Apologies for taking so long over chapters - I seem to be needing a lot of
sleep recently. Must be something to do with my cold... hmm. apologies to
any offended by my sense of humour in this one. I'm just mocking all the
stories - including my own. I'm funny like that. Still not mine, dammit -
why can't it be mine?
Mary's Joint.
After my rather surprising reunion with Thranduil I wandered the room, hoping to shake off the elven king and his unwelcome hugs. Look, it's not as if I really don't like hugs or anything - I'm just really picky about who gets to hugs me. After all a girl must have standards right? My excuse is I have personal space issues. Perhaps I wasn't cuddled enough as a child. Whatever. At that moment I had more important things to worry about.
More important things like what the heck was that odd looking creature with sparkly wings doing in the corner of the room? And what was the odd stick with the star stuck on the end in it's hand exactly? A wand?!
"Fucking hell," I breathed. "What the fuck have I wandered into now?" I took a deep breath and headed over to the winged being. "Hi there!" I declared cheerfully. "Nice...er... Wings you got there."
"I am a fairy." She, at least I assumed it was a she, answered while looking down her perfect little nose at me.
"Ahh. Fangirl." I said, plainly stating what breed of creature I was.
"Humph." She snorted in response, fluttered her sparkly wings and part flew/walked away.
"Fine. Whatever." I muttered under my breath before turning to try and make conversation with someone or something else.
***
"And you are?" I was trying to talk to something else. With just as much luck as the first time around.
"A sprite."
"Fine. Whatever. And you are?"
"I'm Elrond's half elven third daughter."
"Third daughter? Fine. Whatever."
"I'm Elrond's second daughter."
"I'm his fourth daughter."
"I'm his sixth daughter."
"I'm his seventeenth daughter."
"I'm his..."
"Fucking hell." I muttered silently, "Now I know why Elrond's wife left him. I'd be off too."
***
After meeting numerous female elves who all claimed to be Elrond's daughters I came to the conclusion that either Elrond had a harem or there was something strange going on around here.
"And you are?" The question from one of the female elves who wasn't one of Elrond's daughters.
"Err... Fangirl. You?"
"I am Princess Malthuleielalcatarierinlhugnovaniel daughter of King Danerieraniernevlas from Pansywood."
"Mathu-what?! Fucking hell. And I thought Sindaringavardaanwen had it bad. Your parents must have really hated you!" I commented jovially.
Tears came to her eyes. "My parents were murdered by the evil antelope king. He has overrun my land. I am here to seek help from the noble Prince Legolas."
"Noble Prince Legolas eh?" Suddenly things began to make sense. Pansywood indeed. Next thing it would be swearing elves. Or the wrong use of the word to. Or your. Or my personal gripe of elves using the one word they shouldn't. The easiest mistake in the world to make. In Tolkien's time they did not say 'Okay'. Ok?
Then the horrible reality of my situation sank in. I was now surrounded by the worst of creatures. The most feared of all creations ever to grace any story.
I was surrounded by Mary Sues.
Badly written and spelt Mary Sues.
I gulped.
I was doomed.
Idiot.
**********************
Now then, now then. I actually don't mind Mary Sues as long as they're well written. Badly written with poor concepts bug the hell out of me. If you're gonna write it - try and make it different to all the others out there. PLEASE. *falls onto knees and begs* I love a bit of obvious fluff as much as the next person... Just don't use the word OKAY - argh. Drives me absolutely nuts... Same feeling I get when I chip my nail varnish - and you ALL know how I feel about nail varnish!
Need your reviews now - not too sure what to do next. So R&R people! You know you want to!
Mary's Joint.
After my rather surprising reunion with Thranduil I wandered the room, hoping to shake off the elven king and his unwelcome hugs. Look, it's not as if I really don't like hugs or anything - I'm just really picky about who gets to hugs me. After all a girl must have standards right? My excuse is I have personal space issues. Perhaps I wasn't cuddled enough as a child. Whatever. At that moment I had more important things to worry about.
More important things like what the heck was that odd looking creature with sparkly wings doing in the corner of the room? And what was the odd stick with the star stuck on the end in it's hand exactly? A wand?!
"Fucking hell," I breathed. "What the fuck have I wandered into now?" I took a deep breath and headed over to the winged being. "Hi there!" I declared cheerfully. "Nice...er... Wings you got there."
"I am a fairy." She, at least I assumed it was a she, answered while looking down her perfect little nose at me.
"Ahh. Fangirl." I said, plainly stating what breed of creature I was.
"Humph." She snorted in response, fluttered her sparkly wings and part flew/walked away.
"Fine. Whatever." I muttered under my breath before turning to try and make conversation with someone or something else.
***
"And you are?" I was trying to talk to something else. With just as much luck as the first time around.
"A sprite."
"Fine. Whatever. And you are?"
"I'm Elrond's half elven third daughter."
"Third daughter? Fine. Whatever."
"I'm Elrond's second daughter."
"I'm his fourth daughter."
"I'm his sixth daughter."
"I'm his seventeenth daughter."
"I'm his..."
"Fucking hell." I muttered silently, "Now I know why Elrond's wife left him. I'd be off too."
***
After meeting numerous female elves who all claimed to be Elrond's daughters I came to the conclusion that either Elrond had a harem or there was something strange going on around here.
"And you are?" The question from one of the female elves who wasn't one of Elrond's daughters.
"Err... Fangirl. You?"
"I am Princess Malthuleielalcatarierinlhugnovaniel daughter of King Danerieraniernevlas from Pansywood."
"Mathu-what?! Fucking hell. And I thought Sindaringavardaanwen had it bad. Your parents must have really hated you!" I commented jovially.
Tears came to her eyes. "My parents were murdered by the evil antelope king. He has overrun my land. I am here to seek help from the noble Prince Legolas."
"Noble Prince Legolas eh?" Suddenly things began to make sense. Pansywood indeed. Next thing it would be swearing elves. Or the wrong use of the word to. Or your. Or my personal gripe of elves using the one word they shouldn't. The easiest mistake in the world to make. In Tolkien's time they did not say 'Okay'. Ok?
Then the horrible reality of my situation sank in. I was now surrounded by the worst of creatures. The most feared of all creations ever to grace any story.
I was surrounded by Mary Sues.
Badly written and spelt Mary Sues.
I gulped.
I was doomed.
Idiot.
**********************
Now then, now then. I actually don't mind Mary Sues as long as they're well written. Badly written with poor concepts bug the hell out of me. If you're gonna write it - try and make it different to all the others out there. PLEASE. *falls onto knees and begs* I love a bit of obvious fluff as much as the next person... Just don't use the word OKAY - argh. Drives me absolutely nuts... Same feeling I get when I chip my nail varnish - and you ALL know how I feel about nail varnish!
Need your reviews now - not too sure what to do next. So R&R people! You know you want to!
