Am trying this in HTML. Lets see how successful it is, or isn't. Feeling guilty about how long it took me to put up the next chapter. FF.net not helping by going down every time I go to put up the next chapter. Hmm. Middle Earth. That ain't mine. Vebby's glaring is mine however. Let's see how many more he can send my way!

Hammer To Fall.

Lovely pieces of glass that were now sticking in my arm. So much for that smart idea, my brain commented ruefully as I tried to shove Veborion off me. It didn't work. Obviously he wants out of this marriage as quickly as possible and now he's trying to suffocate me I decided.

"Get off me you stupid elf!" I shouted. Well at least that's what I tried to say. With the combined efforts of Veborion crushing me and my gag, well, gagging me it came out more like,

"Mmph mrmphh mrm yrmm strmm frf!"

Fortunately Veborion had had enough of crushing me and rolled off to find a more comfortable position.

"Thank god for that." I tried to say. And I'll leave it up to your imagination as to how well that sentence came out.

***

Five minutes later and I had managed to use one of the larger bits of glass to cut through the ropes that had tied my hands. Next I did my feet and finally my mouth. I sighed in relief and then winced at the pain in my wrists and ankles as the feeling began to return to them.

I decided to wait for a while to give myself a chance to recover. In all likelihood I'd have to make a sharp exit from my former comrades and I wanted to make sure I was going to be able to run fast not just try to stand and collapse as my body realised just how painful being tied up could be.

I also had another problem. Namely my husband Veborion. HUSBAND! My mind screamed. What the fuck?! I looked over at the elf that everybody believed to be my beloved. Everybody except me that is.

I pondered the subject that is Veborion. Okay I'll admit I did find him attractive if somewhat annoying. Ok, ok I know I find him extremely attractive, particularly when he's only got a towel on and when he's just got out of the bath and the water is running in… Stop that! I inwardly shouted. Now is not the time to be thinking of such things.

I wrenched my thoughts away from a very inviting picture of Veborion clad in a very small towel and a come hither look on his face and put it away in my mind in the 'Things Not To Be Thought Of, Especially When You Are In Real Danger' room.

***

Eventually I decided to cut the bonds on his feet and his hands. He looked at me with yet another of his glares and I motioned for him to remain silent whilst I cut through his gag. I grabbed my bag with one hand and grabbed my husband with the other and we left the clearing and the creatures that wanted us dead.

***

After putting some serious distance between the creatures and us I called a halt to our escape. I was shattered, both emotionally and physically and my arm was bleeding from where I had landed on my former vodka bottle.

"We cannot stop! We are still not safe." Veborion stated glaring down at me.

"Look Vebby I've had enough ok? I can't take any more."

"Then I shall leave you here." He said and began walking away from me.

"Hello? Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Away. From you."

"Excuse me? I saved your life back there."

"I owe you nothing."

"So you're just going to leave me here. What happens if they catch up with me?" I said gesturing back the way we had just come from.

"That is your problem. Not mine."

"What a charmer." I commented sarcastically. "Hey girls! You wanna elf? You wanna real elf prince? Bit of a bastard but hey, going cheap. Take mine!" I announced to the sky in the style of a presenter on the shopping channel.

Veborion didn't even bother glaring back at me.

I tried again. "You ungrateful pig! I saved your life!" Picking up the nearest stick and throwing it at his head. It hit him and he turned around.

"Just as I saved yours." He answered folding his arms across his chest.

"When?"

"If we were not married you would be dead."

"I saved your life from Thingy too." I stated, determined to win this.

"I saved your worthless life from the spider."

"What?!" I thought back along my adventures in Middle Earth and remembered the unknown creature that had saved my life when I was about to be eaten by a spider. "That was you?" I paused, then asked the only question I could. "Why?"

He mumbled something in response.

"Sorry, what? I didn't hear you."

He took a breath before answering clearly. "I was not aiming for the spider."

"You weren't aiming for the spider? What were you aiming for then?"

"You."

***

Well that sure was a kick in the gut so to speak I thought wryly as I gazed at a distinctly unrepentant Veborion.

"Just when you think you've got it all figured out," I murmured more to myself than anyone else, "life comes along and…" I trailed off shaking my head. I sighed. "Look," I said glancing up at Veborion. "It's not just that I'm tired of running around this damn forest that's causing me to stop."

"What then?" He asked in a tone that showed neither interest nor concern.

"Honestly? I don't know what to do. The Palace is overrun by the 'Sues' and the forest is full of evil creatures that want to overrun the planet. Right about now I'm out of ideas." I sighed. "And I sacrificed the rest of my vodka. There was a good half a bottle left y'know. Added to that my feet feel like they've been deprived of blood for a month."

Suddenly a new voice spoke out. "Did someone mention blood?"

***

I scrambled to my feet at the sound of the new voice. Veborion also looked surprised by the arrival of whatever the heck had glowy red eyes and wait a minute! Fangs?

"Who and more importantly what the hell are you?" I asked watching the new creature emerge from the darkness. The creature remained silent but came closer and closer to Veborion and me. Instinctively we edged closer together. Then my brain's wheels began to turn.

"Red eyes, fangs, affinity to darkness, interested in blood…" I trailed off and the reality of what had just appeared sunk in. "Aww shit man!" I exclaimed. "When the fuck did Middle Earth end up with vampires?!"

Idiot.

**********************************

Argh! It's just one thing after another innit? Dunno where the vampires thing came from. Just kinda happened. *shouts* Dammit Flopsy! *glares over at captive plot bunny owned by friend* Just when I thought I'd figured it all out! R&R please!