Author's Note: This is actually a repost so some of you might have read it before. This story actually started as a monologue for Louise but then I started getting ideas for the other characters as well so I decided to add them.
Disclaimer: Nothing and no one belongs to me. Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino and the WB.
* * *
"We
cannot change anything until we accept it.
Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses"
- C.G. Jung
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Sometimes I wonder if I did anything in my past life to deserve this kind of punishment. Everyday it's the same routine- wake up, go to school and then come home to a screaming match between my parents.
I know I shouldn't complain. After all, I lead a comfortable lifestyle. I get everything I ask for and I'm supplied with enough money to do anything I want. I've been graced with the privilege of being born a Grant.
But nobody understands what my life is like. It may seem picture-perfect, but my life is completely screwed. In the Hartford social circle, I'm just another teenage debutante. Louise Michelle Grant- another spoiled brat that's going to end up as a trophy wife to some drunken bastard.
I look around my room and scowl at the world that is my existence. Outside my door my parents are having another one of their arguments. I usually wouldn't be home at times like this. I generally want to avoid this kind of thing, but I don't care anymore.
I stand up and walk over to my window. I have a view of the entire estate. I can see the stables, the tennis court, the pool and the garden. It all looked perfect -something that came out of a storybook- but it does nothing to clear my resentment. It just makes me angrier at the fact that I can't have a normal life.
My eyes wander to my desk and then onto a book, which I had placed there earlier. The Chilton yearbook. I pick it up and start to flip through its pages. I stop at 'G' and scan the page for my own picture. There I am- smiling. The smile isn't sincere though. It's the smile I've been taught to use ever since I was born. The mask that I put on everyday to hide my anger. I look at the picture before mine and frown. It is Rory Gilmore.
She is not one of my favourite people. We have nothing in common and, I have to admit, I'm jealous of her. The two of us are part of this world I have grown to hate. By being a Gilmore, she is part of Hartford's social circle but she was not brought up like I was. She has experienced the love of a mother, the love of her grandparents and she has the ability to contain a meaningful relationship longer than a week. Her smile was flawless and genuine. Her eyes, bright and full of life.
I glower at her for a moment before turning the page. Most of the smiles were a lot like mine- falsely cheery. It disgusts me to think that our parents have corrupted all of us. I slam the book shut and fling it at the wall. The sound is loud and I let a small smile creep over my face as I realize the heavy book had left a mark.
There is a knock on my door and I suddenly notice that the shouting competition between my parents is over. I walk over and unlock the door. My mother is standing on the other side if the threshold.
"The DuGrey's are having a ball," she snaps at me. "Blake has brought his son home from military school. You are expected to accompany us." Before I can reply, she walks out leaving me alone once again.
I slam the door behind her and curse. Damn these obligation parties- they're all so fake. Tristan's parents will act as though they were glad their son was back home and everyone else will pretend they actually care.
I suddenly have a great need to throw something. I glance around and grab the lamp of my nightstand. I look at for a second and then hurl it against my door. I feel a small sense of satisfaction as it shatters, its fragments littering my spotless carpet. That lamp was a gift from my mother. One of her pathetic attempts to turn me into someone I am slowly becoming.
At times, I just want to escape. Run away from Hartford and never come back. It wasn't impossible. Rory's mother had done it and she seems happy. But then again, I am not Lorelai Gilmore. We may share the same initials but I will never be her. I'm Louise Grant and I am trapped in a cage and I don't have the will power to break free.
Once again, I glare at my surroundings. I hate where I have ended up in this world. I loathe my parents for what they are and how they brought me up. I loathe the fact that I know I will end up just like them.
I let out a deep breath and collapse onto the floor. I have had it. I break down and let the tears flow- tears of anger and resentment… tears of bitterness and hatred… tears of desolation and melancholy.
My cell rings. I glare at it, waiting for the ringing to cease. It doesn't. I scream in frustration and get up from my place on the floor. I grab it and throw it at the ground. I watch as it hits the hard surface before it breaks into thousands of pieces. That was the second thing I had broken today.
My parents will probably ignore the fact that I am on the edge of insanity. They always ignore me. To them, I am not Louise- their daughter. I am Louise- heiress to the Grant throne. As long as I keep clear in the public's eyes, I am invisible to them. I had always tried to get their attention, but it didn't take me long to figure out it was a worthless cause. I stopped caring a long time ago.
I stare at the ceiling for a while, wondering what it would be like to come from a loving, middle-class family. Would I still have the same attitude I have? Would I be able to finally know what it was like to be loved, or what it's like to love? Those things I'll probably never know.
I sigh again and sink down onto the floor. I sit there for hours until I finally accept who I am. I am Grant. I have been born to privilege and with that come certain consequences.
But maybe one day, I will escape. I'll move away from Connecticut and do something with my life that will shock Hartford's influential families. Maybe I'll make something of myself. Maybe someday, I will be proud to be who I am. Maybe one day, I'll break the Grant curse and form the happy family that I crave to have.
But until that day comes, this is my life. And I hate it. I fucking hate it.
