~* Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it. And Jules, yes the title comes from a John Mayer song which I'm going to use in the next chapter, and I love, love, love him too! I even got to meet him and get his autograph and take my picture with him, I can now officially die a happy girl! Anyway, here is the next part and I bet you're all on the edge of your seats.*~
Disclaimer: Right, so not so much mine.
Monica woke up the next morning and looked in the mirror. Her hair was disheveled from her restless night of sleep. She rubbed her eyes and sighed as she went out to wake up her kids. Tom was the hardest to wake up, so she walked into his room first and threw on the lights and then threw off the covers.
"Rise and shine sweetheart," she said to him and he groaned and rolled over and she opened the curtains letting the sunshine filter in.
"Tom," she demanded. "Up." He moaned again, but she knew this time he was going to get up and she left satisfied and headed to Gracie's room.
"Baby," she whispered into her youngest daughter's ear. "Get up."
"Hi Mommy," she said opening her blue eyes and blinking.
"Hi sweetie pie," Monica said and gave her a hug. "I laid out your clothes for you, so just pull them on while I go get Lily up and then I'll do your hair." Grace nodded and Monica went to her last child's room and opened the curtains and then gave Lily a kiss on the forehead.
"Morning," she told her.
"Morning," Lily mumbled without opening her eyes. "Do I have to get up?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because your bed will not fit on the bus," Monica teased and Lily sighed and still without opening her eyes threw her legs over the side and stretched. Monica pulled out an outfit for Lily and then left to braid Grace's hair and finish breakfast. Mornings with three kids could be chaotic, but they had it down to a science now and Monica was rarely frazzled in the mornings like some of her friends, including Rachel. She patted Gracie's French braid and gave her a hug as she went downstairs to make breakfast.
"Can I help?" Gracie asked.
"Can you set the table?" Monica asked knowing she could because she had already pulled out the plates and cups and set them on the counter for Gracie to grab. Grace nodded and ran off to set the kitchen table. Tom and Lily appeared a little while later and they all sat down to eat together and then Monica set the dirty dishes in the sink for their housekeeper, Mrs. Martin to clean up and dropped the kids off at school and then went to the restaurant that had been a present from Chandler on her thirty-sixth birthday. It was doing very well and she was extremely proud of it. She walked in and found everything under control, which was a huge help and she went back to her office and sat down at her desk. She glanced over at the empty spot on the desk where the picture of her and Chandler had once sat.
"Oh, Chandler," she whispered into the empty air. "Why'd you leave?" There was no answer, of course, no one could answer. She was alone. Alone. They had been good together, right? She had been happy and had her kids and she was content. Content. That was one thing she certainly wasn't now. She hugged her arms around herself and wished that she had someone else's arms around her.
"Move on," she told herself. "You need to move on." She rubbed her temples and fought back tears. Joey's visit had her unglued. Not that she didn't want to see her friend, she did, but he just reminded her so much of Chandler that it hurt. It hurt so much. It wasn't supposed to but it did.
Joey found Monica's restaurant packed when he and Phoebe went to pick her up and take her out to lunch. She was in the back helping the chef and smiled when they came back.
"Mon? Got time for lunch?" Joey asked. Monica glanced at her watch and then at her employees who nodded and she shrugged.
"Sure," she said and took off her apron and grabbed her coat and walked out the door with Joey and Phoebe.
"Let's take your car," Phoebe said.
"Why?"
"Because it's nicer," she told her and they climbed into Monica's SUV. Monica pulled out and started into the city.
"Where are we going?"
"Soho," Phoebe said and quickly looked out the window.
"No."
"Monica."
"No."
"Mon?" This time it was Joey.
"No. No. No." She repeated it and the tears began falling down her face.
"Pheebs, I told you that this was a bad idea," Joey said looking at Monica was wiping the tears off of her face with her hand.
"Joey, shush," Phoebe turned around and silenced him as Monica kept her attention on the road.
"No, Phoebe," Monica said so quietly that it was almost inaudible.
"Please, Monica. It's been a year."
"No. I don't want to." And she didn't, how she didn't want to.
"Fine," Phoebe said and she crossed her arms. "Pick somewhere else." Monica sighed and turned off an exit and they found a restaurant and found a table for three and Monica was so angry with her friends for even suggesting it, that she barely spoke two words the entire time.
"You're so stubborn," Phoebe said and Monica looked up at her surprised.
"Why?"
"Because! Because you let it happen." Monica gasped and looked at her friend with betrayal and tears.
"I...I....I didn't want him to...."
"Oh God, Monica," she said. "I'm so sorry. Oh, God, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean it. Of course it wasn't your fault."
"She didn't mean that Monica," Joey said. "She's just trying to understand it as much as you are." Monica nodded the shock of the words still stinging and her head and heart still pounding. You let it happen. You let it happen. Did they all think this? Did they all blame her? She looked at her friends.
"I need to get back to the restaurant and then pick up the kids," she said standing and practically running out of the place. Joey and Phoebe looked at each other and turned to follow her out.
"I didn't mean it Joe," Phoebe said softly.
"I know."
"She must hate me."
"She doesn't. I don't think she has any emotions to spare to hate right now." They climbed into Monica's car and began a silent ride back to Monica's restaurant. They went to get into Phoebe's car and she looked at Monica's tear stained face.
"I'm sorry," she said again.
"It's okay," Monica assured her and went back inside.
Phoebe danced around Monica the rest of the week and Joey went home. Nothing more was said about that day and Monica had kept the pretenses that she had forgotten all about it. That was a lie of course, she remembered. The words still rang through her head when she was alone at night. She was almost afraid now to close her eyes. In and out, she told herself.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Don't forget to breathe in and out. It was her mantra that she kept rolling around in her head. Keep your mind on little things and don't let the big things seep into your brain and drown you in their thoughts. That morning was a Saturday so the kids were home with her. Gracie and Lily were playing dolls or something in the playroom and Tom was there with her in the living room watching a movie.
"Mom?"
"Hmm?" She had been reading a book and she looked up from it and turned to her son.
"Can we get a dog?" It had been Chandler who had always said no dogs, because he had still harbored his fear of them.
"Maybe," she said and smiled at him. He grinned back and turned to his attention back to the movie. She heard the mail truck outside and got up to get the mail. She stepped out onto the porch and walked down the walk and opened the mailbox. She pulled out a stack of envelopes and as she walked back to the house she glanced at the addresses.
"Bill," she said. "Bill, bill, junk, junk, invitation for Lily, junk." Then she came to a small blue envelope with Tom's, Lily's, and Grace's names written neatly on the front. Her breathing slowed as her eyes scanned it and traveled up to the corner of it. The return address was written clearly and she began to shake as she read the name out loud.
"Chandler Bing."
~* I know it hasn't quite cleared everything up yet, but it will, so just review and tell me what you thought of it. Thanks!*~
