Ask me
Buffy walked up to her front door unsure of what to say when she opened it to her expectant sister she knew was just on the other side. Buffy stood on the top step of her porch and looked at the base of her door. They always seemed to be there when she was thinking about him, and of course she would be thinking about him now. Just a moment ago he kissed her with a whisper and a goodbye. She walked up slowly to the door kneeling down to lift the single daisy and note from its place. Somehow every new daisy smelled different. A small portion of him lingered on the tiny flower, and each scent was different than the time before. The paper he used for the note always held a small portion of his scent. Closing her eyes and taking in the scent that lingered from his gifts she imagined him standing before her just as he was a moment ago. His lips tantalizing lightly over her warm flesh, his hands holding her to him, and his breathless words caressing over ear. The door opened in front of her and she was pulled back to reality.
Buffy looked up and saw Dawn looking down at her concerned that her sister was on her knees. She seemed to be at the door for hours before Dawn finally went to see what was going on. Dawn knelt down grabbing her sisters hand in hers hoping she wouldn't have to ask, and finally Buffy would just say what she was feeling. Like always it came to no surprise to Dawn that Buffy just sat in front of her staring at her holding back on her tears that were trying to force their way out.
"What happened?" Dawn asked.
Buffy looked up into her sister's eyes and her tears finally broke free and ran down her cheeks. Dawn grabbed Buffy's arms and lifted her to her feet. Dawn walked Buffy into the house closing the door behind them and taking her into the living room. Dawn sat her on the couch and took a seat next to her keeping her hands in her trying to comfort her sister. Dawn pulled the note out of Buffy's grasp trying to rip the paper as she pulled it from Buffy's tight grip. She opened the small envelope with one hand and read what was written on the paper to herself.
"Buffy, please tell me what happened?" Dawn begged. "Did he not show? Did you guys fight?"
"No…no…none of that." Buffy said.
"Then what Buffy? Please tell me what happened." Dawn said.
"He was there. Spike was at the park, stepped out in the sun and wrapped his arms around me, turned into a vampire and…" Buffy whipped the tears on her face away pausing for a moment.
"And." Dawn whispered.
"And…and he went back into the shadows leaving me standing there in the park alone." Buffy cried.
"He'll come back to you. He will always come back to you Buffy." Dawn assured her sister handing her the note that was left at the door.
Love isn't brains. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will.
Buffy turned a sad smile as she read the note. The words that were written lingered on her mind as a distant memory until she realized Spike has said this before. It sunk in the first time he said it, and then it hurt. Not his words but the reality of what they meant. He still feels I need the same lecture. Buffy thought to herself. She looked up at her sister and placed her hand on her sister's face before standing to her feet. Buffy leaned over and kissed the top of Dawn's head and started to walk away up the stairs.
"You know it's true don't you?" Dawn questioned.
Buffy froze at the bottom stair grabbing onto the railing. Her eyes faded shut as the unwanted question fell from her lips. "What's true?"
"Love doesn't come from the brain. It comes from the blood and it waits until we finally realize what is burning inside of us." Dawn said.
Buffy opened her eyes and just headed her way up the stairs. That old lecture given years ago by a seemingly different Spike racking in her mind, and Dawn's words flooding over those images. Half way up the stairs Dawn's voice etched thru her thoughts once more.
"You taught me that, you know?" Dawn shouted.
Buffy stopped and turned around to look down at her sister who had moved to the bottom of the staircase. She was frozen in her thoughts as she stared down into her sister's face, wandering how she grew up so fast, became so smart.
"Watching you all these years, even my fake memories of growing up with you. You still taught me that. I have seen you love and seen you sacrifice. Your sacrifices come from your mind. It has always been what you think is your duty, but your love you did because you felt it. You felt it in your blood, no matter what your mind thought."
"Dawn I can't do that now." Buffy interrupted.
"You won't do it because you're sacred." Dawn said as she walked up the stairs to meet her sister half way. "Just because you are the slayer doesn't mean you don't get scared."
"It's not that." Buffy turned and walked to her room.
"I can see it Buffy. You are scared if you actually feel what runs thru your veins. If you wake up and see, I mean really see what you feel for him he will walk away from you like everybody else." Dawn said as she stopped at the top of the stairs watching her sister freeze at her bedroom door.
Buffy held the note and flower to her chest has she stood at her door. She inhaled deeply closing her eyes before she walked into her room.
"Sacrifice hurts just as much when you let it stop you from living Buffy!" Dawn shouted as Buffy shut the door behind her.
Buffy walked over to her bed grabbing the black leather duster off of the chair of her vanity wrapping it around her small frame as she curled on the bed. Buffy rolled over on her side and saw another note and daisy lying on the other pillow of her bed before her. She reached out grabbing the note and flower and holding them together with ones she found at the door. Wrapped in the warm duster that still held the lingering faint scent of her once vampire lover she clasped the notes and flowers to her chest and laid there in silence reliving in her memories of him. The old ones of him when she first came back and he stood before her at the bottom of the stairs and she descended down on him, the times he gave her comfort when she thought she wanted to be alone. All of her thoughts always found them coming to their first kiss, then the second one and the third, until when she could see his blue eyes looking into her once again as they were molded into one being. Now newer thought stormed thru her mind with him standing in the sunlight like a marble statue gracing the light with its artistic beauty.
Dawn ended up leaving later that afternoon after waiting for Buffy to come out of her room and they could actually have a decent conversation, unlike the one sided one Dawn felt they had earlier that day. Dawn's new hangout when she had no other place to go was the back part of the Magic Box where she could release her frustrations out on the punching bag like her big sis did so often. Dawn entered thru the back door that opened from the alley so she wouldn't interrupt whatever Anya was doing at the time. Now that she had a key to both doors, like Buffy did she didn't have to break in like the last time she came to the Magic Box and didn't want anybody to know.
Dawn spent a little bit working on the punching bag, trying to focus on the strengths of her punches and kicks like Buffy taught her but she found herself just wanting to hit something instead of concentrating on hitting something. She got so involved in taking out her anger or frustration, whatever you wanted to call it, even if it was confusion out on the punching bag that she didn't notice Anya walk thru the door from the shop. Anya stood and watched Dawn fight the punching bag like her big sis has done so many times over the years. She was impressed on how fast Dawn was picking things up even if she still thought as Dawn as the little girl who was too young to even drink coffee yet.
"I thought I heard somebody back here." Anya said.
Dawn stopped her assault on the bag to look up at Anya and watched as she moved from the door to the small couch by the wall. Anya patted the cushion next to where she was sitting on the couch wanting dawn to come join her so they could talk. Since everything happened Anya had been spending a lot of time by herself and relished the time when her friends came to the Magic Box. Dawn walked over to the couch and sat next to Anya and began taking the wrapping off of her knuckles.
"So." Anya smiled.
"So." Dawn said as she sat back with a groan.
"How are things?" Anya asked awkwardly.
"Things are, you know." Dawn said. "She saw him today."
"Who saw who?" Anya asked.
"Buffy saw Spike today. During the day in the middle of a park, out in the sunlight." Dawn said.
"What happened?" Anya asked.
"I don't know. They saw each other, he stepped out into the sun, and back into the shadows and then left her." Dawn offered.
"He left for good?" Anya wandered.
"I don't think he will ever leave for good. He will always be with her in one way or another. She just isn't seeing it yet." Dawn stated.
"Seeing what?" Anya questioned.
"Seeing she loves him of course." Dawn said flatly. "She feels it, but she just isn't seeing it."
Buffy woke up after awhile and unwrapped herself from the duster. The small notes and flowers still were held in her grasping hands. Lying the flowers and notes down on her vanity she picked the duster up and folded it up gently placing it back over the back of the chair like it always is. She picked the note that was found on her pillow and opened the envelope pulling the paper from its confides.
Ask me to go.
Buffy laid the note down next to the others and left her room. Buffy went into the bathroom and washed her face up and brushed her hair as it was a little raggedy from her little nap. She walked thru the house looking to see where Dawn was hoping to have a small talk with her about what happened earlier. She had no idea what she was going to say but thought something needed to be said anyways. Buffy went down into the kitchen glancing quickly into the living room. She couldn't find Dawn anywhere, and headed to the fridge to grab something to drink. Coming back into her room with a soda in her hand she noticed a small note on the edge of her bed with a daisy across it. Buffy ran to the window looking for him, but the vacant air that warmed Sunnydale was lonely. She moved back to the bed in slow cautious steps picking the note up carefully leaving the daisy where is lay.
Ask me to stay.
Buffy heard a serenade of slow music playing from her living room radio and ran downstairs hoping he would be there amongst the sounds that echoed from the walls.
Its daybreak And you are asleep I can hear you breath now Your breath is deep
Buffy ran into the kitchen trying to find him then went back up the stairs running into every room searching for him anywhere. The song still echoed thru the walls chilling thru her spine with sadness. Thoughts of him leaving again, for her, or because of her became torturing as she hurried thru her house in search of any sign he was still there. Ancient words he once spoke of love, and his love for her bellowed over the words from the song that moved across her mind like a lullaby. She never notice him standing at the window in the living room watching her as she ran thru the house. His hand holding him at the window bracing himself in his spot as he watched her.
But before I go I look at you one last timeI can hear a heartbeat
Is it yours or is it mine
I look at your lips
And I know how soft they can be
Do they know what they wanted
And the times they kissed me
And your hands
I held in my mine
And now they are posed on the pillow
Will they ever miss me sometime
Buffy rummaged thru her closet looking for something different to put on. She didn't know where he was going to be, but she needed to find him. She needed to say something, do something so he wouldn't leave her anymore. Something inside her was screaming for her to stop this. That it didn't make sense and it wasn't right to go after such a creature, but the louder part of her that was collapsing in pain and anguish over not having the one thing that makes her feel was winning the internal struggle.
I'll remember you
You will be back in my heart
I'll remember you
That is all I can do
When I remember you
Buffy grabbed her shoes and ran down the stairs. On the last stair was a small daisy lying across another small note. She picked the flower up and the note and went over to the couch to put her shoes on. The daisy and note carried a new smell, but she knew it was still a scent that Spike carried with him. Buffy's tears started to fall as she read the words that written in this familiar script that graced the paper.
Tell me you don't want me.
Your eyes They'd always make me shiver Now they are closed Maybe sometimes twitch a little And your body I could hold for an hour It sent me to heaven With its sweet and powerBuffy put the note and the flower down on the coffee table in the living room, and sat and listened to the words move thru the air of her home. She whipped the tears from her face and stood to her feet straightening out her clothes that wrinkled gently as she sat for the moment to read the note. She went to the front door and grabbed the small jacket that lay on the foyer table pulling it over her shoulders. She pulled another small note from her jacket pocket smiling at the thought of Spike knowing her so well. Sometimes she felt he knew her more then she did.
You gave me everything. Tell me you want me.
I'll remember you
You will be back in my heart
I'll remember you
That's all I can do
But I'll remember
Buffy left the small note on the table next to her and went for the door. Opening the door she saw him standing before her holding a dozen small yellow daisies in his hand. His blue eyes were covered as he stood before her with his eyes closed waiting for her to come to him. Buffy looked over the man before him that shadowed the sun that set behind his back
Spike opened his eyes and looked into Buffy's green ones. As the song faded to an end silence surrounded the two lovers. Spike offered out the bouquet of daisies to Buffy and she took them from him inhaling their scent before turning around and walking back to the foyer table placing them next to the last note. Buffy took her jacket off and folded it as her eyes drifted closed. Spike stood at the front door watching her movements with wanting.
"Well." Buffy broke the silence.
"Well what luv?" Spike asked.
"Are you here to say goodbye?" Buffy asked.
"Is that what you want me to say?" Spike questioned.
"I don't want you to leave." Buffy whispered.
She never heard him move into her house, but he was there behind her, his essence radiating onto her from him barely touching her. His hand ran down her exposed shoulder and his lips grazed over her ear as his words spilled from his mouth like liquid.
"Ask me." Spike whispered. "Tell me what you want."
A single tear ran down Buffy's cheek as his words sunk into her heart and ran thru her veins. Buffy turned in his arms wrapping her arms around his body pulling him to her. She leaned up on her toes to touch her lips to his, kissing him gently sucking softly on his lower lip. The tear fell between them and both tasted the sadness that ran from her. Spike pulled from her before the kiss could grow deeper, and he stared down into her face.
Her eyes shut and tears running down steadily in a slow stream of pain and guilt, Buffy finally saw what ran thru her veins. For the first time she saw how much it hurt to think he would leave and never come back. How painful it would be to give up on the love that filled her blood.
"I'm asking you to stay." Buffy said as she opened her eyes to look up at him. "I'm telling you I want you."
Spike leaned down into her lips and kissed her gently asking for entrance. Buffy opened her lips granting him a deeper passionate kiss. Pouring into each other all the love they have been hiding over the last few months. The sunset behind them, filling light into the house silhouetting their bodies into shadows of distant lovers.
Spike pulled from her lips one last time. "Say it again luv."
"I want you to stay." Buffy smiled and took his hand in hers walking up the stairs to her bedroom.
Spike smiled as he pulled her into his arms for another kiss, picking her up and walking into her room closing the door behind them.
"I thought you'd never ask."
~Fin~
Celtic
