Laying in Silence
by Aqua
I wake up groggy, with the sun in my face. I give a small moan in protest, cursing the fact that the sunrise shines through the window and onto my pillow. Almost ironic that I've always been a night person, instead of a morning one.
I shift my face to turn it away from the sun and feel something slide down my cheek. It doesn't startle me because I already know the feel of those fingers, although it is a rare sensation. Only a few times before has this happened, and I feel a gentle smile come to my lips when I see Hisoka sleeping quietly beside me. I'm glad, because I know he has an even worse time wiht bad dreams than I do, and my nights can be pure torment.
With the exception of a few nights. The ones where I wake with Hisoka's fingers touching me. The touch is warm, even when compared to sunlight. Amazing, coming from not only a dead youth but a cold-behaved one at that.
I reach up and clasp my hand in his, making certain that my thoughts remain calm and peaceful. Harmless to him. Hisoka is too preacious for me to ever think of harming, especially from something like thought. It has taken a long time to learn to block my thoughts. I don't think he's noticed yet, afraid to touch me as he is. I enjoy our brief contacts too much not to learn how.
Sometimes, when I'm not doing my best to be cheerful, I wonder if it is possibly for me to fall in love. I used to hate the happy couples I saw walking by, just because I knew such an experience would never happen for me.
Then I met Hisoka and his distrustful green eyes. I recognized lust as it hit me for what it was. I wanted nothing more at that second but to sweep him off his feet and carry him to the nearest bush. He was so beautiful, so untouchable, that it was all I could think about when seeing him for days afterward.
However, I didn't just want to sleep with him. I soon learned that I wanted to hold him, protect him. I wanted to make him smile or laugh or even just crack a joke once. I've fallen deeply in love with him, but I know he wants nothing of the sort from me. Perhaps friendship, but I doubt even that sometimes. He's asked me to stay with him, stay for him, but he denies that he cares so well that sometimes I can't help but believe it.
It takes baby steps to get him to trust me. I can't help but hate the people of his past for making him think the way he does. Even if he has come to feel for me, he doesn't trust me enough to think that I may feel the same.
Still, especially at times like these, I know that I'll wait as long as it takes. I'll do whatever it takes. To teach him what love really is. To teach him not to be afraid of my touch. To teach him that living for the rest of existance, together, would be the most remarkable thing.
Owari
by Aqua
I wake up groggy, with the sun in my face. I give a small moan in protest, cursing the fact that the sunrise shines through the window and onto my pillow. Almost ironic that I've always been a night person, instead of a morning one.
I shift my face to turn it away from the sun and feel something slide down my cheek. It doesn't startle me because I already know the feel of those fingers, although it is a rare sensation. Only a few times before has this happened, and I feel a gentle smile come to my lips when I see Hisoka sleeping quietly beside me. I'm glad, because I know he has an even worse time wiht bad dreams than I do, and my nights can be pure torment.
With the exception of a few nights. The ones where I wake with Hisoka's fingers touching me. The touch is warm, even when compared to sunlight. Amazing, coming from not only a dead youth but a cold-behaved one at that.
I reach up and clasp my hand in his, making certain that my thoughts remain calm and peaceful. Harmless to him. Hisoka is too preacious for me to ever think of harming, especially from something like thought. It has taken a long time to learn to block my thoughts. I don't think he's noticed yet, afraid to touch me as he is. I enjoy our brief contacts too much not to learn how.
Sometimes, when I'm not doing my best to be cheerful, I wonder if it is possibly for me to fall in love. I used to hate the happy couples I saw walking by, just because I knew such an experience would never happen for me.
Then I met Hisoka and his distrustful green eyes. I recognized lust as it hit me for what it was. I wanted nothing more at that second but to sweep him off his feet and carry him to the nearest bush. He was so beautiful, so untouchable, that it was all I could think about when seeing him for days afterward.
However, I didn't just want to sleep with him. I soon learned that I wanted to hold him, protect him. I wanted to make him smile or laugh or even just crack a joke once. I've fallen deeply in love with him, but I know he wants nothing of the sort from me. Perhaps friendship, but I doubt even that sometimes. He's asked me to stay with him, stay for him, but he denies that he cares so well that sometimes I can't help but believe it.
It takes baby steps to get him to trust me. I can't help but hate the people of his past for making him think the way he does. Even if he has come to feel for me, he doesn't trust me enough to think that I may feel the same.
Still, especially at times like these, I know that I'll wait as long as it takes. I'll do whatever it takes. To teach him what love really is. To teach him not to be afraid of my touch. To teach him that living for the rest of existance, together, would be the most remarkable thing.
Owari
