DISCLAIMER- Hey if u wanna sue me knock urself out! I have $10 and I hate to tell you that an awful lota people wanna sue me first! Anywayz the characters in this fic are owned by J.R. Tolkein and J. R. Rowling.
NOTE FROM THE TWISTED BIZARRE PEOPLE THAT WROTE THIS CHAPTER-
Hiya.
No, boo!
Fine! Anywayz hiya and welcome to the next Installment of "And then there was 14."
Not that there ever was 14 characters, but hell. Why should we start making sense now?
Alrighty then *insane giggle* we might actually stop killing you with suspense (MIGHT) and tell you who died in chapter 2 and then maybe kill off some more. then again if u don't know by now ur a little on the slow side. Anywayz. *insane cackle. leans across and whispers conspieratorly to meghan* You think they wanna know where the HP characters come from?"
Nope. Who cares? They're here, we're here. If they don't like it...
okies then. Now for the apologies and a quick warning...
We apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, over-use of clearings, dense forests with more clearings than trees, magical appearance of clearings, and clearings that aren't really clearings, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruelsome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, invented words, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having Legolas.
WARNING- If you do not review we will hunt you down with a cheese grater, a whisk, an electric beater, daisy, a spork, tongs, a can opener and vegemite just coz we can. And.... we won't update for ages!
Always remember- If oneday you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandry, full of loathing and self- doubt, and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existance, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere in this crazy, mixed up universe of ours, theres a small place called Albuquerque.
Luv
{\o/}
*/*\*
Megz and Tabz
Chapter 5
Aiwa and Elfea sat across the fire from each other.
"Appologise to Legolas." Elfea said quietly, not looking at anyone but clearly talking to Aiwa.
"Me. Appologise to Him? I think not. Just because I didn't get pissed and get married doesn't mean you can tell me what to do," Aiwa said not even bothering to conceal the anger in her voice.
"Hey, we got married before, I repeat, before we got drunk."
Aiwa turned to Legolas, "Do you remember getting married?"
Legolas paused. He looked shifty, and declined from speaking.
"I'll take that as a no. Elfea, do you remember getting married?"
"Yes." She replied triumphantly.
Aiwa turned to Draco, who smiled evily. He went to his tent and returned with a small glass bottle. "Elfea drink it," she said as Draco handed Elfea the bottle.
"No bloody way. I know what that is." Elfea replied.
Aiwa shook her head angrily, "Do you want to prove you remember your own wedding?"
"Don't you believe me?" Elfea looked a bit hurt.
Luke looked worried and stood up to leave. Aiwa pulled him back down into his seat, "Are you on my side or hers?"
Luke looked from Aiwa to Elfea and back again, looking helpless. He shook his head and mumbled, "Your's darling."
"Bloody Prat." Elfea muttered.
"Elfea just because I know my husband is loyal!"
Elfea walked off, muttering curses under her breath.
Aiwa looked triumphant, "See, Bitch, I'm right!"
Elfea lazilly threw a fireball back towards the camp.
Aiwa caught it in her hand and blew it out. "You could use some practice young apprentice."
"Piss off, child."
"Hey at least I'm not still an apprentice at 2921 years of age. You old fart!"
"I'm not still an apprentice and I'm not old, infant. Be happy that you're my friend or you'd be dead now. Goodbye."
"COME BACK HERE, BITCH! I'M NOT FINISHED YET! DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM ALL ABOUT YOUR ANTI-WRINKLE CREAM!"
Elfea continued to walk.
Aiwa turned to Legolas. "Yes has she told you about her anti-wrinkle cream? She's been using it since she was just over an thousand."
"Elves don't need anti-wrinkle cream." Legolas shrugged, and looked toward his wife.
"WELL SHE....." Aiwa didn't get any further as Luke clamped a hand over her mouth and dragged her out of the clearing.
Gimli and a luminous white unicorn walked into the clearing.
"Hey ho."
Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Ishtar, Merry, Draco and Virginia just shook their heads and went back to their tents.
"Meet my girlfriend... Neigh."
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
"Come on, Aiwa, don't be so harsh on Elfea and Legolas. I mean you've done some really, really stupid things when you were drunk," Luke said taking a step away from his wife in anticipation of his coming pain.
Aiwa kicked him in the ....... and he doubled over in pain.
"Don't dare to think that you can tell me that I have done things worse than her doing this?" Aiwa glowered at Luke.
"Well there was that one time, you know in Mirkwood, when you....."
Aiwa silenced him with another blow to his nether regions, "I never married someone when I was drunk."
Luke looked up and paused before blurting out, "What about that one time in Las Vegas?"
Again Aiwa silenced him.
Luke looked up at her in pain, "Don't you want to have kids?"
Aiwa stopped and helped him to his feet. He fell over as soon as she let him go. He stood up by himself and staggered around for a bit, "Sweetheart, darling, love of my life, is there any ale left?"
Aiwa pushed him over and stormed off, probably to go shoot cute, little, innocent bunnies.
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
Legolas walked through the forest, looking for Elfea. "Elfea, Elfea? Where are you? Come out Elfea, it's me, Legolas..."
"Fuck off. I wanna be alone!" Someone wailed from behind some trees.
Legolas shook his head. This was going to take some time. "Elfea... I have chocolate." Maybe not that long after all.
Elfea appeared at his side and began searching him for chocolate. After an eventful search she discovered he didn't have any.
"That was cruel."
Legolas smiled, "And it will keep being cruel until you and Aiwa go back to being friends. Lukes probably with Aiwa doing exactly the same thing."
"Or trying to, from a safe distance, I'll say." Elfea said, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.
Legolas laughed. "Very true. Got to feel sorry for the poor bugger. How did they end up together? I mean they are so different!" he said moving the conversation to safer ground.
"If she told you to ask her to marry you, would you say no?"
"Yes, I would because I'm already married. I think he really loves her though."
"True. Brave man, that one."
Legolas tried to stop himself from laughing. He failed miserably. "By the Valar if the sun fell out of the sky you would find away to make it sound funny!"
"Awww..." Elfea blushed, "Thanks.... Sorry..."
Aiwa came into the clearing with her bow raised, "Oh I thought there were some cute, little, innocent bunnies here but now I see it's some rather not very innocent elves."
Elfea glared.
Legolas rather subtly left the clearing.
Aiwa glared, "Was he trying to talk you around to appoligising like Luke was to me a second ago?"
"Yes." Elfea almost smiled.
Aiwa tried to frown but it got turned upside down. (A/N: Arrg... not that phrase.... *gag*) "Elfea, I believe they should be made to suffer."
Elfea nodded. "Indeed. " She paused. "Friends?"
"Deal and I have the perfect plan........"
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
Luke and Legolas looked at each other.
Luke was still limping. "So how did things go with Elfea?" he asked in a high pitched voice.
"Umm... alot better than things went for you, I'd guess."
Luke just nodded as he stumbled and fell over again.
Legolas grinned. "An awful lot better." (A/N: heehee)
Luke tried to smile but it ended up a grimace of pain. "Yeah she stalked off to kill cute, little, innocent bunnies."
"I have a feeling that's what Elfea had in mind, too."
Luke acknowledged that with a grunt as he found some ice. (A/N: LOL!)
"I hope they get over this little.... phase.... soon, for their sake and for yours." Legolas grinned again.
Luke mumbled something that sounded remarkably like "Shit yeah!"
Suddenly a scream came from the forest. It was soon joined by another high pitched scream.
Luke swore, "That sounds like, Aiwa." (A/N: unnable to type as am laughing, We probably don't mean the dirty way but if u wanna take it like that don't blame us!)
Legolas grabbed his bow and ran towards the forest. Luke hobbled along begind him with the rest of the fellowship and the unicorn who all wanted to see a good fight.
"Hey Aragorn I'll put a twenty on Aiwa to win," Frodo said happily.
Pippin looked annoyed, "Hey I want a fifty on Elfea."
Aragorn looked at the pair, "Gawd you two are tight arses."
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
Legolas swore as he saw Elfea's arrow ridden body.
Luke let a rather high pitched scream free when he saw the burnt remains of his wife.
He turned to Legolas, "You left them together?"
Legolas swore again, "Shit. They never would of been friends again if we didn't leave them alone to work out their differences."
"Well now they will never be friends again!"
Pippin laughed, "Hey, Frodo, where's my twenty? Aiwa's more mutilated them Elfea so I think she won."
Virginia and Draco stood there looking confused, "The point in this would be."
Someone snorted from behind them.
They all spun around. Aiwa stood there looking rather annoyed, "More mutilated than her? You guys have seen way to much violence on TV."
Another laugh came from the other side of the clearing. "Yeah, we should ban those hobbits from TV for, like, a month! No soapies for you guys anymore!"
Frodo whined, "But I so, love, Dawsons Creek. I mean there are some major babes on that show."
Luke hobbled over to Aiwa. "I was so worried about you and... What the hell are you trying to do to me? I mean you trying to kill me by giving me a heart attack?"
Aiwa nodded.
Elfea laughed. Legolas ran over to her (A/n : awww... don't hit me), looking pale-er than normal. "You're ok..."
"No..." Elfea said sarcastically.
They all went home and lived happily ever after..
THE END!
A/N: This isn't the end, but hey! At least there is one, even if it isn't in the right place. :D
(tabz) okies if u don't review this will be the end.........
And for the record absolutely no sexual references have been made so if u *find* any you can blame ur own sick mind.
NOTE FROM THE TWISTED BIZARRE PEOPLE THAT WROTE THIS CHAPTER-
Hiya.
No, boo!
Fine! Anywayz hiya and welcome to the next Installment of "And then there was 14."
Not that there ever was 14 characters, but hell. Why should we start making sense now?
Alrighty then *insane giggle* we might actually stop killing you with suspense (MIGHT) and tell you who died in chapter 2 and then maybe kill off some more. then again if u don't know by now ur a little on the slow side. Anywayz. *insane cackle. leans across and whispers conspieratorly to meghan* You think they wanna know where the HP characters come from?"
Nope. Who cares? They're here, we're here. If they don't like it...
okies then. Now for the apologies and a quick warning...
We apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, over-use of clearings, dense forests with more clearings than trees, magical appearance of clearings, and clearings that aren't really clearings, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruelsome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, invented words, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having Legolas.
WARNING- If you do not review we will hunt you down with a cheese grater, a whisk, an electric beater, daisy, a spork, tongs, a can opener and vegemite just coz we can. And.... we won't update for ages!
Always remember- If oneday you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandry, full of loathing and self- doubt, and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existance, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere in this crazy, mixed up universe of ours, theres a small place called Albuquerque.
Luv
{\o/}
*/*\*
Megz and Tabz
Chapter 5
Aiwa and Elfea sat across the fire from each other.
"Appologise to Legolas." Elfea said quietly, not looking at anyone but clearly talking to Aiwa.
"Me. Appologise to Him? I think not. Just because I didn't get pissed and get married doesn't mean you can tell me what to do," Aiwa said not even bothering to conceal the anger in her voice.
"Hey, we got married before, I repeat, before we got drunk."
Aiwa turned to Legolas, "Do you remember getting married?"
Legolas paused. He looked shifty, and declined from speaking.
"I'll take that as a no. Elfea, do you remember getting married?"
"Yes." She replied triumphantly.
Aiwa turned to Draco, who smiled evily. He went to his tent and returned with a small glass bottle. "Elfea drink it," she said as Draco handed Elfea the bottle.
"No bloody way. I know what that is." Elfea replied.
Aiwa shook her head angrily, "Do you want to prove you remember your own wedding?"
"Don't you believe me?" Elfea looked a bit hurt.
Luke looked worried and stood up to leave. Aiwa pulled him back down into his seat, "Are you on my side or hers?"
Luke looked from Aiwa to Elfea and back again, looking helpless. He shook his head and mumbled, "Your's darling."
"Bloody Prat." Elfea muttered.
"Elfea just because I know my husband is loyal!"
Elfea walked off, muttering curses under her breath.
Aiwa looked triumphant, "See, Bitch, I'm right!"
Elfea lazilly threw a fireball back towards the camp.
Aiwa caught it in her hand and blew it out. "You could use some practice young apprentice."
"Piss off, child."
"Hey at least I'm not still an apprentice at 2921 years of age. You old fart!"
"I'm not still an apprentice and I'm not old, infant. Be happy that you're my friend or you'd be dead now. Goodbye."
"COME BACK HERE, BITCH! I'M NOT FINISHED YET! DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM ALL ABOUT YOUR ANTI-WRINKLE CREAM!"
Elfea continued to walk.
Aiwa turned to Legolas. "Yes has she told you about her anti-wrinkle cream? She's been using it since she was just over an thousand."
"Elves don't need anti-wrinkle cream." Legolas shrugged, and looked toward his wife.
"WELL SHE....." Aiwa didn't get any further as Luke clamped a hand over her mouth and dragged her out of the clearing.
Gimli and a luminous white unicorn walked into the clearing.
"Hey ho."
Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Ishtar, Merry, Draco and Virginia just shook their heads and went back to their tents.
"Meet my girlfriend... Neigh."
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
"Come on, Aiwa, don't be so harsh on Elfea and Legolas. I mean you've done some really, really stupid things when you were drunk," Luke said taking a step away from his wife in anticipation of his coming pain.
Aiwa kicked him in the ....... and he doubled over in pain.
"Don't dare to think that you can tell me that I have done things worse than her doing this?" Aiwa glowered at Luke.
"Well there was that one time, you know in Mirkwood, when you....."
Aiwa silenced him with another blow to his nether regions, "I never married someone when I was drunk."
Luke looked up and paused before blurting out, "What about that one time in Las Vegas?"
Again Aiwa silenced him.
Luke looked up at her in pain, "Don't you want to have kids?"
Aiwa stopped and helped him to his feet. He fell over as soon as she let him go. He stood up by himself and staggered around for a bit, "Sweetheart, darling, love of my life, is there any ale left?"
Aiwa pushed him over and stormed off, probably to go shoot cute, little, innocent bunnies.
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
Legolas walked through the forest, looking for Elfea. "Elfea, Elfea? Where are you? Come out Elfea, it's me, Legolas..."
"Fuck off. I wanna be alone!" Someone wailed from behind some trees.
Legolas shook his head. This was going to take some time. "Elfea... I have chocolate." Maybe not that long after all.
Elfea appeared at his side and began searching him for chocolate. After an eventful search she discovered he didn't have any.
"That was cruel."
Legolas smiled, "And it will keep being cruel until you and Aiwa go back to being friends. Lukes probably with Aiwa doing exactly the same thing."
"Or trying to, from a safe distance, I'll say." Elfea said, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.
Legolas laughed. "Very true. Got to feel sorry for the poor bugger. How did they end up together? I mean they are so different!" he said moving the conversation to safer ground.
"If she told you to ask her to marry you, would you say no?"
"Yes, I would because I'm already married. I think he really loves her though."
"True. Brave man, that one."
Legolas tried to stop himself from laughing. He failed miserably. "By the Valar if the sun fell out of the sky you would find away to make it sound funny!"
"Awww..." Elfea blushed, "Thanks.... Sorry..."
Aiwa came into the clearing with her bow raised, "Oh I thought there were some cute, little, innocent bunnies here but now I see it's some rather not very innocent elves."
Elfea glared.
Legolas rather subtly left the clearing.
Aiwa glared, "Was he trying to talk you around to appoligising like Luke was to me a second ago?"
"Yes." Elfea almost smiled.
Aiwa tried to frown but it got turned upside down. (A/N: Arrg... not that phrase.... *gag*) "Elfea, I believe they should be made to suffer."
Elfea nodded. "Indeed. " She paused. "Friends?"
"Deal and I have the perfect plan........"
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
Luke and Legolas looked at each other.
Luke was still limping. "So how did things go with Elfea?" he asked in a high pitched voice.
"Umm... alot better than things went for you, I'd guess."
Luke just nodded as he stumbled and fell over again.
Legolas grinned. "An awful lot better." (A/N: heehee)
Luke tried to smile but it ended up a grimace of pain. "Yeah she stalked off to kill cute, little, innocent bunnies."
"I have a feeling that's what Elfea had in mind, too."
Luke acknowledged that with a grunt as he found some ice. (A/N: LOL!)
"I hope they get over this little.... phase.... soon, for their sake and for yours." Legolas grinned again.
Luke mumbled something that sounded remarkably like "Shit yeah!"
Suddenly a scream came from the forest. It was soon joined by another high pitched scream.
Luke swore, "That sounds like, Aiwa." (A/N: unnable to type as am laughing, We probably don't mean the dirty way but if u wanna take it like that don't blame us!)
Legolas grabbed his bow and ran towards the forest. Luke hobbled along begind him with the rest of the fellowship and the unicorn who all wanted to see a good fight.
"Hey Aragorn I'll put a twenty on Aiwa to win," Frodo said happily.
Pippin looked annoyed, "Hey I want a fifty on Elfea."
Aragorn looked at the pair, "Gawd you two are tight arses."
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}
*/*\* */*\* */*\*
Legolas swore as he saw Elfea's arrow ridden body.
Luke let a rather high pitched scream free when he saw the burnt remains of his wife.
He turned to Legolas, "You left them together?"
Legolas swore again, "Shit. They never would of been friends again if we didn't leave them alone to work out their differences."
"Well now they will never be friends again!"
Pippin laughed, "Hey, Frodo, where's my twenty? Aiwa's more mutilated them Elfea so I think she won."
Virginia and Draco stood there looking confused, "The point in this would be."
Someone snorted from behind them.
They all spun around. Aiwa stood there looking rather annoyed, "More mutilated than her? You guys have seen way to much violence on TV."
Another laugh came from the other side of the clearing. "Yeah, we should ban those hobbits from TV for, like, a month! No soapies for you guys anymore!"
Frodo whined, "But I so, love, Dawsons Creek. I mean there are some major babes on that show."
Luke hobbled over to Aiwa. "I was so worried about you and... What the hell are you trying to do to me? I mean you trying to kill me by giving me a heart attack?"
Aiwa nodded.
Elfea laughed. Legolas ran over to her (A/n : awww... don't hit me), looking pale-er than normal. "You're ok..."
"No..." Elfea said sarcastically.
They all went home and lived happily ever after..
THE END!
A/N: This isn't the end, but hey! At least there is one, even if it isn't in the right place. :D
(tabz) okies if u don't review this will be the end.........
And for the record absolutely no sexual references have been made so if u *find* any you can blame ur own sick mind.
