Note: This is especially for Melanie Anne who gave me a nice feedback all the time & Mary & Tiffany & Cascade (she knows nearly everything)

Rating: what do u think? Author: Mary Eve Parker feedback: hell u know that I want it .. mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com rest of the story: http://www.geocities.com/mary_eve_parker/they_dont_have_to.htm

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They don't have to see you cry

Chapter 24 - Dann bin I' frei

(Than I am free)

*****

A couple of days went over and it was an amazing feeling to know that you would have everything you need around you, everybody you love. Debbie was still staying with us because Broots told Jarod, I was told, that its not secure to come back actually. Well honestly I was on my way to recover from the birth because I lost a little too much blood when the placenta arrived in the end, but I worked it out fine within two days. But now I am trying to get used to the triplet and it was a lot of work. I hadn't slept 4 hours in one since they were born, all the time one needs something is hungry or whatever. Jarod, my love, needs to be a big help but he is less used to children than I am. He is still a child on his own. So I have now 5 kids to take care of and Debbie but Debbie is more an adult than Jarod is most of the time. She is maybe too adult for her young age, she had seen to much and her mother was more than a bitch. I never liked her a lot but when Broots and she split up I wanted to care for Debbie at least a little but my typical Parker character told me not to do, because all the people in the Centre could get known to my true ego.

Nowadays I am staying in a full house, telling Jarod and the kids daily tons of time how much they mean to me - so unusual for me. I am showing emotions. Sometimes I am not sure if I really know myself, if this person who gave birth to three wonderful and amazing babies only some weeks ago is the same who was chasing this marvellous man for years. I am not sure what happened to me, if this was just the rape or if this *me* was just hidden for ages, afraid of being hurt. Jarod once told me that it was always the same, that I have been like this my whole life, and that he knows this emotional *me* very well - maybe he was the only one who ever cared for me . the only one.

When I am looking back currently I am not sure if I ever know *me* really, I seem to be a different person with different needs, except my sexual life. This hasn't really changed, but we just hadn't have enough time to be a little experimental, but now we have to wait one more week and I cant wait to feel him again inside me. Typical Parker even if I am no longer a Parker He just calls me Parker, like it would be a pet name. But its only when we are in bed together right at the moment . officially I am Mary, not even Mary Eve, just Mary like everybody would ever have called me Mary.

Father Padraigh got a chapter on its own. He was more at our house currently than at the Church. Some asked us what we did, because he was such a egoistic, not children loving person before I met him. I could just chuckle. He was outside with Julian all day long to help us. Jarod had asked him if he wants to be God Father of one of the kids and he was stunned on the one hand and happier than ever on the other. So we got all the kids baptized last week, it was amazing and nearly the whole town was with us. Miraculous.

Today everybody was out except Jarod, the triplet and me, we decided to stay at home, clean up a little and get used to the kids a little more. We noticed recently that Debbie will not stay forever so we should work things out, especially morning routines. I loved staying in bed and Jarod brought me the kids today to nurse them. He is always sitting next to me, staring on their little mouths suckling on my nipples till they get read. We weren't allowed to have sex yet but he loves to lay his head on my chest, and to touch my breasts and he always tells me that he loves their new weight. Me too, thinking of the small breasts I had before, now I was easily filling a D cup and that shocked me a little. The weight? Well I lost most of it through nursing but well a little was left and my stretch mark too. Jarod loved it and took care of it carefully, day by day kissing it. But I didn't felt comfortable to stay naked in front of him. I lost the weight but my belly wasn't the same yet. When we went to bed I dressed in silk jams besides Jarod just wearing his birth cloth, but he didn't say a word about it, so did I.

At the moment I was sitting on the couch trying to read a book, a pretty naughty one. I never thought that a book like that was ever written especially not in the 18th Century. I found it in the small library which I got after Nana's death, it was one of Mama's. I couldn't believe that my Mamma was reading Marquis de Sade, not Mamma reading "Juliette", not Mamma. Momma where did you get this book from, I am sure it was on the index when you were young . hey momma that's absolute hard core

I have also had a youth, even if it wasn't the most beautiful but better than yours honey.

Momma . thanks for being there . she was always with me, somewhere deep inside me.

Mary its time for me to leave you. I helped you with all your problems and you are old enough now and mature enough to know what's right and what is wrong - you are a mother now.

Mom you cant leave me, not now. I will need lots of advices with the kids and you are the only one who is there for me.

No Mary I will be the only who will not be there. You will find many friends here in Letterkenny. The people love you and you have changed into a very cordially woman, everybody loves you and you have this gorgeous man on your side. What do you want more?

I couldn't want anything more than I have now Mamma. You were the one who gave me the strength

No I wasn't sweetie, this was Jarod and your own heart - these two things let you stay alive. Not the voice in your dreams or in your head. You had decided to call him, when you lay naked in the dark alley and this was the most cordially decision you have ever done. And look at you . sweetie you have everything I ever wanted now. That's the reason why its time to go for me.

You can't go Mamma

I can, you have more important things to think of now. And you have the most important person in your life and he will take care of better than I ever could.

I saw this magical light again, coming from somewhere far away and this light took her away with a long soft "Goodbye".

*****

"Mary?" I heard a voice next to me and rushed into my real life again.

"Hmmm . ?"

"Little Teddy seems to be a little too hungry to wait a minute longer." He hold her in sweet soft green baby cloth in his warm hands and she look as if she would smile. I sat up and with one hand Jarod started to unbutton the soft pink blouse, I looked deep into his eyes. I know it was hard for him to wait a little longer till we could have intercourse again, and breast feeding didn't make that easier. Sometimes I could notice the tent which formed in his pants and the harder and faster fall of his chest during breathing. Slowly he let his finger glide over the soft white cotton material of the nursing bra, and unclasped it, so that my heavy breast fell free. He was still looking into my eyes, let his fingers rub over the sensitive and slowly stiffed nipple.

"Don't torture me like that J."I said softly when I started to nurse my little sweetie.

"One more week" he whispered quietly when he leaned over and started to kiss me.

"You know honey that I am not sure how long I can wait anymore." I said and sucked his earlobe into my mouth, Jarod was moaning instantly.

Sweet little Theodora Caroline sucked till I had to change the side. She was the biggest of the three and most powerful sucker, except Jarod of course. Nowadays I was also thinking a lot about Julian and the idea that he might be my brother. I mean he was my son, but the idea that my father created a brother out of my ovary and Jarod's sperms .

Suddenly the phone was ringing and Jarod sprang from the sofa and headed to the mobile.

"Hello? .. yes you .. sure . how're you doing . sounds great .. we too .. nope she's fine . nope . she's nursing little Theodora . yeah . did it work? .. well you know where to find the rest don't you? . I think I told you . well .. she's fine too .. she's such a help .. gorgeous little woman. Parker loves her a lot y'know .. hey boy no problem .. you know where to find all the things you will need . and be sure that you are . sorry to sound like you . " a longer break happened and I was wondering about what he was talking. ". yeah . sure . I hope so . soon hopefully ."he laughed "being a bad teacher of course." It was Sydney. "Bye"

When Jarod came back to the living room, the light was a little dimmed and I had brought Teddy to her little bed in the living room, next to all her siblings. So I was waiting for him, the blouse still unbuttoned, the bra unclasped. He looked at me like he had never seen my *new* chest before. Jarod smiled at me, this little boyish grin on his lips I loved such a lot. We sat down on the sofa, I sat down between his legs, let my back rest against his muscular chest, and sight a little when his arms got around my waist, his head rest against my shoulder, kissing me softly on my neck.

"Jarod you know that I love you?"

"Yeah" he whispered in my ear during kissing me, softly, caressing my unhidden chest. He loved it when nobody is at home, and he could touch me whenever he wants to.

******

A week was over and Jarod was away. He told me the would have to do some business. I know that he couldn't sit all day long at home. The kids grow a little and the nights weren't that busy anymore. Jarod needed to work, so he was looking for something at the moment, but I wanted him back, afraid that he might not come back this time, like the last time. Afraid to lose him this time forever, to lose the person I love most, the person I needed next to me. It was horrible to sleep in this big bed alone. That's why I slept most of the time on the sofa in the nursery.

******

The week was over and I was still alone, alone without Jarod. But we talked on the phone once a day and this calmed me a little down.

Today was the day he told me that he would be back. It was Tuesday and he was away for exactly 10 days, 10 to much.

I was sitting on the sofa, reading while Debbie was out with her friends, Julian and the babies were taking a nap - and I was allowed to finish the book I had started the day before. Yeah I started to read in German again. A couple of people study German here and I wanted to help them. I had been perfect in German after boarding school, no accent nothing American left.

Suddenly a knock on the door disturbed my second life in Lessing's "Nathan der Weise" , and I went to the door to answer it.

"Who is it?" I asked, standing behind the closed door.

"Me darling." I heard Jarod's voice from the other side of the wooden barrier between us.

I opened the door with a big "Oh Jarod" screaming, waking the babies with this loud statement, my arms open to huge him tightly, but it didn't came that far. So I opened the door, and who is standing in front of me - not only Jarod of course.

"Parker" the deep Belgium voice said and hugged me so tight that I thought I wouldn't be able to breath anymore. And the same was done by Broots and Angelo. I couldn't believe that they were here and in the end of the row was Jarod. I sent him a *what's that* look and he just grinned at me. When he hugged me he told me that he missed me and he started to kiss me and honestly my body started this special need, to be more than just kissed and he whispered more into my ear "tonight Parker, if you are a good girl" and I giggled softly, not to let anybody else know it.

"So guys what are you here for?"

"We aren't just here Parker, we are free!" Syd said.

"What?" I looked at Jarod and sat down next to the living room cribs.

"We are free Parker, Jarod helped us to destroy the Centre."

Do I have to note that I stopped to breath for a moment and was stunned.

"What?" was the only thing I got out.

Broots looked around searching for Debbie. "Brootsie she's out with her friends and will be back soon" I said with a smile on my lips, with a soft voice. And he smiled back with all the hope he could bring to his lips - he hadn't seen his daughter for long now and I understood that he just wanted to hug her tight.

"What time to do we have here now?" Syd asked, sleepy eyes.

"Fivish in the afternoon I think."

"You now Parker, that you lost the American accent totally? I loved it when you came home from boarding school speaking this German English, at least the accent."

"I would have loved it too." Jarod whispered into my ear, while he stood up to have a look at the babies who were awake now.

"So Sydney look at them, they are ours." Jarod said with a smile and both men, Broots and Syd went to Jarod, I slowly got up too.

The three men were standing speechless in front of the babies. All three were awake and they smiled at them, not really realising that it was for real, that we were a family now - the woman who chased and the man who ran.

Some days I couldn't believe it on my own but it was real.

I embraced Julian when he came running to us. He hugged me tight, sitting on my hip. "Mamma a[n]d Daddie" he screamed and Jarod came to us, hugging us both . "Bacg" he screamed and the Georgie started to scream softly. Without even looking Broots took her out of the grip, laying her down in his arm, tickling on her belly and she started to giggle.

******

"Daddy" Debbie screamed when she saw Broots standing there with Georgie in his arm. Broots handed the baby to Sydney who was a little perplex what to do with her and Broots ran to Debbie, hugging her tight, swinging her around.

"I missed you girl"

"I missed you too Daddy, have you seen the babies" she said tears in her eyes.

******

All the kids were in bed now and we, all the adults were sitting around the coffee table with coffee and tea, watching the moves of the others.

"So now tell me guys who have you manage to destroy my former life and what happened .?"

Sydney smiled at me. "Well cutie" naming me cutie? "It had been Jarod's idea and with this help we managed to give the most important information to the FBI, CIA, Scotland Yard and all the other big Secret Services in the world and within a couple of days one Sub Centre after the other broke down - we couldn't believe it."

"So can't I.." I whispered.

"Mr. Parker killed him self by shooting in his head, Mr. Raines failed this and died a couple of days later in hospital."

"You have to know Ms. Parker. " "Call me Mary Broots, please" He grinned at me. " . he died in his favourite pair of tiger slips. I couldn't believe it till I saw them."

We all had to laugh. The image I got into my head was so creepy. Don't think about it that long.

"And by brother?" I said with a sadder voice. He was my brother even if he hurt me like a devil but on the other side he gave me the most wonderful gift he could - my new family. "Lyle?"

"He's in the death row in Texas - he had killed a woman near Athens."

"That's good, so he can see how torture is" I closed it.

"So not a little bit of the Centre still exists -we all are free."

I looked to Angelo who was sitting next to the babies since they came in. He hadn't said a word yet and I tented to him and gave Syd a questionous look.

"He had been very silent till we left Blue Cove. This is too new for him and you know that he is very sensitive."

I nodded and went to him, sitting down next to him, letting my hand glide into his big male hand, mine were so small in comparison.

"Mary Happy" he said with a big smile. This touched me so much that I started to cry and he hugged me tight and all my tears, all the fears and hopes came up now.

Now I had everything I ever wanted. My freedom, my real freedom and Jarod's. Nobody would ever be there to make us anxious, nobody ever again.

"Yes Timmi I am happy, happier than I have ever been"

"Mary Happy." he said again.

******

Up in the bedroom Jarod stand on his side of the bed, looking out of the window. The view was marvellous, green as far as you could see and somewhere up the hills some small houses, trees and maybe the one or other playing child in a garden.

People were usually happier and friendlier here in Ireland than somewhere in the world. Nobody ever asked about my past, nobody asked anything I didn't want to talk about. They know how far to go without hurting you, not even Father Padraigh had asked me anything.

"Come here Parker" he told me and I did it. I leaned against his chest.

"I love you Parker" he smiled. "and I really hope that ." "You don't have to say anything. Just love me the way I missed such a lot."

"You are unbelievable Parker"

"Thanks" I said with a grin on my face which he couldn't really see.

Slowly he let his fingers unbutton my baby blue silk pyjamas, button my button, slowly teasing my aroused flesh. He let my freed breasts weight by his hands and I started to tease him a little. "Don't get too used to them sweetie they'll not last forever!"

"I don't care." he started to suck on the sensitive spot behind my ear "I liked them when they were when you were 16, when I took care of you after the rape and now."

One hand teased my full erected breasts the other one wandered slowly to the waistband of my shorts and got into it. Went more and more into the direction of my arousal, teasing me deadly. I couldn't resist and poked my hips into Jarod's hand. I also started to feel his erection, which was only two cloths away from me, pressing between my buttocks. control your thoughts a little young woman I tried to tell myself.

I let the pyjama top glide from my shoulders, turned around to face Jarod and guide him backwards to the open bed. Together we fell down, kissing forcefully, passionately with all the need we had.

Within a couple of seconds we were naked, laying next to each other. His head rested on his elbow and he studied my body inch by inch.

"It's a wonder Parker how fast your body recovered from the pregnancy, you are as beautiful as before." he told me.

"This was exactly what I needed Jarod." I said with a smile when he rolled on top of me. And now he was just looking deep into my eyes till I started to let my hips make small circles under him. I felt his erection pressing against me and I know that he didn't want to rush anything, that he wanted to be carefully like he ever was.

"Just get into me Jarod please .. we have all the time for the slow sweet sex the rest of our life." And Jarod just shook his head in response. It was obvious that he would ever give me the good old hard *number* - this wasn't Jarod. Jarod was the one who wanted to comfort me in his own way, letting it come bit by bit, riding me slowly to the edge of now return. He loved it when I tried to hold my orgasm back to wait for him, knowing that he was holding back too and in nights like this, the most intensive orgasms washed over us.

And slowly his lips got down my body, kissing every part of my chest, suckling on my breasts for a short time, and let his journey go southward. His beard was tickling me and I had to giggle. He faced me with a large grin on his lip.

If you would know how much this sweet torture means to me

He found the hot and wet spot between my legs and started to concentrate only on this and I couldn't stand this for long and I came with all the power and energy I collected through all those weeks. I screamed his named that loud, I am sure I woke all the house. But I didn't care.

"Jarod please don't try to go that slow . I want to feel you inside me." and so did I. Slowly and very carefully he glided into me, not to hurt me he looked deep into my eyes. It hurt a little because he was that thick and my vagina was still a little more sensitive than before the birth but I didn't let him know.

Slowly he started to move and to kiss me passionately. After a couple of minutes I begged him to speed up a little, I knew how close he was, I could see it in his eyes.

"Please Jarod, do it for us both!" I said smiling and heavily breathing. And an angel like he was he did it, speeded up a lot and we both came, together, simultaneously.

*****

"I love you Parker" he said, his hand resting on my bare chest, his hand on my belly.

"I love you too Jarod" I said, brushing some his longer hair out of his face,. "You gave me everything I ever wanted and let me be the person I really am." I kissed him on his lip softly.

"Till death will separate us." He said.

"Till death will separate us." I promised.