Oooh! We're at the end! Shock horror….Two things – LOTR not mine – written by Tolkien. Home And Dry – Written by Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe. I always promised myself I wouldn't quote a song in a fic. I lied.

Home And Dry.

The leader of the 'Sues' stood up in disbelief. "Daughter-in –law?!" She spat. "Traitor!"

"Hey, now hang on just a minute…" I said backing up slowly.

"How could you marry Thranduil's son? This was all just another plot if yours wasn't it? TREACHERY!" She cried, grabbing her sword and swiftly advancing towards me.

"I'm didn't marry Legolas!" I declared desperately, "It's Veborion!"

The 'Sue' looked at me suspiciously. Thranduil got up off his throne and crossed the floor before enveloping me in a bone-crushingly tight hug. "I am most pleased with my son, Veborion's choice." He declared.

I didn't argue. I couldn't breathe.

***

After Thranduil had let me go and I had managed to recover from a serious lack of oxygen, the leader of the 'Sues' came up to me and apologised.

"Don't worry, no harm done…" I choked out.

"I should not have jumped to conclusions so swiftly. You are after all one of us. I regret that you will remain here and not assist us to take over the world."

"Pardon?!" I spluttered. Had I misheard that? "Take over the world? Is that your plan?"

"But of course. What did you think we intended to do?"

"Oh." I frowned. I had not just saved Middle Earth from the evil hobbits to let the 'Sues' take over in their stead. Then inspiration struck me. "Actually, I have a better idea."

She raised an eyebrow at me "Indeed?"

"What you look like you need is a challenge." I stated. "Middle Earth won't be enough of one for you."

"So what do you suggest exactly?"

"Well, there's a place where only you are brave enough to go, you could turn it around, flush out the evil, sort out the land, make it your home…"

She interrupted my sales pitch. "Where?"

I grinned. "Mordor."

***

The 'Sues' discussed my idea at length. Eventually they decided that my plan would be more of a challenge for them, after all if nothing else 'Mary Sues' are designed for a quest are they not?

"Thank you." Said the leader of the 'Sues' as she shook my hand while the rest of the 'Sues' began marching off towards Mordor.

"No, no." I said, trying to remove my hand from her death grip handshake, "Thank you." She finally let go of my now crushed hand. "And of course, good luck!"

She frowned. "Fair winds." She corrected.

I winced, "Of course, of course." I paused and said through semi- clenched teeth, "Fair Winds."

She turned and marched away towards Mordor.

***

After the 'Sues' had left I realised that the other problem had to be dealt with. Veborion. And my alleged marriage to him. Fortunately I already had a plan. Unfortunately for me as usual my plan was not going to go as well as I'd have hoped.

I managed to get out of the throne room, leaving Thranduil and the others to organise the party in celebration of the defeat of the 'evil' hobbits and of course my marriage to Veborion. Deciding it would be better to get this over and done with I headed for Veborion's room. Finally coming to the door I knocked and entered, closing the door behind me.

Veborion was standing with his back to me in the middle of the room clad in only a towel. Obviously he'd just had a bath as some of his skin was still damp. I gulped. Suddenly my throat appeared to have become very dry indeed.

"Veb…" I gasped out and then took a deep breath trying to calm down my very lustful brain.

"Yes?" He asked casually as he turned to face me.

"Veborion," I paused, taking another deep breath whilst wondering how I was going to phrase this. "Y'know about well, er…" I tried again, "About our marriage."

"Ahh yes. Our marriage." He drawled. "What exactly do you wish to discuss?"

"Well," Ok deep breath, "We aren't really married are we? I mean I just lied to wind up Sindy, didn't I? And you don't want me do you? I mean after all – she was the woman you were supposed to be marrying. Can't we just get you two back together and get it all sorted? Y'know that would make everything…"

He gazed at me for a moment before turning away to face the window. As he looked out across the Palace grounds he spoke again. "I'm afraid that is not possible." He sensed I was about to speak and continued before I could say anything. "Sindaringevardaanwen is to marry another."

"WHAT?! BUT SHE AND YOU… WHAT ABOUT THE…" I was lost for words and was gesturing wildly at Veborion. "BUT I THOUGHT SHE LOVED YOU." I marched over and spun him around to face me. "WHO THE HELL IS SHE MARRYING?"

He looked at me for a moment before answering. "Aragorn."

"WHAT?!"

***

I sank down on the bed in disbelief. Turned out that Veborion and Sindy had been betrothed from a very young age with the proviso that if either did find another worthy of them then the engagement would be terminated. And apparently after saving Middle Earth from evil hobbits and rampaging Mary Sues bent on world domination I was worthy. Lucky me.

I tried a different tack. "But how can Aragorn marry Sindy? After all he married Arwen didn't he?" I saw Veborion frown and hastened to explain. "At least that's what it said in the books…"

"Ahh. Yet another lie from those accursed books. Arwen is married to Haldir."

"Oh." I wondered what to say to that. "Well, learn something new everyday don't you?"

***

For a while we just remained where we were. Then the silence began to get to me. There was something that had to be said.

"I can't stay."

Veborion looked at me, his face inscrutable. After an age he responded. "I know."

I frowned. In my small fantasy mind he would have fallen at my feet and begged me to stay, promising everything and anything to get me to say yes. "So much for someone caring then." I mumbled almost silently. I saw that he was about to say something, but I got there first. "I want to go home."

Veborion looked at me incredulously. "Do you think that I don't care?" He demanded.

"What?"

"I said," He stated as he walked towards me and pulled me up off the bed, "Do you think that I don't care?"

"Well, err…" I trailed off. Vebby didn't care for me. It was obvious. "You don't."

"I don't?!" He spluttered. "Of course I do!" And to prove it he hauled me into his arms and kissed me. For a moment I couldn't think, couldn't move and couldn't breathe. All I could do was feel his lips, soft, warm and inviting. And his kiss, what a kiss! One of those seared into your memory forever damn good kisses that you wonder what the hell you've been doing wrong all this time with your other kisses. No one had ever tasted or felt this damn good before in my life! His hand touched mine and as he moved something down one of my fingers, I gasped.

Taking advantage of my gasp he deepened the kiss pulling me closer. As I wrapped my arms around his waist he pulled back for a moment. He smiled down at me. "My fangirl." He murmured and then pulled me back into his tight embrace. He bent to kiss me again, but as he began I felt him fading… Fading away from me…

***

"Hey, hey!" A voice penetrated the kiss. Not Veborion. Familiar though… "HEY!"

"Wassamarra Vebby?" I asked jumping up out of my chair. Wait a minute. Chair? When did I end up sitting down?

I turned and looked at the person who was standing next to me. Definitely not Veborion. Not male. Not even an elf. "Ruth?" I gasped looking dazedly up at what appeared to be my very concerned sister-in-law.

"Are you ok?" She asked frowning. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"What are you doing here?" My brain still hadn't kicked in.

"Oh we were downstairs, we heard some odd noises and came to check on you." She smiled looking at my face, "Looks like you fell asleep on your keyboard."

"What?" I touched my face and felt the imprint of the keys on my skin. "Oh."

Ruth gazed down at me, concern evident in her eyes. "Are you sure you're alright?" I nodded. "Well that must have been some dream you had there." She said before leaving me alone in the room with the computer.

"Yeah. Some dream." I commented before heaving myself out of the chair and wandering downstairs.

***

I sat on one of the comfy chairs pretending to listen to family news. I couldn't believe it! I'd dreamed it all. It seemed so real. So damn real. I frowned. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be back in my dream world with my elf. Cos he obviously was my elf. The kiss certainly proved that.

"My dream elf." I muttered virtually silently to myself. "Some fucking dream."

Was I really that blind not to recognise that he actually liked me? Was I so dense that I couldn't see when someone found me attractive? I paused and wondered about that, casting my mind back to previous instances with real men as opposed to fantasy ones. I came to the conclusion pretty quickly. Yes it seemed I was that stupid. I frowned again and then realised someone was calling my name.

"What?" I asked abruptly annoyed that I had been pulled out of what had been a very odd but very pleasant fantasy world.

"I said," Ruth's younger sister Sarah spoke louder making sure she had my attention. "That's a nice ring. Where did you get it?"

"Ring? What ring?" I asked and looked down at my hands. There on the third finger of my left hand sat the most beautiful silvery ring. And I definitely did not remember putting it on. Then it hit me. The kiss! He had my hand and slipped on a ring. His ring. This ring! It wasn't a fantasy dream world after all! And I'd just gone and sent myself back to Earth away from him!

"OH. MY. GOD." I said quietly in disbelief staring down at my hand.

"Are you ok?" Sarah asked.

"I think I've just made the biggest mistake ever. Oh god." I jumped up out of my chair and dashed back to my computer. I looked at the screen, it had switched itself off in 'power-saving mode'. "Come on, come on…"

The screen finally came to life. And a blank page stared back at me. I realised I had made the biggest mistake of my whole life. It really had gone horribly wrong. The only thing that was doing anything on my computer was the cd player. Playing possibly the most grimly ironic song ever.

"Far away

through night and day

you fly long haul tonight

Come to me

you know I'll be

when you call tonight

Oh tonight

I miss you

Oh tonight

I wish you

Could be here with me

but I won't see you

'til you've made it back again

Home and dry

Home and dry"

I sank down onto my chair. How could I have been such a complete and utter fool? In fact there was only one word that could sum me up. So I said it aloud with all the bitterness encompassed in it.

"IDIOT."

The end?

************************

Phew! On the fourth attempt to write it, I think I'm satisfied! And that is the end. At least of this story anyway. Love it/hate it?! R&R please!