Note: This goes to Pam this time for giving me the loveliest feedback for ages – thanks. And its going to Dianne because she will give me a good beta I am sure, Phoebe (she killed herself today a year ago – I will never forget you) and to Josephine. THX

"Next plane out" & "Love doesn't ask why" – Céline Dion – thanks for singing these songsJ   & "No more tears" by Ozzy Osbourne

Archive: wherever you want to have it, just drop me a line – l like to visit it.

Author: Mary Eve Parker   mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com

Rating: NC 17

Rest of the story can be found under: www.eves-paradise.de.vu

They don't have to see you cry Chapter 21 – You make me feel …

I told him the most important things, and I have not skipped one of the bad sides the Centre had and that they are still hunting us.

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It happened more than once that he slipped into "my" room to have a look at my naked frame during the last week. He was still sleeping in the living room but I knew that he was more than uncomfortable. What should I do?

I couldn't ask him to go to bed with me. I remembered having sex with him but he didn't, unfortunately. I missed his strokes now more than when he was away.

But today, today something had changed. Today Father Padraigh was at ours for Dinner and Jarod talked to him like he would have done before. He was sociable and talkative, like I know him. I am sure that I smirked at him all night long.

In the typical Irish manner the holy father drank too much and I asked him if he wanted to stay on the sofa this night and he agreed without discussion – so Jarod would have to share a bed with me.

Thank the holy up there for the Irish behaviour to drink to much!

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"Mary?" he asked me. I was standing in the dark, looking out of the window like I habitually did before I went to bed – just to have a look if the world was still existing.

"Yes Jarod? What do you want?" I said shyly and in a calm way.

My hands rested on my swollen belly which I had covered in a soft dark red silk bathrobe.

"I can also sleep on the floor if you want me to!" he noticed.

"Holy God no Jarod … " Did these words escaped my mouth? "If you want you can sleep on the floor but I always thought that the bed is big enough for two … you also thought about it, you told me that it is not only once before …."

"Stop that Mary. Its not easy I know and I am not really comfortable with the actual situation. I know that I have drunken too much and I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I am not scratchy Jarod, I am just tired. It had been a long day and the weight in front of me makes moving even harder."

I felt that he was standing behind me, just in boxer shorts. I could feel the heat from his body, and holy shit my body was reacting to hit. I felt my nipples to get harder, unbelievable hard and this pain was killing me but I knew that there wouldn't be a release for it this night, if ever.

Slowly I start whispering the lyrics of one of my favourite songs – the song was so true, like it was at the moment. Like my life was …

            I listen to the sound of the rain falling, down my window …

            … Praying for a gentle wind to bring you back again …

            … Tryin' to be strong but I'm not getting any stronger …

            … Loneliness is tearing apart this heart of mine …

            … I lay awake 'coz I can't take another night lonely …

            … It's been too long, I can't hold on no more …

"What are you singing?" he asked softly, nearly whispering into my ear.

"Just a song I loved long ago" I lied.

"Tell me about how it was?"

"What shall I tell you Jarod?" I was nearly crying.

"How we were … and why we never …"

I sobbed. "Jarod, love doesn't ask why … speaks from the heart … and never explains … don't you know that? Love doesn't think twice … it can come all at once or a whisper from a distance … and please don't ask me if…"

"Mary I just wanted to know how we worked things out and how you got that pregnant?!"

"I told you Jarod, I told you everything I know."

"But you never told me why you phoned me and not the man named Sydney. You told me that he was a good friend of yours … "

"Friends …. Friends … Jarod believe me you are the only person I could trust with all my heart. We were friends through the whole childhood and we only were separated because they were afraid that we would fall in love with each other."


"And we fell in love, didn't we?"

"Yes Jarod we did, more than that. Well but I told you about the twins and everything which seemed to be important for me."

"It seems like I mean a lot to you, even now. So let me try to understand the whole situation. I got the parts with" he sat down on the edge if the bed. "the Centre quite well and parts seemed familiar to me" I turned around stunned and smiled at him. "But why did you chased me when you loved me?"

"Jarod, I was working for the Centre and my life wasn't easy at all. Please don't ask me this question again. If your memory will come back you will understand it."

I turned around and went to *my* site of the bed. I had a look at him how he was sitting there on the edge of the big wooden bed. He was not sure what to say, which move to make next – I felt it.

"Jarod turn around, face me" I could see the watered eyes and the hurt look in his face.  "Don't look like a puppy please Jarod you know that I couldn't resist this look … and now step in, we don't have endless time to sleep, Julian will be up soon and we couldn't let Debbie do all the work."

"Okay." Was the only thing he said before he stepped under the sheet.

"Jarod?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?" He didn't look at me.

"Would you at least give me a good night kiss?"

"Did I do that before?" I joked with a soft giggle.

"Normally you did more than that, much more than that, but a goodnight kiss would work …"

In exact that moment Jarod's lips brushed mine, just for a second but it was amazing. It wasn't even a real kiss but enough for me to feel like a woman again.

He laid down near me, looking at me. I felt his eyes wander over my robe.

"Don't you want to get out of this silky stuff?"

"You want to see a strip show for free?" I joked back.

"Oh … ah …"

Yeah Jarod I am naked under it, more than naked, really naked and I don't want to seduce you tonight but maybe some nights more in this bed and you will beg for….

"No I will not, I will turn around if you want me to. It doesn't matter."

I slowly let my robe fall open, really slowly. I wanted him to look at me even if he doesn't want to – he shouldn't have the possibility to look away. I knew that he liked my body because of all the visits in the morning when he thought that I would be asleep, deep in dreams.

And he couldn't resist, no men could ever resist when I did it, even if my belly bad it look funny – I think it was looking funny.

My erected nipples were holding the silk softly back and I needed to help the fall a bit with my fingers. He was still staring at me. Not saying a word not letting me know that he adores the look and I am sure he got aroused from it.  But why couldn't he tell me what he feels, what he thinks.

The room was dark but I could see his glancing eyes. He was laying on his belly, one arm under the pillow the other one wherever, don't want to know where. Or?

"Mary you …?" Now I was standing naked in front of him, laying the robe over the chair "What Jarod?" I asked. 

"Nothing." He said shyly. Cute But I felt what he wanted to say and it aroused me, more than the whisper in my ear before. And if he had a look at me he would have noticed my nipples now, they stood like little Big Bens in the air.  He would notice it. Would he?

Slowly I got near the bed. The moment I stepped in he faked to be asleep. Lovely Jarod but not fast enough

I slipped under the silky sheets, smiling at him, seeing his eye lashes softly whipping.

I let the sheet softly fall over my swollen belly and turned to the middle of the bed. The side position was the only, more or less, comfortable one at the actual situation.

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The sun was shining brightly when I opened my eyes. I noticed the hairy chest under me and the hand on my breast. Holy God don't tickle me there this way Jarod.

I couldn't see if he was asleep or not but it looked like he was. I tried slowly to move away. I needed to go to the toilet. But he wouldn't let me. His hand was tight around my breast, slowly teasing me – I couldn't stand that for much longer. Not much … a bit maybe … not a lot … but … well …

I could stand it. I took a deep breath not to giggle and not to think about waterfalls or stuff like that.

In the moment I got the change to roll away I did it. Peeing was more important right at the moment than anything other.

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"Mary?" he asked softly knocking on the door to the bathroom

"A minute Jarod."

"We need to talk."

"Do we?" I said drying my body with the big towel.

"Yeah we do, more than a need at the moment indeed."

"Okay … go down and say good morning to Father Padraigh"

"Mary … I can't go down right now …"

"Why?" I didn't understand.

"I am not even sure if I can be a gentleman if you would open the door right now."

"Jarod. Everything okay?"

"Yeah only … well … slow your motions down and give me a fiffy okay?"

"Okay Jarod"

What was he doing? What's the boy's problem?

=====

I got out of the bathroom when Jarod was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at me.

"Good morning Jarod" I said with a smile.

His cheeks were red and his eyes watery. I slowly went to him, as slow as my weight let me and sat down next to him on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in my big towel.

"What's up Jarod? Tell me what bothers you!"

"You" He whispered.

"I?" I asked slowly and very silently not wanting to let him know how nervous he was making me.

"Yeah … Mary … I mean how could you let me sleep in a bed with you when I cant remember you?"

"Because I am sure you will remember us Jarod." I took his hand and let it rest under mine on my belly. "You will memorize us Jarod, I am sure about it. You were always the strong one of us, the one who was able to solve all the problems we had, the one with the solutions."

"But now…"

"Don't cry" I let my palm wander up and down his cheek, he was weeping cordially.

Slowly his arms start to embrace me, softly he let his head rest on my shoulder and I heard him sober bitterly. He really didn't understand what happened and that I wasn't interested in hurting him. I was loving him even if he doesn't know who I am.

"You are so amazing beautiful Mary … and I can't remember … can't remember how it … was to touch you … to kiss you …. to fell you!"

I understood that these things bothered him, like they bothered me.

"You were wonderful and soft Jarod, you never pressed me into something, always asked twice and like I told you …. you were my first man and you will be my last one!"

I was shortly before crying with him.

Slowly I felt his hand glide up and down my back and I had to smile, a reflex. At a snail's pace we glided back and both lay on the bed, at my side and watched each other. His head rested on his arm and he looked into my eyes I could see me in there. 

"You know that you are a beautiful woman?" he asked me when his fingers slowly outlined my bottom lip. I grinned at him.

Are you comfortable this way Jarod? I could stay in bed forever and you know that quite well and hell god I noticed the bulge in your boxers. You cant hide something giant

"Thanks Jarod … I missed these eyes of yours a lot" I whispered.

"Am I allowed to kiss you?" He asked with a softly shuddering voice.

"If you want to!" I whispered back.

Gently he leaned down to me, let his lips brush mine. Only a soft touch. My fingers were massaging his scalp softly, not want to let him go but he wasn't the Jarod I knew – not at the moment.

Bit by bit, and brush by brush I let my tongue glide over his lips and begged for entrance and after a couple of minutes he welcomed me and we started to kiss passionately and with a lot of tongue.

I was to concentrated to find a position to comfort him a bit more, that my towel got open. I didn't care because I knew that he had seen me naked the nights before.

He tried not to look at my breast and the tightened nipples with the dark areolas. But I broke the kiss to get some air. In exactly this moment he got a small view at them before he took the one end of the towel to see the rest of them.

"These are yours and only yours" I whispered into his ear during he watched them getting up and falling during my deep breathing.

"They maybe were mine but now they are yours. It's your gorgeous body and nobody else's"

"I know Jarod but you let this miracle happen" I looked deep into his chocolate brown eyes. "I never thought about kids before, never about getting a real life – and you let this miracle happen. If I wouldn't …. well if they weren't there I am not sure if I would have stayed, if I would have had the energy and power to stay with you."

"You just stayed with me because of the babies?"

"Firstly yes, maybe a little … I wasn't sure where I was positioned in our little friendship or whatever it was. I trusted you with all my heart, if not I wouldn't have called you" He let his fingers slowly brush down my collar bone, tickling me a bit and teasing me a lot, slowly between my breasts and up to my belly.  "… don't tease me Jarod, you know quite well that I don't like being teased if I'll not get what I want later"

"I can't give it to you … I want to remember the way you like to be kissed, the way you like to be touched and the way you like to be loved." He said in a sweet way, a way that touched me deeply.

"You will remember it Jarod – trust me." I said and took his hand. I put his hand slowly on my right breast, just a little under my heart. "This is just beating for you, Julian and the babies" I took a deep breath "If all of you wouldn't exist it wouldn't have a reason to beat."

"Don't say that Mary."


"But it's the truth. Not only once I thought about giving up"


"But you never did."


"No I was never brave enough for it."

"No Mary, you always remembered the little girl you've once been."

"How would you know?"

"I can see this little girl in your eyes."

"You remember?"

"Not really I just see this picture in front of me. A girl with a white rabbit in her arms, cuddling it a lot…"

"Yeah Jarod …" tears were running down my cheeks.

I felt his hand wander under mine, letting it tease my erected nipple, letting them try to cup my breast and feeling the wet liquid which made all my shirts wet. My body was in its way overreacting but I didn't care about it. It's a wonderful feeling to feel something grow inside yourself.

"Just hold me Mary, just be there, I don't want anything more than stay near you, feel them grow inside you and be able to love you"

I let my arms glide around his neck and kiss him softly. He cried like a baby and I was sure to know the reason.

"Don't blame yourself that you cant remember me or the kids Jarod, it just happened whatever it was Jarod … you will remember … give yourself the time to relax a bit and …"

"But I blame myself … it shouldn't have happened."

"But it is Jarod. I love you with all my heart and my soul and I can wait for you and for whatever you want to wait for."

"But they will not wait Mary and they are more important than I am. You have to make clear decisions if you want me to stay or not."

I sat up as fast as possible and looked into his eyes. "Jarod you have to stay I couldn't live without you."

"I love you Mary, I love the way you make me feel loved."

"You know that I also love you"

"So Mary, what to do next?"

"Hey boy" I chuckled. "I haven't that much possibilities what to do …"

TBC

What will they do?