cried.
"What, honey?" Joyce urged.
Spike stood in the middle of the living room watching over the three Summers' woman. He couldn't help but smile seeing them all together once more. They all looked up to see him standing there smiling and the light from the sun started moving across the floor of the living room lighting up the carpet moving closer to his feet. The sun moved up his legs and his black jeans began to smoke from the light. The duster that dawned his shoulders and draped over his body began burning as the sun began covering him completely. Buffy tried to get up from the couch and run to him, but Joyce and Dawn held her down on the couch as they all watched as the sun moved rapidly over Spike's entire body engulfing him in light and flames. Buffy was screaming from the couch as slowly dust fell from where Spike stood, his face the last to burn. His lingering words of "You're my girl" hanging in the air clouded by the dust. When the dust settled she broke from the arms of her family and ran over to the pile on the floor wanting to touch what was left of him.
"Why?" Buffy cried.
"You needed to see, sweetie." Joyce said sadly.
Buffy's alarm clock was ringing through her ears. She rolled over on her back and tried slapping at what was making the awful noise. After turning off the offending noise she stretched and rubbed at her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling of her room and stared for a moment before shaking her head trying to rid herself of the images left there by her dream.
"What was that all about?" Buffy asked herself as she rolled out of her bed.
She pulled out an outfit from her closest and made her way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Her and Dawn were going to spend some time together and sometime they were suppose to meet with Anya and Willow for a girls day out. After getting dressed she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen to make some breakfast for the two girls before they left. She sat at the kitchen table waiting for her sister to come down the stairs. Images of her dream that night haunted her memories, every ones words echoing across her mind. She had no clue what any of it meant, and it was really beginning to annoy her. She had to sometime find out where Spike was and figure out what was happening.
Dawn and Buffy went out together for early shopping and then met Willow and Anya at the Magic Box for some lunch. At lunch, conversation ran a little short and most of the time it was nothing but careful steps of conversation pieces. Willow had told the gang she was going to try to move out of her parents house in a little bit, needing to get away. Buffy had offered her to come back to the Summers' residence but it was too hard for Willow to do right now so she respectfully declined. Everything else seemed to be small talk amongst the four friends, which gave Buffy time to get lost occasionally on her own thoughts of Spike. Afterwards Anya had to get back to the store, Willow wanted to go home, and Dawn and Buffy thought it would be a good idea to just rent a movie tonight, and then maybe try to workout a little. Walking from the video store Dawn couldn't contain her wonder any longer.
"You have been thinking about him all day?" Dawn smiled.
"Who?" Buffy defended.
"I know you were thinking about Spike, Buffy." Dawn said. "It is so obvious."
"How is it so obvious?" Buffy mocked. "Even though I wasn't thinking of him."
"Well I could say it was obvious when every time a guy with blonde hair walked by you would perk up out of your chair, or the fact that you weren't listening to anything anybody was saying. But I would have to say the best one was when you started out one of your sentences with 'Spike, I' and then clammed up to continue on with some lame cover up." Dawn laughed.
"I….I did not." Buffy blushed.
"Yes, you did." Dawn said. "It is so obvious all the time. Why don't you just go see him?"
"I…I don't know where he is." Buffy stammered. "And anyways, I…I shouldn't go see him."
"Why?" Dawn asked confused.
"Because he is a vampire…"
"With a soul, that walks in the daylight." Dawn interrupted.
"And I am the Slayer." Buffy continued. "We shouldn't be….I mean I shouldn't be seeing him. I should be with a normal guy."
"Normal is not your thing." Dawn offered.
Buffy looked at Dawn in shock, those words were in her dream. A different person said them, but it was those same words. Buffy stopped and grabbed Dawns shoulder turning her around to face her.
"Why do you say that?" Buffy demanded.
"Hello. You are the chosen one. The slayer that fights vampires, blah, blah, blah, has a sister that was once a big ball of greenness, a best friend who was the most powerful witch in all the world, another who was this close to marrying a 1000 year old demon vengeance demon, who now is a demon again." Dawn put her finger and thumb as close together as possible without touching to emphasize how close the wedding really was. "An ex-boyfriend that went psycho monster killer on all your friends, then you sent him to Hell which he came from only to leave you again. Another ex-boyfriend that was in a military demon catcher group that left you because he felt you were a little too close to the 'dark side.' Another vampire in love with you, killing a God, and did I mention yet the fact that you were risen from the dead."
"Thanks for the recap." Buffy huffed.
"Face it Buffy. Normal just is not your not thing. And you need to see it." Dawn said and then pulled from her grasp to walk home leaving Buffy where she stood.
The night went by pretty fast, and after Dawn and her little talk in the middle of the street not much was said between the two of them all night. They trained for a little bit after the movie and went on patrol both killing a couple vamps in two of local cemeteries. Mainly it was a slow night and now Buffy sat on the edge of her bed restless, unable to sleep. She had been stirring for about two hours with no luck. Went and took a hot shower trying to calm down a little, and even went through all of her little notes Spike has been leaving for her through out the last few months. It had been three weeks since that day in the park. She knew though he has been around from the little notes and flowers left here and there around her house.
Buffy went to her closet and pulled out some cream color sweats and a matching sweatshirt with a hood. She made her way down the stairs stuffing some stakes expertly hidden in her clothes and grabbing one crossbow to carry with her. She needed to go out and kill something a little more, and she needed to find Spike. The first cemetery she walked through was relatively empty, only one fresh grave and after waiting for what felt like an eternity, Buffy chalked up that this dead person died of natural causes, not un-natural Sunnydale causes. In a dark alley she ran into two slimy demons trying to mug a couple that just left a bar and was walking home because they were obviously too drunk to drive. Buffy shot her crossbow at the one demons holding the couple and he dropped to the ground instantly letting the drunken couple stagger away quickly leaving Buffy and one slimy green demon alone with her. After a couple swift blows to the face, and nicely planted kicks to the demon's body Buffy slipped her one single blade from her long sleeve and slit the demons neck as he kneeled on his knees.
Feeling a little better and exhilarated from the small battle Buffy quickened her pace through the rest of the cemeteries. Her last one she always walked through was the one with her mother and Tara in it. It sort of became a tradition for Buffy now to say goodnight to them before heading home. She only did this part when she patrolled on her own, mainly because she always stopped and talked to them both, wanting a private conversation with them. Sometimes she noticed that Willow has obviously been by to see Tara, but she never approached Will about it, just smiled contently at the thought of it all. Tonight though somebody beat her to conversation with the two people she loved, and apparently he wasn't done yet.
Buffy snuck up as close as she could to her mother's grave, hiding behind trees, trying to be careful not to be noticed by the vampire that lay over the grave. She focused on trying to hear what he was saying.
"I know I don't deserve your daughter, but I personally don't believe anybody deserves her. Not Peaches, not Captain Cardboard, nobody really, but I do love her." Spike spoke out loud. "I know I shouldn't love her, and I have tried so hard not to, but she's inside me now. She's been inside me even when I tried to kill her." Spike laughed.
"Sorry." He said as he played with the grass with his still pale hand. "Everything just got so painful and so good all at the same time. No excuses for me, for what I have done. I own up to everything I have done or said to her, and there is no way I can take any of it back. I am different though. Still no reason for her to love me, I know you're saying up there, but it is a bigger reason for me to love her." Spike shook his head at the thought of everything that was going through his mind and what all he was saying. He sat up a little and fixed the fresh bouquets he brought for her. "If she really saw me when she looked at me and told me to leave, I would." Spike said as he stood up.
Buffy watched as he walked over to Tara's grave with a small bouquet of fresh flowers. Kneeling down to pick up the dead bouquet and replacing it with the fresh one he leaned his hand out and moved his fingers over the engraved words that were on the tombstone. She heard his voice but couldn't make out what he said to her. Buffy stood still behind the big tree and watched as he walked out of the cemetery. She followed behind him carefully trying to figure out where he had been staying since he got back and left his old crypt.
Spike stopped suddenly outside of a small nice house. It was on the other side of Sunnydale pretty secluded from the city, not too many neighbors around crowding him. He stood unmoving in front of the house turning his head slightly from side to side. Buffy realizing he could feel her presence moved from out behind the fence she was hiding behind and started walking up to his back.
"You should be more careful Spike." Buffy grinned. "You never know who is behind you carrying a knife."
"Is that what you are carrying luv?" Spike asked still facing the other way.
"I could be." Buffy smiled.
"Have we resorted to following, Slayer?" Spike asked coyly.
"I…I wasn't…I wasn't following." Buffy stuttered.
"You just happen to be lurking behind me all the way to my home?" Spike wandered.
"I wasn't lurking." Buffy demanded. "I was walking. How did you put it? It's a whole different vibe."
Spike smiled and turned around to face her finally. He took a couple steps closer to her and then stopped before reaching her. He thought for a moment that it was time for her to come him if she really wanted him. After everything he couldn't go to her any longer. His two steps forward ended up being three slight steps backwards, trying to be un-noticeable in his movements. Buffy frowned when she saw him back away and stepped forward just slightly coming into the light a little more.
"You go see them often don't you?" Buffy asked.
"Who?" Spike questioned.
"Tara and my mom." Buffy said. "I know you do because I always see the flowers you leave."
"I go sometimes." Spike admitted. "I liked both of them."
"Do you talk to them every time you go see them?" Buffy asked.
"I talk when I have something on my mind." Spike said.
Buffy walked forward and placed her small hand on his chest watching as it rose and fell with the rhythm of his breathing. When he didn't need to breathe he sometimes would out of habit, so that was nearly amazing to her as the beating that still came from his chest.
"You must have a lot on your mind now." Buffy whispered.
Spike inhaled deeply, smelling her scent and letting it overwhelm all of his senses. She still amazed him, still made his knees weak, and now he had to remember to breathe when she was around him, and his heart beating faster when she touched him.
"I feel your heart beating." Buffy smiled leaning her forehead on his chest. "It is so fast."
Spike watched as Buffy buried her face into his chest, her head moving slightly with his breathing. She moved her hand around to his back and her other hand wrapped around him holding him to her. Spike closed his eyes and moved his arms around her small form.
"I don't want you to leave, ever." Buffy cried into his chest. "I deserve to be happy, and more times then not, you do make me happy, and that's what I see in you."
"Buffy, I don't…"
Buffy moved in and interrupted whatever it was Spike was going to say by capturing his lips with hers. She didn't want to hear anymore 'sorrys' or what she deserved. She just wanted to feel again. It was true what she said at the wedding. It did hurt to see him with some other girl. In the bathroom when she admitted she has feelings for him, that was true too. When she found out he was gone, and the lost feeling that consumed her soul was just as true a feeling as standing here in the street in his arms tasting him once again.
She tangled her tongue with his, massaging his mouth. It still fascinated her that his lips were warm, and his body radiated heat instead of the dead cold he used to. It was more fascinating that she knew behind this sculpted face of a human, with a beating heart and a soul, laid a monster just under the surface. As their kiss became more passionate one of her hands moved up to his hair wrapping her fingers within his small blonde curls on the top of his head. Spike pulled on her shoulders trying to get her closer to his body. He pulled away from her and trickled his lips down to her neck kissing at her delicate skin.
"I want you, Spike." Buffy moaned.
Spike moved away from her and took her hand in his and walked up the small stone pathway to the front door of the house. Stopping at the door Spike dug his hand into his pocket pulling out a key and unlocking the door. He walked in and Buffy stood at the entrance looking into the house. Spike threw his keys down on a nearby table and turned to look at Buffy at the door.
"Aren't you coming in, luv?" Spike asked.
"I was waiting for you to invite me." Buffy said.
"You are always invited, Buffy." Spike smiled.
He reached out his hand and she placed her small one in his as she walked through the front door. He brought her small hand up to his lips and gently kissed the top of her soft skin. Intertwining his fingers with hers he guided her to a magnificent room. Actually it looked exactly like the room that was in the basement of his crypt before it was blown up. Candles everywhere, a poster bed sitting in the middle of it draped with white satin sheets. The walls and the fireplace were about the only difference. You could just tell it was still Spike's home.
Spike walked her over to the bed and sat her on the edge leaning down and kissing her neck gently listening to her subtle moan escape her lips. He moved away from her and pulled off his shirt up and over his head. The marble white of his body still took Buffy's breath away. He was so amazing to look at she thought to herself. Spike stared down at her face and smiled as his fingers danced over the button of his pants, slowly dropping the zipper down and pulling down his pants. A small smile grazed over Buffy's face as she noticed he still didn't wear any underwear. This was definitely the same old Spike.
He stood naked in front of her for a moment letting her take in his body before he bent over and unzipped the sweater. He opened up her shirt seeing the white lace bra that lightly covered her breasts. He pulled one arm out of her shirt then the other moving it away from her and dropping it to the floor beside his clothes. He helped her lean back on the bed and she scooted to the middle as he crawled up her body stopping at her hips grabbing the edges tugging down her legs. She raised her hips slowly and he leaned down and kissed her rising hips as her flesh became bare of her clothes. Gently down her thighs with the warm soft fabric and her knees bent slightly to make it down her calves. His lips caressed her knees and she purred at his soft touch on her flesh. Her clothing moved over her feet and down off her body.
Spike looked up her body dressed in only her white lace bra as he threw her clothes to the floor. Grabbing her foot he kissed the soft skin around her ankles caressing her foot and legs with his hands. Buffy's head rolled back on the soft bed as his lips danced up her leg, kissing her inner thigh before spreading her legs. He moved between her open legs and up her body stopping for a moment to kiss on the lace covered pert nipples of her breast. Unclamping the bra and sliding it down her shoulders as she raised her chest for it pass down her arms he sucked in her nipple nibbling on the soft flesh. He moved slightly between her body teasing her sex with his own relishing in the noises that came from her. He leaned down and kissed her waiting for her to invite him into her once again.
Buffy slowly opened her mouth and let him in pouring her passion and want for him. Her legs wrapped around Spike's waist and moved him closer to her, dying for him to be inside her once again. He found her center and entered her slowly as he ravaged her mouth with his tongue. She moaned into his mouth as he entered her, and Spike had to pull from her lips to breathe. Being inside of her was overwhelming to him, like it was their first time. He moved out of her slowly, both whimpering at the loss of connection, his movements were slow and tender. He sheathed himself back in her warmth and stopped to look at her face, watching in amazement as it contorted in pleasure he was giving her. He moved like that until her walls began fluttering around him and he knew she was close. He moved his head down to her breast and began teasing and sucking on her nipple as his hand moved down between them and he caressed and rubbed on her sensitive nubbin sending her over the edge in waves of ecstasy. He didn't stop his movements, but muffled her cries of pleasure with a needy kiss. He moved faster into her and his finger tweaked on her clit even harder as he sent her over the edge one more time before spilling his seed into her with his own orgasm. Buffy's walls fluttered and her legs shook around his waist squeezing him as her second orgasm swam over her body and he filled her with his seed. She caught his groans in her mouth as they kissed until he moved from her lips and buried his head into her shoulder. His own body shook over top of hers and she wrapped her arms around him and lightly grazed them up and down his back. His hips still moved slowly into her body as she milked his seed from him, and she caught a small cry come from him and she started to kiss his neck. Both of their bodies began to calm and he lay on top of her as she held him close to her. He still was inside her as he lay there with muffled tears falling into her shoulder, and soft murmurs and warm kisses came from Buffy, reassuring him.
When Spike stopped crying he rolled over on his back next to Buffy and pulled her into his arms. He leaned over wiping his eyes and grabbed the blanket covering them both up so they could sleep. Buffy curled up into a small ball next to Spike as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder cradling her. He kissed the top of hair and smiled as he held onto her a little tighter. He noticed out the window it started to rain.
"You have my duster." Spike said.
"Yes I do." Buffy smiled.
"Are you going to give it back?" Spike asked.
Buffy just smiled to herself and rolled over on her side curling up to Spike, and he moved behind her so he could hold her as they slept. His tall long form fit perfectly behind her as her smaller form cradled in his arms. She drifted off to sleep in his arms without ever answering his question. This time her sleep was not interrupted with weird dreams that needed to be figured out.
Spike woke up in the morning and the sun shined through his window as the new day broke into his room. He inhaled deeply still able to smell Buffy and rolled over on his side to hold her again. She was gone, and only a single daisy and a note lay on the pillow she used through the night. He leaned up on his elbow and smiled a little as he picked up the flower and took in the scent of it mixed in with the lingering smell of his Buffy. He unfolded the note and couldn't help but smile bigger understanding both references the note held in its words.
You're going to have to come and get it if you really want it. Buffy