A/N: Annnnnnd! The winner is Shellyk! 50 points! Congratulations! You got every one of them right! Well except the 'I'm mad' one, which is actually a takeoff from MJ, but the site link you provided was good enough! Have a butter beer! :)

Gryffindor Girl dormitories

Hermione Granger stood up on a table several girls were listening to her

'No longer will our …. Be chaste and unused! We will fight for every girl who is not getting laid and should! Today we stand together! This is our destiny! We will prevail! WE WILL GET LAID!'

A cheer of applause rang out through the audience

(A/N: 10 points for telling, which movie is this from)

'Look! He's bouncing like a ball on the ground!' said McGonagall

She and Lupin had rushed to the window

Accio Dumbledore!

As soon as Lupin said that spell, Dumbledore was sucked through the window and back into his office.

Lupin said another spell and Dumbledore was tied up in ropes and gag.

'There! I hate to do this, but it's for his own good!' said Lupin

'Umm, can I stay and protect him?' asked a meek McGonagall.

Lupin gave her a piercing stare, but she was his ex-professor after all. He shrugged and went off muttering something about Psycho-transfiguration teachers.

In a room far far away, actually just near the Gryffindor common room

Ginny and Harry lay down exhausted

'Unreal' said Harry breaking the silence

'Dam! You are a good fuck, I knew it I knew it!' said Ginny

'How?' asked Harry

'Well, you know what they say about men with dark hair' said Ginny

'Not really…' said Harry

'Oh! Actually I saw you masturbating in the fourth year' said Ginny laughing.

Harry went red, totally and completely.

'when? How?' he sputtered

'I was in the Gryffindor Common room trying to give Ron a letter from, mom, and I saw you come in, I kinda hid behind the bed' she smiled again, evil Ginny style

Harry went redder (if that is even possible)

'So, who were you imagining…' asked Ginny

'I am not having this conversation! I am not having this conversation' said Harry trying to make it all go away

At the Slytherin Male Dormitories

Draco entered the room in a daze, he took of the clothes he was wearing.

'OMG! What happened!' asked Blaise looking at the whip marks all over Draco.

'Nothing, nothing..' said Draco trying to hide.

'Let, me guess Pansy's gone Dominatrix' Blaise laughed.

'Shut up!' snarled Draco. But Blaise didn't he just went out laughing his head of. It was then Draco saw the owl waiting for him.

He went up to the owl and took the letter with the Malfoy family seal.

Dear Drakie,

'Drackie? ' said Draco aloud

I am tired of the lies and the deceit. Hiding from the world is not the answer, I have decided that I must face it. Draco, I am your mother Voldie is your father. I am divorcing my wife and marrying my true love Voldie. The world will soon know of our love and my sex change operation! I know you are happy for us! Will inform you of the date of the marriage.

Your loving mother

L. Malf

P.S. I've changed my name to Linda

A long and loud scream was heard from the dorm at this time.

In a dungeon bellow the castle…

The potion master looked at the parchment in front of him. He was going to be rich!

Some group called Pfizer had decided to buy the formulae of him and sell it world wide.

'Well at least mine works' he thought happily as he wrote a reply of affirmation

(A/n: Pun intended)

Fred and George Weasley had got into serious trouble. Fred had pushed George into the barrel of pumpkin juice and George had dragged Fred with him

They now stood in the middle of the common room.

'Fred, I just found out, my girl friend is a lesbian!' said George breaking into tears 'No wonder we never had great sex'

Fred fell down on the floor laughing. 'You stupid prat! I thought you knew better than that'

George became angry 'She was screwing your girlfriend!'

Fred went pale and limp.

'Nooooooooooo!'

Gryffindor Female Dorms

'There its finished!' said Hermione

'What?' asked Parvati

'My grand plan to Gang rape Ron' said Hermione rubbing her hands in anticipation

'Um, you and which gang' asked Parvati

'What!' Hermione grabbed Parvati 'Do you thing I'm not gang enough to rape Ron!'

'Err, no no! I didn't mean that!' said a scared Parvati

'Me, Myself and Hermione will take turns!' she said letting out an evil laugh

Great thought Parvati a combination of three nymphomaniacs.

'Um, Can I come?' asked Parvati

Hermione gave her this extremely hard stare.

'Sure, but bring your own Vaseline' she said finally

A/N: Mwhahahahaha! I got reviews so you got the next chapter! :). I repeat 10 points for who can name the movie (the Hermione statement on top). So review! :)