Disclaimer- Roses are red. Violets are blue. We no own. So you no sue.



A MESSAGE TO SLASH FANS: THIS IS NOT AND NEVER WILL HAVE SLASH. SLASH IS WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO CANNOT/ DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO WRITE ANYTHING THAT IS WORTHY OF MERIT AND INTURN BEING READ.

SO NAH


Note from the Author type people- In this chap we might actually kill the person we meant to kill in the last chapter. Well actually we did kill them but we didn't write it so you didn't notice!!!! In this chapter Hp characters will suddenly appear from no where. All will be revealed (eventually! maybe! Possible! Probably Not!) And, because this has been a fairly non-violent fic so far, we might I repeat might make something explode without reason, so we can add carnage and mutilation (two of my favourite words) to the list of appologies, which is next. How did we manage to organise that so well? (we wrote it in this order... :P)
We apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruesome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having Legolas.
Aragorn's speech is usually slurred, so all of those sperrors were intentional. (No, we're not that stoopid.)

Always Remember- ATTENTION COLLEGE STUDENTS- Condoms should be used
in all conceivable situations.
Luv
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Megz and Tabz


Chapter 3 (Woowho)

Two rather young indindividuals wrapped around each other with very little clothing on.
Aiwa looked shocked, "Luke, is that what we look like?"
The two people looked up.
The young lady screamed.
The young man looked faintly amused.
Aiwa turned away. They had enough clothes on to be respectable, barely.
Luke tried to stop himself from laughing but failed. He walked back towards camp.
"Draco, where the fuck are my clothes?"
"Do you remember were we threw them? I was thinking of other things at the time."
The girl slapped him across the cheek.
"Come on, Gin, what was that for?"
Aiwa dared a peek to see if they were respectable, or more so than they were a moment before.
Elfea ran into the clearing, Legolas close behind her.
"No, Legolas! I wanna fight! I wanna fight! Burn! fight! Kill!"
Legolas sighed.
Suddenly, they noticed the two less-than-well-covered individuals.
Elfea turned and faced the camp again.
"I didn't need to see that."
"Elfea go back to camp,. Legolas go with her, we wouldn't want her to get side-tracked," she turned towards the two youngsters, "Do you have anywhere to go?"
The young male looked up, "What's it to you?"
"What is it with you humans?!" Elfea grumbled to no-one in particular as she stood facing the camp.
Legolas, who was now on very good terms with Elfea picked her up and again slung hre over his shoulder as she found herself being carried back to camp, again.
Elfea sighed, and gave up.
Aiwa smiled at the boy, "What's it to me? You just scared the shit out of me and my husband! Not to mention my best friend. You do remember you are the ones standing in a bush almost nude."
He looked himself up and down, "I still have my pants on."
The young girl looked at Aiwa and smiled, innocently, "I'm Virginia and that's Draco. Ignore him. He has a tendency to be a bit moron like most of the time."
Aiwa looked at the pair, "Well, you two, if you don't have any place to go come back to camp."
The two looked up and followed Aiwa as she walked back towards the camp.
"O'Valar there were these twokidsandtheywere like, you know, and....."
Elfea's voice drifted over to Aiwa, Draco and Virginia.
Aiwa laughed, "Don't worry about Elfea."
Aragorn leaned over as if to mutter something conspiratorially to Boromir, but ended up, because of the amount of alcohol in his blood, saying it in a loud, clearly audible voice, "Does yousa thinks theysa knows eacho otha?"
Virginia went red.
Aiwa looked at the group and yelled out, "We can hear you and we're coming over so Elfea keep your trap shut!"
"Be nice." The she-elf muttered, although loudly.
The two new companions sat down quietly in a corner away from the fellowship plus five.
Luke stood up and smiled at Aiwa, "Come over here, kids,"
The two young... er... aquaintainces looked indignant.
"I'm at least as old as her!" Draco said hotly, pointing at Aiwa.
Luke laughed, "And I hope for the sake of your young friend over there you are married like her too."
Virginia looked shocked, "She's married?"
Aiwa laughed, "Hello, I'm 15. Great age to get married."
Draco smirked, "Ha, I am older than her."
Elfea laughed. "Yes, but when will you grow up?"
Legolas looked at Elfea and tried to contain his laughter. He failed and fell off the log he was sitting on. He landed with an omph.
"Aww, poor Legolas." Elfea helped him up, though he didn't need it, considering the fact that the log had been less than a hands' breadth off the ground.
Aragorn looked at Draco, "Wellsa tin, boyoo, howsa old iz ya?" He slurred.
Draco looked at him disdainfully, "I'm 16. That's one year older than 15 and one year younger than 17. Got that?"
Aragorn looked confused, "17?"
Draco rolled his eyes. "16. Six-teen."
Luke looked at Aragorn and laughed, "Score one for the kid, So how old is the girl?"
Virginia frowned. "I have a name."
Aiwa elbowed Luke in the ribs, "Where are your manners today." She stood up and walked towards Virginia, "So, child..er... sorry... Virginia, how old are you?"
Virginia looked at Aiwa as if she had sprouted horns, "I'm 15 same as you and I really don't think it's a great age to get married!"
"Dun, dun, dun!" Elfea said dramatically.
"Elfea, shut up!"
"Hehehehe! Heeheehee!" Elfea poked out her tongue. "NAH!"
Boromir looked at Virginia, "Oh my, poor dear, whatever happened to your clothes? I'm sure if you come with me to my tent we could find you some more."
"Sleaz!" Elfea and Aiwa whispered in unison.
Boromir stood up and walked towards Virginia, "Come on, it beats the bushes."
Draco looked at Boromir icily, "I wouldn't if I was you!"
Boromir ignored him. He grabbed Virginia by the wrist. Everyone stood up attempting to get to the sleaz and Virginia.
Draco pulled something, that looked remarkably like a wand, out of his pocket. He aimed it at Boromir, "Let go of her, or you're dead." He said in a dangerously quiet voice.
Boromir smirked and pulled Virginia off to the edge of the clearing. She stood mutely, shocked.
"Don't say I didn't warn you..... Avada Kedavra!"
A green light flashed from the wand like piece of wood.
Boromir crumpled.
Draco looked surprised. "Didn't expect that to work," He shrugged, "Quite impressive, I think."
Aiwa looked at Draco and then at the body of Boromir, "Oh where did you study? I went to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic."
Draco looked at Aiwa, "Hey are you Aiwa?"
Aiwa looked at Draco, "Yes and what's it to you?"
"Nothing." he replied in that annoying happy tone some people use.
Virginia laughed, "Sorry, but I fear you might be related to Draco here. He has a cousin called Aiwa that goes to Beauxbatons. We both go to Hogwarts."
"Horworts?" Aragorn slurred. "Whada filly naime."
Luke looked at Aiwa and then at Draco, "I can sorta see the resemblance. Are you Narcissia's boy?"
"Son." Draco said through clenched teeth.
Aragorn looked confuddled, "Iths Bozomire ashleep?" He slurred still drunk.
Virginia laughed, "See, Draco, I told you they had to have alcohol somewhere!"
Elfea looked impressed. "That was cool! I want one. I'm a mage though. I could probably do that without that wood - thing."

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Virginia drew the bow. She let go and hit Frodo in the arse. "Shit, Sorry!"
Aiwa and Elfea were on the floor laughing.
Frodo was currently running arround in circles, yelling obcenities, "Shit you little whore, that was my arse, MY ARSE that you just shot! Fucken oath. Fuck the shithead excuses for fucken gods. Fuck my fucken arse hurts! SHIT!!"
"My, he said a naughty word." Elfea said, feigning shock and innocence.
Aiwa looked at Frodo angrily "Watch your fucking language!"
"Yeah, you aren't the one with an arrow sticking out of your' arse!" And so the obscenities started again, "You whoredoughter, Fucken sleazy bitchy who shot me in the fucking AAAAARRRRSSSSSSSSSEEEE!"
Virginia looked suitably embaressed.
Draco decided he should step in now. "Leave her alone. It's no wonder she hit you, your' arse is so big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Virginia blushed, "Draco, it's quite okay I don't need you to stick up for me."
Draco looked a mite embarrased.
Luke came up behind the three girls. He had a single blue rose and he threaded it into Aiwa's hair.
Elfea shrugged, "I guess that means the end of today's lesson." Her eyes brightened. "PAAARTYYY!!!!!!"
"What?" Pippin asked.
Elfea shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," She raised her voice. "Let's all get sloshed!!!!!!"
Aiwa and Luke didn't hear as they had already disappeared.....

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Elfea smiled as she leaned over and poured a bottle of Vodka into his mouth.
Legolas smiled dopily. Then fell off the floor. Elfea quite happily fell after him.

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SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Luke ran ahead of Aiwa. He laughed as he ran as fast as he could.
Aiwa smirked, "Accio broom."
She landed gracefully in the centre of the clearing.
"WHAT THE J... H...FUCK?!?!?!"
Luke decided to make an appearance, "OH SHIT!"
The Fellowship were are lying in various positions around the clearing. All were well and truely and completely sloshed.
Luke looked sad, "I missed a chance to get shit faced!"
Aiwa glared at him. She walked up to the nearest creature and kicked it in the sides.
"Sos whata does youse thinks Misure Leas?" He asked a silent Autumn leaf, "Does youse fink Aiwa wantas to does me?"
Aiwa kicked Frodo in the side again.
He rolled over and went to sleep.
Aiwa swore explosivily*, "Trust Elfea to get everyone sloshed at the worst possible time!"
Luke came over and threw a flower at Aiwa, "Come on, lets get pissed too. I hate being a loner."
Aiwa walked around the camp. Mentally ticking off everyone who was there. She decided not to comment on the sleeping figure of her friend. She was wrapped round a rather nude elf and with a wedding ring on her finger.
"Luke, dear, put down the keg and get your very sexy arse over here," Aiwa muttered darkly.
"Luke didn't put down the keg but did walk towards Aiwa, "Whats wrong, dear?"
Aiwa looked at Luke, "Everyone's here except for ............................................................... ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Tigerlily."

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A?N?- Is omph the sound you make when you are trying to copy bass?
* there the explosion.