Author's note: This is another one, inspired by a C. Dion song and especially the following lines:

"Just no living without loving you

How could I ever survive

Just no living without loving you

It would be like living without being alive without you"

Life is never easy – we know, but Miss Parker's was never and will never be because she's special! I want to thank a couple of friends/fans for not letting me down because of my not too perfect English. I love writing, it's something like a passion of mine. So thanks Dan & Olive, Clare & Roddney, & Elisabeth and of course my little sister Theres. She was the first one who read it, and wanted me to continue! – a big hug to all you!

And thanks for waiting. I start this one today (3/5) and will finish as soon as possible because tomorrow is my 20th Birthday- yeah such an old bitch I am – so thanks for waiting!

Rating: NC-17

Archive: just made my own page, so you can read it there too, which is nice but at the moment not perfect. You can also send me your story and I will post it there.

Homepage: http://missparkerjarod.hollywood.com

Email: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com & miss_parker@zwallet.com

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CHAPTER 11 - NO LIVING WITHOUT LOVING YOU

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On the way home no word was said. I was still shocked, not able to think clear, and not because of the alcohol.

At home, he opened my door and pushed me into the house, not hard, but without saying something to me. He was still angry, I could see it in this wonderful eyes which were hard now, hard and like nails.

What have you done Parker? I asked my self You were in town and that seems to be a mistake, one of your favorite ones of course. You always make mistakes around people you love. .... love? Do I love him? ... what is love?

I wanted to sit down on the sofa, talk to him. Tell him what was going on. Calm him down. I wanted to touch him. Wanted to cry on his shoulder, feel his warm arms around me, to solace me.

But he didn't. I have never seen him that way – not so furious. He grabbed my arm and pushed me into my room, harshly and rough. We went into it, behind me. I wasn't able to breath. He was not the person I knew, I thought that I would know. I thought, maybe I was thinking to much about him. Now I have you B. – you are the sense of my life ... but what shall I do, I love him, honestly love him.

I wasn't able to think too much about what happened, when I found me pinned against the closed door. Jarod was standing in front of me, his hands on both sides of my head. Really pinned against the door. There was nearly no space between him and me. I could feel his warm, not to say hot, breath crushing against me. My eyes closed, to let the moment happen.

He was so near. Yeah boy kiss me, take me, do what ever you want with me, but do something with me! I prayed to god.

He looked in my eyes, like he could read my mind – but he couldn't because if he wouldn't stand here like that, staring at me. What will he do next?



His eyes wandered up my body. I wasn't able to move.

Why Mary, why?

I ... I wanted to answer but was unable. My voice didn't let me say a word. Why are you nervous Parker? What would he say to you?

Yeah? he said harshly. His hot breath was nearly melting me. My knees were like pudding.

Now he pressed me against the door, no space between us. I could feel his fingers on my shoulder. I start to shiver, many small electric spots were sent through my entire body.

Why Mary, why? he said again, softer than before.

I couldn't resist to star at his wonderful eyes, the eyes I had fallen in love. His eyes have changed – now I could see that he looked disappointed. Disappointed about what I have done. Disappointed.

He didn't understand the act, didn't understand what I wanted in the town. Holy shit Parker you are a grown up ... use your brain ... think once with your heart!

We both hadn't an easy childhood. He had never been a normal teenager, having intercourse with different people. Why was it so hard to understand me?

I .... you know ... I wanted to say something, shyly when his lips brushed on mine, his tongue invaded my mouth. I was smiling, I feel it, while he was kissing me. Passionate? I could also feel his erection pressing against my tights. He didn't touch me intimate. His hands were still on my shoulders. His body pressed against mine.

Oh god Jarod ... you feel like a Greek God ... all your muscles ... your tongue ... oh my goddess. You kiss like 20 years ago. Nothing has changed. And those cock of yours, the only one who has ever found my G-spot, except me of course ... it's so hard ... and I am getting so wet.

His tongue was rough and wild. Our tongues danced well together, like ages ago. I start to suck on button lip, my hands placed on his muscular chest.

Is this the reason you've been to the town? He asked me while his hand was suddenly under my skirt, grabbing my panties and pulling them down.

I was shocked but I also had to smile. He was a genius. A genius. I didn't answer his question. I just nodded. I closed my eyes when I felt his fingers, two of them, gliding into me.

Oh yes ... I had to wait so long for that.

My knees where shacking, my body shivering. I hadn't noticed before that I got so wet, more than wet.

Only that Parker?

Now the tone of his voice was calm anymore.

One ... Night ... Stand ... was the only thing I was able to say. I was breathing hard. I was so aroused, close to come. Jarod's thumb was "playing" with my clitoris. Holy shit ... what had he to wait that long ... he could take me where ever he want to!

His thumb was rubbing faster, the fingers gliding in and out rougher.

I start to breath harder, faster and louder. How that happened, I don't know. I was so close to come now.

Oh god ... Jar ... I am so damned close I said, between breathing.

He started to kiss me again, harder. The other hand was unbuttoning the left buttons of my blouse.

It's just a One Night Stand he said loud, so loud that I couldn't overhear it.

Remember that - and this only if you are a good girl Mary!

Was he teasing or a way of flirting?

Why only .... ah ... this night Jarod .... You could have me ... always ... without asking .... for permission .... every ... ah .... ah .... night Speaking wasn't that easy anymore, not if a guy like Jarod was rubbing you, fucking you with his fingers and kissing you like a god.

Ever ask me what I think about it? If I am still interested? he bubbled along.

What does he mean by that?

My hand was on the waistband of his jeans, slowly unbuttoning and unzipping. My hand was gliding in it, feeling his erected cock. That's a boy Jarod!

You don't like that Jarod? I said soft, with deep voice, during rubbing his erection. Couldn't do something different than moan. He moaned loud. He was so hard.

His tongue darted over my lips, slowly before breaking. I looked at him, not knowing what had happened.

Stop that Parker

Now I am Parker again, not Mary! ... sad

He put my hand out of his trousers. Crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at me.

I am no man of your business. I haven't bought you any Bushmills which would allow me to touch you!

That hurts badly – you asshole Jarod.

But ... Jarod ... I don't understand ...

I really didn't understand a thing. One moment he is bringing me nearly over the edge, letting his fingers glide up and down my tunnel, his thumb rubbing my clit and on the other he speaks to me, like I am a slut!

Think about what you have done Parker. Think about you looked like, your blouse open, your skirt up to your hips, your stockings visible. Think about Brutus, your son, what he has to think about you!

He was angry again, the eyes like fire, the voice loud.

Jarod turned around and went out of the room, without looking back.

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2 hours later

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I was sitting in the bed, unable to sleep. I have never been very religious, but the only one who could help me know was God.

I went out of the bed, to get a cup of tea. I never thought that I would be able to live without coffee, but Jarod you ...

I went into the kitchen, just wearing my new soft silk nightgown – it was black, short and not to tight.

I saw him sleeping. Oh beauty, sleeping beauty. If you would know how much I love you and how right you are with what you've said. I am a slut, I was a slut. If you want me, take me Jarod.

I couldn't resist, to touch his cheek. If you would know how much I love you J. I said softly, very silently not to wake him.

The tea was drunken in a minute, and I went back to bed. I knelt down next to it.

God you know, I was never very religious and I stopped going to church after mum's death. I don't understand why you needed to take her.

Today I am a mum myself. I need your help. I can't take it all on my own. I have never been in a position where I had to take care of somebody, not of somebody so tiny. Nobody ever trusted in me .... except Jarod. He was always there when I needed him, he was like a brother, a mother and the best friend ... many years ago also my lover. You know how much he mean to me, he's my everything. Brutus is doing well I think. He's growing fast, maybe I also eat to much. I couldn't resist chocolate or something sweet. It always reminds me kissing Jarod years ago, or just a couple of hours ago.

I know that it wasn't right what I have done in the city, and I am not sure why I have done it. It just came and Sean was lovely, not asking any questions. But it wasn't right. I love Jarod, if he would know how much I love him. I couldn't live without loving him, that's impossible. I know that he doesn't love me, maybe taking care but not loving me. Okay I am still able to arouse him, you know, but arousal is different from love. I couldn't exist without loving him. He was the only person in my life, who I was fully into love with. Thommy was also a wonderful person, but not Jarod. Jarod .... what shall I do? I love him ... oh god I love him, more than my life.

Tears where running down my cheeks. I have said everything. It was true. It was running down my tongue easily, but it was so hard to believe.

He is my life, my sun and my moon. If he wasn't calling me in the middle of the night, during the last years, I started to worry that something could have happened to him. If he wasn't sending me crazy gifts, I started to worry. I always worry that something could happen to him .... yes I love him with every part of my body ... every part of my soul ... oh god please help me .... just give me a sign ... a sign that it's going on with us .... I need him ... I don't want to live without ... not one day .... not an hour.

I stood up, my back was hurting, and sat on the bed, looking out of the window, seeing the moon and the stars. I could only think about what he had sad before he left me.

A small sign please god ... please ...

I laid down, closed my eyes.



***********

later that night

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No not .... A man was touching me.

Shut up you bitch .... he screamed at me. I could see his face. It was one of the men who raped me.

Don't touch me! Please ... I tried to fight but I wasn't as strong as this man.

He slapped me hard on the face.

I started to cry.

Why always me?

Give me your little gift girl .... give me your wet pussy ... I will fuck you till you scream! he shouted at me.

NO .... NO.... NO ...

For all I have done ... for all the mistakes!

That's what I thought before I was hit in my belly.

Don't take my baby ... not my baby ... take me ... do what ever you want ... but not my baby ... not my baby ... I cried.

He separated my legs, rough. I was unable to do something against it.

I felt his erected cock against my tights.

Oh you are so wet you slut you ... the guy said, with an aroused voice.

I said noting, I was only screaming.



Parker ...wake up .... I heard a male voice next to me, rocking me.

I didn't want to open my eyes.

You had a nightmare ... but I am here ...

Jarod was sitting next to me. He hugged me tight.

______________________TBC _____________________

C: Will she get a sign from god? If yes what will it be?