Title: Of Prostitution and Power-Outages
Author: Snape no Koibito
Rating: PG-13
Feedback/Archive: Yes to both please! ^^
Series/Sequel: Well, if anyone want to write a follow up, that's okay with me. Run it by me first though. I promise to be nice.
Summary: The lights go out during potions.
Disclaimer: blah blah blah, yack yack yack
A/N: Our power went out for a couple hours the other day, and I was bitten by a furry pink plot bunny. It didn't turn out quite as planned, but oh well.
Sirius,
Sorry if this is a little sloppy. I'm writing by candlelight, but even so, the details should amuse you.
The lights are out in dungeons. We had just settled down when they blew out, and wouldn't light up again. Hermione jumped into Snape's lap. Unfortunately for her, he and Draco had begun snogging the moment we couldn't get the lights back on. They disappeared into his office, dropping a disgruntled Hermione onto Pansy Parkinson's lap. I think they could've drowned us all, if ya know what I mean. Ron, Dean, Seamus, Neville, and I went off into a corner. We were playing Truth or Dare, when Dean dared me to kiss Ron.
Then Filch came in with some candles. When we lit our wands, the sights we saw were amazing! Snape was on his knees in front of Filch, and was sucking him off while being buttfucked by Draco. Lavender and Parvati were making out on the floor, along with Dean, Seamus, and Neville. Tweedle-dee and
Tweedle-dum were watching Hermione and Pansy play Scrabble with the other girls.
Then Ron said he screw me if I gave him 10 Galleons, so I did. Does this make him my whore?
Talk about a fun night.
Yours,
Harry
* * * * * * * *
Albus,
You wanted to know what happened down in the dungeons yesterday? Well, it was certainly interesting. Potter's account of what happened contains some false information. Allow me to set the record straight.
First of all, Hermione did not jump into my lamp. She sneezed on me. Draco and I did not do anything… well, not with each other. Thomas, Finnigan, Miss Brown, Miss Patil, and Longbottom were playing BS in a corner. Somehow Longbottom had managed to light his wand.
Harry had no reason to accuse me and Argus. We were in my office with the door closed.
Then Weasley snuck off with Longbottom when he was offered 5 sickles for a make-out session.
Sincerely,
Professor Severus A. Snape
* * * * * * * *
Father,
The lights went out in potions yesterday. Pansy jumped into my lap and knocked me out of my chair and onto Ron Weasley, who offered to give me blow job if I gave him2 galleons.
Everyone else was either playing Scrabble, BS, or Spin the Bottle. Except Snape. He was with Filch in his office. I think they were playing "doctor."
Your son,
Draco
* * * * * * * *
Dear Fred and George,
Please stop pestering me. This is the last time I'm going to tell you what happened on Friday in the dungeons.
The lights were out. Eventually, we all had the brilliant idea to light our wands, after screaming and making ghost noises to annoy the shit out of Snape. When he lit his wand, everybody grabbed somebody to kiss. I grabbed Harry. After that little escapade, Snape escaped into his office, where he and Filch had a quicky.
Hermione and Dean snuck out. Apparently Dean had offered Hermione 5 galleons for some sex.
So of course, Harry got turned on, and he and Malfoy started "getting it on" right in the middle of the classroom. Ick! With Malfoy, I mean, come ON!
I kidnapped Parvati because she offered me 3 galleons for a kiss. Well, I ended up with a lot more than that! When we finished, she gave me 15 galleons, 2 sickles, and 7 knuts, just being a good lay!
Seamus and Neville wear preoccupied. I think their favorite number is sixty-nine, if ya get my drift.
Better go, Harry's coming (Yum)!
Ron
* * * * * * * *
Headmaster Dumbledore,
I'm afraid we have no choice but to commit these students to St. Mungo's for a month. They are overly sexual, and extremely crazy, careless, and delusional.
Yours truly,
Dr. Evil
