A/N: Chapter 4: Sauron, having overcome the great obstacle of the doors,
finally sees the film of Lord of the Rings, and is not pleasantly
surprised. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, I really appreciate it. I
actually know for once what is going to happen in the next few chapters.
Incredible. I generally make it up as I go along, which usually leads to me
discovering on reading through that I've flatly contradicted myself all the
time. Anyway, read away, people. (
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~~Chapter 4~~
Sauron stood just inside the lobby of the cinema. He looked around at his mysterious surroundings. The interior of the building was mainly dark red (one of Sauron's favourite colours). There were two ticket desks being operated by two employees wearing identical expressions of utter boredom, and on the opposite side of the large room was a stand selling that disgusting ridiculously expensive cholesterol-high junk food which cinemas always sell (and inexplicably make a profit on). Sauron had no clue what to do. He continued to stand, causing an obstruction to anyone trying to get in or out of the doors, and gaped.
Five minutes later, he was still gaping, and the queue forming behind him was getting edgy and restless. One of the bored employees decided it was time something was done.
"'Scuse me, sir, but you can't just stand there. Other people have to get in to the cinema too," he said, walking over to Sauron. Sauron almost jumped out of his skin, and stared wildly at the person who had just spoken to him. Eyeing Sauron's attire, the employee said,
"Would I be right in thinking you're here for the next screening of Lord of the Rings?"
"Yes," said Sauron, surprised, "How the Mordor did you know that?"
"Honestly, are you trying to be funny, or do you take me for some sort of idiot? I know you know quite well we're giving free admission today for anyone coming dressed as a character from the book. And a complimentary bag of Onion Rings of Doom. At a guess, I'd say you are dressed as...hmmm, what's the name of the evil dude? Sar...no...saw...no..."
"Sauron?" supplied Sauron.
"Yes, that's the one. Now come over here and I'll give you your ticket and your onion rings." Sauron followed the employee over to the ticket desk, where he was presented with a green rectangular piece of paper saying "LORD OF THE R" and a small bag of stone cold, slightly congealed onion rings. "Thank you," said Sauron, "There's just one thing, though. You said just now that I was dressed as Sauron. Well, that's not strictly true, really, because I actually am Sauron. Just to set the record straight, you know." He then walked off in the same direction as most of the rest of the people. The employee stared after him, shaking his head slightly. Really, he thought, you do get a lot of weirdoes on this job. 'Specially among the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars fans.
**********
Sauron entered the same theatre as everyone else seemed to be making for and sat down in a seat near the back. He sat through what seemed like several day's worth of trailers and adverts before realising he was actually in a screening of something called "Scooby-Doo". He left hurriedly, and followed another contingent of people, whom he chose because they were all dressed in rather crude imitations of Middle-Earth clothing. He recognised Elves because they had hugely pointy ears protruding from under long, blonde wigs, and hobbits because they appeared to be wearing wigs on their feet. There were also people who were sprouting leaves all over their bodies, whom Sauron eventually realised were meant to be Ents. Someone was wearing a helmet with enormous great horns on it. Sauron was completely baffled by this. They entered a door marked "Screen No. 1" and Sauron followed, sitting a good distance away from them. He didn't want his vision obscured by those horns.
After another eternity of trailers and adverts for such nonsense as cordless phones and some strange unfamiliar devices called 'cars', the film finally started. Sauron soon discovered that it was a warped and twisted retelling of the story of the war of the ring. Told, naturally, from the point of view of the 'good' guy, he thought bitterly, when will people learn there is no such thing as good and evil? He sat, staring in disgust at the portrayal of hobbits as sweet, innocent little pipe-smoking beings, and Gandalf as a benevolent figure of authority. When the first shock of seeing the whole tale recounted in such a different way wore off, Sauron began to think: how is it that the whole of the story is known, if I'm in the past? Either the people here can see into the future, or the Doctor's useless machine sent me forwards instead of backwards.
Sauron sat through the rest of the film, pondering his dilemma. If he really was in the future, he faced two problems. One was how to get back to his own time, the other was how to win the war. As he sat, he started to think, and plot. The evil, intelligent side of his brain began to work, rather than the cowardly, stupid side which had been so much in evidence recently. Is there a way, he thought, that I can win the war from here? Can I somehow change the past by changing the record of the past in the future? The guy in that hospital said the Lord of the Rings was a book. I really need to get my hands on a copy of it.
-------
~~Chapter 4~~
Sauron stood just inside the lobby of the cinema. He looked around at his mysterious surroundings. The interior of the building was mainly dark red (one of Sauron's favourite colours). There were two ticket desks being operated by two employees wearing identical expressions of utter boredom, and on the opposite side of the large room was a stand selling that disgusting ridiculously expensive cholesterol-high junk food which cinemas always sell (and inexplicably make a profit on). Sauron had no clue what to do. He continued to stand, causing an obstruction to anyone trying to get in or out of the doors, and gaped.
Five minutes later, he was still gaping, and the queue forming behind him was getting edgy and restless. One of the bored employees decided it was time something was done.
"'Scuse me, sir, but you can't just stand there. Other people have to get in to the cinema too," he said, walking over to Sauron. Sauron almost jumped out of his skin, and stared wildly at the person who had just spoken to him. Eyeing Sauron's attire, the employee said,
"Would I be right in thinking you're here for the next screening of Lord of the Rings?"
"Yes," said Sauron, surprised, "How the Mordor did you know that?"
"Honestly, are you trying to be funny, or do you take me for some sort of idiot? I know you know quite well we're giving free admission today for anyone coming dressed as a character from the book. And a complimentary bag of Onion Rings of Doom. At a guess, I'd say you are dressed as...hmmm, what's the name of the evil dude? Sar...no...saw...no..."
"Sauron?" supplied Sauron.
"Yes, that's the one. Now come over here and I'll give you your ticket and your onion rings." Sauron followed the employee over to the ticket desk, where he was presented with a green rectangular piece of paper saying "LORD OF THE R" and a small bag of stone cold, slightly congealed onion rings. "Thank you," said Sauron, "There's just one thing, though. You said just now that I was dressed as Sauron. Well, that's not strictly true, really, because I actually am Sauron. Just to set the record straight, you know." He then walked off in the same direction as most of the rest of the people. The employee stared after him, shaking his head slightly. Really, he thought, you do get a lot of weirdoes on this job. 'Specially among the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars fans.
**********
Sauron entered the same theatre as everyone else seemed to be making for and sat down in a seat near the back. He sat through what seemed like several day's worth of trailers and adverts before realising he was actually in a screening of something called "Scooby-Doo". He left hurriedly, and followed another contingent of people, whom he chose because they were all dressed in rather crude imitations of Middle-Earth clothing. He recognised Elves because they had hugely pointy ears protruding from under long, blonde wigs, and hobbits because they appeared to be wearing wigs on their feet. There were also people who were sprouting leaves all over their bodies, whom Sauron eventually realised were meant to be Ents. Someone was wearing a helmet with enormous great horns on it. Sauron was completely baffled by this. They entered a door marked "Screen No. 1" and Sauron followed, sitting a good distance away from them. He didn't want his vision obscured by those horns.
After another eternity of trailers and adverts for such nonsense as cordless phones and some strange unfamiliar devices called 'cars', the film finally started. Sauron soon discovered that it was a warped and twisted retelling of the story of the war of the ring. Told, naturally, from the point of view of the 'good' guy, he thought bitterly, when will people learn there is no such thing as good and evil? He sat, staring in disgust at the portrayal of hobbits as sweet, innocent little pipe-smoking beings, and Gandalf as a benevolent figure of authority. When the first shock of seeing the whole tale recounted in such a different way wore off, Sauron began to think: how is it that the whole of the story is known, if I'm in the past? Either the people here can see into the future, or the Doctor's useless machine sent me forwards instead of backwards.
Sauron sat through the rest of the film, pondering his dilemma. If he really was in the future, he faced two problems. One was how to get back to his own time, the other was how to win the war. As he sat, he started to think, and plot. The evil, intelligent side of his brain began to work, rather than the cowardly, stupid side which had been so much in evidence recently. Is there a way, he thought, that I can win the war from here? Can I somehow change the past by changing the record of the past in the future? The guy in that hospital said the Lord of the Rings was a book. I really need to get my hands on a copy of it.
