Just a brief one – it ain't mine and in all likelihood it never will be. No news there then is there?

Lady Luck.

As the 'Sues' advanced towards me I tried desperately to think of a way out of what I had got myself into.

"Look, err, I know you're all really pissed at what happened, and I know that you want to get revenge." I said hoping that this would get their attention.

It didn't. And they kept coming closer and closer. And some still had the kitchen utensils they were using. The ones with the knives looked really frightening. But I was slightly puzzled as to what one of them intended to do with the soup ladle.

"And I can help you. Y'know to get revenge? I know who is responsible for all this mess." I said still retreating towards the door.

They stopped advancing. Then the one I recognised as Galadriel's long forgotten third daughter who was half elf and half unicorn (and no I didn't ask how that had happened – some things you're better off not knowing) hissed. "Tell us."

***

Two hours later and I had come to the end of my tale. The 'Sues' had been a very good audience all things considered, rarely asking questions and all listening intently.

I could see that I had shocked them. To be honest the real reason for what had happened had shocked me when I had figured it out. And then I had realised how obvious the answer to the question was. Thranduil was wrong when he had said that Sauron had been responsible for the lies that had been told about the fellowship. Very wrong indeed.

"So," Finally Galadriel's third daughter spoke, "They are the reason for all this. I never would have guessed."

The 'Sues' murmured amongst themselves. Most admitted that they too would never have thought of the reason for all that had happened. I inwardly agreed with them, but then I never had thought that Mary Sues were the most imaginative of creatures.

Eventually the murmurs stopped and the room looked at me expectantly. I nervously wondered what they wanted. At last the amazingly beautiful yet wilful daughter of Thranduil's most trusted advisor spoke. "So what do we do now?"

***

We laid plans together. Our plan was perfect. Brilliant. We would get our revenge on those that had tricked us. All was ready. Now all we had to do was strike and strike fast and hard.

I gloated. Now finally someone would pay for all the shit I had put up with since my arrival in Middle Earth and I was using the ultimate war machines to get it. I felt ruthless and powerful. And boy did it feel good.

First however we decided to get some rest before we set out to do what we had to do. The 'Sues' were inevitably generous with all that they had and offered me food made by their own fair hands and a place to rest which was the most comfortable in the rooms they had occupied.

Me? Well I'm not the most generous of creatures although I can be amazingly greedy at times and took all they offered. I grinned. Who would have thought it? I was going to war with creatures that I despised and I felt damn good about it. After all I mused, with the 'Sues' on my side who will stand against us?

***

Surprisingly I had not been influenced by the 'Sues' and their overwhelming power unlike before. I did wonder why this was and raised it as a question as I was about to lie down and go to sleep.

"Because you are one of us." Came the response from one of Elrond's daughters. I wasn't sure which one it was.

"WHAT?!" I spluttered in disbelief and horror jumping up out of my bed, "NO WAY! I AM NOT ONE OF YOU! I DON'T HAVE THE HAIR! OR THE LOOKS! OR THE AMAZING BATTLE SKILLS! OR THE…"

"You are one of us." Was the firm answer from Galadriel's daughter. "You came for Legolas did you not?"

"Well err…" Well ok she had me there. "Yes."

"Then you are one of us. When this is finished you will join with us in creating a new place for us and our kind." She stated gesturing at the others in the room with her arm.

I ignored the whole 'creating a new world order' bit and asked, "Okay, but if I'm one of you now how come you affected me so much in the throne room?"

She shrugged. "It is not my place to determine these things. Perhaps you had not accepted what you truly were and the struggle within was what made you do what you did."

"Fine." I sighed. "Whatever." I turned back to my bed and collapsed heavily onto it. Just when I thought things were finally coming together I discovered that I was apparently now a Mary Sue.

"Please no." I begged whatever deity might have been listening, "Anything but that." I shoved my head further into the pillow in an attempt to get away from the revelation that I was supposed to be a Mary Sue.

"I hope they're wrong." I mumbled into the pillow. "Please let them be wrong."

I groaned deeply as I tried to lose myself in sleep. But at the back of my mind I feared the idea that I had become that which I truly despised.

I WAS NOW BELIEVED TO BE A MARY SUE.

I groaned again. Could my luck get any worse?

Idiot.

**************************************

oh dear. Am I really a dreaded 'sue'? and who is this who's responsible for all the trouble? And what 'new world order' will the 'sues' plan? And will I ever answer all these questions? And will that damned plot bunny ever leave me alone?