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Chapter 2 - Things Get Stinky
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Pimply Faced Kid: *static* "Wel.... Burrito..... Home..... Bean..... ow..... shock.... damn...... crap..... fries with that?"
Guy 1: "I'd like to order your Bean Bag combo with extra... what's it called? 'Brown glop sauce'?"
Pimply Faced Kid: "Sorry about that... stupid thing breaks every ffffff.... SCHHHHKRRRRRRRRRT...... Ack! Sorry! Would you like cheese with that?"
Guy 1: "How much cheese are we talking, here?"
PFK: "Well, the sizes we have are Small, Medium, Large, and 'Bucket-o-Lard'"
Guy 1: "Alright, gimme the Bucket-o-Lard"
PFK: "That'll be $98,544."
Guy 1: (muttering, while picking up his wallet) "Damn inflation....."

The first guy drives through and grabs his food, handing over a big wad of money. Guy 2 and Guy 2-and-a-Half drive up.

Guy 2: "... I'm tellin' ya man, urinal cakes taste like shit!"
Guy 2 1/2: "I'm willing to be they taste more like piss."
Guy 2: ".... you'd probably win that bet."

PFK: "Welcome to...... KRSCHTTTTTTTKKKKKKKKKTTRRRRRT *BANG BANG* Agh!"
Guy 2: "What the hell was that?"
Fat Manager Dude: "Sorry, we had to.... fire..... Billy..... he kept making that 'static' noise with his mouth..... it got really annoying."
Guy 2: "Makes sense."
FMD: "Anyway, I'll fill in. What can I get you?"
Guy 2: "Is it possible to get an AK47 here?"
FMD: "Well yeah, don't you watch the news? Ever since the NRA passed that law about Rifle Availability, it's been illegal to not provide an automatic weapon on request."
Guy 2: "Oh yeah, cool! Can I just pick it up now?"
FMD: "Sure, background checks never work anyway!"

Guy 2 and his friend roll up to the window and pick up their weapon (with free complimentary "Get Well Soon" cards).

In a crimson flash, Zero is dashing onto the scene.

Zero: Damn those crimson flashes! Always picking you up when you don't need it!

According to Alia, there is a lot of Maverick Activity going on at the local Burrito Planet, and Zero is there to check it out.

Zero: (on commlink) "So Alia... is there any similarity between you and the guys who run drive-thru windows?"
Alia: (stopping all of Zero's motion so she can talk to him) "Well, to ramble on and on; drive-thru windows are used to order food when one doesn't have enough time to make a sandwich, go to a restaurant, or shoot pigeons. Pigeons appeared on the scene at the dawn of time when there was primordial soup literally HUNDREDS of years ago.... "
Signas: (on Alia's end of the commlink) "ALIA!! You idiot! Why did you try to dry your clothes in the MICROWAVE?!!? Now I can't cook the Ramen Noodles for dinner! You dumb fuck!"
Alia: "Sorry Zero, looks like I have to un-paralyze you.... Signas is putting me back in the "Box"......"
Zero: "Thank the lord....."

According to his mission log, Zero is to be on the lookout for a Maverick Food Merchant by the name of Reek Burrito....

Zero busts into the Burrito World food parlor and scans the area. Several robots in cowboy hats can be seen playing cards.

Zero: "Who's the Burrito Chief around here?"
Reek Burrito: "Right here, ya mangey varmint."
Zero: "I hear you've gone Maverick..."
Reek Burrito: "Ahh... so you think you can just stumble into this one horse town and retire me? Well I can retire you and your family faster than you can retire a cockroach that deserves to be retired!
Zero: "You may retire me... but even SENIORS can kick your ass!"

Zero launches his first attack at the 6 foot tall burrito-robot (with visible stink-lines coming from it), by swinging his Z-Saber^TM in a wide arc, missing Reek entirely, but decapitating a nearby Republican.

Wife of Deceased Republican: "Yes! Woo hoo! Time to finally get the right to vote!" (runs off)

Zero, in his distraction at the hands of the Wife of Deceased Republican, is caught offguard by the onslaught of Homing Bean Missiles.

Zero: "Ok, seriously, what the hell kind of attack is that?"
Reek: "Just wait until I get to the fart jokes, you fuck-trophy!"
Zero: "Damn you..."

In his rage, Zero began throwing bar stools and small children at the Tortilla Gone Wrong.... after several direct hits, Reek Burrito falls to his knees....

Reek: "Kill me quickly.... with honor, please.... I must die like a warrior..."
Zero: "Don't worry.... it's all over, you border-jumping turd burglar."

Just then, miraculously, a robotic leprechaun-gone-Maverick bursts through the windows with a razor-sharp 4-leaf clover!

Zero: "No! I thought you were dead! It's my arch-nemesis; Fisty McCramdinhands!"
Fisty: "You can't get my fucking lucky charms, ya wee bastard!"
Zero: "It cannot be..... it must be a nightmare..... a nightmare..... a nightmare..... a nightmare......."
Fisty: "Stop sayin' thet, ya lily livered cod-piece!"

Zero woke up in a cold sweat, taking a moment to realize he's still in his trailer. X lies peacefully in bed next to him, clutching a little plush Lara Croft doll.

Zero: (muttering) "I hate it when he sleeps with that thing....."

Zero rolls out of bed and steps over to the kitchen area, where he cracks open the refrigerator; only to reveal a big tentacled DNA beast that can phase through walls. A small reploid hovers upside-down in mid-air next to it.

Zero: "What the fuck?"
Tentacle Thing: "I am a Nightmare... thingy..."
Zero: "Are you immune to Z-sabers?"
Tentacle Thing: "No, but...... GAH! MY FACE! I'll be back, and there will be THOUSANDS! And we will be impossible to defeat, and we will infect TONS of reploids FOREVER!!! We will get them where you cannot save them; in their DREAMS!!!!!!"
Zero: "Yeah right..... in your..... Nightmares........ BWA HA HA!"

Zero, thoroughly unphased by the entire incident, steps outside to have a smoke. He takes a moment to look at the small label on the cigarette pack that, over time, replaced the Surgeon General's warning: "980,000,000 Tumors Can't Be Wrong!"

Zero: "Ahh, cigarettes... my only true friend."
Alia: (into commlink) "Bastard!"
Zero: "I repeat.... my only true friend.... you stupid whore...."
Alia: "Oh, I see how it is..."
Zero: "Good, now go play in traffic."
Alia: "Too late, your boyfriend took my favorite spot!"
Zero: "That just isn't funny anymore, Alia, seriously. Stop running the gay jokes into the ground."
Alia: "Right.... can you investigate some Maverick activity in.... your septic tank?"
Zero: "Oh no..... is it Shitty Coelocanth?"
Alia: "None other than...."
Zero: "Dammit, I hate that...... shitty..... thing...."

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To Be Continued in Chapter 3..........