A/N: Hello folks, here's chapter three, in which Sauron ends up walking the
streets of London and finds a cinema. I hope you'll like it, but whether
you do or not, you know where that magic review button is. Also, in case
you're interested, I've just added chapter 7 of my other fic, 'The
importance of being evil', which I personally prefer. This is the first
time I've updated it in about a zillion years, but there's a summary if you
don't want to read the whole thing. Ok, enough said, here's the next
chapter.
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~~Chapter 3~~
Sauron slept for the whole night, and the following morning, the consultant doctor came round to see him. It was a frustrating meeting for both parties. Sauron was confused and angered that the doctor refused to believe his real name, and puzzled by his frequent references to a book called "Lord of the Rings" and a "film" of the same name, and ended up threatening him with all the most terrible punishments he could come up with (which included disembowelment by Nazgul and being locked in a room for a week with Shagrat and Gorbag - a fate worse than death). The doctor, however, was convinced that Sauron was a troublemaker, with a Tolkien fixation, who was just trying to waste his time, and so he also became very angry. In the end, a compromise was reached: Sauron would be discharged from the hospital and all records of his ever being there would be erased, as long as Sauron didn't mention to anyone that he had ever been in hospital in the first place. If Sauron hadn't complied with this, it could have turned into another full-scale scandal for the NHS, but thankfully for them, it suited Sauron fine. Just before he left, Sauron asked the doctor,
"Do you think you could tell me what year it is?"
The doctor looked taken aback, but told Sauron that the year was 2002.
Sauron looked puzzled, "Do you mean 2002 of the third age?"
The doctor laughed, "No, no, good lord, do you never think of anything except that book?"
"I'm afraid I don't understand. What Age is it?" Sauron wondered if the Doctor's machine had sent him to the wrong time. It didn't yet occur to him that he could have gone forward.
"It isn't any age. We don't sort years into ages. It's 2002 AD, Anno Domini, or CE, Common Era, or whatever you want to call it." The doctor strode away, muttering under his breath about mental cases. Sauron got out of his bed and got the hell out of the hospital as quickly as possible.
--------
He didn't know where to go, or what to do. The only things he had with him were the clothes he had been wearing when he had landed so hard on the pavement. These clothes were like the ones he had worn sometimes in Mordor, before he'd been disembodied: a black robe which hung to the ground, tastefully decorated with red and silver embroidery and black leather boots with pointed toes. There was also a large and fearsome-looking sword sheathed at his side, concealed in the folds of the robe, and, he noted with interest, a shiny gold ring on his left hand's third finger. He was unaware of the looks which his clothing was attracting, and no-one spoke to him about it, dismissing him as a member of some cult.
Sauron wandered aimlessly along the pavement of a long street, which had what he could only assume were shops on both sides. There were so many unfamiliar words and names and objects that he was quite bewildered and walked slowly, staring around in awe, oblivious of all the people he was inadvertently knocking over. What, he thought, are all these things? Starbucks, New Look, Marks & Spencer, Woolworths? He was briefly confused by a shop with the name "Rohan".
After about an hour of strolling slowly, confusing passers-by with his inexplicable fascination with completely ordinary objects, Sauron came upon a building larger than most of the others. He read out loud the name which was stuck to the front in big red letters: "O-de-on". And then, something under the name caught his attention. In smaller letters, he read "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings. Rated PG. Screenings 1000, 1315, 1630, 1945." This was the thing the doctor and the nurse had been on about. A film, whatever that was. Sauron somehow knew that if he could get inside the cinema and experience this odd 'film' thing, it would answer some of his questions. He walked up to the building, and through the strange revolving sheets of glass which seemed to serve as doors.
A few seconds later, he emerged into the street. Puzzled, he tried again.
This time, he revolved with the door for about twenty seconds before reappearing in the street. His antics were beginning to attract some attention. A group of children were laughing unrestrainedly, pointing and pulling faces. Sauron glared at them, and ran as hard as possible into the doors. The only difference this made was that Sauron emerged faster and with more force into the street, which resulted in his falling head first into the litter bin (which had been strategically positioned in this particular place for this exact purpose). For several seconds he remained upside down in the bin, shouting all the worst Orc swear-words he could think of, with his legs waving around in a most undignified manner. After about half a minute of bin-induced humiliation, Sauron succeeded in knocking the bin over, and rolled about on the ground for a while, attempting to get the thing off his head. Soon, a few sympathetic members of the public (the ones who weren't laughing too hard to do anything) came over and extracted him.
Sauron stood up, and frowned around at the assembled spectators. The group of children were now completely incapacitated by mirth, hanging onto each other for support as the tears rolled down their faces, and most of the adults were not even trying to hide their sniggers. Sauron felt he should do something terribly impressive and frightening. So he leapt atop the fallen bin, stretched one arm up towards the sky and shouted,
"Mwahahahahahahahaha! I am the Lord of all Evil, and I will eat all your souls. None shall escape. Be afraid, foolish mortals, your days are numbered." Sauron glanced around, to see if this had had the desired effect. It hadn't. Whereas before the onlookers had been snickering quietly, they were now roaring with laughter. Some were leaning against the wall, trying to regain their composure, others had let themselves go completely, and were kneeling on the ground, pounding it with their fists. Sauron had a strong urge to burst into tears, but managed to stop himself. He turned on his heel, and swept into the cinema, through the perfectly ordinary door which was right next to the revolving one, and which he had somehow totally overlooked.
---------
~~Chapter 3~~
Sauron slept for the whole night, and the following morning, the consultant doctor came round to see him. It was a frustrating meeting for both parties. Sauron was confused and angered that the doctor refused to believe his real name, and puzzled by his frequent references to a book called "Lord of the Rings" and a "film" of the same name, and ended up threatening him with all the most terrible punishments he could come up with (which included disembowelment by Nazgul and being locked in a room for a week with Shagrat and Gorbag - a fate worse than death). The doctor, however, was convinced that Sauron was a troublemaker, with a Tolkien fixation, who was just trying to waste his time, and so he also became very angry. In the end, a compromise was reached: Sauron would be discharged from the hospital and all records of his ever being there would be erased, as long as Sauron didn't mention to anyone that he had ever been in hospital in the first place. If Sauron hadn't complied with this, it could have turned into another full-scale scandal for the NHS, but thankfully for them, it suited Sauron fine. Just before he left, Sauron asked the doctor,
"Do you think you could tell me what year it is?"
The doctor looked taken aback, but told Sauron that the year was 2002.
Sauron looked puzzled, "Do you mean 2002 of the third age?"
The doctor laughed, "No, no, good lord, do you never think of anything except that book?"
"I'm afraid I don't understand. What Age is it?" Sauron wondered if the Doctor's machine had sent him to the wrong time. It didn't yet occur to him that he could have gone forward.
"It isn't any age. We don't sort years into ages. It's 2002 AD, Anno Domini, or CE, Common Era, or whatever you want to call it." The doctor strode away, muttering under his breath about mental cases. Sauron got out of his bed and got the hell out of the hospital as quickly as possible.
--------
He didn't know where to go, or what to do. The only things he had with him were the clothes he had been wearing when he had landed so hard on the pavement. These clothes were like the ones he had worn sometimes in Mordor, before he'd been disembodied: a black robe which hung to the ground, tastefully decorated with red and silver embroidery and black leather boots with pointed toes. There was also a large and fearsome-looking sword sheathed at his side, concealed in the folds of the robe, and, he noted with interest, a shiny gold ring on his left hand's third finger. He was unaware of the looks which his clothing was attracting, and no-one spoke to him about it, dismissing him as a member of some cult.
Sauron wandered aimlessly along the pavement of a long street, which had what he could only assume were shops on both sides. There were so many unfamiliar words and names and objects that he was quite bewildered and walked slowly, staring around in awe, oblivious of all the people he was inadvertently knocking over. What, he thought, are all these things? Starbucks, New Look, Marks & Spencer, Woolworths? He was briefly confused by a shop with the name "Rohan".
After about an hour of strolling slowly, confusing passers-by with his inexplicable fascination with completely ordinary objects, Sauron came upon a building larger than most of the others. He read out loud the name which was stuck to the front in big red letters: "O-de-on". And then, something under the name caught his attention. In smaller letters, he read "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings. Rated PG. Screenings 1000, 1315, 1630, 1945." This was the thing the doctor and the nurse had been on about. A film, whatever that was. Sauron somehow knew that if he could get inside the cinema and experience this odd 'film' thing, it would answer some of his questions. He walked up to the building, and through the strange revolving sheets of glass which seemed to serve as doors.
A few seconds later, he emerged into the street. Puzzled, he tried again.
This time, he revolved with the door for about twenty seconds before reappearing in the street. His antics were beginning to attract some attention. A group of children were laughing unrestrainedly, pointing and pulling faces. Sauron glared at them, and ran as hard as possible into the doors. The only difference this made was that Sauron emerged faster and with more force into the street, which resulted in his falling head first into the litter bin (which had been strategically positioned in this particular place for this exact purpose). For several seconds he remained upside down in the bin, shouting all the worst Orc swear-words he could think of, with his legs waving around in a most undignified manner. After about half a minute of bin-induced humiliation, Sauron succeeded in knocking the bin over, and rolled about on the ground for a while, attempting to get the thing off his head. Soon, a few sympathetic members of the public (the ones who weren't laughing too hard to do anything) came over and extracted him.
Sauron stood up, and frowned around at the assembled spectators. The group of children were now completely incapacitated by mirth, hanging onto each other for support as the tears rolled down their faces, and most of the adults were not even trying to hide their sniggers. Sauron felt he should do something terribly impressive and frightening. So he leapt atop the fallen bin, stretched one arm up towards the sky and shouted,
"Mwahahahahahahahaha! I am the Lord of all Evil, and I will eat all your souls. None shall escape. Be afraid, foolish mortals, your days are numbered." Sauron glanced around, to see if this had had the desired effect. It hadn't. Whereas before the onlookers had been snickering quietly, they were now roaring with laughter. Some were leaning against the wall, trying to regain their composure, others had let themselves go completely, and were kneeling on the ground, pounding it with their fists. Sauron had a strong urge to burst into tears, but managed to stop himself. He turned on his heel, and swept into the cinema, through the perfectly ordinary door which was right next to the revolving one, and which he had somehow totally overlooked.
